Getting harder and harder to believe there is someone out there

[chrisscan456]

Hey, everyone. My name is Chris and I'm new here. Lately I have been struggling with believing that God has a woman out there that I am supposed to marry. I definitely that God hasn't called everyone to marriage, but I would say that is a vast minority. I keep worrying, however that I might been in that vast minority. I am almost 27 years old and have not dated very much. Women has just never been that attracted to me and it seems to get worse as I get older. I don't know why. I am not the best at putting myself out there. Also I am still working on my bachelor's degree and working what would be considered a lower income job. I suppose those could be reasons. I just can't seem to have luck. I tried girls from church and in my college ministry when I was younger, but never got more than a few dates out of it. I tried a Christian dating site for a year and met one girl. That was about four months ago. After that she never really replied to my texts again. She is already engaged to another guy. Other than that, I sent emails to several girls that caught my attention. Only a couple replied. I even started trying match.com and that is more of the same. I have spent time in prayer about this (although not as much as I should) and asked God to give me a wife or at least tell me if it's His will for me to marry or not. I know I am still young, but since I have had so much bad luck in the past I can't help but feel that marriage just isn't supposed to happen for me. I was just wondering if anyone has found themselves in the same spot as me? Did you finally find someone? Were you called to singleness and were still able to praise God?

[Helen]

My oldest son went through his twenties wondering, also, if God had called him to a single life.  He got to the point where he had not only accepted that but, after watching some of his friends' marriages, was thanking God for it.  He was married to the  loveliest Christian girl in the world in his thirties.  It is one of the best marriages I have ever seen and they are the parents of two wonderful daughters. 

Follow God.  He knows exactly what He is doing.  Forget the internet matchmaking.  Go to church; be part of a singles group if there is one; otherwise join a home Bible study so that you get to know people and get deeper understanding of God's word.  Our Lord will put you exactly where he wants you and, really, would you want anything less?

[chosenone]

Hi Chris

My son too met the girl of his dreams at the age of 30. They are very very happily married with a lovely baby, and are soul mates.

However I don't agree with Helen about the internet, because I met my husband that way, and my son met his beautiful wife on line as well. I also know 5 or 6 other Christian couples who met that way. I know a lady who was on line for 7 years before she met her husband, and I was on line for 2 years before I met mine. Keep trying.
Keep all your options open. Get involved in more things, especially those for the young single Christians. Be more proactive. You wont meet anyone by sitting at home.

I believe that if a person is called to be single, they would KNOW it.

[Rella]

Chris,

I am not the best to answer this because I have never married, nor been able to.

I resigned myself to the fact that God may have chosen me to be single, but others
, on here, kind of convinced me that the problem is myself. But that is beside the point of this reply top you.

I am all for online meeting as I know people who did and are very happy.

But while you \are doing your search in addition to putting yourself out there in social settings I would suggest you do one thing to broaden you interactions with young women.

Join a well rounded pen pal site. You will not likely find a mate through there but
if you establish a couple of good pen pal women friends you can fine tune and hone your communication skills with them.

I will warn you though that not everyone you contact will reply, or if they do 99% will only reply once or twice. Do not give up.

You can post your own ad or just reply to those that catch your eye.

I have made some great friends doing this, inclusive of one Bible study with a pastor.... and also 2 other pastors... and a cyber stalker, and a pedophile, and some real scummy people, and sone truly wonderful ones....

In other words.... a real mixed bag, but had truly made me a better person to be able to talk with men.

I prefer pen pals now dot com because you do not need to show a picture and you do not fill out all the profile stuff. You can look for the age group you want and you can contact people without even putting anything there for yourself.

I will say that good for you in completing your degree. A low income job is not bad at your age... just be sure that when you are discussing your dreams you impress on her that you have a loftier goal once you graduate....

Good luck.

[777]

Tell me about it Chris......I'm 43 (divorced for 12 years) and don't even find women my age attractive. lol  You have 13 years minimum before you have to sweat.  Hope I made you smile   

[faris]

I dont think God is trying to tell you something, but sometimes we think the grass is always greener. Try and stop yourself dwelling on him or the past, and be thankful for what you have now.

