31 things to teach your daughter

[Nevertheless]

I read this on Facebook and thought it was good enough to share.




31 things to teach your daughter

1. How to give a firm handshake.
2. To never wear clothes with something written across the butt.
3. A man will never treat a woman better than he treats his mom. Pay attention to how the guys treat their moms, and run from the ones who aren't respectful.
4. Look people in the eye when you talk to them.
5. People will judge you by what you say. "I was like, um, totally!" does not qualify as a sentence.
6. People will judge you by what you wear. Show respect for yourself (and see #2).
7. How to change a tire.
8. How to throw a football.
9. Don't be afraid to use your voice – sometimes it's the most powerful thing you have.
10. Basic self defense – be able to get out of a situation, and run fast. And use that powerful voice.
11. Teach them how to apologize well, ask for help when needed, and that anger is more harmful to the person who harbors it than to who it's directed at.
12. What's in the magazine is photoshopped. Confidence is more attractive than size 2 jeans.
13. Laughter can diffuse many a challenging situation. Especially when you can laugh at yourself.
14. Block out the voices. Not every opinion is worth listening to – listen to the ones that matter, and learn whose opinion you'll allow to shape your thoughts.
15. Advertising is full of hidden agendas. Don't fall for it. "Maybe she's born with it... maybe it's Maybelline" – really? Maybelline didn't make her anything she wasn't born with.
16. How to hit a baseball, throw a punch, and use a compass.
17. How to write a proper thank you letter, and how to type.
18. How to manage her money.
19. Appreciate the little things (and little refers to more than diamonds and pearls).
20. Read often and much. Read works of classic and contemporary literature, fiction and nonfiction.
21. Walk in someone else's shoes.
22. Listen well, both for what's being said, and for what's being omitted.
23. Dream big, and set realistic goals. You can accomplish more than you think you can.
24. Girls can do most things as well as boys can, in general. But know your personal limits, what your own strengths and weaknesses are. Once you know them you can use them to your advantage.
25. Most things worth having or worth doing require sacrifice. Know what you're willing to sacrifice, and for what.
26. No regrets. Learn from the past, but don't dwell on what could have been.
27. Just because it's never been done doesn't mean it can't be done. Push the limits.
28. Basic sewing skills.
29. How to handle herself online – using good privacy, remembering that anything shared can go viral (including pictures in poor taste), and knowing that people online aren't always who they say they are.
30. Trust your instincts. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Listen to that voice, and don't silence it.

31. The world isn't all there is. Rely on God more than you rely on anything else, including yourself.

[mommydi]

#3 - Sometimes a girl should run from a man who treats his mom with respect and admiration, too. 

[Cally]

#3 - Sometimes a girl should run from a man who treats his mom with respect and admiration, too. 

Momma's boys and Daddy's girls?

[mommydi]

#3 - Sometimes a girl should run from a man who treats his mom with respect and admiration, too. 

Momma's boys and Daddy's girls?

Yep.

[chosenone]

#3 - Sometimes a girl should run from a man who treats his mom with respect and admiration, too. 

Momma's boys and Daddy's girls?

Women do NOT like mummies boys. I know some, and none of them have girlfriends.

[Cally]

#3 - Sometimes a girl should run from a man who treats his mom with respect and admiration, too. 

Momma's boys and Daddy's girls?

Women do NOT like mummies boys. I know some, and none of them have girlfriends.

I concur with that observation. Though I also often observe that parent generations try to teach girls to like them, as if the only alternative is the abusive husband who treats her badly (is this very list a case of such a thing? Maybe, maybe not).

[chosenone]

#3 - Sometimes a girl should run from a man who treats his mom with respect and admiration, too. 

Momma's boys and Daddy's girls?

Women do NOT like mummies boys. I know some, and none of them have girlfriends.

I concur with that observation. Though I also often observe that parent generations try to teach girls to like them, as if the only alternative is the abusive husband who treats her badly (is this very list a case of such a thing? Maybe, maybe not).

I would have advised my daughters to run a mile from mummies boys, but I doubt either of them would have been interested anyway.

[Nevertheless]

There's a HUGE difference between a man who treats his mother with respect and a mommy's boy. Comparing the two is somewhat like comparing good marital relations to rape.

I concur with that observation. Though I also often observe that parent generations try to teach girls to like them, as if the only alternative is the abusive husband who treats her badly (is this very list a case of such a thing? Maybe, maybe not).

If that is what you really think, then I certainly hope you never father any daughters. This list is good, common sense advice, nothing more.

[Cally]

There's a HUGE difference between a man who treats his mother with respect and a mommy's boy. Comparing the two is somewhat like comparing good marital relations to rape.

I concur with that observation. Though I also often observe that parent generations try to teach girls to like them, as if the only alternative is the abusive husband who treats her badly (is this very list a case of such a thing? Maybe, maybe not).

If that is what you really think, then I certainly hope you never father any daughters. This list is good, common sense advice, nothing more.

