Sex without marriage

[isaiahkiki]

Ok I'm a christian but I'm not a strict christian. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years now and have had sex all of 3 times first time was on our 1 year anniversary. Im very committed and loyal to her I've never cheated or anything but I just found out that you aren't supposed to have sex until after marriage! (excuse my ignorance) I still want to have sex with her we both love each other very very much, but what should we do! were both underage so we cant get married but if i could I would, and its not like a stupid little highschool relationship we seriously are commited to each other and plan on getting married when we are on our own and stuff. Please I need help :(

[MeMyself]

The help I can give you is...just stop.

now you know, so now you need to behave in the ways that glorify the Father.

His design is that sex be saved for marriage.

You are not tempted beyond what you are able to say no to, the bible promises, and you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you (including saying no to sexual urges until marriage).

God bless.

[chosenone]

IF you have only had sex 3 times in 2 years, surely it wont be that hard to stop? Its good that you have found out that sex is for marriage only(its a bit sad that you werent taught this at church or by your parents), and now you know, you both need to make that decision to repent of the times you have had sex, and don't do it again unless you one day marry. If things dont work out with you two(and we can never know what may happen) you may be having sex with another mans wife. Is that what you want for your future wife, that she has sex with other men?
How old are you?

[isaiahkiki]

Can I get married religiously but not legally? is that an option?

[chosenone]

Can I get married religiously but not legally? is that an option?

No God expects us to obey the laws of our land, and get married legally. Anyone can just say they are spiritually married, it means nothing. There are no loopholes.
How old are you both, and is she a Christian?

Watch and listen to this quick teaching on the subject. Its very good and very clear.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWXoFyPEuhI

[avenger]

I don't believe we are expected to obey the laws of the land if they are diametrically opposed to God's own laws.

Man's law now says it's ok for a man to marry a man.  God does not agree... therefore we are no longer bound to adhere to Man's law, concerning marriage.

I don't know what a man and woman had to go through in order to be considered "married" in Jesus' day, but to be safe... if I fell in love these days I would find a preacher who believed marriage was JUST between a man and woman... and have him perform the service.

Ask Jesus to bless your union... and live accordingly.

[grams]

Sex before getting married is of the world !

I myself was a virgin and am prod  of that !

God said NO !

This world is changing  very fast !  And  things like that now a days
in this time and world seem to think this is like was necking was to me.

[chosenone]

I don't believe we are expected to obey the laws of the land if they are diametrically opposed to God's own laws.

Man's law now says it's ok for a man to marry a man.  God does not agree... therefore we are no longer bound to adhere to Man's law, concerning marriage.

I don't know what a man and woman had to go through in order to be considered "married" in Jesus' day, but to be safe... if I fell in love these days I would find a preacher who believed marriage was JUST between a man and woman... and have him perform the service.

Ask Jesus to bless your union... and live accordingly.

Paul says to get married whatever that entails in the country we live in. Marriage ceremonies in Jesus day were far far more intense and long affairs than they are today.

Surely God is there whether people marry in a church or anywhere else as long as its done legally? The ideal is to have a pastor take the ceremony but it doesnt change the fact that you are married even if you dont.   

[Jason_NC]

Ok I'm a christian but I'm not a strict christian. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years now and have had sex all of 3 times first time was on our 1 year anniversary. Im very committed and loyal to her I've never cheated or anything but I just found out that you aren't supposed to have sex until after marriage! (excuse my ignorance) I still want to have sex with her we both love each other very very much, but what should we do! were both underage so we cant get married but if i could I would, and its not like a stupid little highschool relationship we seriously are commited to each other and plan on getting married when we are on our own and stuff. Please I need help :(

I'm curious what exactly you mean by that?

[isaiahkiki]

What I mean is that were too young to get married legally but were both christian and were both up for getting married religiously. Is this possible in any way?

[isaiahkiki]

Can I get married religiously but not legally? is that an option?

No God expects us to obey the laws of our land, and get married legally. Anyone can just say they are spiritually married, it means nothing. There are no loopholes.
How old are you both, and is she a Christian?

Watch and listen to this quick teaching on the subject. Its very good and very clear.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWXoFyPEuhI

Obey the laws of the land? Where abortion and gay marriage is legal I'm supposed to obey that? I think not.

[Swiss_Guard]

"No God expects us to obey the laws of our land, and get married legally. Anyone can just say they are spiritually married, it means nothing. ."