[chosenone]

Tell me about it Chris......I'm 43 (divorced for 12 years) and don't even find women my age attractive. lol  You have 13 years minimum before you have to sweat.  Hope I made you smile   

That's sad:-(

[GatewayToHeaven1]

Hey, everyone. My name is Chris and I'm new here. Lately I have been struggling with believing that God has a woman out there that I am supposed to marry. I definitely that God hasn't called everyone to marriage, but I would say that is a vast minority. I keep worrying, however that I might been in that vast minority. I am almost 27 years old and have not dated very much. Women has just never been that attracted to me and it seems to get worse as I get older. I don't know why. I am not the best at putting myself out there. Also I am still working on my bachelor's degree and working what would be considered a lower income job. I suppose those could be reasons. I just can't seem to have luck. I tried girls from church and in my college ministry when I was younger, but never got more than a few dates out of it. I tried a Christian dating site for a year and met one girl. That was about four months ago. After that she never really replied to my texts again. She is already engaged to another guy. Other than that, I sent emails to several girls that caught my attention. Only a couple replied. I even started trying match.com and that is more of the same. I have spent time in prayer about this (although not as much as I should) and asked God to give me a wife or at least tell me if it's His will for me to marry or not. I know I am still young, but since I have had so much bad luck in the past I can't help but feel that marriage just isn't supposed to happen for me. I was just wondering if anyone has found themselves in the same spot as me? Did you finally find someone? Were you called to singleness and were still able to praise God?

Hey you're still a young man. Im 38 and Im not married and I never have been. Now days, lots of people don't get married till they're in their 40s so don't get discouraged.

[JSLove329]

I absolutely understand how you feel. I am a 31 year old woman and I'm in the SAME boat. I have been praying for years for God to give me a spouse. I definitely don't feel called to singleness, and I worry about my ability to have kids in a few years, so I'm not sure what to make of the situation. I just have to keep trusting in the Lord's timing.

The majority of my friends are married, but some of them seem to have really unhappy marriages. As for my single friends, I know several people who are "aggressively dating" -- constantly seeing new people, talking to people on dating sites, etc. Which is fine for them if that's what they want to do, but many of them are also frustrated and fed up. I have one single friend in particular who is probably the perfect example of the person who seems to be in all the right situations at the right time, but nothing has worked out for her yet.

Some of my friends tell me if I'm not putting myself out there and pursuing my options I'm never going to meet anyone, but I have found that path to be frustrating and exhausting and it's not the way I want to live. Their words scare me and sometimes I wonder if I should be doing much more. However, I have chosen to put this in the Lord's hands.

Good luck and God bless.

[chosenone]

I absolutely understand how you feel. I am a 31 year old woman and I'm in the SAME boat. I have been praying for years for God to give me a spouse. I definitely don't feel called to singleness, and I worry about my ability to have kids in a few years, so I'm not sure what to make of the situation. I just have to keep trusting in the Lord's timing.

The majority of my friends are married, but some of them seem to have really unhappy marriages. As for my single friends, I know several people who are "aggressively dating" -- constantly seeing new people, talking to people on dating sites, etc. Which is fine for them if that's what they want to do, but many of them are also frustrated and fed up. I have one single friend in particular who is probably the perfect example of the person who seems to be in all the right situations at the right time, but nothing has worked out for her yet.

Some of my friends tell me if I'm not putting myself out there and pursuing my options I'm never going to meet anyone, but I have found that path to be frustrating and exhausting and it's not the way I want to live. Their words scare me and sometimes I wonder if I should be doing much more. However, I have chosen to put this in the Lord's hands.

Good luck and God bless.

There are so many lovely young women in the church who are in the same boat, partly due to there not being many available Christian guys out there in their 30s who aren't already taken.
I do believe in being proactive, If I hadn't been then I doubt I would be married now. I didn't find going onto internet dating a problem at all, as long as you are aware of the dangers then its a really good way of meeting new people, especially for Christians who may be in small churches.
My friends son is desperate for a girlfriend, but he doesn't make any effort to meet anyone. I always think, well they are not going to come knocking on your front door, you need to be where you will actually met new people and make lots of new friends, do new things and get involved in new ventures.

[IStillHaventFound...]

I say don't give up on love! And, to echo other sentiments in this thread, I think there needs to be a balance of trying too hard and not trying at all. I usually try too hard. I have been in too many relationships since my ex wife and I split up. I am usually the one to end it but I have been hurt too. I know I need to be more patient and wait for someone with whom I can find long term compatibility. I thought this was the case with the last girl I was with but the feeling wasn't mutual after 5 weeks. It hurts now but I'm not ready to give up.

One thing I've been told is that females appreciate that I try. They say there are lots of guys who are too afraid to ask. Despite my insecurities I can come across as pretty confident. I'm not saying I've got it all figured out by any means. Good luck!

