Relationship advice

[the_doctor]

So, the back story:

I'm currently 33 years old. Back in high school I started dating this girl in church (we'll call her Ashley). We were only together for about a year and then I went to college and we decided to not date. Fast forward some time later (still in college but closer to home) we dated again. Some things started happening in her family and we just decided it was best not to date during that time. I was still interested in her and wanted to date and expressed that later. She didn't feel the same way (I was spiritually immature then and I can see why she felt that way). After that I decided to start dating a girl and was in a relationship for 4 years and got engaged, ended up breaking up with her and called off the engagement. During this time I lost touch with Ashley. So, after that relationship ended I started hanging out with Ashley again. I asked her out as a rebound thing. I thought that was a mistake and then told her I just wanted to be friends. We did things most casual friends don't normally do because we knew each other so well. We went to movies together, dinner, and even took some trips together. I know a lot of people will say this is wrong, but we can stay in the same hotel room as each other. There is a comfort level to us being around each other and we know the other person won't try anything. And of course we will sleep in separate beds. Of course I think she is attractive, but I've never been tempted to try to sleep with her.

So during that time for a couple of years we just kept the relationship as friends and had fun. I was not really looking for anyone at the time (and felt like I was still maturing spiritually). Well, toward the beginning of this year she decided to move about 8 hours away. She went to another state to look for a new job because she felt like it was what God was calling her to do. She did find a job down there, but eventually felt like she didn't belong and really missed her friends here. So she moved back in June of this year. So naturally, we went back to hanging out like normal before. Recently, I just moved out on my own so I will have her over at my apartment to cook and we sometimes watch movies together. We still travel to places occasionally. I think this was my mistake because not too long after I started developing feelings for her again. I thought at the time that she was interested in me. I just started noticing things that I took as signs as she liked me. Maybe some were and maybe some weren't. Some examples: more eye contact and smiling than normal, she plays with her around me, she would touch me on my arm more often, she would often mention us going to more places together in the future, and she would laugh at a lot more of my jokes. I know it seems silly, but I take those as signs.

So, 2 months ago I told her how I felt: That I enjoyed being around her, that she was a beautiful, Godly woman and I would love to start dating her again and felt like things could work out this time and I wanted to do things right. I was expecting a yes or no answer, but she told me she had started thinking about whether or not she wanted to date again and what God's will for her life was. She said some days she wanted to be single and others she didn't. She made it clear she didn't want to lead me on and just wanted some time to think and pray about it. Fair enough, I respect her for being serious about and didn't mind waiting. Well, it had been a couple of months later and I asked her if she had been thinking about it at all (I wondered if I was asking too soon). She is really busy with work and works kind of weird hours and told me she hasn't had much time to think about it. She did tell me she told a co-worker friend how I asked her out and was seeking her advice. She told me she still wanted time. I'm ok with that, but I'm wondering how much time I give her.

I know that I can't live my life like this forever as her friend. And maybe I made a mistake in doing the same things we used to do because now we're both in this comfortable spot, but there's no commitment. I have good intentions. I want a Godly relationship with this woman and want to do things the right way. I do love her and I know she loves me, but it's hard for me to say "she's the one" because there's the possibility she might not be if she decides to not pursue dating. Right now I don't have a lot of female friends in my life just because of circumstances. But I don't want too much time to pass and then her say she's not interested....and then regret not pursuing something else.

Right now all I can do is pray for this situation and that God will handle it, but what's a good time frame to get an answer by? I don't want to give her an ultimatum because that will accomplish nothing, but I do want to give her some space. I can be patient, but I know that I do want to pursue a relationship at some point in my life. I don't have the "gift of singleness."

Thanks for any advice anyone might have.