But in many localities nowadays, essentially anyone can say that they are legally married as well. "I'm legally married to another man! I'm legally married to my dog! I'm legally married to my pet dolphin!"
Likewise, a person who truly believes the Scriptural commands regarding marriage will find those far more binding that the legal "marriages" that can be ended with a trip to the divorce attorney. What God has joined, let no man put asunder. What law has joined, a lawyer can separate with one stroke of a pen.

Paul says to get married whatever that entails in the country we live in. Marriage ceremonies in Jesus day were far far more intense and long affairs than they are today.

But what if the country we live in is corrupt, and the government in power delights in every sort of perversion imaginable? Should Lot have observed the marriage customs of Sodom and Gomorrah because he happened to live there?

Surely God is there whether people marry in a church or anywhere else as long as its done legally? The ideal is to have a pastor take the ceremony but it doesnt change the fact that you are married even if you dont.   

Sure it does. A Justice of the Peace babbling out happy secular words is not God joining anything. His Scripture is not present, and the JP is acting as a representative of the government, not of God. Go to your minister. Go to your priest. Go to whatever religious authority or man of God is in your life. Don't get married by some G-man who might not even be a Christian.

[avenger]

What is the meaning of being married "legally"?

[DaveW]

Obey the laws of the land? Where abortion and gay marriage is legal I'm supposed to obey that? I think not.

Paul and Peter both wrote to obey the laws of the land and the king. The emperor in Rome at that time was Nero who was insane. Christianity was outlawed. The standard is this: if obeying the laws requires us to disobey the Lord - then we are free to disobey.  Other than that - we are supposed to obey.

Yes, abortion and gay marriage are legal; but there is no law REQUIRING you to get an abortion or marry someone of the same gender. 

[DaveW]

What is the meaning of being married "legally"?

Following the laws of the state to legally register the marriage.

[MeMyself]

What I mean is that were too young to get married legally but were both christian and were both up for getting married religiously. Is this possible in any way?

But this has nothing whatsoever to do with being a Christian (strict or not).

A girl in our area is 15 and just got married.  (She is not a believer and is from a very rough family.)  I wouldn't advise this nor do I think its a good idea, but if the parents sign off on it, marriage can happen in your teens before you are a legal adult.

[MeMyself]

Obey the laws of the land? Where abortion and gay marriage is legal I'm supposed to obey that? I think not.

Paul and Peter both wrote to obey the laws of the land and the king. The emperor in Rome at that time was Nero who was insane. Christianity was outlawed. The standard is this: if obeying the laws requires us to disobey the Lord - then we are free to disobey.  Other than that - we are supposed to obey.

Yes, abortion and gay marriage are legal; but there is no law REQUIRING you to get an abortion or marry someone of the same gender.

Yep.  Exactly. 

[DaveW]

What I mean is that were too young to get married legally but were both christian and were both up for getting married religiously. Is this possible in any way?

But this has nothing whatsoever to do with being a Christian (strict or not).

A girl in our area is 15 and just got married.  (She is not a believer and is from a very rough family.)  I wouldn't advise this nor do I think its a good idea, but if the parents sign off on it, marriage can happen in your teens before you are a legal adult.

Marriage age is a function of culture.  Even 50 years ago there were parts of the US where an unmarried girl who reached the age of 16 was considered an "old maid," meaning she was too OLD to find a husband.

[chosenone]

What I mean is that were too young to get married legally but were both christian and were both up for getting married religiously. Is this possible in any way?

No its not. 
How old are you? I am guessing that you are very young, because this is the second time I have asked you and I dont think you have answered.

How about instead of trying to find a way of  having more premarital sex with, from what I assume, is a very young woman, you actually do what is right, and have no more sex until after you get married, (if you do marry her). There are no loopholes, although so many try and find them. 
So you may have to wait 2 or 3 years, but loads of other believers do. You are so young yet. 

[chosenone]

"No God expects us to obey the laws of our land, and get married legally. Anyone can just say they are spiritually married, it means nothing. ."

But in many localities nowadays, essentially anyone can say that they are legally married as well. "I'm legally married to another man! I'm legally married to my dog! I'm legally married to my pet dolphin!"
Likewise, a person who truly believes the Scriptural commands regarding marriage will find those far more binding that the legal "marriages" that can be ended with a trip to the divorce attorney. What God has joined, let no man put asunder. What law has joined, a lawyer can separate with one stroke of a pen.

