New need help

[Rrb2287]

Hello all, I'm new here need help I found out my husband commited adultery in his previous marriage. Basically what happened was his wife commited adultery first so before there divorce was finalized he moved in with another women and also commited adultery. So in my opinion he shouldn't have been aloud to remarry because they are both guilty?  What does someone do if they married someone that commited adultery do u just ask forgiveness and promise to not end another marriage or must I divorce him to go to heaven??

[MeMyself]

Hello all, I'm new here need help I found out my husband commited adultery in his previous marriage. Basically what happened was his wife commited adultery first so before there divorce was finalized he moved in with another women and also commited adultery. So in my opinion he shouldn't have been aloud to remarry because they are both guilty?  What does someone do if they married someone that commited adultery do u just ask forgiveness and promise to not end another marriage or must I divorce him to go to heaven??

Heaven is for sinners who have accepted Christ as their Savior.

Forgive him...it was a very bad decision he made, but if he has asked God to forgive it, it is forgiven.

You are not going to be judged by what your husband did before he met you.  I hope you can find some peace and rest on this issue. 

[JohnDB]

Hello all, I'm new here need help I found out my husband committed adultery in his previous marriage. Basically what happened was his wife committed adultery first so before there divorce was finalized he moved in with another women and also committed adultery. So in my opinion he shouldn't have been allowed to remarry because they are both guilty? What does someone do if they married someone that committed adultery do u just ask forgiveness and promise to not end another marriage or must I divorce him to go to heaven??

Thats a pretty strong opinion to hold...


I think just a bit of forgiveness...considering that you LOVE him.

[Rrb2287]

Okay, me but what about for him sense he too commited adultery and shouldn't have been aloud to remarry. What if he asks for forgiveness but the fact we are already in the marriage now does it remain adultrious continually or once it's forgiving we can continue the marriage and not commit more sin by staying together?

[MeMyself]

Okay, me but what about for him sense he too commited adultery and shouldn't have been aloud to remarry. What if he asks for forgiveness but the fact we are already in the marriage now does it remain adultrious continually or once it's forgiving we can continue the marriage and not commit more sin by staying together?

Don't divorce...that is just a foolish legalistic rule made by man...using a scripture they twist to try and shame people.

What God has forgiven is no more, He has blessed you with each other, live that blessing, set aside your worry and fear and if you just can't do that, pray it away!

[chosenone]

Whether or not he should have been allowed to remarry, he did marry, so does that mean its right to break up yet another marriage? Do two wrongs make a right?  If he has repented to God, and also repented to you that he didnt tell you(which he def, should have done before you married), I would forgive, and do all you both can to make sure this marriage is strong with God at the centre. 
Have you prayed about this? Talked to your pastor? 

[Rrb2287]

Going to talk to a pastor tonight. Going to be honest there has been a lot going on in our marriage I have no family support system and all his family is in a different state. Ive found pictures of revealing women on his computer. 

The fact my dad had him move with us after his friend died didn't help I was doubting marrying him but I felt put on the spot in a way the church did the wedding free someone bought my dress and our wedding bands which he never ever wears his. Btw my dad doesn't give me any support on what to do.

He has brought me down a lot the whole 4 years we been married I've retaliated a lot from this. Guess u can say I'm kinda scared of him I shouldn't be but I am. He has really weird fetishes he's 20 years older than me.

And having no family support I'm not going to lie I've done things with another guy I shouldn't have as well just cause I want comfort and felt like I was pushed into this while marriage thing.
Now what if we did ever divorce guess I Wouldnt ever be aloud to remarry. What if I slipped up and did remarry if that happened what if I went to hell for remarrying then not divorcing a second marriage that shouldn't have happened that god doesn't view valid.

I shouldn't have done what I did but all the stuff he does makes me so angry and the fact I felt pushed into this marriage.

[MeMyself]

Going to talk to a pastor tonight. Going to be honest there has been a lot going on in our marriage I have no family support system and all his family is in a different state. Ive found pictures of revealing women on his computer. 

