Opinions please!

[Lee B]

Hello everyone!

I have a romantic situation. I have no particular questions but I would like to hear opinions, particularly from mature brothers who know the Lord well and can guide in the Spirit. I would also like to hear a female perspective on the matter, though sisters must always remember their place of subordination in the church and are not to teach men. To all replying I would ask that you please remember to pray over what you write. This is a very important situation to me and I want to make sure I follow the way of the Spirit, not of the flesh.

So, my situation...

Quite simply, I have never been in love before, and was not expecting it to happen, but this January it happened. The girl of my dreams walked into my church hall. Though since she has a boyfriend of two years, I just tried to honour the Lord by not allowing my feelings to affect our fellowship under Jesus. I prayed for strength under this difficult situation.

But then in May everything changed. One evening, I had been talking to her at length and came home burning with love and felt more heartache than ever over her. As soon as I got home I received a powerful Word from the Holy Spirit, telling me that this lady is to be my wife. From that day, everything has been different. I now see her current boyfriend as only temporary and know that at some point it will come to an end.

I really have no idea how strong her relationship with her boyfriend is at the moment. I can only assume it will run its course eventually. However, I do not feel it would be honourable for me to try to win her affections in any way, to to try impress her, to buy her things, or even to come out and challenge her boyfriend for her hand in marriage. So I have dropped quite a few subtle hints that I am interested in her (in a very tactful and sensitive way). But I have not opened up to her. The most important thing I have done is to simply make it clear that I am there for her if ever she needs me. I feel that day will come.

I think about this girl every day, and I even write a diary of all my thoughts about her. The question that goes through my mind every day is whether I should remain silent, or ask her to marry me, or just keep on waiting, perhaps for years, and see how things turn out.

I am in no rush to get married. Though I yearn for this girl. But I can wait as long as I have to, all my life if necessary. Whatever happens, and whatever I decide to do, I am certain that it will be part of the Lord's plan for me and he will use it all to his glory.

[DaveW]

You need to talk to someone in authority in your congregation.  Someone with spiritual maturity; your pastor or an elder perhaps.

Do not carry this alone or it will break you in so many ways.

btdt

[Helen]

What you are feeling is infatuation.  Love is a decision to put another's welfare above your own, a commitment to care, regardless of feelings and circumstances.  Feelings come along for the ride, both positive and negative. If you do love her, you will want what is best for her, and that will most certainly not involve trying to interrupt her current relationship.  If the Lord wants her to be your wife, HE will work it out. 

From what you say, right now you are fixated on her.  That is not a healthy way to be and certainly does not bode well for a future relationship.  Please concentrate on your relationship with the Lord instead.

[chosenone]

I have heard of many people who have said that God told them that a certain person was to be their husband or wife, but it seems he didn't tell the other person, and it never happened.
Lee, sometimes when we want something to happen very much, we can convince ourselves that Gods wants that as well. We can ever 'hear' Him telling us the same thing .I have done this myself and have seen many others do it.

This young lady has a boyfriend who she may or may not marry. To make any attempt at all to tell her how you feel, or to try and compete with her boyfriend(of 2 years so pretty serious) would be very very wrong indeed. How would you like it if another man did this when you had a girlfriend?
You say the girl of your dreams walked into the hall. You knew nothing about her at that time and still you know very little about her so cannot in anyway say that with assurance. I presume that initial thought was because she is physically attractive, but there is so much more to a relationship that just that. I fear this is an infatuation. I am assuming that you are pretty young. You really need to stay right away from them both. If you did hear God, then it will happen without any interference or help from you, and if you didn't hear right, then you will find out one day when she marries someone else.

Just wanted to say that with respect I found your comments to the women here quite demeaning, and I hope you don't have that attitude towards the women in your church or you probably wont ever get married. We are not subordinate to any man except Jesus and our husbands, certainly not to you or any other man here.

[Lee B]

Thank you very much each of you to the three people who have replied to me. I am new here, so I did not really know what kind of reaction to expect, but the reaction I got was quite surprising. I have made replies to all three people below. I am very sorry for how long my replies are, but this is in reply to some very surprising answers so I had a lot to say.