Paul says to get married whatever that entails in the country we live in. Marriage ceremonies in Jesus day were far far more intense and long affairs than they are today.

But what if the country we live in is corrupt, and the government in power delights in every sort of perversion imaginable? Should Lot have observed the marriage customs of Sodom and Gomorrah because he happened to live there?

Surely God is there whether people marry in a church or anywhere else as long as its done legally? The ideal is to have a pastor take the ceremony but it doesnt change the fact that you are married even if you dont.   

Sure it does. A Justice of the Peace babbling out happy secular words is not God joining anything. His Scripture is not present, and the JP is acting as a representative of the government, not of God. Go to your minister. Go to your priest. Go to whatever religious authority or man of God is in your life. Don't get married by some G-man who might not even be a Christian.

The marriage is making promises to each other in front of witnesses and in a place where its done legally according to the laws of the country you live in. God is just as much there in a court house as He is in a church. After all He is inside us and He hears every word we say.

A person can SAY they are married to their dog, but that doesnt mean they ARE married to their dog.

[chosenone]

What is the meaning of being married "legally"?

Don't you know how to get married legally in your country?

[chosenone]

I don't believe we are expected to obey the laws of the land if they are diametrically opposed to God's own laws.

Man's law now says it's ok for a man to marry a man.  God does not agree... therefore we are no longer bound to adhere to Man's law, concerning marriage.

I don't know what a man and woman had to go through in order to be considered "married" in Jesus' day, but to be safe... if I fell in love these days I would find a preacher who believed marriage was JUST between a man and woman... and have him perform the service.

Ask Jesus to bless your union... and live accordingly.

However that preacher still needs to be able to conduct a legal wedding. 

[MeMyself]

What I mean is that were too young to get married legally but were both christian and were both up for getting married religiously. Is this possible in any way?

But this has nothing whatsoever to do with being a Christian (strict or not).

A girl in our area is 15 and just got married.  (She is not a believer and is from a very rough family.)  I wouldn't advise this nor do I think its a good idea, but if the parents sign off on it, marriage can happen in your teens before you are a legal adult.

Marriage age is a function of culture.  Even 50 years ago there were parts of the US where an unmarried girl who reached the age of 16 was considered an "old maid," meaning she was too OLD to find a husband.

Oh, I realize that.  When my dh and I were discussing this marriage, I said "I can't imagine!" because we were thinking of ourselves at that age...oh.my.gosh! Married in our twenties, not so much in our twenties now, has been hard enough.  To think of trying to make a go of things in our teens? YIKES!   Then we thought of our own dd.  NO.way. is she ready! 

The thing is with this family...this little girl is not ready either.  Doubt the boy is.  Its not an issue of innocence either, that was lost long ago...its an issue of character readiness IMO.  To be willing to "die to self"...

[avenger]

"Don't you know how to get married legally in your country?"


Of course I do, but you obviously do not.

Have you ever heard of Common Law marriage?

It's "legal" in several states in America (including Texas)... and I know you're not advocating that.  Are you?

[k-pappy]

Avenger, even in Common Law Marriages, you have to be an adult.  We are assuming the poster is under 18 at this point.

Plus, it varies from state to state (though I am unsure of the law in the UK).  In TX all you have to do is say you are married and act like you are married (joint accounts, leases, insurance, etc) and the state considers you to be married.  Other states may not be as informal.

[DaveW]

Have you ever heard of Common Law marriage?

It's "legal" in several states in America (including Texas)...

It may be legal but usually has a waiting period of several years. Here is the New Hampshire law: (which is used for probate purposes ONLY)

Common Law Marriage: "Persons cohabitating and acknowledging each other as husband and wife, and generally reputed to be such, for 3 years shall thereafter be deemed to have been legally married, until one of them dies."

"Cohabitating" means you live together and have sex together. So that means you are committing fornication (unmarried sex) for 3 years before the marriage becomes legal.

"Acknowledging each other as husband and wife" involves telling the community you are married, calling each other husband and wife, using the same last name, filing joint income tax returns. Which may be a lie for those first 3 years. 

[chosenone]

"Don't you know how to get married legally in your country?"


Of course I do, but you obviously do not.

Have you ever heard of Common Law marriage?

