Husband and Pornographic Images

[Alan]

I have compassion for you as I have been there in both situations.

Yes, I've viewed porn confessed it and was forgiven (by God and my wife).

But I have also been in the hurt position too. I was not my wife's first.

She was not mine either.

But the point is, both you and your husband can find some thing(s) to feel hurt about and not get over it (if you allow it). So please do yourself a favor and don't let the devil win by taking it personal.

If you have reached the threshold of sex drive you say (and my wife had at your age btw which almost killed me) 

then inundate him with so much sex he will have no interest in porn from the soreness...

We live in a fallen world. We have fallen sin natures to contend with till Jesus comes and perfects us.

At best we can only do our best, confess to God our failures, and move on as we strive to serve him more.

Keep short accounts with him (1 John 1:9 - 1 John 2:5).

And realize the same Law that convicts your husband for what he does convicts you for what you do.

And you would not believe how precise the Law of Moses is about women's apparel and how most Christian women today (Christian women) would be accused by the Law of dressing like harlots. Even in my grandmother's (hemline below the knee) day.

Am I saying blow off the porn on your husband's part? No. Just get out of the way and allow God to deal with it. And accept what God does about it. It may seem like he does nothing about it... but he will. If not in this life, I believe at the BEMA seat judgment we are all going to account for the things we long since forgot about or became so desensitized to we could no longer tell it was even wrong... from miniskirts to stark nudity... we're going to be quite surprised...

We can by dealing with our sin ourselves through confession and ceasing things like pornography and what all, avoid it at the BEMA seat. The verses escape me right now but I'll try to find them and post here later. Suffice it to say we would do good to confess even the sin we are clueless about.

Its a fallacy that men look at porn because they dont have enough sex. I have read stories from many women who will tell you the opposite, and sadly if a man is really addicted to porn, he often can no longer have normal healthy sex and doesnt want it, far easier to look at porn.

You're absolutely correct, from the many people that I've discussed this with, their life intertwined with porn is all about a fantasy that is separate from their sex life and highly addictive. Very few have said that their desire for porn diminished when they married or cohabited.

[JohnDB70X7]

And most view porn (by what the Bible describes as perversion to God's plan of exclusivity) on a daily basis as they go through life only they don't realize it. Desensitization and acceptance / toleration of social norms have dulled the senses to what one sees even in Church services... and that thought to be quite conservative.

It fell on the shoulders of United States Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart to describe his threshold test for obscenity in Jacobellis v. Ohio. In explaining why the material at issue in the case was not obscene under the Roth test, and therefore was protected speech that could not be censored, Stewart wrote: I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description ["hard-core pornography"], and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it when I see it...

Cowardice echoed from the various political stumps to the bully pulpits of the land... all afraid to nail the troublesome topic down once for all by going to the Bible. What fuels their fears?

1. people are guilty of breaking these taboos because they are far more absolute that most realize or are willing to deal with.

2. included in the taboos most definitely is the judge's pet perversion...

So if we do as the Pharisees did when Jesus said "I will answer your question from where did I get authority to do these miracles if you answer me this first... John's Baptism was it from men or from God?" I can't define it but I know it when I see it... "we do not know..."

The responses to my post trying to solve the dilemma of a sister here were all about people who are addicted to porn. Beyond the scope of what she spelled out quite succinctly.  The replies to my posts were like beer and whiskey alcoholics condemning pot smokers. They pat themselves and each other on the back too.

[chosenone]

And most view porn (by what the Bible describes as perversion to God's plan of exclusivity) on a daily basis as they go through life only they don't realize it. Desensitization and acceptance / toleration of social norms have dulled the senses to what one sees even in Church services... and that thought to be quite conservative.

It fell on the shoulders of United States Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart to describe his threshold test for obscenity in Jacobellis v. Ohio. In explaining why the material at issue in the case was not obscene under the Roth test, and therefore was protected speech that could not be censored, Stewart wrote: I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description ["hard-core pornography"], and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it when I see it...

