Adultery and forgiveness

[jade123]

I am in a relationship with a man who has had his faith for all of his life. We have been together for almost a year and have recently moved in together. However, my partner is still married. Him and his wife have been separated for almost 2years now. Due to financial difficulties and complications from both parties, they are not yet divorced.

My partners parents do not want to meet me as my partner is committing adultery. His mother says that as soon as they are divorced then she would like to meet me. His father isn't so keen and would like my partner to go back to his wife.

I feel rejected and hurt. I fell in love with a married man but the marriage had broke down long before I even met my partner.

I would like to know whether it is essential that his parents shouldn't meet me because if his adultery?
I thought forgiveness was the Christian way? A reason why Jesus was on earth, to break down walls and build bridges?

[chosenone]

Jade if he is a Christian then what is he doing living with a woman while married to someone else? God is quite clear that sex is for marriage only, and even if he wasnt married, sex is out for the believer if you aren't married. 

Are you a Christian? 

Forgiveness is for when we repent and repenting means stopping the wrong actions. You really have to separate and wait till his divorce is over and you can marry before you live together. I am very surprised that his pastor hasn't challenged him on this, because adultery is very serious. His pastor is actually failing not to do so.

What grounds does he have for his divorce?

[DaveW]

#1 - if you and he have ever had sex, he is committing adultery

#2 -  If there has been no sex but he fell in love with you then he is having an emotional affair which may or may not rise to the level of adultery but is sinful at any rate.

#3 - his dad is correct in that his first priority should be fixing the existing marriage.


His parents are acting wisely. You are not. His parents are wanting him to walk down a path of righteousness while you are leading him down a path of sin.   You did not say whether you consider yourself a believer and under the Lordship of Jesus or not.  You are certainly not acting like it. 

Also: if he is a believer, he is forbidden from marrying a non-believer.

At any rate, if the marriage does end in divorce, he should go thru a time of healing and correction before getting into another romantic relationship. You have already jumped the gun on that one.

This may hurt, but both of you need to quit this until at least after the divorce. 

Not live with him, not date him, not even meet in group social settings and certainly no texts or phone conversations.

[DaveW]

I thought forgiveness was the Christian way? A reason why Jesus was on earth, to break down walls and build bridges?

Forgiveness - yes.  But that is not just ignoring sin.  True repentance and forgiveness deals with and gets rid of sinful behaviors and attitudes.

Walls can only be broken down and bridges built when sin is removed from a situation.

[Mia]

I agree. I am married and my husband has committed adultery on me. Wait til his situation is resolved

[777]

Umm......aren't YOU the one living with him??  You made the choice to live with a married man.  Sorry, but thats on you.

[RoninJedi]

#1 - if you and he have ever had sex, he is committing adultery

#2 -  If there has been no sex but he fell in love with you then he is having an emotional affair which may or may not rise to the level of adultery but is sinful at any rate.

#3 - his dad is correct in that his first priority should be fixing the existing marriage.


His parents are acting wisely. You are not. His parents are wanting him to walk down a path of righteousness while you are leading him down a path of sin.   You did not say whether you consider yourself a believer and under the Lordship of Jesus or not.  You are certainly not acting like it. 

Also: if he is a believer, he is forbidden from marrying a non-believer.

At any rate, if the marriage does end in divorce, he should go thru a time of healing and correction before getting into another romantic relationship. You have already jumped the gun on that one.

This may hurt, but both of you need to quit this until at least after the divorce. 

Not live with him, not date him, not even meet in group social settings and certainly no texts or phone conversations.

I can't sum it up any better.  Dave is 100% correct.

Just for my own two cents, even if he gets his divorce, and the two of you sleep together, that's fornication - also a sin.  There's no sin in living together (when he's no longer married), but even without sexual contact, lustful thoughts (that your living situation can lead to) are no different than lustful actions - still sin.

There's a HUGE difference between struggling with sin, and living in it because you want to.  This situation seems to be the latter.  I think you both need to a take a large step back.  You need to step into your own place and away from him, and he needs to step away from you and either toward his wife, or toward himself.

There's no light at the end of this tunnel if both of your actions and decisions don't change.