Struggling With Being Single

[MaxFischer]

Hi all. Just want a little advice about how to deal with being single. I'm a male, late 20's, pretty normal guy that hasn't really dated much. I'm the type person that tends to be a bit reserved until I get to know someone (then most people want me to shut up). I think that initial shyness and lack of aggression has hurt me in the dating/relationship realm. I really do believe God has a plan for me and maybe I am supposed to be single at this time and in the future. Then again I wonder if I've mucked up God's plans for me and missed out on something. I definitely don't want to date just to date, however I don't want to miss out on something either. 

Part of the problem for me right now is lack of female possibilities near my age in the church family I'm a part of. I absolutely love my church family and am an active presence in one of our ministries, so I don't necessarily want to leave.

I really don't focus on this as much as I did when I was in college and the few years after. It became a big stumbling block for me, and yes it still bothers me from time to time. I admittedly have neglected consistently praying about it and I know that's a start, but what would you guys advise I do?

[chosenone]

HI Max

Why not read some of the other threads here on the singles forum, some are about the same thing.

I would always advise someone in your position to go onto a good Christian internet dating site. For a guy especially its worth doing, as there are nearly always more Christian women than men who are single on these sites.
As many here know, I met my husband on one, two of my children met their spouses on another one, and I know about 5 or 6 other Christian couples who also met their spouses this way.
For those of us who have no one at their church who is suitable, single and/or of a simliar age, its a great way to meet people we would never normally meet.

I dont go along with this"well if God wanted to me to meet someone I would" theory,  sometimes He is waiting for US to do something and take the iniative.
If I hadnt I would probably still be single many years later. There were NO available single men of anywere near my age at my church, and I felt God was leading me to go onto these sites and I am so glad that I did.  It takes patience(I was on for 2 years before I met the right guy)on the other hand my husband had been on it just a few days when we met, so you never know.
Why not give it a try?

[MaxFischer]

Thanks for your reply. I do agree with you on God sometimes wanting us to take the initiative, though I have swung and missed when I thought that was the case. I've thought about it before, but i'm not sure online dating is for me.

[chosenone]

All on line dating does, is to open up the possibilities and opportunities from one church, to hundreds if not thousands. Sounds good to me.

[MaxFischer]

All on line dating does, is to open up the possibilities and opportunities from one church, to hundreds if not thousands. Sounds good to me.

Oh that is true. Not saying it's a bad thing at all, I just think I need to try the live thing and get a little more exposure with that before I really consider online. I admittedly have browsed around churchofchristsingles.com, but never made a profile.

I was actually just at lunch with one of the other single guys at my church, and he indicated one of the other singles ministries from another local church is apparently trying to get other single ministries in the area to get together for things. Not sure if we will be included though, since we're more of the "progressive" ilk and some congregations in town aren't a fan.

[chosenone]

All on line dating does, is to open up the possibilities and opportunities from one church, to hundreds if not thousands. Sounds good to me.

Oh that is true. Not saying it's a bad thing at all, I just think I need to try the live thing and get a little more exposure with that before I really consider online. I admittedly have browsed around churchofchristsingles.com, but never made a profile.

I was actually just at lunch with one of the other single guys at my church, and he indicated one of the other singles ministries from another local church is apparently trying to get other single ministries in the area to get together for things. Not sure if we will be included though, since we're more of the "progressive" ilk and some congregations in town aren't a fan.

  Well I am sure that you wont get thrown out if you go there.

[IStillHaventFound...]

I have met a few women online but the best relationships have been with girls I have met in person. Having said that, you CAN meet lots more online I think than in person. I think part of the appeal is the relatively low risk. Sure there is rejection but it isn't public!

[Truthlady5]

Meeting a Christian spouse is not easy. I know of 3 ladies that met Men from other churches and dated and married. Often times, a spouse is not in your church or maynot even visit your church.  You have to go outside your church to other Christian events or programs.  However, the ladies that got married all the Men they married now come to their church. I found that strange most women go where their husbands church was, I thought. 

[Truthlady5]

I have met a few women online but the best relationships have been with girls I have met in person. Having said that, you CAN meet lots more online I think than in person. I think part of the appeal is the relatively low risk. Sure there is rejection but it isn't public!

