Married but still a virgin....

[Pantheon]

Hi
My wife and I are 26 and we got married 7 months ago. We were both raised with strong-values, good morals, in conservative-Christian homes. We didn't live together until after we got married, and we were both virgins when we got married... and we still are...
While we were dating we were often tempted to "go too far" and in these moments of temptation she would say things like "ugh! I love you so much, I want you so bad. I can't wait until we get married." But after dating for 3 years our wedding day finally came. Wedding was awesome, everything was perfect! And being a guy, I was looking forward to the wedding night more than anything! We get to our hotel and the moment we walk through the door to our room her demeanor changed and she said, "I'm super tired from the very long day. I had to wake up super early to get everything ready for the wedding. Please don't make me do anything tonight; I just want to go to bed." I was crushed, but trying to be the loving, new husband I respected her wishes and we went to bed and slept.
[Back story: since we didn't live together before getting married we had to get an apartment together, but that wasn't ready for a week after our wedding. So we stayed in a hotel until our apartment was ready]
Day after the wedding, I make a sexual innuendo to her and she says "I'm just not comfortable doing it for the first time in a hotel room. Let's wait until we get settled into our apartment."
I was more crushed than getting rejected on our wedding night because at least that excuse made sense. So I replied, "You're joking right?! That's a week away! I don't want to wait that long!"
Her: "Please, honey? We've waited 26 years, what's one more week?"
I was hurt, shocked, confused, disappointed, dumbfound, and stunned. I mean what happened to my fiancé that was "trying so hard to resist temptation."
The week went by without as much of getting a glimpse of her in her underwear. We moved in to our apartment together, and there were more excuses. And she said "maybe on our honeymoon." That came and went. That was more like a vacation than a honeymoon if you catch my drift.
Here we are 7 months later... after 100+ different excuses, and my wife and I still haven't consummated our marriage. We have had some serious "sit-down" talks about sex over the months. And she finally told me she's scared (I assumed that after excuse 10, but at least she admitted it). But she blames the church for her fear. She says all her life in youth group, youth church, and her Christian school [associated with her church] that they taught her sex was this filthy, nasty, sinful thing that if you do before married you're not only sinning, but a huge disappointment. She said that after years of that ideology being drilled into her head, now that's she married she can't just flip a switch and be okay with having sex, even if it is with her husband [those are her words, paraphrased].

[Begin ranting]
The only times I've ever seen her naked is when I've purposefully tried to sneak a peak of her while she was changing or getting out of the shower. And that makes her furious!
Out of frustration, I've asked if she's not attracted to me. And she reassures me that she loves me and finds me very attractive.
Most of the time when I say something implying sex, she leaves the room or gives me the "shut up" look. If we're cuddling on the couch or in bed watching something and she thinks I started to make a advance at her, she gets mad as says "why do you have to wreck the perfectly good moment every time?"
A couple times, I've been like "I have needs!" And her response is, "well go on the internet and use your hand" (of course she doesn't really mean that, and I'm certainly not going to commit adultery even if it is with pixels).
[End ranting]

I've been nothing but a loving, caring, sympathetic husband. I've shown her in the Bible how sex is a gift from God intended for married couples. I reassure her several times a day how much I love her and how beautiful she is. But I'm getting frustrated! I've tried everything to get her in the mood! (Trust me; every trick on google has been tried). But she doesn't even seem to be interested in trying to get over her irrational fear. I know she loves me just as much as I love her. I love her will all my heart, and I would rather die a virgin than consider divorce just because she doesn't "put out". But ideally, that's certainly not what I want, and I know that's not God's will either. I've asked her if she wants consoling about the topic and offered to go with if she wants, but she doesn't want to talk about it with anyone. In fact, she told me that if any of my guy friends ask about it, to please not tell them that we don't do it, just tell them it's great. Luckily, no one has asked me about my sex life though. But her Facebook was left open once before logging out I read a message between her best girlfriend (who is also a newlywed) and they were talking about sex and my wife said we don't do it often, but it's good when we do it. I never brought that up with her, because she'd just get mad at me for invading her privacy.

