Would love to know

[Hisbride]

What misconception did you have about marriage?

[chosenone]

What about you?                                                                                   

[Hisbride]

  hmm, good question.  I would say the main misconception I had was "we were put on this earth for each other." After many years, trials and growing in my identity in Christ I realized I wasn't put on this earth for me. So, if I wasn't put on this earth for me, my husband wasn't put on this earth for me. He's a Son created to manifest the image of God, walk in His nature and bring Him glory. When I understood that, I went from me focus in my marriage to how I can build him up in Christ. How I can be his biggest cheerleader and encourage him in the Lord. It first began with me realizing my place as a daughter and a passion to know God. To have my own intimacy and fellowship with Jesus apart from him. We been married 26 years and for the first 20 he wasn't the spiritual leader. I can't begin to say how that change made a huge impact in my marriage.

[epiphanius]

hmm, good answer!

[MeMyself]

misconceptions?

That *we* were gonna be *different*! Our "love" was always going to be romantic and vivid and *alive*. yeah, right.  That lasted until the "I do's". Haha!

I didn't realize that men are conquest oriented.  Once he "had" me, I wasn't something he needed to pursue any more.  He is still a wonderful, hardworking man, who is devoted to family and providing for us, but romance...yeah, *that's* been redefined *totally*! HAHA!  Now a trip alone to the hardware store is wild and romantic. 

Also, I didn't realize that he wouldn't have eyes only for me  ...that hurts still to this day  and whomever wrote that stupid song should be slapped. 

What I under estimated was the growing up we both would do.  We may not be what I thought we would be at.all, but I am ok with who we are together, for the most part.  I like how hard we have worked to carve out a life for ourselves.  We did everything alone, but together.  By that, I mean with little outside help like other couples get.  Neither family is very supportive and we have to limit how much time and say they get in our lives...so, we are doing pretty darned good!

[Texas Conservative]

misconceptions?

That *we* were gonna be *different*! Our "love" was always going to be romantic and vivid and *alive*. yeah, right.  That lasted until the "I do's". Haha!

I didn't realize that men are conquest oriented.  Once he "had" me, I wasn't something he needed to pursue any more.  He is still a wonderful, hardworking man, who is devoted to family and providing for us, but romance...yeah, *that's* been redefined *totally*! HAHA!  Now a trip alone to the hardware store is wild and romantic. 

Also, I didn't realize that he wouldn't have eyes only for me  ...that hurts still to this day  and whomever wrote that stupid song should be slapped. 

What I under estimated was the growing up we both would do.  We may not be what I thought we would be at.all, but I am ok with who we are together, for the most part.  I like how hard we have worked to carve out a life for ourselves.  We did everything alone, but together.  By that, I mean with little outside help like other couples get.  Neither family is very supportive and we have to limit how much time and say they get in our lives...so, we are doing pretty darned good!

Where did this "only eyes for me" come from anyway?  No man is like that. 

[MeMyself]

misconceptions?

That *we* were gonna be *different*! Our "love" was always going to be romantic and vivid and *alive*. yeah, right.  That lasted until the "I do's". Haha!

I didn't realize that men are conquest oriented.  Once he "had" me, I wasn't something he needed to pursue any more.  He is still a wonderful, hardworking man, who is devoted to family and providing for us, but romance...yeah, *that's* been redefined *totally*! HAHA!  Now a trip alone to the hardware store is wild and romantic. 

Also, I didn't realize that he wouldn't have eyes only for me  ...that hurts still to this day  and whomever wrote that stupid song should be slapped. 

What I under estimated was the growing up we both would do.  We may not be what I thought we would be at.all, but I am ok with who we are together, for the most part.  I like how hard we have worked to carve out a life for ourselves.  We did everything alone, but together.  By that, I mean with little outside help like other couples get.  Neither family is very supportive and we have to limit how much time and say they get in our lives...so, we are doing pretty darned good!

Where did this "only eyes for me" come from anyway?  No man is like that.

I donno...I just know there is a stupid old song about that, "I only have eyes for you, dear".

It would have been nice to be told this, instead of letting women think men think like women in this area.    It wasn't mentioned ONCE in our premarital counseling and it is VERY hard for a woman not to take it personal or feel like they are lacking.

[mommydi]

Where did this "only eyes for me" come from anyway?  No man is like that.

Well, the song was written in 1934 by two men, Mr. Warren and Mr. Dubin, so men would have a song to lull women into a false sense of security. 