Cowardice echoed from the various political stumps to the bully pulpits of the land... all afraid to nail the troublesome topic down once for all by going to the Bible. What fuels their fears?

1. people are guilty of breaking these taboos because they are far more absolute that most realize or are willing to deal with.

2. included in the taboos most definitely is the judge's pet perversion...

So if we do as the Pharisees did when Jesus said "I will answer your question from where did I get authority to do these miracles if you answer me this first... John's Baptism was it from men or from God?" I can't define it but I know it when I see it... "we do not know..."

The responses to my post trying to solve the dilemma of a sister here were all about people who are addicted to porn. Beyond the scope of what she spelled out quite succinctly.  The replies to my posts were like beer and whiskey alcoholics condemning pot smokers. They pat themselves and each other on the back too.

Where did this happen on the thread? I didnt see it. 

BTW there are many godly men about who still will turn away from porn or similar. I know some. So I dont agree that we all look at porn without realising it. Some are very careful about what they see. 

However many men who look at porn a lot, will rather do that than have to have sex with their wives which to them is far more complicated, and many cant even get aroused by their wives any more. So, for you to in anyway suggest that if a wife has more sex with him he wouldnt do it is entirely wrong. Also if a man looks at porn(which is a form of cheating) it drives the woman away from him emotionally and makes her feel unloved, not good enough and rejected, she is hardly going to be able to want to have more sex with him in that state. 
To in anyway imply that its in any way her responsibility, because if she had more sex with him he wouldnt 'need' to do it, is putting the blame on the wrong person.   

[JohnDB70X7]

Where did this happen on the thread? I didn't see it. 

BTW there are many godly men about who still will turn away from porn or similar. I know some. So I don't agree that we all look at porn without realizing it. Some are very careful about what they see.

Isaiah 47:1–3 (AV)
1Come down, and sit in the dust, O virgin daughter of Babylon, sit on the ground: there is no throne, O daughter of the Chaldeans: for thou shalt no more be called tender and delicate.
2Take the millstones, and grind meal: uncover thy locks, make bare the leg, uncover the thigh, pass over the rivers.
3Thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen: I will take vengeance, and I will not meet thee as a man.

Leviticus 18:8 (AV)
8The nakedness of thy father's wife shalt thou not uncover: it is thy father's nakedness.

These two scripture passages were behind the teaching of Hillel; "a woman who exposes even her legs before men not her husband (even if accidentally) is guilty of a divorceable offense (adultery). To which Jesus responded:

Matthew 5:27–30 (AV)
27Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
29And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
30And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

Ironically men are beaten over the head with this passage because church doctrines create a one-sided teaching from Jesus' response to a one-sided teaching. Jesus did not refute Hillel. Hillel got it half right. He just forgot about:

Job 31:1–13 (NIV84)
1"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.
2For what is man's lot from God above, his heritage from the Almighty on high?
3Is it not ruin for the wicked, disaster for those who do wrong?
4Does he not see my ways and count my every step?
5"If I have walked in falsehood or my foot has hurried after deceit—
6let God weigh me in honest scales and he will know that I am blameless—
7if my steps have turned from the path, if my heart has been led by my eyes, or if my hands have been defiled,
8then may others eat what I have sown, and may my crops be uprooted.
9"If my heart has been enticed by a woman, or if I have lurked at my neighbor's door,
10then may my wife grind another man's grain, and may other men sleep with her.
11For that would have been shameful, a sin to be judged.
12It is a fire that burns to Destruction; it would have uprooted my harvest.
13"If I have denied justice to my menservants and maidservants when they had a grievance against me,

Now you and I would be lying to ourselves and each other if we said we are not guilty of this. And we would be as dishonest if we denied the fact that what passes for acceptable attire for women in Church today would have been considered the attire of prostitutes not all that many decades ago.