I feel alone, is there anyone else out there who's gone through something like this? What'd you do to get past it?

[chosenone]

I am very surprised that at such a young age she was given such a negative view of sex. Maybe that was the case 100 years ago but not now. I was never given that impression and I am in my 50's. Christians are so much more open about sex now, and so much more aware of the importance of sex in marriage. There are books and teachings gallore about this subject.

Does she realise that she is sinning by refusing sex? Does she realise that she is leaving you open to sexual temptation? Telling you to use porn was a crazy things to say and very dangerous and foolish. 

What I think is that this wont go away on its own. She is expecting you to lie, and she too is lying to others to cover it up. If she refuses to get help, then you need to get it, if only for yourself.  Is there a godly man in the church you trust? Someone that you can talk to and pray with regularly about this? This maybe a start at least. She may not like you telling someone else(you may not want to tell her at this time), but she needs to understand that you are desperate.  I feel for you. She should have made it clear before marriage that she hated sex.     

[Catholica]

I think that due to the nature of the problem, her church got her where she is; they are going to need to be involved to get her out. Whoever is her pastor should be brought in to the equation.  But you need to do it lovingly.

You might begin by telling her that you know she loves you an desires to have a wonderful marriage with you. You could then be frank and say that this issue is creating strain in your marriage and I'm sure neither of you want that. Also let her know that you understand that it is hard to hear that sex is bad for so long that its hard to overcome. Then suggest that you together, or her alone if that is how she feels comfortable, have a conversation with her pastor.

You guys will work it out. Respect her block for now with patience and love. Do not try to manipulate her by telling her that she is sinning. That is terrible advice. Love will only follow from love. And be sure to personally privately pray for God's help in this situation.

[chosenone]

There is no way that she will want to talk to a man about this, even if he is her pastor. A godly woman in your church may help(if your wife will agree)who can advise her on sex in marriage and how vitally important it is, what The Bible says about it, while also praying with her.  The longer this carries on, the more the block in her mind may grow. Pray with her together on this issue, God is 100% wanting you both to have a good sex life, and as you pray together regularly about it and seek help, hopefully things will change for you.
 

[johndoo]

Your wife has a sex aversion.
She is committing spousal neglect. 
she is not fulfilling her responsibilities in the marriage.
Your options are limited.
You can insist on marriage counseling and sex therapy.
She may be somewhat passive aggressive if she isn't willing to address the issue.
You can go to your pastor if she is unwilling to start the process of counseling to  use the church as leverage to force the counseling before divorce becomes an option.
Books like "Sheet Music" are sex-positive but don't work well if people aren't motivated.

[4WD]

Since the marriage has not been "consummated"  it is not a marriage.  It is only a legal unfulfilled contract.  I would get the contract declared null and void.   Actually it would be an annulment but I don't think there is such a thing in the legal system. I would get a legal divorce.

[Red Baker]

The only times I've ever seen her naked is when I've purposefully tried to sneak a peak of her while she was changing or getting out of the shower.

This is one strange story!   Are you SURE she a female? Have you never seen her totally naked? Something is not right here.  You are one patience man.  I am made a little different than you~something would happen on the wedding day, sorry, but that's just this man speaking...........but she would have never went to sleep without this ole boy doing an serious investigation of my new bride~that's what wedding days are for, at least I thought so.  For 100 %~she still would not be free to put me off for seven more month, maybe seven minutes, not months!  I am patience~hey, after seven minutes in a room with a new bride, whom I never had been to bed with, come on!

[Alan]

My thoughts were instantly led to the possibility of a past trauma in this woman's life. If she had been led to believe that sex is simply a dirty and disgusting act there exists many biblical references to counter those wrong beliefs, surely a person of maturity can accept God's word over incorrect teaching. Either way, the root of this issue needs to be exposed and dealt with in terms of healing and understanding.

