Stepson

[BrothaMan]

I am struggling with what my committment level should be to my former stepson.

Background:  My SS and his mother were married for 4 yrs and I have been in his life for 8 yrs.  My SS bio dad has/is not involved physically but, consistently pays a hefty amount of child support.  I have poured into this kid who when I first met had many emotional issues and has come a long way and is becoming a wonderful/pleasant preteen(11).  My ex was caught up in a affair with a married man that ended our marriage.  I have tried during this time to remain in my SS life as it was not his fault that his mother made the decisions she made.  I have been assuming the role as dad up to this point.  Currently, my ex in a new relationship with someone who she plans to marry and has different views and lifestyle.  It seemed easy to play a role in my SS life prior but, now there is conflict in the way this new guy views parenting.  I am feeling like I should step back and not have this unneccasary conflict as, he is not my bio anyway???

I will have my SS with me over Christmas and was thinking of having a heart felt talk about the difficulties of keeping our relationship the way it was and that I will be here for him always and whenever he needs me???

It just seems that I may be over committed to his wel being and have not allowed myself to venture out and enjoy my life to the fullest in this new season in my life...what is a good healthy balance.

Also, my ex and I have a daughter together in which I pay a healthy amount of child support but still keep my SS during all the scheduled time I have with my daughter.

[chosenone]

SO are you saying that you have two children from this lady, one a step child and one a biological one? if so, how are the conflicting parenting styles affecting you fathering your daughter?

[Helen]

At the least, you can still be his 'best friend' and assume a mentor/big brother relationship.  Leaving his life now will be a horrid blow to him and could really affect the rest of his life.  You are his lifeline.  Don't break it off.

[JohnDB]

Agreeing with Helen.

That boy loves you.  Keep in mind that he will have a new step-father. He needs to be respectful to both parents.

I make my son to be respectful of his mother and stepfather.   He hates that but its the rules as far as I care annd so he is because I make him be.

This child has chosen you as a father figure...a real gift from God...don't blow it.