feeling like drinking water

[endoftheworld]

I think the water is better

[epiphanius]

EOTW,

I think the reason nobody's answered your question in over 3 weeks is that what you're asking, from our perspective, is kind of "out there." For example:

I'll tell you briefly what's going on....and prove to you why possibly waiting to have sex before marriage can actually be detrimental and actually do more harm than good.

The consensus on this forum is that God's word is true, and therefore certain questions are not open for debate.

During the only two occasions where I tried to have sexual intercourse my erection, although hard to begin with, went soft. It didn't help me and my partner debating whether or not we were actually going to do it or not!

Did it ever occur to you that that might actually be a good thing?  Here's what I mean: there's really a fundamental difference between sex in marriage and sex outside of marriage. In marriage, the focus is on two people expressing and deepening their oneness, whereas outside of marriage, the focus is usually on nothing more than "performance." Yes, the children of this world probably do get harder erections, more intense orgasms, etc., but I would bet that they're neither happier nor more satisfied than those who follow God's law (not talking here about "following" God's law neurotically, but with a generous heart and faith that He knows what is best for His children).

... I think primarily what has prevented me from going further than I have and actually having sex is my Christian convictions which have always been there ... I've been taught that sex before marriage is wrong along with uncertainty about the girlfriends I have been with (whether I really want to be with them or not etc.), my compulsive porn and masturbation habit.

It sounds as though you've got the right idea, you just need to sort things out a little better. You seem to be making this performance issue a lot more important than it should be, and letting it get in the way of your making some sound decisions about finding a partner for marriage.

There is an active thread on this board entitled "I need advice from Christian men," which addresses some of your questions regarding compulsive porn and masturbation. I recommend reading this.

[SwordMaster]

I'll tell you briefly what's going on....and prove to you why possibly waiting to have sex before marriage can actually be detrimental and actually do more harm than good. 

So there are alot of other issues but 3 things I'm worried about -
1. whether my erection is hard enough for penetration in the first place
2. why my erection's hardness isn't maintained for the duration of sexual activity or why when I stop touching myself I will lose hardness
3. whether the "no sex before marriage" rule that I've held so strongly still has a hold on me

Thanks for reading, look forward to hearing from you

It appears that you have worries more serious than what you are focusing on.

First, it appears by your own words that you are not really a Christian, but that you have moral beliefs and maybe go to church (which you did not mention). If this is the case, your first concern should be putting all else aside and getting right with God.

Second, speaking from a pastoral point of view, you have no reason to be worrying about erections at this stage in your life. If you are a Christian, then that is the last thing that is to be on your mind.

Third, if you consider the "no sex before marriage" to be a concern, than you are adding to my suspicion that you have indeed come to the cross and have made the Lord your God...because right now you sound more like sex (specifically - your erection) is your god.

Blessings

[Blueflame]

wow no one answer this is 3 weeks i would if i ever came in here. I think i can help if your still around which i don't think you are put i'll put it out there for any one else.

You should be able to get hard and stay hard with out touching your self. You are looking at porn and this could be why you are having a problem, You have condition your self to need extreme stimulation. This will cause problems with you get and staying hard, stop the porn, bet it helps. another thing is don't masterbate everyday you could be over stimulating yourself which is causing problems. Give it a week and with no porn and see if this doesn't fix it.

Point 2 and no one on here wants to touch this but i will, Your looking at porn but your worried about sex with you girlfriend. Let look at this for a min, sex with girlfriend fornication with one as porn lusting after many many women, I would say sex with girlfriend is the lesser sin here but still a sin. If you can not control your self and i know i have the porn trouble to go for the lesser sin only. Ideal you would not watch porn or have sex with your girlfriend till marriage, but temptation gets the best of us. If your going to sin no matter what because you can not control it, go for the lesser sin. God will forgive you and if you have Jesus in your heart he will change you so you know long do that sin, but you will move on to another sin and he will change you from that and so on. This is what he has been doing with me all my life, he won't stop till we are perfect, but you got to try to follow him to. Jesus is not are servant but we his.