Porn issue

[Kthompson90]

My husband and I have been married for nearly 4 years. Sex has always been an issue for us, and rarely happens more than once per month. One year into our marriage, I discovered that my husband is addicted to pornography. Last year, he decided that he was going to beat the addiction once and for all. However, now that work has become more stressful, he is back in its grip. I am so thankful that he is open and honest about it, however there is now a bigger problem. Yesterday, he sat me down and told me that when we have sex, it makes his lust/porn craving worse. He says that when we do not have sex, the desire to watch porn is easier to avoid. He says that there is nothing I can do differently or change to make intimacy between us better. I've always wished we would be intimate more than once a month, but now I feel like having sex would mean me knowingly leading my husband into the temptation of porn.

[DaveW]

I would hazard a guess that your husband sees all sex as equal.  And that he has been fighting the porn problem by shutting down his sex drive.

Find a good biblical counselor trained in sexual issues. He needs it and so do you.

[chosenone]

I would have thought that having sex would take away the temptation.

He does need to stop looking at porn, and do all he can to stop it.  You can get porn blockers now that can be installed. You can make sure that he only uses the computer in the main family area, and never after you have gone to bed and never alone in another room. He can get an accountability partner at your church who he can meet with and pray with. Its is vital that he stops this, and to be honest he was very deceptive for not telling you about it before marriage.

I know a couple who are getting divorced now, because he denied repeatedly before marriage that he looked at porn and she found out just after the honeymoon that he had been looking at it for about 15 years.  It led to more things and she had always said that it was one of her definite no no's when it came to a future husband.  I read an article today about the changes that porn use does to the brain and the sexual impulses, and reactions. Its dangerous and destructive and ruins marriages and peoples lives. Men who are addicted to porn often get to the point where they don't want sex with their wives because they are getting their sexual satisfaction with the porn, and often cant get erections any more in a normal healthy sex life.

One lady I know had to give her husband an ultimatum of the porn or her in the end, and guess what, he stopped.

Your husband must deal with this now, and I would strongly advise not to have children until he has.

[TJW]

Your husband must deal with this now, and I would strongly advise not to have children until he has.

This is good advice.

There is a ministry which is either associated with, or sponsored by, New Life Ministries called "Every Man's Battle". 
I think there is a book offered, as well as seminar-like meetings and counselor recommendation.  There is also a daily radio show called "New Life Live" which frequently receives telephone calls from listeners with porn addiction issues.

[Red Baker]

My husband and I have been married for nearly 4 years. Sex has always been an issue for us, and rarely happens more than once per month

Then, if that's the case, then he is allowing porn to be his sex partner, and you are just a filler.  He is not being honest with you.  Having sex with your wife, does not increase the desire to seek after more porn!  If it does, then he needs to ruled his spirit and flee from porn altogether!  Men cannot even allow themselves small glances at another woman's body!  Men's lust must be reserved for their wife only, and likewise, woman for their husbands.  Women used books that promote lust, men used pictures, etc. 

You must lay the law down, and force his hand to leave those wicked things alone.  Men given to porn have a very serious problem that must be address, and not left undone.  It will not get better on its own. 

Every man that rules his spirit in this area, will without exception have a better love life with his wife.  Men who do not desire their wives, are either lusting after things they should not, or they may have a problem that the medical profession can help, but in many cases, there are problems with men doing things they should not be doing.  God created us, for the most part, sexual creatures, that naturally desire the opposite sex.  There are rare exceptions.

You need to address this problem with your husband.

RB