[chosenone]

Since the marriage has not been "consummated"  it is not a marriage.  It is only a legal unfulfilled contract.  I would get the contract declared null and void.   Actually it would be an annulment but I don't think there is such a thing in the legal system. I would get a legal divorce.

Annulments are very much legal.

[4WD]

Since the marriage has not been "consummated"  it is not a marriage.  It is only a legal unfulfilled contract.  I would get the contract declared null and void.   Actually it would be an annulment but I don't think there is such a thing in the legal system. I would get a legal divorce.

Annulments are very much legal.

Then in the situation Pantheon describes, that is what I would do and have no regrets.  This is not something that just happened at the wedding.  There was obviously a great deal of deceit on her part in her agreement to get married.  It is not likely that is the only deceit that will surface in this "marriage".

[TJW]

It is not likely that is the only deceit that will surface in this "marriage".

I agree with this. I also agree that an annulment is quite in order.  Get loose from this person who has given herself permission to lie to her husband both before her marriage and after.

I am afraid you are headed for a lifetime of serious heartache and disappointment.

[Alan]

I'm not sure that advising this man whom obviously loves his wife very much to "run" is the best advice we can offer. Her "lie" is generated out of fear, the root of that fear must be dealt with in order to help this person with healing her wounds. Surely counselling would provide some insight into this issue, and she would have to agree that there is indeed an issue that needs to be resolved.

[chosenone]

I'm not sure that advising this man whom obviously loves his wife very much to "run" is the best advice we can offer. Her "lie" is generated out of fear, the root of that fear must be dealt with in order to help this person with healing her wounds. Surely counselling would provide some insight into this issue, and she would have to agree that there is indeed an issue that needs to be resolved.

yes I agree, but she refuses to tell anyone or get help. I think that what troubles me a lot is that she wasnt honest with him before marriage. She pretended that she couldn't wait to have sex with him, while knowing that she wasn't interested. Had she told him, then he could have made an informed decision as to whether to marry her or not, but as it is, they married under false pretences.
if she refuses to do anything to improve the situation, then he faces a miserable sex free and childless marriage, which as yet hasn't even been consummated. 

[Norton]

Her problem could very well stem from childhood trauma of molestation or rape that she is ashamed to tell you about. It just does things to people, especially women. It makes me want to cry. Whatever the cause she will need professional help and you will need much patience for things to get better. Patience and prayer, brother, or as a last resort, annulment.

[DaveW]

She pretended that she couldn't wait to have sex with him, while knowing that she wasn't interested.

In a court of Law my lawyer would call out "OBJECTION! Facts not in evidence." We do not know whether she was or was not "interested." It may be she was VERY interested and even had strong desires; but when it finally came down to actually doing it, THEN the defense mechanisms kicked in and made her scared, sick, angry or whatever to effectively nix the activity.

I agree with Norton that it could stem from childhood trauma and/or molestation which was then supplemented by the negative teachings from family and church.  My wife experienced something similar but it did not kick in until a day or 2 after we consumated. She had no idea that it would have that effect.

[Passion For Grace]

I find it worrysome that so many of you are advocating divorce when she has done nothing to warrant a divorce. Jesus said that only physical adultery is grounds for divorce. #Period #EndofIt - Matthew 19:8-9

Also, this:

Does she realise that she is sinning by refusing sex? Does she realise that she is leaving you open to sexual temptation? Telling you to use porn was a crazy things to say and very dangerous and foolish. 

You should have her sit down with a female member of the church, a deacon or bishop's wife perhaps, maybe even the pastor's wife, and let them discuss the meaning of 1 Corinthians 7.

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Annulments and divorce are the wrong answer. The right answer is to be the man in your relationship, and lead your wife to the truth: Sex is vital, your authority over your body and likewise hers were transferred to the spouse when you married, and denying you sex is sinful.

[chosenone]

I find it worrysome that so many of you are advocating divorce when she has done nothing to warrant a divorce. Jesus said that only physical adultery is grounds for divorce. #Period #EndofIt - Matthew 19:8-9

Also, this:

Does she realise that she is sinning by refusing sex? Does she realise that she is leaving you open to sexual temptation? Telling you to use porn was a crazy things to say and very dangerous and foolish. 

