Long Wall of (Organized) Text on My Life, Relationships, & Current Issue: Help

[IanP.]

I'll begin by saying that I am an 18 year old christian, who has grown up in the christian faith my entire life. I have had my doubts, but I know what I believe to be true. I know I have a great purpose for Christianity, however far off it may be and I will be there one day. In the mean time, the most important thing in my life ever since I was probably about eight years old is marriage. Not only marriage but the marriage of one whom I feel I truly love, with a bright future ahead.[/right][/pre]

About 12 months ago I was at a really hard time in my life, based upon the fact that I was extremely lonely. I had been praying for years for God to send me "the one" to no avail for quite awhile. Just as I had reached the point of that I wasn't going to worry about it anymore and just focus on school and God and whatnot, I met Alexis. It wasn't love at first sight or anything, but over time I got to know her and I really came to have deep feelings for her. I asked her out one night at my friends house (first girl I'd ever asked out, but not first relationship). She said yes and about two to three months into the relationship I knew that I loved her. We got along great for those two to three months, had great conversations, really got to know each other, etc... She was also Catholic, forgot to mention that; with me being Protestant or Non-Denominational. During the period of which we dated I went to her church 9/10 times, I never really cared for the Catholic ways (from what I knew) but was always curious. So for nine months I went with her to the Catholic church and I didn't mind. At the time, and somewhat still now, I was unsure if I was non-denom or perhaps leaning to a conversion of catholicism, with each side having its benefits for certain types of people. I wasn't and still am not really 100% sure which side would be better for me in the end. Anyways I never told her that I loved her though I always thought I did, or maybe I didn't. In all honesty I don't know what I feel if it's true or untrue, or if it's simply a conjuration of my own mind. I never told her that I loved her until I was sure, or at least probably sure, that she did back. So there is a lot, lot more and I remember at least 85% of everything but I'll just put in the next paragraph the main things I guess.

So for the entirety of our relationship my eyes never wandered to another girl, because Alexis was the only girl in my mind worth anything ( in that way) and I wholly planned on marrying her had we dated for two years. She was more of the "free-living" type, which I love, but didn't want to get married or anything that freaking serious till after school was over ( she is going to be a veterinarian). When college started however I met a girl in one of my classes, and she simply was attractive and easy to get a long with. Where I am going with this is at the point in time I had feelings for both women, but was driving myself crazy because I am simply a one girl kind of guy. I had intense mental exhaustion and kept praying to no avail. I spoke with some of the Christian leaders at the college organizational church that I attend and they told me that I either had to break up with Alexis or cut ties with the other girl. I went with the second option and I had spoken to Alexis and we talked and I thought everything was fine and that we were going to last for a very, very long time. Then after that, I kept having feelings for the other girl, kept having to sit next to her in class because of assigned seating, and I continued driving myself crazy. Next paragraph is another jump.

Okay so after awhile I eventually broke up with Alexis, and told myself that I was going to cut ties with the other girl. I kind of shut myself out of reality for about two weeks, and intensely regretted breaking up with Alexis because I had failed to realize how much I loved her. She called me one night and told me that we weren't supposed to be and that I was going to find another girl. After that I kind of just let it go, but I told her the option of our future potential i think was not 0% because I didn't feel like we were "never" supposed to be together because, frankly, I wasn't sure and still am not freaking sure what I feel. Anyways, after like 3 months I started dating the other girl who I get a long with way better than I did Alexis, and she has extremely good values, even though she is "Christian" but doesn't really do any Christian things besides the obvious being a very good person personality type things. Its been two months and I hadn't thought about Alexis in awhile. I see her on campus, and I made sure we maintained our friendship, we've had lunch a couple of times. But just about a week ago she popped up in my mind again after my friend went through a relationship similar to that one. Next paragraph has issue, sorry that I didn't put everything for people to dissect or whatever but it would be like 8 pages long.

So my issue is this: I am with a girl right now that I really like, we get along great, we have great future potential, we like very similar things, we are both very attracted to each other, you know those kinds of things that are good in a relationship. But the first girl that I really cared about, Alexis, has been creeping up in my mind again. I mean, I always sometimes think about her. But I just don't know who the hell I am supposed to be with. I am just confused out of my freaking mind, I'm not sure what's real and what's not. Me and Alexis got a long fine for awhile before I started becoming self conscious about what I said and she got so busy. I just don't know what to think anymore, I just want to know who I care about and go that direction. I'm just confused as beyond belief I look at myself in the mirror and wonder whatever I feel what is real and what is not. I still think I love Alexis and have just been pushing it out of my mind, but she would never want to be with me and I don't know 100% if we would ever work as husband and wife. Our interest are different but thats what I loved about her, and our religions are techincally different. She told me if we ever married I'd have to be cAtholic an I wasn't sure. And I don't even know what she thinks about me now, if she feels like she misses me as I do her or what. And the girl I am with now, I honestly care for her a lot, but I'm not sure if i Love her. We work together so much better than I and Alexis did. But why does Alexis keep coming up in my brain? Just someone I don't know, anything. I just need something

[chosenone]

Ianp
Could it be that you are one of these people who always think the grass is greener on the other side?