Nevertheless, there are some really good things in this list. I'm sorry the discussion about it didn't start out with a discussion about the positives. Like you said, there's a difference between respect and being a momma's boy--indeed a man's interaction with his mother CAN be telling in any case, although probably not in quite as simple a fashion as "he respects his mother=he'll respect his wife." I think mommydi would agree judging by her post. I've heard the same kind of thing said to men about "see how she treats her father" and I couldn't agree with that statement either.

Again, there's a LOT of good here. Point 2 made me grin (never understood what the intention was with pants like that), 18 and 31 are great universal rules. 15 is a really good one for girls in particular, probably. I don't particularly believe in a lot of the "learn how to do boy things" business, although it's always good not to use nonsensical gender paradigms (like women can't do math or men can't do the splits) as cop-outs for many things.

[Nevertheless]

I don't particularly believe in a lot of the "learn how to do boy things" business, although it's always good not to use nonsensical gender paradigms (like women can't do math or men can't do the splits) as cop-outs for many things.

As a girl who thought playing with dolls (including GI Joe dolls) was boring, and that pink was an ugly color, I always resented the fact that someone somewhere defined the things that I found interesting and fun as "boy things". Why do people have so much trouble understanding that a girl can be perfectly happy being a girl and still prefer to play in the dirt with toy cars rather than pretend to cook in a toy kitchen. Why do people insist that a girl who likes to climb trees, play football, catch frogs and snakes and can throw a punch wants to be a boy? Very frustrating!

[MeMyself]

I don't particularly believe in a lot of the "learn how to do boy things" business, although it's always good not to use nonsensical gender paradigms (like women can't do math or men can't do the splits) as cop-outs for many things.

As a girl who thought playing with dolls (including GI Joe dolls) was boring, and that pink was an ugly color, I always resented the fact that someone somewhere defined the things that I found interesting and fun as "boy things". Why do people have so much trouble understanding that a girl can be perfectly happy being a girl and still prefer to play in the dirt with toy cars rather than pretend to cook in a toy kitchen. Why do people insist that a girl who likes to climb trees, play football, catch frogs and snakes and can throw a punch wants to be a boy? Very frustrating!

LOL!  I can so relate to this frustration and so can my two daughters! 

[chosenone]

I don't particularly believe in a lot of the "learn how to do boy things" business, although it's always good not to use nonsensical gender paradigms (like women can't do math or men can't do the splits) as cop-outs for many things.

As a girl who thought playing with dolls (including GI Joe dolls) was boring, and that pink was an ugly color, I always resented the fact that someone somewhere defined the things that I found interesting and fun as "boy things". Why do people have so much trouble understanding that a girl can be perfectly happy being a girl and still prefer to play in the dirt with toy cars rather than pretend to cook in a toy kitchen. Why do people insist that a girl who likes to climb trees, play football, catch frogs and snakes and can throw a punch wants to be a boy? Very frustrating!

  I can relate to this totally. I was desperate to be a boy growing up, because as I saw it they had the best toys and played the best games. Fortunately I had an older brother so did have access to boys type toys, but still some relatives used to give me dolls (which I had no interest in) while my brother got exciting toys.
I was also always climbing trees, riding my bike, out on roller skates, playing 'cowboys and Indians', playing sports etc. I was a real tomboy for many years. I was the only girl in the 'gangs' at my first school  and even used to fight some of the other boys even though I was small.
All my friends were boys also. Sadly when I was 7 the school separated girls and boys, so from that time on I had to be with girls all day including play times, but I still did boys type stuff outside school.

I am glad that I am female despite all this.

[Cally]

I don't particularly believe in a lot of the "learn how to do boy things" business, although it's always good not to use nonsensical gender paradigms (like women can't do math or men can't do the splits) as cop-outs for many things.

As a girl who thought playing with dolls (including GI Joe dolls) was boring, and that pink was an ugly color, I always resented the fact that someone somewhere defined the things that I found interesting and fun as "boy things". Why do people have so much trouble understanding that a girl can be perfectly happy being a girl and still prefer to play in the dirt with toy cars rather than pretend to cook in a toy kitchen. Why do people insist that a girl who likes to climb trees, play football, catch frogs and snakes and can throw a punch wants to be a boy? Very frustrating!

I'm not particularly opposed to that, but when you say "wants to be a boy," does that mean biologically or act masculine and reject femininity? Because I strongly believe a woman must not "want to be a boy" in the biological sense OR in the sense of rejecting femininity, and that is also to say, I believe God opposes that. The list suggests that a girl NEEDS to go into "boy territory" and I disagree that that's remotely as necessary as learning to become comfortable in her femininity, and hints at what sounds like a masculine manner I would substitute with really unpopular stuff like "put on the unfading beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit."