I tried online Christian dating and Paid sites. Most of the older men were "fornicators" So you have to be very careful if you are a young person and not experienced in relationships. There are a lot of  deceitful people  out there. You can know someone better if you spend time in person for a while rather than chatting on a Internet.

Good matches have been made, but Online dating is not for everyone.

[chosenone]

I have met a few women online but the best relationships have been with girls I have met in person. Having said that, you CAN meet lots more online I think than in person. I think part of the appeal is the relatively low risk. Sure there is rejection but it isn't public!

I tried online Christian dating and Paid sites. Most of the older men were "fornicators" So you have to be very careful if you are a young person and not experienced in relationships. There are a lot of  deceitful people  out there. You can know someone better if you spend time in person for a while rather than chatting on a Internet.

Good matches have been made, but Online dating is not for everyone.

How do you know that most of the older men were fornicatiors?Why just the older men?. My experiences over the two years was that most of the men were lovely guys.

[fcadcock]

I have met a few women online but the best relationships have been with girls I have met in person. Having said that, you CAN meet lots more online I think than in person. I think part of the appeal is the relatively low risk. Sure there is rejection but it isn't public!

I tried online Christian dating and Paid sites. Most of the older men were "fornicators" So you have to be very careful if you are a young person and not experienced in relationships. There are a lot of  deceitful people  out there. You can know someone better if you spend time in person for a while rather than chatting on a Internet.

Good matches have been made, but Online dating is not for everyone.

How do you know that most of the older men were fornicatiors?Why just the older men?. My experiences over the two years was that most of the men were lovely guys.

More importantly, why don't you also state that most of the women on there are as well. Most everyone everywhere are fornicators (that's a horrible word we should find something that doesn't sound so victorian.  How about "easy?"  People are just "easy")  I completely gave up online dating last year after a string of first dates never turned into second dates due to the fact that I wasn't taking any of them home.  They were all interested right up to the point where they learned that I wasn't going to be sleeping with them, then most of them never spoke to me again.  It's not just men who are over-sexed these days, it's the whole culture of "if it feels good, do it."  And it's not like I was out dating athiests or wiccans.  These were all people who called themselves Christians.  One of them even worked in a church.  I told a friend of mine about that date, he knew her, he also sent me a link to a video of her if that gives you any idea of what passes for "Christians" these days.

Now, I only date people I actually know and actually like before going out.  Sure, there aren't as many dates; but they're much better dates.  No more bars I don't like going to, no more awkward conversations about how I'm one of those strange "super-Christians", no more disappointing silence when I try to call them the next day...  Yeah, I like life better this way.

[chosenone]

I have met a few women on-line but the best relationships have been with girls I have met in person. Having said that, you CAN meet lots more online I think than in person. I think part of the appeal is the relatively low risk. Sure there is rejection but it isn't public!

I tried online Christian dating and Paid sites. Most of the older men were "fornicators" So you have to be very careful if you are a young person and not experienced in relationships. There are a lot of  deceitful people  out there. You can know someone better if you spend time in person for a while rather than chatting on a Internet.

Good matches have been made, but Online dating is not for everyone.

How do you know that most of the older men were fornicatiors?Why just the older men?. My experiences over the two years was that most of the men were lovely guys.

More importantly, why don't you also state that most of the women on there are as well. Most everyone everywhere are fornicators (that's a horrible word we should find something that doesn't sound so victorian.  How about "easy?"  People are just "easy")  I completely gave up online dating last year after a string of first dates never turned into second dates due to the fact that I wasn't taking any of them home.  They were all interested right up to the point where they learned that I wasn't going to be sleeping with them, then most of them never spoke to me again.  It's not just men who are over-sexed these days, it's the whole culture of "if it feels good, do it."  And it's not like I was out dating athiests or wiccans.  These were all people who called themselves Christians.  One of them even worked in a church.  I told a friend of mine about that date, he knew her, he also sent me a link to a video of her if that gives you any idea of what passes for "Christians" these days.