You should have her sit down with a female member of the church, a deacon or bishop's wife perhaps, maybe even the pastor's wife, and let them discuss the meaning of 1 Corinthians 7.

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Annulments and divorce are the wrong answer. The right answer is to be the man in your relationship, and lead your wife to the truth: Sex is vital, your authority over your body and likewise hers were transferred to the spouse when you married, and denying you sex is sinful.

Not just adultery but 'pornea', (any sort of sexual sin), and many would say that the total refusal of sex(and presumably also of having children)is sexual sin. 

[4WD]

I find it worrysome that so many of you are advocating divorce when she has done nothing to warrant a divorce. Jesus said that only physical adultery is grounds for divorce. #Period #EndofIt - Matthew 19:8-9

Also, this:

Does she realise that she is sinning by refusing sex? Does she realise that she is leaving you open to sexual temptation? Telling you to use porn was a crazy things to say and very dangerous and foolish. 

You should have her sit down with a female member of the church, a deacon or bishop's wife perhaps, maybe even the pastor's wife, and let them discuss the meaning of 1 Corinthians 7.

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Annulments and divorce are the wrong answer. The right answer is to be the man in your relationship, and lead your wife to the truth: Sex is vital, your authority over your body and likewise hers were transferred to the spouse when you married, and denying you sex is sinful.

They aren't married.  They were never married.  The marriage was never consummated.  The piece of paper from the state has nothing to do with God's laws.  It is only the piece of paper from the state that needs to be corrected so do whatever it takes to get that done and move on in life.  Life is too short to put up with that sort of nonsense.

[ginger rabbit]

In all the time you were dating her issues never came up?

She's got mental issues and they are probably so deeply ingrained that no amount of patience on your part is going to straighten them out. She's had them longer than she's known you.

Consummating a marriage is part of what validates the marriage contract. You've grounds for an annulment here.

Hi
My wife and I are 26 and we got married 7 months ago. We were both raised with strong-values, good morals, in conservative-Christian homes. We didn't live together until after we got married, and we were both virgins when we got married... and we still are...
While we were dating we were often tempted to "go too far" and in these moments of temptation she would say things like "ugh! I love you so much, I want you so bad. I can't wait until we get married." But after dating for 3 years our wedding day finally came. Wedding was awesome, everything was perfect! And being a guy, I was looking forward to the wedding night more than anything! We get to our hotel and the moment we walk through the door to our room her demeanor changed and she said, "I'm super tired from the very long day. I had to wake up super early to get everything ready for the wedding. Please don't make me do anything tonight; I just want to go to bed." I was crushed, but trying to be the loving, new husband I respected her wishes and we went to bed and slept.
[Back story: since we didn't live together before getting married we had to get an apartment together, but that wasn't ready for a week after our wedding. So we stayed in a hotel until our apartment was ready]
Day after the wedding, I make a sexual innuendo to her and she says "I'm just not comfortable doing it for the first time in a hotel room. Let's wait until we get settled into our apartment."
I was more crushed than getting rejected on our wedding night because at least that excuse made sense. So I replied, "You're joking right?! That's a week away! I don't want to wait that long!"
Her: "Please, honey? We've waited 26 years, what's one more week?"
I was hurt, shocked, confused, disappointed, dumbfound, and stunned. I mean what happened to my fiancé that was "trying so hard to resist temptation."
The week went by without as much of getting a glimpse of her in her underwear. We moved in to our apartment together, and there were more excuses. And she said "maybe on our honeymoon." That came and went. That was more like a vacation than a honeymoon if you catch my drift.
Here we are 7 months later... after 100+ different excuses, and my wife and I still haven't consummated our marriage. We have had some serious "sit-down" talks about sex over the months. And she finally told me she's scared (I assumed that after excuse 10, but at least she admitted it). But she blames the church for her fear. She says all her life in youth group, youth church, and her Christian school [associated with her church] that they taught her sex was this filthy, nasty, sinful thing that if you do before married you're not only sinning, but a huge disappointment. She said that after years of that ideology being drilled into her head, now that's she married she can't just flip a switch and be okay with having sex, even if it is with her husband [those are her words, paraphrased].