Overall, I think, regrettably, this is probably not the kind of forum where I am going to fit in and I feel this is a different kind of Christian to my own heart. Possibly due to me bring British I suppose. I hate any kind of division within the church but I just do not feel quite at home with close family here so my time here is probably going to be brief. Still, thank you for the replies nonetheless, God bless and love to you all

I should also add one detail that I forgot to mention in my OP, that this girl visited my church and was not with us very long. She has now left the area and living a very long way away. I too am being led to serve the Lord in other area, leaving my church, so the two of us are not likely to ever see each other again (by any natural logic). That detail, of course, makes no difference to anything. Except that people assumed I was still encountering her regularly, which I am not. Rather, I am praying and thinking about her every day; until the day comes when the Lord chooses to bring her back into my life. 

You need to talk to someone in authority in your congregation.  Someone with spiritual maturity; your pastor or an elder perhaps.

Thank you brother Oh, how I wish I belonged to that kind of a church but sadly I live a great spiritual wilderness (I live in the UK). I know of no mature believers in my area, or in my church. I would be very wary of accepting personal advice from my own congregation because they are infants, still living in the flesh. The church services are unbiblical and personal lives are sinful. There is fruit in our church but very little of it. Sadly, only one member prays for the spiritual growth of our congregation!

And yet I consider my own church to be the most godly church in our area, by far! Many churches where I live do not proclaim the good news of Jesus Christ, nor believe he is the only way to heaven, nor that the Bible is the inerrant word of God. Nor do many people fear God and love him above themselves. Churches are worldly and sinful. This is no surprise since my country has now become an abomination to God and his rightful destruction of our wicked nation must be close. To find people who love the Lord with great passion, I have to go online. God bless America for I find them there!

What you are feeling is infatuation.  Love is a decision to put another's welfare above your own, a commitment to care, regardless of feelings and circumstances.

Hmmm. Well first of all thank you for your reply

I should clarify that I am both infatuated with her and I love her. I kind of thought it went without saying that I love her since Christians love everyone. I would never put my own welfare above that of another person—least of all my own wife!

Now, you almost make it sound as though infatuation and love are completely unrelated! As though a man should arbitrarily give his life over to just any random woman, even if he has no feelings for her at all!

Our Lord did not arbitrarily decide to give everything for his bride, forsaking his own life on the cross for her. He didn't randomly choose people to redeem out of the world just for fun. First, he was infatuated with us. He felt something for us. He cared about us. He saw beauty in us even when we were sinners. The glorious book of Song of Songs shows us this (Jesus calls us beautiful 12 times while we are still infant believers). He did not feel that way about the whole world, and that is why he chose to reveal his glory to us and not the world. That is why the Lord loved Jacob and hated Esau, yet they were brothers! For a very clear explanation of this, read the wonderful chapter of Romans 9 and may God bless your study!

Feelings come along for the ride, both positive and negative. If you do love her, you will want what is best for her, and that will most certainly not involve trying to interrupt her current relationship.

Well to clarify, I personally have no negative feelings. In the Lord Jesus, I know only joy, peace and burning love. There is no anxiety or pain. The love I feel over my future wife is a wonderful feeling, as is the associated yearning and heartache I have as I wait for her. This is the very same yearning we have for our Lord Jesus before we are united with him. Is it "negative" that we long for the Kingdom to come and yearn for our saviour to return? This yearning is a manifestation of love and it is good. The love a man has for a woman is amazing and it is the reason you and I worship Jesus. So let's not dismiss it as some kind of inconvenient nuisance!

From what you say, right now you are fixated on her.  That is not a healthy way to be and certainly does not bode well for a future relationship.  Please concentrate on your relationship with the Lord instead.

Unhealthy? I really have no idea at all why you think my feelings are unhealthy? Presumably you don't think the feelings the Lord Jesus has for you are unhealthy? And yet Psalm 139 tells us that he has more thoughts about you than the grains of sand. God never stops thinking about his bride. Why, then do you suppose it to be ungodly to do just that?

Perhaps I have not made things very clear, because it certainly does not feel unhealthy, it feels wonderful, like all the blessings the Lord has given me. So I am very happy. How can feeling happy be unhealthy? Or do you mean that it hinders my service of the Lord? That cannot be the case. If the Lord had not told me I was to marry this woman, I might be spending the next few years pursuing relationships. Instead, I will pursue no one until this particular woman comes to me. And as a result of that, I have more time for the Lord.

