Anxiety and Church

[dwt77]

I'm not sure where else to post this... Sorry if this isn't the appropriate place.

Basically, I've been attending the same church now for 2 years. I have severe social anxiety and problems interacting with others. I mostly always go alone to the church, and I haven't attempted to reach out to anyone there because I'm so crippled by this anxiety problem. I just don't know how to be social. I don't know what to say to people. I'm always one of the last people though the door on Sunday because I try to purposefully avoid the beginning meet and greet thing they do. And I'm always one of the first people out the door... Each and every Sunday it is the same.

This is the first time in my life I've been regularly attending a church, and I don't want to do anything to mess that up. I'm afraid not only because of my anxiety, but also I'm afraid that if I engage with anyone the social pressure this creates will only serve to push me away from the church. But lately our pastor has been preaching extensively on "community" and basically the whole thing is making me feel like I'm failing miserably at church. Like the primary purpose of our church experience is to serve others, and be connected and social and help other poeple. I have a heart to help others. I really do. I just don't know HOW! I don't know how to talk to people. Other than very superficial, surface-y "hello" and "goodbye" kind of stuff.

I'm afraid after going to this semi-small church for two years now that people are starting to hone in on me, and see through my hiding. Like I know I probably stand out now, and I don't know what to do. I'm feeling the walls closing in, and I really don't want to leave this church because I really like the preaching and the music. I feel like God has put me there. It feels like my church home. I pray for these people every week. But I don't want to be that weird quiet loner guy that people are afraid of either. They put their sermons up online. Should I just stay home and listen online? If I'm not going to engage with anyone in the church is God going to judge me the same way regardless? I can stay home and not talk to people just as easily I suppose.

Sorry for the long post... I'm just needing prayer, and maybe advice. Or just support from those Christians here who might suffer from anxiety problems.

Thanks.

[chosenone]

Hi dwt no you are NOT failing and God is NOT judging you, you are doing the best you can with what you have. Dont you think that God knows and understands how hard this is for you? Of course He does.
The trouble is with this sort of thing is that because you are afraid of interacting, you then avoid any social situations, and then you never learn to deal with other people or relate to them, then you hide away and so on, so its a vicious circle. However hard it may be dont stop going and seeing others.

I wonder, you say you want to help people, is there any sort of work that the church or another local church does to help others that you can get involved in a practical way? Such as a food bank, or doing the church garden or an old persons garden etc? Something where you dont have to have a great deal of contact with many people, but a little to help you build up your confidence with others?
  The thing is that the more you hide away the less you will gain that much needed confidence.

I also think that it would be great if you had a mature Christian of your sex in the church who you could meet with and pray with on a regular basis, and who you could maybe go to church with and sit next to, to help you cope for now. It may be worth emailing the pastor to ask about this possibility. I know it must be hard, but take one step at a time, it wont usually get better on its own, but having said that, in my experience most people gain more confidence as they age.

I also wonder if some christian counseling may help? 

[Jd34]

Take the first step in conquering you social fear by speaking with your pastor alone ( one on one).

Tell him exactly what you told us here.. If you just can't bring yourself to have that physical interaction with him, write it in a letter and hand to him.

You seem happy there and you are a part of your pastors flock. Let him help take care of you

[Jon-Marc]

Being raised by an abusive dad who constantly criticized me verbally, I grew up with no confidence in myself and afraid of people (particularly adults) and developed a severe stutter, which made me afraid to talk to people. I became a loner, which I pretty am to this day at age 69. I had the stutter until my late 20's. I prefer to be alone--more because too many can't talk without a lot of profanity, which I haven't used since I was 16, and I find such language to be extremely offensive. In school I wasn't able to give verbal book reports and would only do the written ones. When I got involved with a church in my teens, I found that I could sing without stuttering--something about the vibrations from singing preventing stuttering.

[Tertullian]

dwt77 posted the one time and never came back...

We Christians, at church, should seek out the socially awkward and befriend them.  How disgraceful to say you follow Jesus, who told us to love one another, but you're too worried about your own social climbing to reach down and give a hand to a brother below you.

They can be difficult to deal with.  Maybe you'll have to carry the whole conversation or ignore off-putting behavior, but do it and you'll have a real friend.  What's more, you'll be acting as a citizen of of the kingdom of God.

[chosenone]

dwt77 posted the one time and never came back...

We Christians, at church, should seek out the socially awkward and befriend them.  How disgraceful to say you follow Jesus, who told us to love one another, but you're too worried about your own social climbing to reach down and give a hand to a brother below you.

They can be difficult to deal with.  Maybe you'll have to carry the whole conversation or ignore off-putting behavior, but do it and you'll have a real friend.  What's more, you'll be acting as a citizen of of the kingdom of God.

Many christians and many churches do just that.

[Drytimber]

My dear brother, I feel for you in this situation. Your sincerity comes through strongly. I just hope you received some support and encouragement last year when you posted this.
Anxiety is a horrible thing to contend with, and in the context of church it can be amplified greatly because church purports to be a mutually supportive community. When that happens to some extent it is somewhat helpful, but when it is just words and the reality is that only normal well adjusted people fit in, the damage to those of us who struggle with social interaction can be sadly, very great.
Many small churches are more supportive and people more real because they cannot hide in the crowd. I do hope & pray you will be able to make connections with people who want to be real with you. We do exist and we don't find it easy to get along with everyone all the time, but we all need each other so much. Isolation is the worst thing when feeling frightened anyway. Jesus knows and Jesus loves to the end. Hold fast.