[Begin ranting]
The only times I've ever seen her naked is when I've purposefully tried to sneak a peak of her while she was changing or getting out of the shower. And that makes her furious!
Out of frustration, I've asked if she's not attracted to me. And she reassures me that she loves me and finds me very attractive.
Most of the time when I say something implying sex, she leaves the room or gives me the "shut up" look. If we're cuddling on the couch or in bed watching something and she thinks I started to make a advance at her, she gets mad as says "why do you have to wreck the perfectly good moment every time?"
A couple times, I've been like "I have needs!" And her response is, "well go on the internet and use your hand" (of course she doesn't really mean that, and I'm certainly not going to commit adultery even if it is with pixels).
[End ranting]

I've been nothing but a loving, caring, sympathetic husband. I've shown her in the Bible how sex is a gift from God intended for married couples. I reassure her several times a day how much I love her and how beautiful she is. But I'm getting frustrated! I've tried everything to get her in the mood! (Trust me; every trick on google has been tried). But she doesn't even seem to be interested in trying to get over her irrational fear. I know she loves me just as much as I love her. I love her will all my heart, and I would rather die a virgin than consider divorce just because she doesn't "put out". But ideally, that's certainly not what I want, and I know that's not God's will either. I've asked her if she wants consoling about the topic and offered to go with if she wants, but she doesn't want to talk about it with anyone. In fact, she told me that if any of my guy friends ask about it, to please not tell them that we don't do it, just tell them it's great. Luckily, no one has asked me about my sex life though. But her Facebook was left open once before logging out I read a message between her best girlfriend (who is also a newlywed) and they were talking about sex and my wife said we don't do it often, but it's good when we do it. I never brought that up with her, because she'd just get mad at me for invading her privacy.

I feel alone, is there anyone else out there who's gone through something like this? What'd you do to get past it?

[DaveW]

They aren't married.  They were never married.  The marriage was never consummated.  The piece of paper from the state has nothing to do with God's laws.  It is only the piece of paper from the state that needs to be corrected so do whatever it takes to get that done and move on in life.  Life is too short to put up with that sort of nonsense.

While you are right that the state sanctioned paper may not be worth that much; (besides being in compliance with local law) IF they stood in front of witnesses and made vows to God and each other, they ARE married.  That would be true even if it is NEVER consummated.

[ginger rabbit]

Even I know that isn't the end of it. Marriage to an unbeliever is grounds for a divorce.


A woman who doesn't obey the role of being a dutiful wife according to the tenets of the bible is not keeping to the Christians doctrine. She's not being a dutiful wife, she's not submitting to her husband, she's obstinate and hasn't repented of her sexual sin she's not being faithful to her faith.


Look it up as I did. "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9, NIV).


If her husband is resorting to porn in order to get to his happy place that's being unfaithful. He's looking on other women with lust in order to get there.


Besides, Christians can divorce and ask forgiveness later. It beats living with a frigid woman for the rest of his life. How old is he? What's that make the rest of his life tally to? Decades? With no sex.
Is there a scripture that tells a man he must remain with his wife who refuses to have sex, consummate, the marriage?

"Be fruitful and multiply." Isn't happening there. That's going against the directives of God too.


Seven months? I'd have been at the attorney's office already. This woman is telling him she's not the right one. Maybe that is how God is getting the message across also. She's not actually following the Christian rules when she's not being a wife.
Stop wasting time with the wrong one so the right one can come around. And an annulment isn't the same impact as divorce. An annulment makes as if the marriage never happened. And if the woman didn't consummate the marriage it never really did happen even if she took vows before an altar and God. Because she knew she wasn't going to hold her end of the wife role up when she spoke her vows.
She betrayed those and lied to God in the process.