Or, perhaps you do not think that the love between a man and a woman can teach us about our Lord Jesus? If you thought that, you would definitely be in error. No person has taught me more about the love between the Lord Jesus and his church than a girl whom I once had a close relationship with. It was not a marriage but it opened my eyes to many mysteries of love that are fulfilled marriage. Without that wonderful relationship, my understanding of our Lord would be nothing of what it is today. This is why in Ephesians 5 Paul explicitly says that a man and woman are a type of Christ and his Church!

Please concentrate on your relationship with the Lord instead.

Hmmm. Why do you say that? Do you think I should not marry so I can serve the Lord better? I was quite happy to do that but, as I have told you, the Lord has given me a wife. And Paul says it is not a sin to marry (1 Corinthians 7).

Or perhaps you are suggesting that the sister whom I am to be joined with should be of no special importance above anyone else, and I should pay her an equal amount of attention as I do with all my other brothers and sisters? All I can say to that is that Jesus gave everything for his bride, and a human husband and wife are one flesh joined together. So there is good biblical grounds for a man thinking of his wife first above all other brothers and sisters.

I want to end this message by thanking you for taking the time to reply. But please remember my sister that I am your brother, and sisters are not supposed to instruct or teach brothers, or to exert any kind of authority over them. A sister should be quiet and submissive in all things, certainly when speaking to a brother. Women instructing men is not the way the Body of our Lord has been called to function. To reject this teaching is to reject the Word of God and the testimony of the Holy Spirit. We all must submit to all higher spiritual authorities. I myself am in subordination to my elders, to my parents, to the authorities of the land, the police and government, and of course to the angels in heaven and our Lord himself, at whose mighty feet I bow. I must recognise my place within the hierarchy that has been ordained by God and I must respect it. The sin of pride is perhaps the greatest of all sins, and its opposite, humility, is perhaps the most beautiful of all qualities. If man is not humble, the Lord will have no mercy on him. If woman is not humble to him, how will a man see her as beautiful? Or is there scripture where a woman gained a man's affection by being strong and sure of herself? Spiritual humility should be one of our greatest aspirations

I have heard of many people who have said that God told them that a certain person was to be their husband or wife, but it seems he didn't tell the other person, and it never happened.

Oh. That is very curious. I cannot comment on those other people, but the God of the Bible does not break his promises. If God makes a promise to someone—and then that promise is not fulfilled—then surely there can only be one conclusion? That the promise was not from the Lord all along?

Lee, sometimes when we want something to happen very much, we can convince ourselves that Gods wants that as well. We can ever 'hear' Him telling us the same thing .I have done this myself and have seen many others do it.

If you think that the Lord Jesus is imaginary... really, what can I say? If you think that the Lord Jesus is not alive and does not speak to people, and does not have a relationship with people right now... and we are all imagining it? That is much more like the conversations I have with atheists! (I know this is not where you are coming from, but this is how it seems!)

I can tell you that the Lord speaks to me and the things he says are real and true and trustworthy and I have complete, absolute proof of that. The revelations he has given me could not have been from my imagination, for they are too wonderful. There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord Jesus is real and my relationship with him is real. He is with me everywhere I go, blessing me and guiding me at all times through his Spirit. If you do not believe me then what can I say? I would ask him to prove it to you directly, but we are told not to test him!

It is hard to comment on other people's "false" relationships with Jesus. I have known some people who have had signs, dreams or visions of questionable validity, but these people were all infant believers living in sin. The Lord was far from their hearts and they did not recognise him, rather they assumed it must be him, which is a very different matter from recognising the familiar voice of a person you know and love. That is not to say when the Holy Spirit speaks to me he does so with an audible voice. He uses all manner of methods, but rarely do I have difficulty recognising him.

I can also point you to Matthew 24:24 "False Christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders, so as to lead astray, if possible, even the elect." Scripture does tell us that many will be deceived by the enemy, and also that many who think are known by him are not in fact known. But of course, all of scripture testifies that the true Holy Spirit does indeed speak to his people, hallelujah! So we should not be surprised if we are spoken to, rather, we should be listening carefully, and also paying attention to our dreams If we don't seek then we don't find!

