No answer on seeing a pastor

[ForATime]

I have requested that we see a pastor for resolution as no clear course of action is being undertaken for restoration or divorce.

No response has been received thus prolonging the predicament.

Couples Counseling and mediation are off the table.

I want reconciliation.

She is giving mixed signals with D talk ceasing and she has been gift giving and doing acts of service.

Next steps?

[johndoo]

Are you "dating"?
Do you go out, go for walks, talk?
If you are trying to reconcile, that is what I've read to do. 
You know the phrase "Actions speak louder than words".  Go with her actions as an indication of her inclination to reconcile. 

[ForATime]

No we are not dating.
We don't do anything together.
I have requested having a coffee, a chat, a walk, seeing a pastor.
No answer is still an answer?
About 130 days ago she said for the first time she wanted divorce.
I have never received any legal correspondence.
D emails havent happened for about 30 days.
In the last 2 weeks she has done acts of service and gift giving.
Help. We are stuck.

[Texas Conservative]

No we are not dating.
We don't do anything together.
I have requested having a coffee, a chat, a walk, seeing a pastor.
No answer is still an answer?
About 130 days ago she said for the first time she wanted divorce.
I have never received any legal correspondence.
D emails having happened for about 30 days.
In the last 2 weeks she has done acts of service and gift giving.
Help. We are stuck.

Does not sound fun.  I feel for you.  I am nearly at the end of my divorce journey.  I just signed papers today.  I can see why God hates divorce.  It causes so much damage.

Does she want you to file instead?  She wants it but feels too guilty to do it?

[ForATime]

Thank you. No not fun. Not for any of us.
Her first mention of D was that I wanted it. So maybe she does want me to?
I made it clear I have never wanted it and won't.
But why the gift giving and acts of service?
Is this push pull normal in the throes of the journey?

[Texas Conservative]

Thank you. No not fun. Not for any of us.
Her first mention of D was that I wanted it. So maybe she does want me to?
I made it clear I have never wanted it and won't.
But why the gift giving and acts of service?
Is this push pull normal in the throes of the journey?

It was not for me.  Her goal was to string me along until some bills were paid.  I found out some information about her behavior she didn't want me to know that embarrassed her.  She then decided she would just do whatever she wanted anyway.  She pursued another relationship and was unrepentant about it and she filed for divorce.  I knew what was going on through the process even though I did not let on that I did.  It took about a year to resolve everything.  Even after papers are signed, there are a few property issues left.

I definitely don't think it is fair for you to have to be stuck in limbo.  If you can do it gently, you should ask what she wants, and let it be known it is up to her.

[ForATime]

Thank you.
I have asked what she wants.
I have made it clear that the two ways out of separation need to be initiated by her.
The only responses I have received are she expressed that she felt brushed off by me (?!?!?) and the gift giving and act of service.
I had developed absorbing activities in my life - developing new interests, rekindle old ones, improving eating, sleeping, cooking, housework etc
Then
The gift giving, acts of service without follow on conversation brings back the push pull destruction sucking me into attachment

Any practical tips for what to do besides wait or file?
I need healthy massive action

[Texas Conservative]

Thank you.
I have asked what she wants.
I have made it clear that the two ways out of separation need to be initiated by her.
The only responses I have received are she expressed that she felt brushed off by me (?!?!?) and the gift giving and act of service.
I had developed absorbing activities in my life - developing new interests, rekindle old ones, improving eating, sleeping, cooking, housework etc
Then
The gift giving, acts of service without follow on conversation brings back the push pull destruction sucking me into attachment

Any practical tips for what to do besides wait or file?
I need healthy massive action

I wish I had advice for you.  I listened to as much as could get.  In the end I had to do what I thought best because no one else I knew had ever really been in my position.  I asked for counseling (before it went too far with her adultery).  I talked to my Pastor.  She would have none of those things.  I didn't let sleeping dogs lie even though it is a more normal inclination.  She wanted a divorce.  She was willing to live as man and wife for awhile so she could have the same quality of life.  She told me she wanted to just "give it time."  I didn't want to give it time.  Turns out that that her wanting "time to think things over" was a cover.   She wanted the divorce but was unwilling at first to give up the material things she had with me. 

My situation doesn't sound like yours.  Only you know if your position warrants that kind of pushiness.

[ForATime]

Thanks for sharing that. Our story is the opposite. Her (financial) quality of life has decreased from moving out and also quitting her job during separation. She has a new one with less pay. I have thought about why the delay but even with a property settlement it is unlikely that her housing situation would be any better than it is now.
No legal proceeding and no reconciliation conversations together and/or with a third party. Just stuck

[chosenone]

Go and see your pastor and ask for his advise.
Ask your wife to go out with you one evening and talk and ask her what her plans.

[ForATime]

I have asked (by email). She didn't respond but responds about our kids. Push pull again?

I saw our pastor. Very supportive of us both individually but it seems that we have to turn up together if that conversation is to happen

[ForATime]

Still no written or verbal response but I guess this is a response.

We are going to mediation in a few weeks