And once again, Texas, thank you for your honesty. 

[mommydi]

! No longer available

[chosenone]

misconceptions?

That *we* were gonna be *different*! Our "love" was always going to be romantic and vivid and *alive*. yeah, right.  That lasted until the "I do's". Haha!

I didn't realize that men are conquest oriented.  Once he "had" me, I wasn't something he needed to pursue any more.  He is still a wonderful, hardworking man, who is devoted to family and providing for us, but romance...yeah, *that's* been redefined *totally*! HAHA!  Now a trip alone to the hardware store is wild and romantic. 

Also, I didn't realize that he wouldn't have eyes only for me  ...that hurts still to this day  and whomever wrote that stupid song should be slapped. 

What I under estimated was the growing up we both would do.  We may not be what I thought we would be at.all, but I am ok with who we are together, for the most part.  I like how hard we have worked to carve out a life for ourselves.  We did everything alone, but together.  By that, I mean with little outside help like other couples get.  Neither family is very supportive and we have to limit how much time and say they get in our lives...so, we are doing pretty darned good!

Where did this "only eyes for me" come from anyway?  No man is like that.

I know men like that who totally adore their wives and have no interest in another. if men do have an issue with wandering eyes and thoughts, then they need to curb it.

[Texas Conservative]

misconceptions?

That *we* were gonna be *different*! Our "love" was always going to be romantic and vivid and *alive*. yeah, right.  That lasted until the "I do's". Haha!

I didn't realize that men are conquest oriented.  Once he "had" me, I wasn't something he needed to pursue any more.  He is still a wonderful, hardworking man, who is devoted to family and providing for us, but romance...yeah, *that's* been redefined *totally*! HAHA!  Now a trip alone to the hardware store is wild and romantic. 

Also, I didn't realize that he wouldn't have eyes only for me  ...that hurts still to this day  and whomever wrote that stupid song should be slapped. 

What I under estimated was the growing up we both would do.  We may not be what I thought we would be at.all, but I am ok with who we are together, for the most part.  I like how hard we have worked to carve out a life for ourselves.  We did everything alone, but together.  By that, I mean with little outside help like other couples get.  Neither family is very supportive and we have to limit how much time and say they get in our lives...so, we are doing pretty darned good!

Where did this "only eyes for me" come from anyway?  No man is like that.

I know men like that who totally adore their wives and have no interest in another. if men do have an issue with wandering eyes and thoughts, then they need to curb it.

Adoring their wives and having no interest in another does not make them blind.

They don't need to be lusting to break the old wives take of only having eyes for their spouse.

Men are visual. 

[Texas Conservative]

Where did this "only eyes for me" come from anyway?  No man is like that.

Well, the song was written in 1934 by two men, Mr. Warren and Mr. Dubin, so men would have a song to lull women into a false sense of security. 

And once again, Texas, thank you for your honesty. 

Many times even "I love you" is used to get milk without buying the cow.

[mommydi]

Where did this "only eyes for me" come from anyway?  No man is like that.

Well, the song was written in 1934 by two men, Mr. Warren and Mr. Dubin, so men would have a song to lull women into a false sense of security. 

And once again, Texas, thank you for your honesty. 

Many times even "I love you" is used to get milk without buying the cow.

So true.

[epiphanius]

I would say the main misconception I had was "we were put on this earth for each other."

Bride,

I guess that depends on what you mean by, "we were put on this earth for each other."  Certainly there's nothing wrong with seeing our spouses as God's intended partner for us, to work together and help each other grow in the Lord.

But--there's *certainly* something wrong with the worldly paradigm that says: "she/he will treat me like a little god/goddess, and *that's* what will make me happy." 

I wonder how many marriages have failed because one or both partners couldn't shake off this notion (even if they knew *intellectually* it wasn't true). 

[mommydi]

But--there's *certainly* something wrong with the worldly paradigm that says: "she/he will treat me like a little god/goddess, and *that's* what will make me happy." 

I wonder how many marriages have failed because one or both partners couldn't shake off this notion (even if they knew *intellectually* it wasn't true). 

Probably about as many marriages that failed because one spouse refused to treat his/her spouse with one iota of respect. Forget being treated as a god or goddess, there are a slew of spouses out there that would be happy to be shown some common decency and respect.

[chosenone]

misconceptions?

That *we* were gonna be *different*! Our "love" was always going to be romantic and vivid and *alive*. yeah, right.  That lasted until the "I do's". Haha!

