adultery

[david 1234]

I've been married 4 years . I recently cheated on my wife in a drink related incident , I am not using the drink as an excuse as I have none. I feel terrible and have teouble breathing. I have begged for gods forgiveness but don't know what else to do.

[DaveW]

First - welcome to the forums.

Second - I posted a reply in the Mens folder where you first asked this question.

Third - the rules here say to not post the same thing in multiple places.

[chosenone]

Have you told you wife? She needs to know before you ever have sex with her again, if only because you may have an STD which are rampant now. Any woman who has sex with married men may well be infected.

OK God will have forgiven you if you have repented, but that's only half the story. There are bad consequences to adultery, and unfortunately one of them is that your wife may decide to end the marriage, That is her choice, but she does need to know.
Otherwise she may find out later from someone else, and that would be far worse.

Can you honestly keep this from her?   Of course she will be deeply hurt and betrayed, but thats what happens with adultery. Things that are hidden often come out in the end.  If she agrees to stay then you will need a lot of time and patience to rebuild the trust, and it may take years. Some good marriage counseling will help, once she is over the initial shock. You also need to set some strict boundaries for the future in your behavior with the opposite sex.   

[chosenone]

Do you go to a church here? (I am British as well by the way) If you do then go to your pastor. 

[rmcbdd14]

You need to confess what you did to your wife. She has a right to know.

[MeMyself]

As a wife, I would want to know.  I would also be very concerned that a drinking incident caused this.  Is there a problem with alcohol? 

Do you have a Pastor?  Would you be willing to go to counseling?  Those are the only things I think I would want to hear from my dh if he wanted me to stay...that he was willing to face the root of the problem and get help for it both separately and together in couple's counseling.