Relationship with a non-christian becoming unbearable

[adriand]

Hello everyone,

I'm 24 years old now living in Danmark. I have been a Christian for couple of years, and have been following the commandment of saturday's rest.

For almost a year I've been in a relationship with a woman that I dearly love. She's 30 now.

At the start, I refused 3 times to be with her, but she followed me, and expressed her desire to be with me with tears in her eyes and I have yielded. And I have loved her with my heart since that day, and she herself has been happy and said many times how much she loves me and how nobody has ever treated her this good.

Our relationship has been sown with strife and trouble from almost the very first day.

She's not a christian, and she's far from being the submissive loving person that the bible asks wives to become.
Instead she's fighting, quarrelsome, respectless, very proud oftentimes.
In the past year I've grown very tired and weary of being with her, and expressed my desire to leave but she wouldn't let me.
Sometimes after our fights i just packed my things and left but then she would follow me with tears apologizing and feeling sorry and I stayed.

I don't take much pleasure in lives entertainments. I dont watch movies or listen to variety of music. I don't like to aimlessly talk and I don't like parties. Instead I take my pleasure of doing things, working, being good to people.

She like to do all these. And it's really quite embarassing to me how she handles herself among people being loud and obnoxious, telling obscene jokes. Seeking people to drink beer with and smoke.

I went with her to a party couple of weeks ago. It was full of alcohol and drugs and people having fun. But i don't like any of it. She was drinking with men and smoking with them not minding me at all. When i tried to talk to her she would shrug me off and say she has a right to do all these things and I'm just jealous. When i refused to sleep with her that night she made such a deal out of it that people kicked me out of that party (out of my sleep) and 6.00am in the morning with no food or anything calling me a fascisit asshole for telling her not to smoke or drink etc.

I left that morning and went to our place to pick up my things later in the day and leave but she was there and she apologized again, and followed me with tears when i was leaving and I couldn't shrug her off.

This weekend she made her 30th birthday party and insisted i be there and simple of the the pressure of people around me i was forced to work and do things on a saturday where elsewhere after a whole week of hard work i like to simply relax, read a bible and rest with God.

At the party she once again forgot about our relationship. Instead entertaining people. Smoking right in front of me though she knows i absolutely detest smoking and laughing in my face. Then singing pagan songs (literally. She even said she considers herself pagan) until 3 am in the morning. She actually even woke me up out of my sleep to dedicate a song about joy of smoking hash to me in front of all the people that were there.

After the party, on sunday she exclaimed to me that one of the nights guests has a party in two weeks and it's better i don't be there, but we should allow ourselves to do whatever we want in those days.

Last night she was hugging me before sleep and telling me how much she loves me and how happy she is to be with me etc.

Today i tried to leave once again. I haven't left a letter or anything. Just took my things and left. But after 200 km i turned back and came back to the town. Im in the library now and writing this.

Because something is keeping me back. I feel chained. One side of me wants me to leave and get a new life. The other side of me says stay and bear with it.

A few months after we got together, she has really been trying to be good and even asked me to read the bible to her. At i have said that i will marry her around that time. And she wouldnt let go of that promise and insists that i do it.

[EJ]

Remember the saying...you lie with dogs, you wake up with fleas...

Imo, she's using you, taking advantage of your weakness for her.  You get tough, leave, & she gets scared she's lost her financial help & goes after you, soft soaping you into coming back.  There is no Christian love from her for you.  It hurts that there isn't, but remember, you lie with fleas (an apparently antiChristian) and you wake up miserable.

She's leading you down a path to hell.  You CAN breakaway from her & stay away.  Stop letting her manipulate you into ever coming back.

God bless you.        

[geneh_33]

DO NOT marry her. If you do marry her then you have promised with God as your witness that you will stick with her no matter what.

The advice above given is good. I don't have anything more to add to it.

And, by all means, pray about it daily. Pray about everything daily because God cares about everything in your life!

[Carey]

As I was reading the OP, for some reason I thought them married (sometimes I don't realize where I am    ).  I thought of the horrible predicament this man was in, and how difficult it would be to resolve. 

Then when I read geneh's response and realized there was no marriage. 

Run, and don't look back, seriously you think this is the woman you are looking for, did you consider that while you are chained to her; you miss every opportunity to be with one who shares your beliefs.

Many think they will change their boyfriend/girlfriend and they will live happily ever after.  This girl you are with may indeed change someday, but I don't see that happening in the near future.  Perhaps you have a hand in her future, but that is better accomplished as friend, not a boyfriend.

[chosenone]

You have let her tell you what to do from day one, and now you need to do what God is telling you and leave for good. You seem to be very easily controlled and manipulated into sin. As a Christian you shouldnt be living together or having sex before marriage anyway. Never go out with a non believer, God warns against it.