I didn't realize that men are conquest oriented.  Once he "had" me, I wasn't something he needed to pursue any more.  He is still a wonderful, hardworking man, who is devoted to family and providing for us, but romance...yeah, *that's* been redefined *totally*! HAHA!  Now a trip alone to the hardware store is wild and romantic. 

Also, I didn't realize that he wouldn't have eyes only for me  ...that hurts still to this day  and whomever wrote that stupid song should be slapped. 

What I under estimated was the growing up we both would do.  We may not be what I thought we would be at.all, but I am ok with who we are together, for the most part.  I like how hard we have worked to carve out a life for ourselves.  We did everything alone, but together.  By that, I mean with little outside help like other couples get.  Neither family is very supportive and we have to limit how much time and say they get in our lives...so, we are doing pretty darned good!

Where did this "only eyes for me" come from anyway?  No man is like that.

I know men like that who totally adore their wives and have no interest in another. if men do have an issue with wandering eyes and thoughts, then they need to curb it.

Adoring their wives and having no interest in another does not make them blind.

They don't need to be lusting to break the old wives take of only having eyes for their spouse.

Men are visual.

Thats no excuse to stare at other women or lust after them. Many men have taught themselves not to do that.   

I notice good looking men, but I never stare or leer.

[chosenone]

I would say the main misconception I had was "we were put on this earth for each other."

Bride,

I guess that depends on what you mean by, "we were put on this earth for each other."  Certainly there's nothing wrong with seeing our spouses as God's intended partner for us, to work together and help each other grow in the Lord.

But--there's *certainly* something wrong with the worldly paradigm that says: "she/he will treat me like a little god/goddess, and *that's* what will make me happy." 

I wonder how many marriages have failed because one or both partners couldn't shake off this notion (even if they knew *intellectually* it wasn't true). 

Nothing wrong with treating each other as precious and special. After all we are princes and princesses of the King.   

[Texas Conservative]

misconceptions?

That *we* were gonna be *different*! Our "love" was always going to be romantic and vivid and *alive*. yeah, right.  That lasted until the "I do's". Haha!

I didn't realize that men are conquest oriented.  Once he "had" me, I wasn't something he needed to pursue any more.  He is still a wonderful, hardworking man, who is devoted to family and providing for us, but romance...yeah, *that's* been redefined *totally*! HAHA!  Now a trip alone to the hardware store is wild and romantic. 

Also, I didn't realize that he wouldn't have eyes only for me  ...that hurts still to this day  and whomever wrote that stupid song should be slapped. 

What I under estimated was the growing up we both would do.  We may not be what I thought we would be at.all, but I am ok with who we are together, for the most part.  I like how hard we have worked to carve out a life for ourselves.  We did everything alone, but together.  By that, I mean with little outside help like other couples get.  Neither family is very supportive and we have to limit how much time and say they get in our lives...so, we are doing pretty darned good!

Where did this "only eyes for me" come from anyway?  No man is like that.

I know men like that who totally adore their wives and have no interest in another. if men do have an issue with wandering eyes and thoughts, then they need to curb it.

Adoring their wives and having no interest in another does not make them blind.

They don't need to be lusting to break the old wives take of only having eyes for their spouse.

Men are visual.

Thats no excuse to stare at other women or lust after them. Many men have taught themselves not to do that.   

I notice good looking men, but I never stare or leer.

Who made excuses for staring and lust?  All I said is that no man will only have eyes for one woman i.e. only find one woman attractive.  That idea is a fairy tale.

[Hisbride]

When I say I thought we are here on this earth for each other. I meant I thought we would build a life together. Raising our daughter. Enjoy life, family, vacation, church, grand kids. I never expected he would drink excessively, crystal meth, (porn come with that territory) I didn't think he would do stuff that would divide us. But Jesus! I fixed my eyes upon Him. Discovered who I was in Him. Although things got worse. I realized the spiritual battle and if that is the case Jesus already won. I stood on the word of God no matter how things looked.  After 19 years of up and downs of addiction he was completely set free. Has never has had a want, desire, temptation since. There's not a day that goes by I'm not amazed at the spiritual leader, Godly husband and wonderful father He has become. Every day I'm complimented and  he always tells me he only has eyes for me. Whenever we leave a party or get together. He never fails to say (when alone) I was the most beautiful one there. The thing is we both know life isn't about us. It's about God. walking in His image and manifesting His glory. We are put on this earth for Him. Marriages is modeling the gospel.