Now as for me "wanting something to happen very much". To clarify, I would not have chosen this girl! Everything is against us marrying. It would be a poor choice. She lives hundreds of miles away at the other end of the country. Where I live (in the UK) that is a very long way and I will probably never see her again (although I have connections with her family and thankfully can get in touch with her). So reserving my heart for this girl for the rest of my life is not based on any whim of the flesh! Chasing a girl you will never see again is not what my flesh would do. My flesh would probably be looking for someone suitable and nearby. She is neither. But it is only for the glory of God that I reserve my heart for this one, to show my faith and trust in his sovereignty.

to try and compete with her boyfriend(of 2 years so pretty serious) would be very very wrong indeed. How would you like it if another man did this when you had a girlfriend?

That would bother someone of the world, but not someone who lives for Christ. There are only two possibilities and both are good. If she was happy with me, she would stay with me and I would be delighted to be her husband. On the other hand, if she chose the other man then obviously it was not meant to be between us and she would have found the one the Lord intended her to marry. In either case, the Lord has been glorified and he is the only person I live for. If she found her true love I would rejoice, exactly as I rejoiced when I first met this girl that she had a Christian man in her life.

In other words, I had a girlfriend I would not mind her spending time with other men providing I trusted the men and thought they were suitable options for her. Then she could decide herself which man she wanted.

Also, I remind you. These two are not married. There is no commitment. They are only boyfriend and girlfriend. They are not joined in any way. There is no sealed bond between them. No commitment or obligation. They are simply in a relationship whereby they are not sure if they want to commit but are considering it and for the time being are preliminarily reserving themselves for each other for the time being until further notice. If there was any commitment then they would be married. For that is what commitment means: for life. If commitment is defined as being only temporary until someone changes their mind then there is no commitment at all. Likewise, they have not physically joined. They do not touch each other in a sexual manner, as that is reserved solely for the one person to whom we will be joined with for life. They have not made that joining yet, nor will they until they are married. By the whole definition of their relationship, they are uncertain about each other and uncommitted.

Also, for the Christian, there can be no such thing as "cheating" within a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. Cheating requires the betrayal of a sexual union. The betrayal of a non-sexual relationship is not cheating, rather it is just investigating other options. If a woman spends time with two different men, without sexual contact with either man, that seems fair enough—perhaps even sensible. And if the man felt so strongly about the woman that he objected strongly to the idea of her spending time with other men, he would surely know that he wanted her as his own and would have proposed to her? And if not then it might make him consider it?

Of course, I do not see any of that as excuse to go around interfering with other people's relationships or trying to provoke people to break up! I am just saying that I have it on pretty good authority that a time will come when their relationship will in fact end. Then after that who knows how long it will be? It could even be that this girl marries him then he dies after 70 years and I will have to wait 70 years for her.

I did not mention this in my OP but I get the strong feeling that it will be at least 5–10 years before this girl comes into my life. The things I have to do over the nest 5—10 years, I could simply not imagine doing that whilst being in a relationship with anyone. That is why what the Lord told me was all the more surprising to me. Praise be to him!

You say the girl of your dreams walked into the hall. You knew nothing about her at that time and still you know very little about her so cannot in anyway say that with assurance. I presume that initial thought was because she is physically attractive, but there is so much more to a relationship that just that. I fear this is an infatuation.

What is wrong with infatuation? The other person used that word too. I do not see what is wrong with infatuation? There are many examples in scripture of a man choosing his bride based on a very early initial impression, or physical attraction. How is this wrong? Besides which, I am not choosing her as my wife based on how much I like her, I am choosing her as my wife under obedience of the Lord Jesus who has given me this instruction.

Also, you say that I know little about her. But I know so much about her. If you do not think it is possible to see someone's beauty just by meeting them then you are wrong! Indeed, as Christians we are called to show the beauty of the Lord to the world. This is something people should see in us straight away that sets us apart from everyone else. We are holy and sanctified. We have a different spirit and we exude the light of Jesus Christ. That is our aspiration at least I was certainly able to tell straight away that I felt romantic feelings for this girl, as has happened time after time throughout history (both Biblical and church). And it is good

You really need to stay right away from them both.

Well I doubt I will ever see either of them again until she returns to me. But putting this fact aside, why do you give this instruction? And why so boldly with such strong language? Is this direct from the Spirit, or based on scripture? If not there is surely no call to be so forceful? I believe the Lord Jesus was always gentle with people unless speaking against sin, always coaxing gently in love, never instructing people forcefully. That is why we can see so many spiritual teachers are not of God, because they shout loudly, proudly, boldly, and in strife; lacking love, gentleness, humility, and the peace evident in the fruit of the Holy Spirit.