Now, I only date people I actually know and actually like before going out.  Sure, there aren't as many dates; but they're much better dates.  No more bars I don't like going to, no more awkward conversations about how I'm one of those strange "super-Christians", no more disappointing silence when I try to call them the next day...  Yeah, I like life better this way.

  That's sad, I am sorry that your experiences were bad. I was on two different Christian dating sites for 2 years here on the UK, and I never found that at all. I got to know several lovely guys, and met up with a few, and notone was as you describe. As I have already said, my husband and I met on one, and he is the most godly man ever, and my son and older daughter met their spouses there also.
My daughter has 4 friends who also met the one on line. It seems very common here, especially for believers.
I think we need to make sure that it is a specific site for genuine born again believers. The main one I was on had a statement of faith that all who joined needed to believe in.

I suppose that for me, at the age I was then(mid 40's) it was that or nothing because guys of that age who were available in my church was Nil,  and its a good way to meet others who may live quite near(my husband was only 40 minutes drive away) but who you would almost certainly never otherwise meet. God led me there also, which is always helpful!

[Truthlady5]

I have met a few women online but the best relationships have been with girls I have met in person. Having said that, you CAN meet lots more online I think than in person. I think part of the appeal is the relatively low risk. Sure there is rejection but it isn't public!

I tried online Christian dating and Paid sites. Most of the older men were "fornicators" So you have to be very careful if you are a young person and not experienced in relationships. There are a lot of  deceitful people  out there. You can know someone better if you spend time in person for a while rather than chatting on a Internet.

Good matches have been made, but Online dating is not for everyone.

How do you know that most of the older men were fornicatiors?Why just the older men?. My experiences over the two years was that most of the men were lovely guys.

Correction..should have been All the ones I Met.
The Ones I met inperson. And, these were all older men.

Like I said it is Not for Everyone, and people need to be very Careful and Pray a lot God to guide you on that Online date stuff.

[chosenone]

I have met a few women online but the best relationships have been with girls I have met in person. Having said that, you CAN meet lots more online I think than in person. I think part of the appeal is the relatively low risk. Sure there is rejection but it isn't public!

I tried online Christian dating and Paid sites. Most of the older men were "fornicators" So you have to be very careful if you are a young person and not experienced in relationships. There are a lot of  deceitful people  out there. You can know someone better if you spend time in person for a while rather than chatting on a Internet.

Good matches have been made, but Online dating is not for everyone.

How do you know that most of the older men were fornicatiors?Why just the older men?. My experiences over the two years was that most of the men were lovely guys.

Correction..should have been All the ones I Met.
The Ones I met inperson. And, these were all older men.

Like I said it is Not for Everyone, and people need to be very Careful and Pray a lot God to guide you on that Online date stuff.

Yes, as in life generally. I have just read a book written by a 40 year old single Christian lady on her experiences of the Christian singles scene. She had just as many weird experiences meeting guys in person as she did meeting guys on line. It was quite an eye opening book on the Christian singles scene as a whole.

[Stucky]

Hi all. Just want a little advice about how to deal with being single. I'm a male, late 20's, pretty normal guy that hasn't really dated much. I'm the type person that tends to be a bit reserved until I get to know someone (then most people want me to shut up). I think that initial shyness and lack of aggression has hurt me in the dating/relationship realm. I really do believe God has a plan for me and maybe I am supposed to be single at this time and in the future. Then again I wonder if I've mucked up God's plans for me and missed out on something. I definitely don't want to date just to date, however I don't want to miss out on something either. 

Part of the problem for me right now is lack of female possibilities near my age in the church family I'm a part of. I absolutely love my church family and am an active presence in one of our ministries, so I don't necessarily want to leave.

I really don't focus on this as much as I did when I was in college and the few years after. It became a big stumbling block for me, and yes it still bothers me from time to time. I admittedly have neglected consistently praying about it and I know that's a start, but what would you guys advise I do?

