New to church

[Indent]

As a new Christian, I feel uncertain about dating.

I came to Christ late last year, but had been part of a fellowship and church for a little while before that. While I have departed from one church (the one initially introduced to), I have discovered a wonderful new church. There are a lot of reasons behind the departure, but I feel called to serve at this new church.

Part of the mention goes to a sense of unfamiliarity, and the other part goes the feeling people might question me. A Sunday school discussion brought the latter out (in 'scenario' questions). 

There are a number of cute girls at church (and genuinely think they are great people), but how does one approach them? I am comfortable talking with them, and fellowshipping with them after service. But there is hesitation in asking them out. Before I could "cold approach" woman, as no considerations were given to their spiritual life. Now the selection pool is much smaller, and approaching a girl at church could have consequences. You will see them again and serve with them. Am I better to approach women outside of church, and approach people that might or might not be Christian?

If you like a person, should you be direct and just ask them out at church?

I happened to see an ex-girlfriend today, and the passing served as a reminder. There was a lot of overthinking, and it took a long time to approach her. It almost felt like a savage criticism of the passive me. During a Sunday school discussion on Christians dating non-Christians, a woman mentioned that some beautiful girls had told her they were waiting to be approached, wanted to be approached by a godly man, but it just was not happening.

Somehow, I am not surprised.

Those are just some thoughts, and I will continue to pray on it. There are a couple girls I like, but I only see them on Sunday. It seems there is a short window to get to know them, and unless I just ask them out, it feels like it could be a long time for a good opportunity to present itself.

[chosenone]

Firstly dont ask a non believer out, and secondly nothing will happen until you ask. Just ask if they would like to have a coffee with you sometime, and see what they say. If they say no thanks, then at least you know.  Please dont ignore the not so 'cute' ones, one of them may be a real treasure and a nicer character than the ones who you judge to be 'cute'.

[Indent]

This church business is tricky.

A couple weeks ago, I was headed to campus with a brother and he asks me if I like anybody at church. He had talked a lot about himself, and so he asks if I liked anybody. I tell him that there are attractive girls are church, but I do not know them very well. He persisted though. He puts forward the name of the girl I was talking to at church that norming.

He also decided to sit with us last week.

We normally fellowship after service, and they serve food for us. There are three rows of tables, and we decided to sit at the row that is normally pretty empty. But a couple girls decided to sit beside us. I do not think they are close, and did not really talk to us, they just seemed to be there. Listening. But I guess that is to be expected.

We have been talking a lot the last several weeks, and I did approach her not long ago and suggest we should get together and talk more. She seemed pretty receptive to that idea.

I feel like should just ask her out. I am not getting a lot of breathing room with church people around.

[chosenone]

This church business is tricky.

A couple weeks ago, I was headed to campus with a brother and he asks me if I like anybody at church. He had talked a lot about himself, and so he asks if I liked anybody. I tell him that there are attractive girls are church, but I do not know them very well. He persisted though. He puts forward the name of the girl I was talking to at church that norming.

He also decided to sit with us last week.

We normally fellowship after service, and they serve food for us. There are three rows of tables, and we decided to sit at the row that is normally pretty empty. But a couple girls decided to sit beside us. I do not think they are close, and did not really talk to us, they just seemed to be there. Listening. But I guess that is to be expected.

We have been talking a lot the last several weeks, and I did approach her not long ago and suggest we should get together and talk more. She seemed pretty receptive to that idea.

I feel like should just ask her out. I am not getting a lot of breathing room with church people around.

YES YES YES

[JohnDB]

I would highly recommend an outing of some kind as a group activity for college/career aged singles.

Nothing really formal but open to everyone.   Bowling, mini golf, or picnic in the park.  You could start such...maybe a small group meeting to study the bible at a coffee shop.   

In these situations people can connect innocently and safely.  A dating situation is laced with drama and desires and expectations that are unfair to you and someone you dont know.

[chosenone]

You can take someone out for a coffee in a public place without it causing any problems. How are you going to get to know someone with so many others around? Many people are not entirely themselves when in a group of people.

[JohnDB]

Chosenone your skills of interpersonal relationships and logic are showing.   

[Indent]

I decided to ask her out for coffee, and she seemed pretty enthusiastic about.

I have made a lot of small chat, and talked about various things. But I get a feeling she is interesting in hearing my story, and my theological position (we have talked about it before). I believe my interest is obvious, but I'm curious, is it normal for Christian to dive right into theology in this context?

[chosenone]

I decided to ask her out for coffee, and she seemed pretty enthusiastic about.

I have made a lot of small chat, and talked about various things. But I get a feeling she is interesting in hearing my story, and my theological position (we have talked about it before). I believe my interest is obvious, but I'm curious, is it normal for Christian to dive right into theology in this context?

Just take her out and chat about each other generally. Dont get too heavy.

[chosenone]

Chosenone your skills of interpersonal relationships and logic are showing.   

[JohnDB]

I decided to ask her out for coffee, and she seemed pretty enthusiastic about.

I have made a lot of small chat, and talked about various things. But I get a feeling she is interesting in hearing my story, and my theological position (we have talked about it before). I believe my interest is obvious, but I'm curious, is it normal for Christian to dive right into theology in this context?

Yep,  she is husband shopping.

She is looking for a servant leader for a family. 

By this point you have had coffee. ...how did it go?

[Willie T]

I decided to ask her out for coffee, and she seemed pretty enthusiastic about.

I have made a lot of small chat, and talked about various things. But I get a feeling she is interesting in hearing my story, and my theological position (we have talked about it before). I believe my interest is obvious, but I'm curious, is it normal for Christian to dive right into theology in this context?

Thank goodness!  Such skills seem to be in short supply.