I am happy for my brothers to speak to me boldly in matters of sin. Indeed my own words are very strong when speaking of sin. But there is no sin in this issue of romance, only the glory of God's wonderful and amazing plans that defy all understanding!

If you did hear God, then it will happen without any interference or help from you

Forgive me once again for challenging everything you say! :) I believe there is a strong scriptural basis for acting upon God's instructions rather than just waiting for him to do all the work. I can think of many great things that the Lord has done through his servants, in each case they did not sit and wait, they acted and through him the Lord achieved his purposes. Probably too many to number, including things in my own lifetime that would not have been achieved had I simply waited for God to do everything.

I am not saying I believe I need to go and make all the effort with regards to making myself known to this girl. But I do know that when it comes to me, the Lord Jesus made the first effort, bringing his grace upon me, and I, in turn, reciprocated. I am not saying it should always be the man who first chooses and woos the woman. I do not have any opinion about this. But this is the kind of dilemma I have been having. I remain unsure and continue to pray.

Just wanted to say that with respect I found your comments to the women here quite demeaning, and I hope you don't have that attitude towards the women in your church or you probably wont ever get married. We are not subordinate to any man except Jesus and our husbands, certainly not to you or any other man here.

I am quite shocked!

I replied to your message one paragraph at a time, assuming from your language that you were a brother. And even for a brother, your language seemed unduly forceful. But you reveal that you are female! This is a shock. Perhaps I should not visiting forums from across the Atlantic? Perhaps the division is too great for me to fit in here?

My sister, do you really think it right to speak to brothers in the way you do? Instructing us and teaching us, and speaking to us with force? It this not a disgusting thing in the sight of God? How the world behaves! For indeed the world no longer even recognises the difference in nature between a man and a woman, appointed by God himself. So if we recognise no difference either, do we belong to Jesus, who created us man and woman, or to the world? (Something we all should seriously consider!)

1 Timothy 2
"I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet."

1 Corinthians 14:34
"The women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says."

I am not presenting God's Word in order to sanctify you. That is the work of the Holy Spirit—whose teachings we must thirst for and strive for in prayer! Rather, I present the Word because the Word and the Holy Spirit both testify that each other are telling the truth, and this is how we know he is true. But without the Holy Spirit of the living God written on our hearts, the scripture above (and indeed all scripture) is as impersonal to us as the Law was to God's people. So, as with all believers, living in a way that is right with God begins not with study of scripture but with rebirth in the Spirit, in accordance with the New Covenant in Jesus.

We know from scripture that sisters can (and indeed, should) pray and prophesy along with the church, and are free to teach and instruct each other and children. And of course sisters can also minister and preach Jesus to unbelievers. But within the church, women are to be in spiritual submission to the brothers, just as every church member is in subordination to our King and Master Jesus. That is why God has made everything the way he has made it: men and women being different. Not for our glory but for the glory of God!

[chosenone]

Wow  


Lee I am putting your replies down to your youth and immaturity, but you have answered in some VERY strange ways and come to some VERY weird conclusions from what I said. When I said that God 'told' people that they were to marry someone but didn't tell the other person, it means that the marriage never happened and the other person wasn't interested. Therefore it wasn't God who told them but merely their own overactive imaginations and/or desires.

As for you thinking it is in ANYWAY right or appropriate for you or anyone else to barge into, and try and break up, someone else's serious relationship, I am astounded that you think its ok to act in such a thoughtless, rude and uncaring way. Do you honestly think any girl will have ANY respect for a guy who acts in such an ungodly way? I would run a mile from such a man.

If you DID indeed hear God, and that remains to be seen, then wait. Don't make any attempt to steal her from him. See what happens.
I have known people who wanted something so much they they TRULY believed that God had spoken.  Like you they were CONVINCED  they heard Him. Time will tell. If you did, then you will one day marry her. It may not be for many years, so leave it to God to work out. If/when their relationship ends, and you know it has ended, you can then ask her if she is interested in getting to know you. If she says no, then you will have to respect that and leave it.
It maybe after such a long relationship they are even talking of engagement and and marriage, unless they are very very young, but leave that to them. If it is God then surely you can just trust Him and leave it? I am glad that she lives a long way away, because she and her boyfriend can get on with their relationship in peace.