I'm 70 years old.  When I was 23 I decided I wanted to get married and raise a family.  I was Christian but a very bad one.  I was tired of all the girls I was dating, very few of whom I would take home to meet Mom.  Finally, I got down on my knees and prayed to God.  I asked Him to send me a girl I could fall in love with, one that I could respect, bring home to meet Mom, that would love me and would have babies with me and be a good mother.  Three weeks later I was introduced to a girl that stole my heart the moment I met her.  We dated for about a month when I knew she was the girl God sent me.  I asked her to marry me three times before she finally accepted.  We had met in April and were married in October.  We were married 37 years, had 6 kids (lost one) and God took her home in November 2005.  After she died, I asked God to send the perfect woman for me.  ONE WEEK later, I was on the computer (Yahoo chat) when a lady came on and said she had seen my profile and asked if we could talk privately.  We did, it turned out she lived about and hour away from me, we talked on the phone a few times, went ona date, and, again, I knew at the first meeting that she was the woman for me.  We've been happily married for almost 7 years.  Forget eharmony, go with God.  He wont fail you.

[chosenone]

Hi all. Just want a little advice about how to deal with being single. I'm a male, late 20's, pretty normal guy that hasn't really dated much. I'm the type person that tends to be a bit reserved until I get to know someone (then most people want me to shut up). I think that initial shyness and lack of aggression has hurt me in the dating/relationship realm. I really do believe God has a plan for me and maybe I am supposed to be single at this time and in the future. Then again I wonder if I've mucked up God's plans for me and missed out on something. I definitely don't want to date just to date, however I don't want to miss out on something either. 

Part of the problem for me right now is lack of female possibilities near my age in the church family I'm a part of. I absolutely love my church family and am an active presence in one of our ministries, so I don't necessarily want to leave.

I really don't focus on this as much as I did when I was in college and the few years after. It became a big stumbling block for me, and yes it still bothers me from time to time. I admittedly have neglected consistently praying about it and I know that's a start, but what would you guys advise I do?

I'm 70 years old.  When I was 23 I decided I wanted to get married and raise a family.  I was Christian but a very bad one.  I was tired of all the girls I was dating, very few of whom I would take home to meet Mom.  Finally, I got down on my knees and prayed to God.  I asked Him to send me a girl I could fall in love with, one that I could respect, bring home to meet Mom, that would love me and would have babies with me and be a good mother.  Three weeks later I was introduced to a girl that stole my heart the moment I met her.  We dated for about a month when I knew she was the girl God sent me.  I asked her to marry me three times before she finally accepted.  We had met in April and were married in October.  We were married 37 years, had 6 kids (lost one) and God took her home in November 2005.  After she died, I asked God to send the perfect woman for me.  ONE WEEK later, I was on the computer (Yahoo chat) when a lady came on and said she had seen my profile and asked if we could talk privately.  We did, it turned out she lived about and hour away from me, we talked on the phone a few times, went ona date, and, again, I knew at the first meeting that she was the woman for me.  We've been happily married for almost 7 years.  Forget eharmony, go with God.  He wont fail you.

So God can use yahoo chat to bring two people together, but not an internet dating site??? How is that different?

I also asked God for a husband, but I waited a few years, and then God used an internet dating site to bring us together. He is everything I asked God for. We need to ask God, and allow Him to use whatever means He chooses to bring this about, its not up to us to dictate terms to Him.

Stucky I know people who have been asking God for many many years for a spouse. It just doesnt often happen as it did with you, especially for women because there are far more Christian women than men.  My aunt met the man of her dreams when she was 60! It rarely happens so quickly, so just be thankful that you didnt have to wait long, many do.

[Truthlady5]

Stucky I know people who have been asking God for many many years for a spouse. It just doesnt often happen as it did with you, especially for women because there are far more Christian women than men.  My aunt met the man of her dreams when she was 60! It rarely happens so quickly, so just be thankful that you didnt have to wait long, many do.

   AMEN TO THIS !!!!!

[Stucky]

Stucky I know people who have been asking God for many many years for a spouse. It just doesnt often happen as it did with you, especially for women because there are far more Christian women than men.  My aunt met the man of her dreams when she was 60! It rarely happens so quickly, so just be thankful that you didnt have to wait long, many do.

   AMEN TO THIS !!!!!

So, are you saying that prayer is useless?

[chosenone]

Stucky I know people who have been asking God for many many years for a spouse. It just doesnt often happen as it did with you, especially for women because there are far more Christian women than men.  My aunt met the man of her dreams when she was 60! It rarely happens so quickly, so just be thankful that you didnt have to wait long, many do.