She's not a wife if she hasn't consummated the relationship.

I find it worrysome that so many of you are advocating divorce when she has done nothing to warrant a divorce. Jesus said that only physical adultery is grounds for divorce. #Period #EndofIt - Matthew 19:8-9

Also, this:

Does she realise that she is sinning by refusing sex? Does she realise that she is leaving you open to sexual temptation? Telling you to use porn was a crazy things to say and very dangerous and foolish. 

You should have her sit down with a female member of the church, a deacon or bishop's wife perhaps, maybe even the pastor's wife, and let them discuss the meaning of 1 Corinthians 7.

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Annulments and divorce are the wrong answer. The right answer is to be the man in your relationship, and lead your wife to the truth: Sex is vital, your authority over your body and likewise hers were transferred to the spouse when you married, and denying you sex is sinful.

[4WD]

They aren't married.  They were never married.  The marriage was never consummated.  The piece of paper from the state has nothing to do with God's laws.  It is only the piece of paper from the state that needs to be corrected so do whatever it takes to get that done and move on in life.  Life is too short to put up with that sort of nonsense.

While you are right that the state sanctioned paper may not be worth that much; (besides being in compliance with local law) IF they stood in front of witnesses and made vows to God and each other, they ARE married.  That would be true even if it is NEVER consummated.

There was clearly a breach of the contract (vows, stated or implied).  And it was never consummated.  I wouldn't worry about the fine points.  I would, one way or the other, void the contract and I truly believe it would not violate any of God's rules, laws, or conditions with respect to ending the "marriage".

[chosenone]

Even I know that isn't the end of it. Marriage to an unbeliever is grounds for a divorce.


A woman who doesn't obey the role of being a dutiful wife according to the tenets of the bible is not keeping to the Christians doctrine. She's not being a dutiful wife, she's not submitting to her husband, she's obstinate and hasn't repented of her sexual sin she's not being faithful to her faith.


Look it up as I did. "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9, NIV).


If her husband is resorting to porn in order to get to his happy place that's being unfaithful. He's looking on other women with lust in order to get there.


Besides, Christians can divorce and ask forgiveness later. It beats living with a frigid woman for the rest of his life. How old is he? What's that make the rest of his life tally to? Decades? With no sex.
Is there a scripture that tells a man he must remain with his wife who refuses to have sex, consummate, the marriage?

"Be fruitful and multiply." Isn't happening there. That's going against the directives of God too.


Seven months? I'd have been at the attorney's office already. This woman is telling him she's not the right one. Maybe that is how God is getting the message across also. She's not actually following the Christian rules when she's not being a wife.
Stop wasting time with the wrong one so the right one can come around. And an annulment isn't the same impact as divorce. An annulment makes as if the marriage never happened. And if the woman didn't consummate the marriage it never really did happen even if she took vows before an altar and God. Because she knew she wasn't going to hold her end of the wife role up when she spoke her vows.
She betrayed those and lied to God in the process.


She's not a wife if she hasn't consummated the relationship.

I find it worrysome that so many of you are advocating divorce when she has done nothing to warrant a divorce. Jesus said that only physical adultery is grounds for divorce. #Period #EndofIt - Matthew 19:8-9

Also, this:

Does she realise that she is sinning by refusing sex? Does she realise that she is leaving you open to sexual temptation? Telling you to use porn was a crazy things to say and very dangerous and foolish. 

You should have her sit down with a female member of the church, a deacon or bishop's wife perhaps, maybe even the pastor's wife, and let them discuss the meaning of 1 Corinthians 7.

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Annulments and divorce are the wrong answer. The right answer is to be the man in your relationship, and lead your wife to the truth: Sex is vital, your authority over your body and likewise hers were transferred to the spouse when you married, and denying you sex is sinful.

Doing something wrong just because you can ask for forgiveness later is totally abusing the Grace of God.
I personally wouldnt divorce a man for not having sex, but its is very wrong of her to not make any attempt to sort out this issue. She should also have told him before marriage that she had no interest in sex, he married her under false pretences. However this doesnt make her an unbeliever, any more that any of our sins make us unbelievers.

