need help or divorcing next week

[Messy88]

Hi,
I recently moved and don't yet have an established church to help me. I'm currently out of town and will be returning to the states in a week and plan on confronting my husband about his addictions and continual deception. I don't even know where to start. It doesn't seem like there is any uphill in this story.

Let me put it out there, I know this is only my side of the story and i have my own sharp edges to smooth over.

I apologize ahead of time for any typos and mishap words. I'm typing this on my touchphone as I don't have my computer with me.

When we met I was ending a 6 year relationship with my ex bf. To summarize I made the mistake of cheating on my almost exbf at the time and sleeping with this man. I felt extremely guilty and after considering paul's speech on being married better than not if you cannot control your urges, somehow I felt it would be responsible for me to marry this man as I had slept with him and accept the consequences . I knew I was going to be miserable and never wanted to go through with it but felt irresponsible if I didn't.

He was on a student visa and stopped going to school because he relied on starting the green card process when I agreed to marry him. We discussed everything in January and had a civil ceremony set up for Feb (we wanted to get things done quick so we could move on with our lives and spend less time with paperwork). When I made the decision to marry it was in full faith and I want to believe he did too. He professed himself to be a Christian but it wasn't until I married him did I realize what childish faith he had.

When I cheated on my godly exbf I understood the atrocity I had committed against God and myself. In fact, I can honestly say it wasn't until I committed a great sin like this that I truly understood the amazing depths of His grace that he could love someone like me.

My husband on the other hand just thought it was wrong because I was still technically in a relationship not because of the violation of the temple.

We argue almost e every little thing from the way I do laundry, set up the dinner table to how he doesn't thunk its hurtful to watch porn,  be racist based on his experiences and its not a lie to deceive.

Needless to say he has not kept a single promise. Lied several times about smoking, watching porn, spending money on phone games and god knows what else. He throws things when he's upset, says I need to grow uo and calls me a pharasee when I bring up scripture.

I used to give him the benefit of the doubt because his English isn't great but I thibk I've had enough at this point. He refuses to go to English school, says my English is bad and refuses to work ob communication.

My phone is being glitchy so this is all ill put for now. My question is if there is any biblical allowance for me to get a divorce based on this rough description I am giving. Thanks for your input.

After writing this post, I think I've found these 8 months to be terribly exhausting and am almost decides to divorce. God can punish me however we wants but I'm sure he did not intend for me to be in an emotionally abusive relationship with a man who professes to be Christian but refuses to listen to the words of christ. I am a precious child of god worthy to be love.

I have tried to love him like the church and christ but he does not love me like christ and the church. Lov

[anx]

Have you done counseling with this man? My story is on these forums and my wife and I spent more than a year in counseling and have found happiness. Also, you need to find a church where you are at for support and teaching. If not, find one of the many great online focused churches or mega churches and start being involved in that until you find a local community of Christians.

I think there is hope for happiness in you marriage, but things sound so broken and you sound so mad and frustrated that I think you need professional help to see if you can get there.

[Thankfulldad]

Well...how do I say this without sounding judgmental?  Other then...you both are acting like baby Christians, with very little faith in the One Who you call your God.

When is the last time you went to church?
When is the last time you spent day's in God's Word?
When is the last time you prayed day and night?
When is the last time you really left it all behind?

The Well--Casting Crowns with lyrics

You can never fill your void with a husband...a man...a lover...or self...

Jesus is the Only One......that can fill that void; trust Him...seek Him...love Him.........and let Him fill you with His love which is beyond measure, and your husband will see the Living Water that is found in you...and He will want it too...

This is not about your husband, about you, or your list of reasons to leave; this is about Jesus.........and allowing Jesus (His Love) to live through you.

Divorce is not the answer....the answer is found in Jesus; His love, His hope, His peace...flowing through you.

If your husband leaves...let him; you are not bound...however, if you are in Christ...stay...because if you suffer for doing right, this is commendable in God's eyes...it is what Jesus did...and we are to follow Him.

Put yourself in God's Hands...He will lift you up in due time...trust Him!

Trust bravely, have courage, do not fear...God loves you.

God Bless...

[JohnDB]

Agreeing with Thankfulldad here.


Look, What you don't want to hear is that your husband is correct. You have been a pharisee to him. You have been fault finding and condemning of all his behaviors when you yourself have been no angel. That sort of thing does push others away. In fact the bible clearly points out that this sort of behavior is worse than the ones that he has been engaged in.


Neither one of you has been acting as if you were married except in the bedroom.


Marriage is all about giving of yourself so much to another person. You give your heart, dreams and aspirations and of course your time. You are constantly looking for ways to give to this person you marry because you value giving as a chief hobby. The person you marry does the same because they love God as much as you do. Together you two join forces of your ministries together to form a larger, stronger ministry to serve God better.


You two give to each other so much so and share the same heart so that when it comes time to share your bodies with each other it is a non-issue and anticlimactic...they already own the good stuff of your heart. For some reason you seem to hold physical intimacy as a top elevation of giving of yourself...tail wagging the dog scenario.


Neither of you has actually been married or seem to know what that is at the moment. So if you divorce I seriously doubt that you will feel too much of anything. And that cold, unfeeling heart should be a clue.


You need to vastly improve your relationship with God. So does your husband. Neither of you two are doing each other any good and seem to be on a damage campaign towards each other at the moment. And when you divorce you will be also be breaking the third commandment about misusing the Lord's name. As Christians you two carry God's name with you. Another Christian divorce isn't exactly going to get Christ's name down in the dumpster yet...but it isn't exactly helping either.




Your OP smells of you thinking that you deserve better. I am not sure if this is true or not...but your actions that you related say the same thing. I will agree that if you are a Child of the One True King then you need to behave in such a fashion and protect the Kingdom a lot better than what you have. You need to be a lot more careful in who you choose to speak for you and with you in life. Your witness at the moment is really lacking...and pointing fingers at him will only make it worse. So don't even bother doing that. Just own up to what you did and beg forgiveness from God. He is rather forgiving.

[Dr.Richard]

I want to say that thinking divorce shouldn't be the answer you need now, but the help of God for your husband to repent. From your story, it appears your husband is still an unbeliever.

An unbeliever has no conscience, he does whatever he likes without remorse.
Again,that he is not saved shouldn't mean you divorce him. It could be that God wanted him to be saved through you. So all you need is to love him the way he is. Pray for him to be convicted by the holy spirit. Stop being judgmental to him, but correct him in love Gal.6:1

On your side, your case is the case of a backslider. Because living in sexual sin is an evidence that you had backslided. All you need to do is ask the lord to forgive your sins, and sure He will forgive you 1Jon.1:8-9.
In addition, join a bible believing church that preaches the undiluted word of God.You need to grow in your christian life. Read your bible daily, and pray without ceasing.
I believe if you follow these steps God will heal your marriage