Making the step up from a courtship

[anotherwalker]

Hi all

I am a 26 year old male with a 21 year old female best friend. We are from different countries and met coincidentally when I was studying a few years ago. We wrote letters for years and a year ago we felt a 'god' move on our friendship, and we began talking everyday. I sold everything, graduated from university and moved to be near to her. For the last 9 months I have just been building community and falling more in love with her. Soon we will both head back to my home country where she will meet my family for the first time. Because of the international aspect of this relationship, and because of the difficulties for me to obtain relevant employment to my education due to the cultural differences, I am finding it hard to seek clarity on my next decisions. God's hand is all over our lives, we seek to serve him with our relationship, we keep ourselves at a safe 'courting' distance understanding truly that even though we love each other greatly, we are not each others fully, yet.

As a man, with finances to worry about, and legal immigration concerns, expensive flights, how do I avoid falling into self-pity, slothfulness and be as proactive as possible to make the next step without fear. I love this girl with my whole heart, I gave up everything I had because I knew God was leading us to be together. She is so mature for her age, has been so supportive and her family and friends have loved on me in their way. I even got 'given' a car by a friend, which has really helped and another thing I am thankful for is the amount of provision and assistance that has come my way.

But I wanna begin to think independently, and responsibly as a man. If loving her requires we marry, then I am required to think this way. I cannot rely on other peoples favour and hospitality forever. I pray constantly for full time employment, but there is little relevant to my field here. I do happen to have a variety of background in my work experience so have been applying for other positions, but nothing has opened up so far and its been a couple of months. It makes planning (accommodation, flights, visas, and an engagement ring) so complicated. About the only thing I know, is that God loves my best friend and has blessed our relationship. How does a man make this step into a holy union with her, whilst weary of these worldy concerns?

How should I be praying? How should I be seeking His word?

Open hearted, humble. Walking by faith alone right now. I appreciate all of what you have to say.

Thankyou

[chosenone]

I would say that a couple of  months is a very short time to be disheartened about job searching. I know people who have been looking for many months and even years, but I wouldn't think of marriage until you do have work and can pay for a home with all the cost involved.
The other alternative is that she lives in your country where you may find it easier to get work. Have you asked her about that?

[anotherwalker]

I appreciate your response

we have discussed it, frankly with either of us it is not about 'place', I think we will thrive wherever we are, we've both proven this in our individual lives but in the year we have been officially dating as well. She is open to my country, and I, hers. Ultimately I believe we will go where the work is. But until she graduates, she has to be here. And that is May 2015

[chosenone]

OK so if you got engaged, then you could marry after she has qualified next year could you? In the meantime you could be job searching in your own country if you think there are are more chances for you there.

MY husband and His former wife(who was British), met in his country(Australia) and after he qualified he couldnt get work there, so they came and lived in the UK. That was nearly 27 yeas ago now.

[anotherwalker]

This is how I have been thinking, as of late. Even though I love being here, after she comes home with me, there really is no reason to continue living here at costly expense unless of course we were planning to marry. This is how I feel. If we get engaged then that gives me licence to return home and spend a few months sorting out my career while she finishes school.

[DaveW]

If we get engaged then that gives me licence to return home and spend a few months sorting out my career while she finishes school.

Sounds like a good plan to me.