Sex Not Always Necessary

[ohcalidatex]

There are some people (me) who don't like sex. I am sexual but do not like sex with another person. It goes back no doubt to my childhood, my Mom's alcoholism, etc. I grew up without deep emotions and intimacy of any kind is darn near impossible for me. I will never "fall in love" or want sex but yet I can love and care for another person and have found someone who does not need sex. So it can happen. Yes good sexual intimacy can really help a marriage but if you are both ok without it then it can work.

[chosenone]

The fact that neither of you wants sex indicates that you both need prayer and healing. People who have even been sexually abused in childhood can go on to have good sex lives and so can you.   
I cant see anywhere in the Bible that describes a marriage with no physical union on intimacy. A good physical relationship is also important in keeping a husband and wife emotional connected and strengthens the marriage.

IF you are both Christians I would recommend that you seek out people who are experienced in prayer/ministry/healing and go to them  and enable God to heal your damaged emotions before you marry. That may well take some time though but it will be worth it.

[johndoo]

I disagree with chosenone.  What is being described is a essentially a sex aversion to sexual acts with another person.  From the description "I am sexual", it may mean that ohcalidatex is autosexual.

There are people who are asexual, essentially no sexual thoughts or feelings, and of course there is a continuum that everyone is on, with the other end of the spectrum being hypersexual. 

Sex educators say that the most important thing  is that people communicate their needs in advance of marriage. 
Open and full communication early in a relationship is very difficult.
Especially if you are young when considering marriage, sexually inexperienced, first marriage, etc., trying to understand and negotiate these issues early are very difficult. Then there is always the challenge that people change with time.   I didn't know until recently that there are now websites and other services that match asexual persons.

I don't think that the Bible can be expected to spell out the nuances of every possible bio-psycho-social scenario.  In the scenario presented, the partners are meeting each others' needs.  No one is being neglected.  I think that this is what is desired in Christian marriage.

[chosenone]

I disagree with chosenone.  What is being described is a essentially a sex aversion to sexual acts with another person.  From the description "I am sexual", it may mean that ohcalidatex is autosexual.

There are people who are asexual, essentially no sexual thoughts or feelings, and of course there is a continuum that everyone is on, with the other end of the spectrum being hypersexual. 

Sex educators say that the most important thing  is that people communicate their needs in advance of marriage. 
Open and full communication early in a relationship is very difficult.
Especially if you are young when considering marriage, sexually inexperienced, first marriage, etc., trying to understand and negotiate these issues early are very difficult. Then there is always the challenge that people change with time.   I didn't know until recently that there are now websites and other services that match asexual persons.

I don't think that the Bible can be expected to spell out the nuances of every possible bio-psycho-social scenario.  In the scenario presented, the partners are meeting each others' needs.  No one is being neglected.  I think that this is what is desired in Christian marriage.

The poster made it clear that she doesnt want any closeness or intimacy due to her bad childhood. That can be healed and put right by God with the right help, otherwise she will spend the rest of her life being emotionally crippled in so many ways, not just sexually.
Married people are meant to have physical closeness, not just sex, but kissing, cuddling, touching etc  otherwise why get married? You may as well just live as friends/flat mates.

[ohcalidatex]

We do have other forms of physical closeness including kissing, hugging, cuddling, giving massages, etc. So there is not a total lack of physical contact. I have been in and out of counseling my entire adult life with many good Christian counselors. That's not to say God could not yet use someone else. I have put a lot of time into it though.

I am a guy by the way. I would actually be fine not being married but as Christians we are commanded to shun even "the appearance of evil" and most Christians interpret that to mean living together is out even if there is no sex.

[johndoo]

Thanks for clarifying.  I'm glad that you have a fulfilling relationship.

[Hello]

My parents haven't had sex in years and they're fine. My dad fears sex and my mom is used to it.

[Hello]

But everyone is different, as I'm addicted to sex.

[Link]

If you know this, tell your partner before marriage.  Tell a man BEFORE he goes down on one knee and proposes or asks your daddy's hand in marriage.

[Red Baker]

But everyone is different, as I'm addicted to sex.

I am not sure WHO you are, but I am beginning to think that you are here just to thrown some bizarre statements out here and there, just to judge God's children as to their position on certain doctrines and practices.  You may be just a troll, without truly seeking the truth, or even having a desire to know it. 

BTW~Sex is wonderful, God created it to be enjoy, and most do, and a few odd balls do not~UNLESS, one has given themselves over totally to serve God~and CAN live without burning, then by all means do so.  But, I knew from a early age that it was not to be that way for me. I knew that I kinda like those people we call females, and that they were indeed very special, and a wonderful gift from God for a man.

[chosenone]

My parents haven't had sex in years and they're fine. My dad fears sex and my mom is used to it.

Then your dad needs help to overcome his fear, its not normal. 

[Hello]

I don't care if you think I'm a troll but it's wrong to call people odd balls just because they're different from you. He doesn't want to. It's fine. I wouldn't like them doing it anyway. They're my parents.

[Buster D Body Crab]

Just a gentle reminder here. This forum is for those Christians who are either married, as defined in scripture, one man and one woman joined in holy matrimony, or are engaged.

1. PARTICIPATION:
Grace-Centered's Christian Marriage Forum is a safe place for married and engaged couples (marriage is defined as one man and one woman) to talk about love, relationships, marriage, sex and intimacy in a way that is grace centered. Singles are allowed to participate in this forum. If you are not married, please be cautious about giving advice unless you have been married in the past. If you are under 18, please beware that the sexual relationship between a husband and wife will be encouraged and discussed in a somewhat frank manner and might not be appropriate for those under the age of 18. Note: This is not a place for theological debates. That would be in the Theology section.


Thank you all.