Husband pouring his efforts in learning bible studies online but acts like devil

[Sadlydevoted7571]

My husband is a recovering alcohol and sex addict. He has admitted to cheating and spread several std's to me. He said he has changed because I loved him and didn't leave him and God woke him and warned him he was gonna lose his family. Since then he has poured himself into religion reading bible starting small group attending marriage conferences but acts exact opposite most of the time. Am I supposed to stay supportive and miserable or what? We have both been married before and leaving is not an option but it's hard for me to know if this is a test or a trick by the evil one! Any advice greatly appreciated

[chosenone]

Wow I admire you for staying with this man, especially when he thought so little of you that he kept giving you STD's. When you say he still acts very badly, what do you mean? Is he abusive?.  Is it possible for you to have a time of separation(not divorce)till he has made more progress?

[Sadlydevoted7571]

It was the onset of STDs that prompted my looking into and confronting him. When he admitted it he felt a great weight lifted and I was carrying it. What I mean by his acting terribly is his anger. He is not physically abusive he is verbally and emotionally abusive. I see it's not him fighting I'm just wondering how much to endure maybe I meant to help save this one soul....my own quality of life is suffering I feel unfulfilled and I don't think my kids are too happy either. He is a good provider but not a good comforter

[chosenone]

Have you been to see your pastor about all this? Are you getting good support from friends and family?
Its hard, because neither you not the children should have to face abuse in the home where you should all feel safe from harm. Is there someone in his family or a good friend he could stay with for a few months? Could you get some Christian marriage counselling to help with all these problems?

He does need to understand that this abusive behaviour just isn't right, and that you wont tolerate it any more.

[Sadlydevoted7571]

We are both prideful and embarrassed to share what happened. I'm not from here my family lives out of state and his parents live in a one bedroom apartment. I wouldn't be able to carry household finances on my own

[chosenone]

Try and think of a mature married couple  who you both trust who you can go and see. This is what a church family are for, to help and support others in hardships. You both need to some godly advise from people who know you, and who can help you and pray with you.

What form does the emotional and verbal abuse take? I only ask because what is abuse for one isn't for another. 

[MeMyself]

I would advise reading the Boundaries book.

He needs counseling and accountability for his two faced way of living. 

I would go to the pastor and say there were great difficulties before he turned to Christ, and you are glad he has said he has turned his life over to God.  However, you need help because how he is at home, how he treats you, is NOT the him he shows to the general public.

[TJW]

I'm just wondering how much to endure maybe I meant to help save this one soul....

We, as believers, are "meant" to live the witness of a Christian life, and to spread the "good news" of how JESUS saves souls.

I don't believe "enduring" does either of these things, necessarily.  God doesn't need us to do HIS work.  He allows us to share in His work as a blessing and as part of His rich provision for us.  "Saving" your husband is the job of the Holy Spirit, not you.

I wouldn't be able to carry household finances on my own

So, you see clearly what you need to do.  This is not a "trick" nor a "test".  You have a decision to make.  And how you decide is going to affect your life radically.  It CAN BE a "win-win".  And, a POWERFUL witness to God and His provision if you choose wisely.

See, we teach people how to treat us.  By ignoring your own needs and your own responsibility to provide for yourself, you set yourself vulnerable to the abuser.   Your husband knows it's WRONG to treat you this way, but it is easier for him to continue his habits than it is for him to work, seek the help he needs to break the habit.   He knows he can continue and you won't leave, because of the finances.

Seek help for yourself, get training, school, whatever you need to become self-sufficient. 

Then you can tell your husband to either shape up, or ship out.   If he shapes up, then you two will have a BETTER LIFE because of your increased ability to provide income to your family.

If he ships out, then you will not suffer from an abuser.  Abusers are notoriously less-than-reliable about child support and alimony.