[Kenny123]

I want to encourage you. It is not over till it is over!  You are still very young!

I am a 41 years old lady though people think i am in my early thirties. I have never been married. I have done all there is to do. Been very active in church throughout my life. What keeps me hopeful is meditating on His promises through His holy word.

Encourage yourself in the Lord.

[DaveW]

I say don't give up on love!

There was this song that had that same sentiment back around 1968 called "Reach out of the Darkness" by Friend and Lover.

Don't be afraid of love
(Don't be afraid) don't be afraid
Don't be afraid to love
(Listen to me)
Everybody needs a little love
Everybody needs somebody
That they can be thinking of
So reach out



I always liked the girl singer: "I think its so groovy now, that people are finally getting together.."

[JohnDB]

Paul said it best when he told believers to be happy in whatever circumstances they are in.

Being single has much more freedom than being married.  Marriage usually means children too. 

You CAN go on mission trips domestically and internationally.
You can go on overnight visits to friends anywhere. Stop holding out for romances and just be happy in making good friends with whom you matter to because of your giving nature and fun attitudes. Their gender not being relevant.  Get to know people and delight in their talents abilities and accomplishments. Be the first to congratulate or thank or cheer.  Then and only after you have actually built a life that is rich in friendships will you actually be able to maintain a relationship with a solid wife.

A wife of noble character is more valuable than anything else out there...a wife who nags and complains is a form of hell I dont even wish upon the biggest heathen.

LIVE HARDER

[Chelzeaturn]

I understand what you're going through...I myself have just completed my Bachelor's and worry about the same thing. I'm 25 and people tell me all the time..your young...you'll meet someone...and I have recently turned to God with this...and when I feel down..I read a scripture and feel tons better...keep your eyes on God...if love came easy..we wouldn't appreciate it!

[Star of David]

.....I'm 43 (divorced for 12 years) and don't even find women my age attractive.

I just happened upon this old thread and I know exactly what you mean, 777. I am now age 61, been single since 1989, and I feel the exact same way. Largely because I was spoiled by two extraordinary and very attractive women.

[alwaysme]

I'm also in the same boat, 32 single and haven't been married. I never had a really lasting relationship in my entire life.

While some of the encouragement are meant for good, I believe those with me in the boat can't hardly be encouraged by those words. Marriage they say is a goft from God. That means some He gave that give while some he didn't. That's something I don't understand.

Personally,  I've given up on my dream and desire to have my own family. God's silence or inaction on the matter I think is enough reason for me to give up. Maybe being single is hos best gift and plan for me. I don't know. So I just ask Him to just take away the desire and longing because they are torturing me everyday.

[chosenone]

I'm also in the same boat, 32 single and haven't been married. I never had a really lasting relationship in my entire life.

While some of the encouragement are meant for good, I believe those with me in the boat can't hardly be encouraged by those words. Marriage they say is a goft from God. That means some He gave that give while some he didn't. That's something I don't understand.

Personally,  I've given up on my dream and desire to have my own family. God's silence or inaction on the matter I think is enough reason for me to give up. Maybe being single is hos best gift and plan for me. I don't know. So I just ask Him to just take away the desire and longing because they are torturing me everyday.

32 is very young to give up on that dream. I know 2 christian ladies, both aged 36, who are both still very hopeful of getting married. I also know 2 other women who met and married their husbands in their late 30's. I don't think that God picks and chooses who will marry and who wont. One of the difficulties is that there are far less men in the church than women, and that's sad.
Have you made lots of effort to meet people? Are you involved in lots of things? Internet Christian dating sites? Clubs? Hobbies? Christian singles holidays? Christian speed dating? I know about 8 or 9 Christian couples who met on Christian dating sites including myself, and we were both in our late 40's.

[Tertullian]

There are a lot of great never-married single men and women of any age, many of them depressed about their situation.  Finding each other is the problem.  But, give it time, don't be desperate, keep yourself in order, and eventually you'll find someone.  Oh, and, get involved with various non-dating activities to increase your chances of finding love sooner than later. 

[alwaysme]

Thank you!

I tried those stuff but to no avail. I'm nit just really that person who will be out there looking. 

Anyway,  I find it easy to give up on the dream than hope. Hoping entails disappointed and pain at the end. I finally find rest for my heart when I said I give up. Whatever God wants to do or plan, so be it. I'm just not waiting and hoping anymore.