The fact my dad had him move with us after his friend died didn't help I was doubting marrying him but I felt put on the spot in a way the church did the wedding free someone bought my dress and our wedding bands which he never ever wears his. Btw my dad doesn't give me any support on what to do.

He has brought me down a lot the whole 4 years we been married I've retaliated a lot from this. Guess u can say I'm kinda scared of him I shouldn't be but I am. He has really weird fetishes he's 20 years older than me.

Wow...ummm...do you live where you have no say in who you marry, but your father chooses for you? 

And having no family support I'm not going to lie I've done things with another guy I shouldn't have as well just cause I want comfort and felt like I was pushed into this while marriage thing.

And yet, you focus on the sin your dh committed before he even knew you...

Now what if we did ever divorce guess I Wouldnt ever be aloud to remarry. What if I slipped up and did remarry if that happened what if I went to hell for remarrying then not divorcing a second marriage that shouldn't have happened that god doesn't view valid.

the only thing that will keep you out of Heaven is rejecting Christ Jesus as your Savior.

I shouldn't have done what I did but all the stuff he does makes me so angry and the fact I felt pushed into this marriage.

So, you began by telling us that he was angry at his first wife for cheating, so he cheated...but you have messed around with another guy... Seems like birds of a feather.

I don't know how to counsel you because I am not real confident we are really getting the whole story...  I think it is very wise to go to your Pastor.  What denomination are you, just curious.

[kensington]

How old are you? Each of these posts seems to be leading up to you wanting out of this marriage and you want him to carry the responsibility before the Lord for it. 

Remarriage is not the unforgivable sin.  There is forgiveness for him.  Does he want it?  I don't know what good getting another divorce would do. That would just continue the sin.  His wife cheated first, and divorce papers were filed.  No he should not have fornicated with another woman.  But, he didn't marry her.  He didn't marry you until his divorce was final, right. And you have cheated on him?

I'd say... if there were a least sinner in this whole scenario... it's him.  Sorry. You chose to sin against him.  He has not sinned against you. Not from what you posted here.  You are angry with him for his past sins.  The word says... "Be angry and sin not".  Which is what you claim you did.
He should not have lived with anyone, but according to the word, His exwife caused that.  It has nothing to do with you. If he repented, then he is forgiven and free to move on. He married you. You are married. When you meet with your pastor... ask about marriage counseling.  For the both of you.

[Rrb2287]

I am 26 and yes I am angry for my dad having him move with us. Feel like I was pressured into it. I am angry I feel like I really didn't truly pick a man I wanted to be happy. I am non denomational.

What would happen if I would have ended up divorcing and later on marrying the guy I messed around with. Then later on we  would have both really repented for what we did. Would we have to divorce  that marriage?

[kensington]

Ummm... it's sin for you even to consider that scenario.  You want out of this marriage to marry the man you fornicated with? 

Here is what I would do.  I'd go in my room, I'd shut out the world, I'd put worship music on and I'd get on my face before God. Begging Him to help me clear my mine and have a right spirit.  You are allowing your mind concerning the word of God to be confused.  You are trying to put square pegs in round holes.  The word does not line up with what you are trying to make it do.

You are married.  You are angry.  You have sinned.  YOUR focus should be on getting right with God, and living to please him.  Not walking on the edge of "What can I get away with."  Grace is for us to come to Him on our knees.  We cannot use it to do as we please.

Hebrews 10:26-31 "26 For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 27 but a terrifying expectation of judgment and the fury of a fire which will consume the adversaries. 28 Anyone who has set aside the Law of Moses dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 29 How much severer punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under foot the Son of God, and has regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has insulted the Spirit of grace? 30 For we know Him who said, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay." And again, "The Lord will judge His people." 31 It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God."