It's "legal" in several states in America (including Texas)... and I know you're not advocating that.  Are you?

Well that contradicts Gods teaching so no. Its not the case where I live. You are only married if you get married. 

[k-pappy]

Well that contradicts Gods teaching so no. Its not the case where I live. You are only married if you get married.

How does Common Law Marriage contradict God's teaching?

[chosenone]

What I mean is that were too young to get married legally but were both christian and were both up for getting married religiously. Is this possible in any way?

But this has nothing whatsoever to do with being a Christian (strict or not).

A girl in our area is 15 and just got married.  (She is not a believer and is from a very rough family.)  I wouldn't advise this nor do I think its a good idea, but if the parents sign off on it, marriage can happen in your teens before you are a legal adult.

Marriage age is a function of culture.  Even 50 years ago there were parts of the US where an unmarried girl who reached the age of 16 was considered an "old maid," meaning she was too OLD to find a husband.

Oh, I realize that.  When my dh and I were discussing this marriage, I said "I can't imagine!" because we were thinking of ourselves at that age...oh.my.gosh! Married in our twenties, not so much in our twenties now, has been hard enough.  To think of trying to make a go of things in our teens? YIKES!   Then we thought of our own dd.  NO.way. is she ready! 

The thing is with this family...this little girl is not ready either.  Doubt the boy is.  Its not an issue of innocence either, that was lost long ago...its an issue of character readiness IMO.  To be willing to "die to self"...

Exactly. Marriage is far far more than just being allowed to have sex.   Could he support them?  Do they have jobs? Do they have a place to live as a married couple? If she got pregnant could they cope with a baby and all that brings? Are they anywhere near mature enough to make such a serious commitment?
When I was 15-16 I had a serious (celibate) relationship with a guy, and I thought he was the one. After nearly a year he started talking about engagement and marriage(he was a few years older than me) and I thought whoa, there is no way I am ready to think of all the responsibilities that marriage brings, despite being quite mature myself, and after all how may kids who are serious with another person at 16 actually go on to marry that person in the end?  I bet its not many. 

[chosenone]

Well that contradicts Gods teaching so no. Its not the case where I live. You are only married if you get married.

How does Common Law Marriage contradict God's teaching?

Paul doesnt advise people to avoid sexual immorality by moving in together, but by getting married. By being husband and wife.

[k-pappy]

How does Common Law Marriage contradict God's teaching?

Paul doesnt advise people to avoid sexual immorality by moving in together, but by getting married. By being husband and wife.

People who get a Common Law Marriage are husband and wife.

[DaveW]

Well that contradicts Gods teaching so no. Its not the case where I live. You are only married if you get married.

How does Common Law Marriage contradict God's teaching?

Paul doesnt advise people to avoid sexual immorality by moving in together, but by getting married. By being husband and wife.

Commonlaw may have made sense back in the pioneer days when access to clergy or a judge was limited by them not being available for months or years at a time. But the idea always was that you claim marriage NOW and when a judge or preacher was available you had a proper wedding ceremony and registered the licence.

The problem with arguments like this is that it assumes a "one size fits all" answer and any exception for some extreme circumstance becomes the normal standard.  It is no different than saying the theif on the cross was saved without going to church or being baptized; that means it is OK for ME to not go to church or be baptized. (I have read that very point argued here on these forums)

[DaveW]

I find it interesting that here we have a thread named "Sex without marriage" and in the marrieds folder there is a thread called "Marriage without sex." 

Those who are supposed to be having sex are not, while those who are not supposed to have it ARE having it.

Is that a result of our inherent rebellion? 

[chosenone]

I find it interesting that here we have a thread named "Sex without marriage" and in the marrieds folder there is a thread called "Marriage without sex." 

Those who are supposed to be having sex are not, while those who are not supposed to have it ARE having it.

Is that a result of our inherent rebellion?

Good point Dave. 

[chosenone]

How does Common Law Marriage contradict God's teaching?

Paul doesnt advise people to avoid sexual immorality by moving in together, but by getting married. By being husband and wife.

People who get a Common Law Marriage are husband and wife.

According to the countries laws(if that country allows it) but not according to Gods teaching. God calls sex outside marriage fornication.  2 man marrying can call each other husband and wife or husband and husband, but God doesnt recognise that or bless their union does he. 

I mean you can sit in a garage and call yourself a car if you like, but it doesnt make you one.