I just wanted to say three things.Just my thoughts.

1)Closely examine RC teachings and beliefs in line with the Bible. There are many many errors in that denomination.Personally I would never ever consider becoming a Catholic, and why should you, you are a Christian and that is enough.

2)You say that the girl you are going out with is a 'Christian', What does that mean? Does she pray? Does she read the Bible? Does she have a relationhip with God? Does she go to church?Do you talk about God together? Being a nice person with good morals doesn't make you a Christian.If you are going out with her and thinking of another girl then how can she be the one for you?

3)The things that you say in your post about how long you have been praying for a spouse and marriage etc make you sound as if you are in your 30's. At 18, you are barely an adult. Most people of your age are not thinking of marriage.
Concentrate on study. Do what you can to make sure that you will have a good job for the future. Go to a good church and spend time with other Christians of your age as friends. Get to know lots of them as friends and do things together. Spend this time getting mature in your faith and growing closer to God. In  a few years the maybe you can seriously think of marriage, but you are trying to rush it all.

[Lively Stone]

Basically, you are experiencing teen angst. You are focusing on an unhealthy thing, such as romance. God wants you to focus on Him. You asked Him to bring you a mate and He will---in His time---so leave it in His capable hands and go about your business, such as getting an education, a career, and good, godly friends in a great Bible-believing church that has a large youth membership. God will send you a believing wife one day, if you learn to serve Him and put Him first, but not at this rate, when you are compromising faith for romance. None of the girls you are seeing are strong believers, if they know Jesus at all, and by your own words, you need to grow a lot in Christ as well.

God will with joy provide a life's mate when a person is whole in himself and is spiritually mature enough to handle the responsibilities of marriage and family, and has godly wisdom to offer someone else whom He loves also and wants to bless. It isn't a pipe dream. It's a serious, serious life choice.

Matthew 6:33
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

[DaveW]

Ian, I believe the majority of young guys experience something very similar. You are not alone in that at all.

And it seems that once someone has a place in your heart and emotions, they are there for a long time, maybe even for life.  If there is a bad break up or they have severely hurt you those feelings of affection can be changed to anger, hurt and even hatred but they remain in that place.

That is where (at least one instance) we get to "take every thought [and I would add emotion] captive to the obedience of Christ." Just because you have those feelings does not mean you have to act on them.

[IanP.]

Okay so after a lot of thinking and quite a few dreams lately about Alexis, here is what I think I should do.

Sometime soon I am going to speak to my current girlfriend, and possibly break up with her. But that it legitimately isn't her, and she knows I am christian, that I need to sort things out with myself and focus on school, God, and whatnot for a long time; I don't know what the future holds, but I'm not telling her that we'll never be together because I don't know that.

Perhaps a few days later, or maybe a week, I'll call Alexis up and see if she wants to get together for lunch or something, during that time I'll ask her how she honestly feels about me. I won't ask to get back together with her or anything like that, I simply need to know. She is a really strong catholic christian, her and her group of catholic friends are the best (catholic) Christians I've ever known. I had a dream the other night where I was holding her hand and she told me that she missed me, it was something like that. I specifically remember in the dream her telling me that she missed me, and I've had a few others in the last week or so. Now that I think about it, it's quite possible that I have just been repressing my feelings for her, because they have come back almost full force these last couple of days. Anyways, during our meeting I want to ask her how she honestly feels about me and whatnot, I want to know because at one point I had told her that I believed she was the one for me, and I completely and utterly meant it.

Assuming whatever way it goes, I should perhaps spend a year or two single, without even thinking about a relationship, but like thechosenone said enjoying college and life with my buddies, and whatnot. What does everyone think? It took me a lot to decide any of this. I really just need to know about Alexis though, I have had dreams about her since I broke up with her, and i'd hate to admit it but she hasn't left my mind for however long its been since I broke up with her, unless I was with my current girlfriend and not thinking about any of that.

Also, my current girlfriend has a religious background of Baptist, but she stopped going when she was like 15 because her mom wouldn't drive her there anymore. I really want her to start going to church, but she is always busy with her computer science work from school. What is the best way I could do "this" and still have a positive influence on her life? She is one of my best friends, and I can be myself around her anytime, but I don't want to hurt her. I just want to see her progress with God, she has so much potential. I really do care about her a lot but I think I may need to take care of the other situation first. I'm not 100% positive about any of this, but still... I really miss Alexis.


EDIT: Okay, is something wrong with me? I posted the above like what, a couple of hours ago. Right now I'm feeling completely and utterly like Alexis doesn't matter, and only my current girlfriend does, and I feel fine. What the hell? Is it a trigger that is causing these feelings, or am I just like... I don't know, emotionally bipolar? The only thing is the dreams, I never stopped having them. I just don't understand this crud... I guess maybe it's repression again? Whatever. Just reply to what everyone thinks.

[chosenone]

Just because you dream of her that doesnt mean that you should see her or contact her.She has made it clear what she thinks by ending the relationship.