You will be wrong to divorce your husband for sins BEFORE your marriage.  And you will be committing adultery if you divorce him and marry your lover.  You need to repent NOW, not wait for a divorce and remarriage.  You either want to live pleasing God or you want to live pleasing yourself.  You need to decide. Now, not later. Peace

[planetshaker]

Well imo he probably didn't view it as adultry considering that his ex commited adultry and in return he just threw in the towel. So i would say if anthing it's fornication not adultry. Why? Where just talking about a john hannock on a piece of paper. I think from what you shared is to really think it thru. If you don't love him get a divorce you will do no justice staying in a fake marriage.

[planetshaker]

You got groumds to divorce him you flat out don't love him do yourself and him a favor.

[chosenone]

You got groumds to divorce him you flat out don't love him do yourself and him a favor.

Where does God say that we can divorce if we dont love our spouse?

[chosenone]

I am 26 and yes I am angry for my dad having him move with us. Feel like I was pressured into it. I am angry I feel like I really didn't truly pick a man I wanted to be happy. I am non denomational.

What would happen if I would have ended up divorcing and later on marrying the guy I messed around with. Then later on we  would have both really repented for what we did. Would we have to divorce  that marriage?

Are you a Christian? Are you SERIOUSLY thinking of leaving your husband for another man who thinks nothing of committing adultery with another mans wife? A man who clearly has no moral values? Really? Do you REALLY want another unhappy marriage?
Leaving a marriage for someone else is a sin, and its not what God wants for you. You chose to marry this man, he is your husband, and he has done nothing in this marriage to deserve a divorce.

Cut off all contact with the OM, get some good marriage counselling and begin to both put God first in this marriage. Pray together and go to church together and put 100% into the marriage.   

I feel you are merely wanting an excuse to leave your husband for your lover. Doing that would be a disaster.

[MeMyself]

You got groumds to divorce him you flat out don't love him do yourself and him a favor.

This is not biblically true.  Its worldly advice through and through.

[planetshaker]

Chosenone, i just think she was manipulated  into marring this guy. I personaly witness people i know got married to someone they didn't love and lived a life of regret. Staying married because (God said so) is not going to bring harmony in the marriage. If you go into a marriage not loving them things are not going to change. I can understand biblical grounds when two people truely loved each other going into a marriage. This here i don't see.

[planetshaker]

I've myself researched and study biblical grounds for divorce. You can divorce if adutry, abandonment  from non believer, or one's spouse dies. Church doctrine may vary church to church. The biggest problem is who is right? The problem is not doctrine but implementing them in real life situations. This is not advice this is giving someome prison time for making an unwise choice.

If there is no love in this marriage no amount of good christian advise no matter how well intended is going to make a difference.

[MeMyself]

If there is no love in this marriage no amount of good christian advise no matter how well intended is going to make a difference.

Hog.wash.

[chosenone]

I've myself researched and study biblical grounds for divorce. You can divorce if adutry, abandonment  from non believer, or one's spouse dies. Church doctrine may vary church to church. The biggest problem is who is right? The problem is not doctrine but implementing them in real life situations. This is not advice this is giving someome prison time for making an unwise choice.

If there is no love in this marriage no amount of good christian advise no matter how well intended is going to make a difference.

Its not just adultery, the word Jesus uses is 'pornea' which means sexual immorality.
Love is a feeling. We can chose to act with love, and we can chose to do the right thing despite the fact that we made a wrong choice.  God is in the restoration buisness, and the last thing He wants is for more cheating and more divorces.  I have also studied this subject in depth, but thinking you don't 'love' someone was never a reason to end a marriage. 

[chosenone]

Chosenone, i just think she was manipulated  into marring this guy. I personaly witness people i know got married to someone they didn't love and lived a life of regret. Staying married because (God said so) is not going to bring harmony in the marriage. If you go into a marriage not loving them things are not going to change. I can understand biblical grounds when two people truely loved each other going into a marriage. This here i don't see.

No one forces us into marriage, its a decision we make. With commitment and faithfulness and effort marriage will work . Do you honestly think that all married people feel that 'love' for all of the 20 or 30 or 40 years they have been married? Where does God say that we can walk out on our spouse because we dont love them, remembering that marriages in the days when Jesus came to earth were all arranged and I doubt if many/any of them began their marriage being 'in love'?