how can i help myself?

[dotterofzion]

I wish i knew how to start. I have a really hot temper, and once's it's triggered, i have a difficult time holding myself back, i raise my voice so high that everyone can hear me :(  in some instances i just begin to shake in rage, i get so HOT, recently my colleagues saw my display and i have felt so bad ever since, i did apologise for my behavior,  i feel so ashamed, and i feel so sad about this, what's worse is i never saw myself as hot tempered until recently, most of my family has this temperament so may be this is why i have thought nothing of it until now, please help this is ruining my relationships and my career, i am a  Christian so why am i like this? how can i help myself and overcome this issue?

[chosenone]

I would suggest some Christian counselling and anger managment classes. If your family are all like this, you may have grown up thinking it was the normal way of behaving.

[dotterofzion]

Thank u for your reply, yes most of my family is like this, i also have felt it was normal for years now, but it's virtually ruining my life!(Relationships and career).  I know i need help, can you recommend any online christian anger management forum for me please! God bless u

[Catholica]

First, dotterofzion, it is brave and wise of you to seek help.  I know that you are a Catholic and so I don't mind offering Catholic advice.

It is important to rely first on our spiritual resources.  Frequent the sacrament of confession when you get angry, and the priest will supply you with good spiritual advice for your situation.  You can reveal things to him that you need not share with us.  Also prayer is very important.  In particular, meekness is the virtue that is opposed to anger.  Jesus tells us to imitate him: "Learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart."

I found some good pages about meekness here:
http://www.catholic-pages.com/prayers/297.asp
http://veneremurcernui.wordpress.com/2012/09/19/st-alphonsus-ligouri-on-meekness/

Lastly one thing that we should always try to do is let God's love flow through us.  Once you have gone to confession, start by doing loving things for the people that you most often get angry with.  Let it be your penance for your wild outbursts.  Or ask the priest for special help on this.

God Bless you.

[dotterofzion]

Thank u Catholica, yes i am Catholic, i remember u were so supportive when i posted about 'my miracle at the blessed sacrment' oh how i cherish those times when life was less complicated and i could often spend quiet times at the blessed sacrament, maybe this is what i really need finding the time despite my busy schedule to just be alone at 'the blessed sacrament' i need to get back into that once again, thank u, God bless u.

[dotterofzion]

Sorry, i forgot to add, i was just thinking of going for confession before i read your post, so thanks again.

[chosenone]

Thank u for your reply, yes most of my family is like this, i also have felt it was normal for years now, but it's virtually ruining my life!(Relationships and career).  I know i need help, can you recommend any online christian anger management forum for me please! God bless u

  I am not sure that an online forum will help you. I think you actually need to go to classes in person. Maybe you can look up on google for somewhere near you, or ask your doctor?

[IStillHaventFound...]

I used to have an anger problem when I was married. I don't think it was ever as bad as what you describe. The next time something happens, try to think before you react. Ask yourself, "How bad is this?" 'Is it really going to ruin my life?" "So what if I have to wait an extra minute at this stoplight, go home and wash my shirt, but a new pencil, or whatever?". I used to get really freaked out about "what if" thinking. Then when I sat down and really thought through the what if things got better for me. I hope this makes sense.

[BF]

I have the same problem.  Family is the same.  I sometimes think there is a biological genetic cause and not just environmental.  This doesn't excuse it just explains why it's so hard for people who don't have it to understand our struggle.  Ha, I used to buy donuts after a work blowup.  I finally told them I couldn't afford it because of the frequency.  I explained my rants were never directed towards anyone and I was not yelling at but to.  Some of my family tend to justify and never apologize.  Just keep apologizing.  Most of my workmates now find them entertaining, but I always feel guilty after being so out of control.  It seems the harder I try to stem the flow the stronger it gushes forth.  It's almost like a blackout.  It's as if something works up and blows out of the top of my head.  I don't even remember alot of what I have said, but apparently I am viciously eloquent.  So much guilt about not being able to control it.  I'll have to say I think it has lessened as I have aged and some of the herbs I am taking for menopause seem to have curtailed it quite a bit.  I feel for you and hope you can gain control.  I know how embarrassing it can be and how much of a failure you feel at those times.  I  so want a gentle sweet nature all the time.  Apparently, I come across that way , people are always shocked when they hear my first explosion.  Even while it's happening, I think my anger at myself increases it.  Good luck!  Oh,m and as far as meekness goes, mine actually keeps me more humble because of the weakness I know it reveals.  Keeps me extra meek and sweet the rest of the time

[dotterofzion]

Thanks BF, we sound so alike, i also look very gentle, i look like i 'can't hurt a fly' that's possibly why it's such a shock for them when they get to see me angry :(  i did apologise, i have learnt that this is a good way to show them that i am not that bad, i am actually easy going most times...it's just the anger trouble(i hope they understand). I have been praying for God to make me meek and hopefully He will.

[BF]

Actually, most people do understand, even if they don't, they see the good intentional nature.  My big brother fgained control over his in his late 50s.  It's amazing!  I just know that all th things I've tried have not completely rid me of them.  Sometimes when I am able to catch it - it does seem as if God is bringing thoughts directly to mind that change my attitude.  I just wish He would do it everytime.  I also sometimes think they are much worse than they are.  I just want to disappear afterwards.  I know some may avoid me after witnessing one and it just breaks my heart, but what do you do?  Sometimes my sarcastic nature turns it into a joke midstream and it goes over a little better. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt someone's feelings.  Miserable.  Maybe it keeps us at His feet more than others-that could be a good thing.   I just pray He not only changes me, but when it happens, covers the discomfort that others may feel.  I know that's cheating.."if you can't change me, Lord, change them" ha Horrible.    They see more of our sweet than we think.  When I hear someone has called me sweet, understanding, non judgemental or other nice things..I wonder, How did they get that out of that horrible rage episode.  We see it so large, we think it defines us, but luckily many are wise enough to know it's just an emotion and not to base our whole character on it.  Also, to admit to whatever weakness we deal with as Believers, does not harm our witness in my opinion.  It shows others we are not hypocrites, we admit our struggles  and weaknesses  and just because one branch of the tree has trouble producing fruit, doesn't mean none do.  Ha keeps us from being self-righteous, too.   

[JohnDB]

If you are up for some reading...


I can suggest this book.


http://www.harrietlerner.com/pages/dance_of_anger.htm


OK...here is a link :   LINKMAGICALLY


The book is called a Dance of Anger...it tells all about what you have been doing and going through.


The link is to her website and so you can do a bit of research there.

[dotterofzion]

 Posting Thank u all so much, i do not regret posting here at all, BF, it sound's like we are living similar life, you made me feel so much more better. Johnb, thanks for the link, of cos i like reading.