   AMEN TO THIS !!!!!

So, are you saying that prayer is useless?

Prayer is good but not all prayer are answered as fast as yours was. Some Christian ladies never get married purely because there areent enough Christian guys to go round. God answered my prayer THROUGH an internet dating site. He really does understand how the internet works believe it or not.

[Stucky]

Stucky I know people who have been asking God for many many years for a spouse. It just doesnt often happen as it did with you, especially for women because there are far more Christian women than men.  My aunt met the man of her dreams when she was 60! It rarely happens so quickly, so just be thankful that you didnt have to wait long, many do.

   AMEN TO THIS !!!!!

So, are you saying that prayer is useless?

Prayer is good but not all prayer are answered as fast as yours was. Some Christian ladies never get married purely because there areent enough Christian guys to go round. God answered my prayer THROUGH an internet dating site. He really does understand how the internet works believe it or not.
[/quot\]

That's why I used Yahoo personals for my second wife, along with prayer.  According to Christian Mingles commercials, it almost sounds as that site is owned by God.   

[Truthlady5]

Stucky I know people who have been asking God for many many years for a spouse. It just doesnt often happen as it did with you, especially for women because there are far more Christian women than men.  My aunt met the man of her dreams when she was 60! It rarely happens so quickly, so just be thankful that you didnt have to wait long, many do.

   AMEN TO THIS !!!!!

So, are you saying that prayer is useless?

Of course Not.  God has answered Prayers for me.  What I am saying is all prayers are not always answered quickly. 
Where did you see, I said prayer is useless? You never seen me write that.

[Stucky]

Stucky I know people who have been asking God for many many years for a spouse. It just doesnt often happen as it did with you, especially for women because there are far more Christian women than men.  My aunt met the man of her dreams when she was 60! It rarely happens so quickly, so just be thankful that you didnt have to wait long, many do.

   AMEN TO THIS !!!!!

So, are you saying that prayer is useless?

Of course Not.  God has answered Prayers for me.  What I am saying is all prayers are not always answered quickly. 
Where did you see, I said prayer is useless? You never seen me write that.

lol...oh quit.  doggone it.  Why is everyone so testy on here?   

[Truthlady5]

No problem we all make mistakes.

[chosenone]

Stucky I know people who have been asking God for many many years for a spouse. It just doesnt often happen as it did with you, especially for women because there are far more Christian women than men.  My aunt met the man of her dreams when she was 60! It rarely happens so quickly, so just be thankful that you didnt have to wait long, many do.

   AMEN TO THIS !!!!!

So, are you saying that prayer is useless?

Prayer is good but not all prayer are answered as fast as yours was. Some Christian ladies never get married purely because there areent enough Christian guys to go round. God answered my prayer THROUGH an internet dating site. He really does understand how the internet works believe it or not.
[/quot\]

That's why I used Yahoo personals for my second wife, along with prayer.  According to Christian Mingles commercials, it almost sounds as that site is owned by God.   

Yes and dating sites are greatly used by God as well. Remember that its far far easier for Christian guys to find a lady. as there are far more Christian ladies than men around.
My husband had been on the internet dating site for 3 or 4 days when I contacted him. I had been on one for 2 years. He was worth waiting for though.

[IStillHaventFound...]

Forget eharmony, go with God.  He wont fail you.

And since it happened to you it will happen to everyone else, right? There are people who pray like you did for years and never meet the love of their life.

[IStillHaventFound...]

I tried online Christian dating and Paid sites. Most of the older men were "fornicators" So you have to be very careful if you are a young person and not experienced in relationships. There are a lot of  deceitful people  out there. You can know someone better if you spend time in person for a while rather than chatting on a Internet.

Good matches have been made, but Online dating is not for everyone.

How do you know that most of the older men were fornicatiors?Why just the older men?. My experiences over the two years was that most of the men were lovely guys.