By the way I am also British.  I am sorry that you feel you wont 'fit in' here because you think you are a  different 'sort' of Christian.  There is only one 'sort' of Christian, and that is a child of God.

With respect Lee, me thinks you need some serious attitude changes, and tons more emotional and spiritual maturity before you are ready to meet someone, let alone get married. You come across here as very 'superior' 'judgemental' and 'Holier than thou', and that wont go across well in social or church situations, and certainly not with a godly young lady, ESPECIALLY with your bad attitude to women, that they are somehow 'less than' the men, and that men can never learn anything from them(which is a totally lie).

There are countless very godly churches in the UK, I have 4 or 5 just in my one town, full of mature godly believers, or maybe they are not 'holy' enough for you.  I have lived in several different parts of the South of England, where I have been to good Bible believing churches with lovely godly people from 5 different denominations. I have some amazing Christian friends all around me, who all love the Lord with a passion, so your experience is the absolute and total opposite of what I have seen and experienced in the last 40 years of being a believer here. Have you ever thought that it may be YOU and not all the other believers who are not  spiritually mature?
Hearing God and getting words/visions etc doesn't make you a mature believer. Its your character, humility and love for others that shows your maturity surely?
I have never been to a church or ministry or Christian place of any sort here where they don't believe that Jesus is the only way to the Father, so that too just isn't a true reflection of the churches here.

By the way The UK wont be destroyed, there have been many Words given by God that have said so, some stating that Britian will be saved through its praying women. Very exciting.   

However, Lee, I can totally understand by the derogatory and rude way that you have replied to people here, especially the women, why you feel that you dont belong anywhere, and don't seem to be able to find that church family where you fit in. Someone who is filled with pride and their own self importance, who seriously judges and criticises others, and who has no humility at all, is never going to be accepted, hence you feel you can only find other believers online. That way its easier and 'safer'. People quite understandably(!)don't like being judged and criticised by someone who thinks and says they are better than everyone else, maybe you can work out why?

Women on this forum are treated as equal in God, and nearly all men here respect and value their input. Giving advise on a possible relationship is hardly teaching in a church meeting is it (even if you don't think that women should teach). Women often have more understanding and intuition when it comes to relationship issues as well.  Yes I do feel its right to say what I feel God is wanting me to. If you cant accept advise from ladies old enough to be your mother, who have children probably older than you and already married, then reject it, but you did ask for opinions.
I try to treat men and women with equal respect, but as women, we are only told to be submissive to church leaders(men as well are told this) and our husbands, as well as Jesus of course. Otherwise we are all told to submit to one another(man and women). 

[fassopony]

As a single woman I can say firmly that that woman you are all a-quiver about and acting like a 14 year old with a stiff and trying-too-hard writing style does not deserve you!

She deserves a good, Godly man without any idiot misogynistic intent.  God also does frown upon those who twist His words, you may want to have a little heart to heart with Him and get that straightened out.

That is all.  Good day.

[Cally]

Just wanted to say that with respect I found your comments to the women here quite demeaning, and I hope you don't have that attitude towards the women in your church or you probably wont ever get married. We are not subordinate to any man except Jesus and our husbands, certainly not to you or any other man here.

chosenone, just a for-your-information, I know and know of Christian women who agree with his statements, married and single.

[chosenone]

Just wanted to say that with respect I found your comments to the women here quite demeaning, and I hope you don't have that attitude towards the women in your church or you probably wont ever get married. We are not subordinate to any man except Jesus and our husbands, certainly not to you or any other man here.

chosenone, just a for-your-information, I know and know of Christian women who agree with his statements, married and single.

Its not what he believes, he is entitled to believe what he likes, its the way he says things .There are ways and means of speaking to people of the opposite sex,(in fact both sexes) without being rude and demeaning I am sure you will agree. I put it down to immaturity and lack of experience in relating to women, but a small number of men are like this all their lives so maybe not.   Giving advise on a relationship issue on a forum, is hardly teaching in the church.
If he didn't want women to reply, there was always the men only section............

[AVZ]

As soon as I got home I received a powerful Word from the Holy Spirit, telling me that this lady is to be my wife.

If you really believe that the above is true, then why do you think you need to step in an do something?

[chosenone]

As soon as I got home I received a powerful Word from the Holy Spirit, telling me that this lady is to be my wife.

If you really believe that the above is true, then why do you think you need to step in an do something?