I dont believe that any allowance for divorce is given for sexual abstinence, the husband would need to pray about it and seek Gods guidance and the guidance of other mature Christian men.

[His_will_i_am]

I've seen a bunch of religious answers, but nothing very practical.

Have you tried a glass or two of wine and a little flirting?

There are some very practical steps you can take to really find out what's going on.

[k-pappy]

I've seen a bunch of religious answers, but nothing very practical.

Have you tried a glass or two of wine and a little flirting?

There are some very practical steps you can take to really find out what's going on.

Get her drunk so she'll do something she won't do when she's sober?  That is horrible advice.

There are two options here:  1) Go to counseling, get to the root of the problem and then fix the problem, or 2) Get an annulment and move on.

[LexKnight]

I've seen a bunch of religious answers, but nothing very practical.

Have you tried a glass or two of wine and a little flirting?

There are some very practical steps you can take to really find out what's going on.

Get her drunk so she'll do something she won't do when she's sober?  That is horrible advice.

There are two options here:  1) Go to counseling, get to the root of the problem and then fix the problem, or 2) Get an annulment and move on.

You really read it like that...? You proved his first point. Concerning the second, it isn't about getting drunk, it's about being romantic and allowing her to loosen up some. Surely you know what romance is, right?

[His_will_i_am]

Bondservant, really?

[chosenone]

I've seen a bunch of religious answers, but nothing very practical.

Have you tried a glass or two of wine and a little flirting?

There are some very practical steps you can take to really find out what's going on.

Get her drunk so she'll do something she won't do when she's sober?  That is horrible advice.

There are two options here:  1) Go to counseling, get to the root of the problem and then fix the problem, or 2) Get an annulment and move on.

You really read it like that...? You proved his first point. Concerning the second, it isn't about getting drunk, it's about being romantic and allowing her to loosen up some. Surely you know what romance is, right?

From what I read this is far more serious than anything that can be solved with romance and a little wine.

[Buster D Body Crab]

That's advocating marital rape as I read you.

If this guy is willing to talk to a board for advice on his wife what's that tell you?

He can't talk to her maybe. Or he has no one close to him that knows him or the both of them so as to get advice.

How often does this guy come back to read this? If it was dire and important wouldn't he frequent this page more often?

I've seen a bunch of religious answers, but nothing very practical.

Have you tried a glass or two of wine and a little flirting?

There are some very practical steps you can take to really find out what's going on.

Get her drunk so she'll do something she won't do when she's sober?  That is horrible advice.

There are two options here:  1) Go to counseling, get to the root of the problem and then fix the problem, or 2) Get an annulment and move on.

[His_will_i_am]

You people are really quick to jump to extremes. Marital rape? Really? What I would simply suggest is to try to turn her on so that she wants it before taking such drastic measures like some of you religious folk suggest.

[Buster D Body Crab]

You people are really quick to jump to extremes. Marital rape? Really? What I would simply suggest is to try to turn her on so that she wants it before taking such drastic measures like some of you religious folk suggest.

Advice that entails getting a woman drunk so she'll act outside of her normal will is working to get a woman to act without conscious consent under will. Yeah, that sounds like marital rape.

If a man has to get a woman drunk so that she'll sleep with you she's not the one with the problem. A man who suggests that as a means to an end around a woman who consciously chooses to remain celibate in her marriage speaks for himself. And when he does it in public we're entitled to have an opinion about that.

[His_will_i_am]

Who said to get her drunk? 

[k-pappy]

His Will I Am, you wrote, you need to take responsibility for your actions instead of attacking those who point out what you wrote.

I am clearly not the only one who say what you wrote, so perhaps you should consider your words more carefully in the future.

[Brian.bkb]

Who said to get her drunk?

They gonna hear what they gonna hear cause they wanted to hear something to argue. Particular religion man, even those against it got it lol

[k-pappy]

You really read it like that...?

Yes, and I'm not the only one.