A very big part of how this happened is our desensitization to sex and sexuality. This was a big reason why the scriptures were so explicit on the subject. And there are lost  more scriptures. I know I used to beat other believers and myself over the head with them. But you must filter all things through two factors: the covenant we are under and that we are all guilty of the same things. Our own guilt is something we tend to be easily desensitized to as well.

All I am saying is that we see porn (by biblical standards) far more often that we realize or will admit. Society had taken the express train to Sodom and Gomorrah and the Church has gone along for the ride most of the way. Is this lady right? Of course. Has she exposed herself before others (by biblical standards) most likely if she's a typical American woman. What about the poor wives of the men she's shown leg (etc) to? 

You want mercy or you want justice (because you can't have both)?   

[JohnDB70X7]

The Law = justice
Grace = mercy

Galatians 3:24–25 (NASB95)
24Therefore the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ, so that we may be justified by faith.
25But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a tutor.

The Forward to the Bible:

2 Peter 1:20–21 (NASB95)
20But know this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture is a matter of one's own interpretation,
21for no prophecy was ever made by an act of human will, but men moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God.

The Conclusion:

1 John 2:1 (NASB95)
1My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous;

[JohnDB70X7]

This goes for any sin.

Porn is not the second unpardonable sin.

And I am not advocating porn or suggesting it's okay in any shape or form.

I am saying we all are a lot more guilty of looking at it or displaying it through our immodesty than our desensitized / self righteous (erasing mechanism) allows us to realize. And this is not to even go into how we tolerate / indulge the most heinous immorality is public, in schools, in media before our very eyes and more imporatntly before children's eyes!

The BEMA seat is not going to be as pleasant a thing as people think with undealt with sin in this life!

[JohnDB70X7]

OP hasn't come back here since March anyway.

[Buster D Body Crab]

Where did this happen on the thread? I didn't see it. 

BTW there are many godly men about who still will turn away from porn or similar. I know some. So I don't agree that we all look at porn without realizing it. Some are very careful about what they see.

Isaiah 47:1–3 (AV)
1Come down, and sit in the dust, O virgin daughter of Babylon, sit on the ground: there is no throne, O daughter of the Chaldeans: for thou shalt no more be called tender and delicate.
2Take the millstones, and grind meal: uncover thy locks, make bare the leg, uncover the thigh, pass over the rivers.
3Thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen: I will take vengeance, and I will not meet thee as a man.

Leviticus 18:8 (AV)
8The nakedness of thy father's wife shalt thou not uncover: it is thy father's nakedness.

These two scripture passages were behind the teaching of Hillel; "a woman who exposes even her legs before men not her husband (even if accidentally) is guilty of a divorceable offense (adultery). To which Jesus responded:

Matthew 5:27–30 (AV)
27Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
29And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
30And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

Ironically men are beaten over the head with this passage because church doctrines create a one-sided teaching from Jesus' response to a one-sided teaching. Jesus did not refute Hillel. Hillel got it half right. He just forgot about:

Job 31:1–13 (NIV84)
1"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.
2For what is man's lot from God above, his heritage from the Almighty on high?
3Is it not ruin for the wicked, disaster for those who do wrong?
4Does he not see my ways and count my every step?
5"If I have walked in falsehood or my foot has hurried after deceit—
6let God weigh me in honest scales and he will know that I am blameless—
7if my steps have turned from the path, if my heart has been led by my eyes, or if my hands have been defiled,
8then may others eat what I have sown, and may my crops be uprooted.
9"If my heart has been enticed by a woman, or if I have lurked at my neighbor's door,
10then may my wife grind another man's grain, and may other men sleep with her.
11For that would have been shameful, a sin to be judged.
12It is a fire that burns to Destruction; it would have uprooted my harvest.
13"If I have denied justice to my menservants and maidservants when they had a grievance against me,

Now you and I would be lying to ourselves and each other if we said we are not guilty of this. And we would be as dishonest if we denied the fact that what passes for acceptable attire for women in Church today would have been considered the attire of prostitutes not all that many decades ago.