Yes very true. A big mistake that many of us make, thinking that God needs our help

[Cally]

Just wanted to say that with respect I found your comments to the women here quite demeaning, and I hope you don't have that attitude towards the women in your church or you probably wont ever get married. We are not subordinate to any man except Jesus and our husbands, certainly not to you or any other man here.

chosenone, just a for-your-information, I know and know of Christian women who agree with his statements, married and single.

Its not what he believes, he is entitled to believe what he likes, its the way he says things .There are ways and means of speaking to people of the opposite sex,(in fact both sexes) without being rude and demeaning I am sure you will agree. I put it down to immaturity and lack of experience in relating to women, but a small number of men are like this all their lives so maybe not.   Giving advise on a relationship issue on a forum, is hardly teaching in the church.
If he didn't want women to reply, there was always the men only section............

I have known some women to take careful, careful care of their tone when talking to men to avoid sounding overly pedantic and being real soft with imperatives--a tone of suggestion without any sound of commanding. It's part of their fear of God and because of their genuine value of the man to whom they speak. That's probably what the OP had in mind.

The way I see it, you're sort of even in the sense of your disagreement about how to "speak to the opposite sex"--he stated a disagreement about your style of speaking to him and you stated a disagreement about his speaking to you.

[chosenone]

Just wanted to say that with respect I found your comments to the women here quite demeaning, and I hope you don't have that attitude towards the women in your church or you probably wont ever get married. We are not subordinate to any man except Jesus and our husbands, certainly not to you or any other man here.

chosenone, just a for-your-information, I know and know of Christian women who agree with his statements, married and single.

Its not what he believes, he is entitled to believe what he likes, its the way he says things .There are ways and means of speaking to people of the opposite sex,(in fact both sexes) without being rude and demeaning I am sure you will agree. I put it down to immaturity and lack of experience in relating to women, but a small number of men are like this all their lives so maybe not.   Giving advise on a relationship issue on a forum, is hardly teaching in the church.
If he didn't want women to reply, there was always the men only section............

I have known some women to take careful, careful care of their tone when talking to men to avoid sounding overly pedantic and being real soft with imperatives--a tone of suggestion without any sound of commanding. It's part of their fear of God and because of their genuine value of the man to whom they speak. That's probably what the OP had in mind.

The way I see it, you're sort of even in the sense of your disagreement about how to "speak to the opposite sex"--he stated a disagreement about your style of speaking to him and you stated a disagreement about his speaking to you.

I wasn't disagreeing specifically about his style of speaking to me personally, just his style of speaking to all who replied and also the very demeaning rude and judgemental way he described Christians  and churches in the UK, which was so far from the truth I was astounded. Again he is very young, so has probably had very little experience of Christians or churches here. I am sure you will also agree that you just don't go barging into someone else's serious 2 year relationship and attempt to turn the girl against her boyfriend. I cant believe he thought that was OK to do
He does have a real attitude problem, a clear chip on his shoulder, and comes over as very arrogant and 'holier than thou.' I am sure even you will agree with that, and he will never get a girl interested in him unless he changes that. Hopefully, time, godly leadership, and a bit of growing up will work wonders. Thats if he ever humbles himself to learn under godly leadership.

[DaveW]

I am sure you will also agree that you just don't go barging into someone else's serious 2 year relationship and attempt to turn the girl against her boyfriend. I cant believe he thought that was OK to do

When I was a teen my mom started giving me advice on dating and marriage.  She said in one of those conversations that ANY girl was fair game 'til she had the wedding band on her finger - even fair game if I convinced her walking down the aisle at her wedding.

I never believed that advice.  But some have that opinion.

[chosenone]

I am sure you will also agree that you just don't go barging into someone else's serious 2 year relationship and attempt to turn the girl against her boyfriend. I cant believe he thought that was OK to do

When I was a teen my mom started giving me advice on dating and marriage.  She said in one of those conversations that ANY girl was fair game 'til she had the wedding band on her finger - even fair game if I convinced her walking down the aisle at her wedding.

I never believed that advice.  But some have that opinion.

Wow I would have said totally the opposite to my children. Not that they would have tried to break up a serious relationship, because they aren't like that, its just plain cruel and wrong. I thought we were supposed to treat others as we would like to be treated ourselves. If God wants us to be with someone specific, and we think He has told us that, then at some point they will be free for us to get to know them.

[AnnaM]

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