[/quote]

More importantly, why don't you also state that most of the women on there are as well. Most everyone everywhere are fornicators (that's a horrible word we should find something that doesn't sound so victorian.  How about "easy?"  People are just "easy")  I completely gave up online dating last year after a string of first dates never turned into second dates due to the fact that I wasn't taking any of them home.  They were all interested right up to the point where they learned that I wasn't going to be sleeping with them, then most of them never spoke to me again.  It's not just men who are over-sexed these days, it's the whole culture of "if it feels good, do it."  And it's not like I was out dating athiests or wiccans.  These were all people who called themselves Christians.  One of them even worked in a church.  I told a friend of mine about that date, he knew her, he also sent me a link to a video of her if that gives you any idea of what passes for "Christians" these days.

Now, I only date people I actually know and actually like before going out.  Sure, there aren't as many dates; but they're much better dates.  No more bars I don't like going to, no more awkward conversations about how I'm one of those strange "super-Christians", no more disappointing silence when I try to call them the next day...  Yeah, I like life better this way.
[/quote]

I'm sorry but I find this story very hard to believe. I'll be the first to admit that you are probably a lot more handsome than me but my experience is that if you try to kiss a girl on the first date there won't be a 2nd date.

[Douglas]

Hi all. Just want a little advice about how to deal with being single. I'm a male, late 20's, pretty normal guy that hasn't really dated much. I'm the type person that tends to be a bit reserved until I get to know someone (then most people want me to shut up). I think that initial shyness and lack of aggression has hurt me in the dating/relationship realm. I really do believe God has a plan for me and maybe I am supposed to be single at this time and in the future. Then again I wonder if I've mucked up God's plans for me and missed out on something. I definitely don't want to date just to date, however I don't want to miss out on something either. 

Part of the problem for me right now is lack of female possibilities near my age in the church family I'm a part of. I absolutely love my church family and am an active presence in one of our ministries, so I don't necessarily want to leave.

I really don't focus on this as much as I did when I was in college and the few years after. It became a big stumbling block for me, and yes it still bothers me from time to time. I admittedly have neglected consistently praying about it and I know that's a start, but what would you guys advise I do?

You should seek the Lord's will for your life in prayer.  There very well may be someone that the Lord wants you to be married to someday.  And don't believe for a second that when it comes to finding a marriage partner, it's basically up to you in your own strength and knowledge to get out there and look, and hopefully fine someone.  The Lord will put someone in your life when He is ready, or perhaps He will reveal to you who that person is through the Holy Spirit. 
But just ask Him what He wants you to do. 

[chosenone]

Hi all. Just want a little advice about how to deal with being single. I'm a male, late 20's, pretty normal guy that hasn't really dated much. I'm the type person that tends to be a bit reserved until I get to know someone (then most people want me to shut up). I think that initial shyness and lack of aggression has hurt me in the dating/relationship realm. I really do believe God has a plan for me and maybe I am supposed to be single at this time and in the future. Then again I wonder if I've mucked up God's plans for me and missed out on something. I definitely don't want to date just to date, however I don't want to miss out on something either. 

Part of the problem for me right now is lack of female possibilities near my age in the church family I'm a part of. I absolutely love my church family and am an active presence in one of our ministries, so I don't necessarily want to leave.

I really don't focus on this as much as I did when I was in college and the few years after. It became a big stumbling block for me, and yes it still bothers me from time to time. I admittedly have neglected consistently praying about it and I know that's a start, but what would you guys advise I do?

You should seek the Lord's will for your life in prayer.  There very well may be someone that the Lord wants you to be married to someday.  And don't believe for a second that when it comes to finding a marriage partner, it's basically up to you in your own strength and knowledge to get out there and look, and hopefully fine someone.  The Lord will put someone in your life when He is ready, or perhaps He will reveal to you who that person is through the Holy Spirit. 
But just ask Him what He wants you to do. 

I was proactive in meeting my husband, and he is the best husband ever. Sometimes God does indeed want us to do something rather than sit on our back sides and do nothing.
In fact I have noticed that those I know who were proactive, have met the right person, and those who havent are still waiting. They think that God will bring somone to their door, and it wont happen.

[BlessmewithGrace1]

I agree MaxFischer...I am the same way. I'm in my mid 20's. I pray that I'll find a good husband one day.