A very big part of how this happened is our desensitization to sex and sexuality. This was a big reason why the scriptures were so explicit on the subject. And there are lost  more scriptures. I know I used to beat other believers and myself over the head with them. But you must filter all things through two factors: the covenant we are under and that we are all guilty of the same things. Our own guilt is something we tend to be easily desensitized to as well.

All I am saying is that we see porn (by biblical standards) far more often that we realize or will admit. Society had taken the express train to Sodom and Gomorrah and the Church has gone along for the ride most of the way. Is this lady right? Of course. Has she exposed herself before others (by biblical standards) most likely if she's a typical American woman. What about the poor wives of the men she's shown leg (etc) to? 

You want mercy or you want justice (because you can't have both)?

The Bible tells us that mercy triumphs over judgment. (James 2:13)

Justice without mercy is cruelty.

[chosenone]

Where did this happen on the thread? I didn't see it. 

BTW there are many godly men about who still will turn away from porn or similar. I know some. So I don't agree that we all look at porn without realizing it. Some are very careful about what they see.

Isaiah 47:1–3 (AV)
1Come down, and sit in the dust, O virgin daughter of Babylon, sit on the ground: there is no throne, O daughter of the Chaldeans: for thou shalt no more be called tender and delicate.
2Take the millstones, and grind meal: uncover thy locks, make bare the leg, uncover the thigh, pass over the rivers.
3Thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen: I will take vengeance, and I will not meet thee as a man.

Leviticus 18:8 (AV)
8The nakedness of thy father's wife shalt thou not uncover: it is thy father's nakedness.

These two scripture passages were behind the teaching of Hillel; "a woman who exposes even her legs before men not her husband (even if accidentally) is guilty of a divorceable offense (adultery). To which Jesus responded:

Matthew 5:27–30 (AV)
27Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
29And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
30And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

Ironically men are beaten over the head with this passage because church doctrines create a one-sided teaching from Jesus' response to a one-sided teaching. Jesus did not refute Hillel. Hillel got it half right. He just forgot about:

Job 31:1–13 (NIV84)
1"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.
2For what is man's lot from God above, his heritage from the Almighty on high?
3Is it not ruin for the wicked, disaster for those who do wrong?
4Does he not see my ways and count my every step?
5"If I have walked in falsehood or my foot has hurried after deceit—
6let God weigh me in honest scales and he will know that I am blameless—
7if my steps have turned from the path, if my heart has been led by my eyes, or if my hands have been defiled,
8then may others eat what I have sown, and may my crops be uprooted.
9"If my heart has been enticed by a woman, or if I have lurked at my neighbor's door,
10then may my wife grind another man's grain, and may other men sleep with her.
11For that would have been shameful, a sin to be judged.
12It is a fire that burns to Destruction; it would have uprooted my harvest.
13"If I have denied justice to my menservants and maidservants when they had a grievance against me,

Now you and I would be lying to ourselves and each other if we said we are not guilty of this. And we would be as dishonest if we denied the fact that what passes for acceptable attire for women in Church today would have been considered the attire of prostitutes not all that many decades ago.

A very big part of how this happened is our desensitization to sex and sexuality. This was a big reason why the scriptures were so explicit on the subject. And there are lost  more scriptures. I know I used to beat other believers and myself over the head with them. But you must filter all things through two factors: the covenant we are under and that we are all guilty of the same things. Our own guilt is something we tend to be easily desensitized to as well.

All I am saying is that we see porn (by biblical standards) far more often that we realize or will admit. Society had taken the express train to Sodom and Gomorrah and the Church has gone along for the ride most of the way. Is this lady right? Of course. Has she exposed herself before others (by biblical standards) most likely if she's a typical American woman. What about the poor wives of the men she's shown leg (etc) to? 

You want mercy or you want justice (because you can't have both)?

I agree that some women do dress very immodestly(although the Christian ladies I l know dont), and even some Christian ladies do as well, but men are not helpless to look away/close their eyes/avoid places where this is more likely to happen.