[Nevertheless]

I'm not particularly opposed to that, but when you say "wants to be a boy," does that mean biologically or act masculine and reject femininity? Because I strongly believe a woman must not "want to be a boy" in the biological sense OR in the sense of rejecting femininity, and that is also to say, I believe God opposes that. The list suggests that a girl NEEDS to go into "boy territory" and I disagree that that's remotely as necessary as learning to become comfortable in her femininity, and hints at what sounds like a masculine manner I would substitute with really unpopular stuff like "put on the unfading beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit."

"Wants to be a boy" means exactly that. If I said, "Jimmy wants to be a mechanic" or "Susie wants to be a teacher" you wouldn't ask in what sense do they "want to be" those professions. You would simply take it at face value. That is exactly what you should do with "wants to be a boy."


Your post demonstrates exactly what I'm talking about, and you don't even see it.

You talk about the list suggesting that girls need to go into "boy territory" as if the 11th commandment is, "Girls must learn to cook and sew, boys must learn to change a tire and throw a baseball." If a girl prefers to learn how to repair engines over sewing, that does NOT mean she has 'rejected her femininity,' it means that God has blessed her with mechanical abilities.

Simply doing things that society (or perhaps only you) have defined as "boy's territory" does not mean that a woman is acting in a masculine manner.

I have a son and a daughter, and both were taught basic cooking and sewing, how to do laundry and change a tire, how to build a fire and plant a garden. Both were expected to do dishes, mow the grass, and take care of animals (both pet and farm-type). Both were allowed to pursue their interests in music, sports, mathematics, art, etc.

These are life skills, not bastions of femininity or masculinity. Preventing a boy from learning to sew and a girl from learning to maintain her car simply because someone has decided those skills are for the opposite gender is moronic.


Edited to add: My children are in their early 30's. My son is quite secure in his masculinity (and still enjoys cooking) and my daughter is quite secure in her  femininity (and still enjoys sports).

[Cally]

Nevertheless, I totally expected that response despite the fact that I originally put "boys' territory" in quotes for a reason. Whether they really are IS debatable. But why does absolutely every girl HAVE to know how throw a football or hit a baseball? Not every boy really has to do that, do they? That's why I interpreted the sentiment to be something of a deliberation into exploring "boy territory" (see the quotes again?) and breaking the barriers and all that romantic nonsense. People should be who they are, but I do believe that girls are meant to be feminine and boys are meant to be masculine--i.e. we can debate what those traits actually are (it's a good discussion) but I strongly believe they exist.

[Nevertheless]

They don't have to know how, but they should be taught, for the same reason that they (and their brothers) should be taught how to write a proper thank you letter and to look people in the eye. Look at the title again. It's not "31 things girls must do."

[chosenone]

I'm not particularly opposed to that, but when you say "wants to be a boy," does that mean biologically or act masculine and reject femininity? Because I strongly believe a woman must not "want to be a boy" in the biological sense OR in the sense of rejecting femininity, and that is also to say, I believe God opposes that. The list suggests that a girl NEEDS to go into "boy territory" and I disagree that that's remotely as necessary as learning to become comfortable in her femininity, and hints at what sounds like a masculine manner I would substitute with really unpopular stuff like "put on the unfading beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit."

"Wants to be a boy" means exactly that. If I said, "Jimmy wants to be a mechanic" or "Susie wants to be a teacher" you wouldn't ask in what sense do they "want to be" those professions. You would simply take it at face value. That is exactly what you should do with "wants to be a boy."


Your post demonstrates exactly what I'm talking about, and you don't even see it.

You talk about the list suggesting that girls need to go into "boy territory" as if the 11th commandment is, "Girls must learn to cook and sew, boys must learn to change a tire and throw a baseball." If a girl prefers to learn how to repair engines over sewing, that does NOT mean she has 'rejected her femininity,' it means that God has blessed her with mechanical abilities.

Simply doing things that society (or perhaps only you) have defined as "boy's territory" does not mean that a woman is acting in a masculine manner.

I have a son and a daughter, and both were taught basic cooking and sewing, how to do laundry and change a tire, how to build a fire and plant a garden. Both were expected to do dishes, mow the grass, and take care of animals (both pet and farm-type). Both were allowed to pursue their interests in music, sports, mathematics, art, etc.

These are life skills, not bastions of femininity or masculinity. Preventing a boy from learning to sew and a girl from learning to maintain her car simply because someone has decided those skills are for the opposite gender is moronic.


Edited to add: My children are in their early 30's. My son is quite secure in his masculinity (and still enjoys cooking) and my daughter is quite secure in her  femininity (and still enjoys sports).

MY son does all his and his wife's ironing. He is very good at it because he did all his ironing when he got to young adulthood. When I had a hysterectomy and was single parent of three, he did all the household ironing for 6 months. Bless.

I agree that each child needs to be nurtured to do the things they are interested in, whether that is the normal 'girls' things or the normal 'boys' things. My brother is a good cook and also good at domestic type stuff, as well as the more 'masculine' stuff such as decorating and gardening. He left home at 18 to go to uni and never lived at home after that so he learnt to look after himself. Something that more young adults need to do today instead of living at home well into adulthood, and getting everything done for them.

[joergehamilton]

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