What should I do?

[Guywithahat]

Hi. I've recently discovered my 16 year old son looking at naked guys while pleasuring himself! Does this mean he is homosexual? Should I accept him for who he is or should I do something? How do I bring the topic up to him?

Thanks in advance!

[RoninJedi]

I would recommend getting in touch with your pastor or a christian counselor first thing. 

This, in my opinion, is one of those times when the phrase "Hate the sin, not the sinner" really comes into play.  He's still your son.  You still love him.  I highly doubt there's anything in the world that could change that.

That's the first thing he needs to know!

He may not actually be homosexual.  I can't say that for certain.  Perhaps he's merely exploring his sexual boundaries and urges, but I'm not a professional, so take that with a grain of salt.

But homosexuality is a sin.  Using pornography is a sin.  Masturbation in and of itself is debatable, and I won't do so here.  The first thing to address (again, in my opinion) is his use of pornography.  In that context, whether he's looking at naked men or naked women is irrelevant.  He is lusting.  Jesus said, "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Matthew 5:28)

Lusting after someone is no different than sleeping with them (i.e. fornication), and thus, it is sin.

Obviously, I don't know you or your son, so more than that it's hard to offer advice.  I would suggest that hitting him over the head with condemnation - even when that condemnation is backed by Scripture - is not the way to go.  This will likely cause him to rebel against what he's being told and drive him to pursue this interest more fervently.

This is why you should get in contact with your pastor or a good Christian counselor.  They (especially a counselor) will certainly be more prepared to help you approach this issue with your son than I am.

In the meantime, definitely keep loving him, and praying for him.  I'll do the same for you both.

God bless.

[chosenone]

MY understanding is that teenagers of both sexes will often go through a stages of finding opposite sex people attractive. Usually they will grow out of it, but porn of any sort is damaging whether it is men or women he is looking at, so talking to him would be a very good idea. Maybe do research about the dangers of porn and share it with him, and arrange for porn blockers to be put onto his computer  and/or move his computer to the living room of the house away from his bedroom.

[Quest4EverLife]

It's going to be important how close of a relationship you have with your son and what he thinks he is able to share with you.
The last thing a child wants is to feel humiliated about these things.
You need to be careful because some kids when they get caught end up wanting to commit suicide.
You don't want your son going in that direction.

If you want to know if he likes girls ask him something like well do you happen to like someone or are you attracted to someone?
I mean not to say that you want to go out with them but do you just think any of them are pretty?
If your sons can make some observations about like some of the girls or one girl at school then it would be totally
significant to know that he's not totally gay. But he could still end up being bisexual.
If your son asks you why are you asking such questions just say I was just wondering because boys start liking girls at your age.

If your son says I don't really know or i'm to embarrassed to say then that could be a worry.
As RoninJedi said if you happen to go to Church find a youth counselor.
Don't tell your son though that this is a sex counseling session.

Tell him that the counselor helps youth issues and likes to talk.
On the first 2 sessions the counselor will talk about hobbies, school and how he feels about God.
This is the way to get your son to open up. Then by the 3rd session he can try to ask whether his son prefers
attractions to males or females. If the son admits he likes boys the you and the counselor can make talk alone to talk
and make plans for a solution.