Need advice on dealing with wife's past!

[telys]

My wife and I got married 6 months ago. Both of us come from Christian backgrounds. My wife and I are Christians for almost the same period now. However, we come from two different walks of life. I was brought up in a conservative manner - therefore I was a virgin on our wedding day. On the other hand my wife came through a very different path in life. Mostly being on her own, and she has encountered "sex" in a very different way. She has been in several casual flings and ONS - mostly with men she had no relationship with. She has told me that she has never been so emotionally attached to anybody the way she is to me (which I am fortunate for). We also made sure we would have sex only after getting married. Which means, we kept our boundaries during our two years of dating. Now, being married for a few months, I am still exploring "sex" with my wife. When I try and talk to her about her past, she tells me that we have started a new chapter and the past is gone. Sometimes I get to a point where I see images of her with other men, I sometimes have a fear that her past would creep up sometime and tempt her in doing that again. It also makes me feel disgusting that everything I want to do with her in bed has already been done by someone else with her. I have even tried to discuss this with her asking her how do I make her feel, she says that "Babe, you're just fine!".

I know it is not good to live in the past. I know I have some fears and insecurities in me. I just need some godly mature advise on how I can deal with this without ruining my marriage.

And yes, I love my wife and she is a lovely person. I also believe that God has brought her into my life.

[Texas Conservative]

If you don't knock it off, you are going to make her feel like a whore and your marriage will be short.

[Johnb]

God has forgiven  her and you need to find a way to not just forgive but forget or this will end up destroying your marriage.  She has chosen you learn to enjoy that blessing.

PS welcome to the board hope you enjoy.

[DaveW]

Find yourself a good christian counselor who can give you the skillset to get past these vain imaginations.

Did you guys have premarital counseling?

[telys]

Thanks, I am working on forgiving and forgetting. No, we did not have premarital counseling.

Thanks, John, for the welcome. I am sure this board will be helpful to me.

[Norton]

You have been given some short and to the point advice. I urge you to take it. Never mention her past to her again and treat her as your queen. You will be her king and sexual hero. Keep bringing it up and you will be her zero.

[Alma1995]

Honestly, you married her without asking her about her past? I'm sorry but I believe I have to point out this. When you married her, you accepted her completely. If she was not willing to talk to you about her past when you two were both dating, you should have ended the relationship right away. There can be no love when something is hidden. And kudos to you, I could not even think about marrying a woman that gave herself to a random men.

[GracebyFaith1989]

dont know if ur going to read my response but i love the question and i can help.
both me and my significant other have both had many partners before our relationship. its a complicated story but the bible verse i will reference is how Jesus treated the female adulterer and gave her mercy.

ill start with a joke told by Pastor Anderson of Faithful Word in AZ USA. insert tab A into slot B. you dont need to know if ur compatible in bed before marriage. His wife says christians suffer in the bedroom because lack of communication.
As the man you have to step up and make sure she feels safe communicating her desires in the bedroom.

to responsd to you feeling disgusted that other men did things with her already before you had a chance to. i say that is impossible. no other man loves her like you. no other man got her marriage. no other man is you. everybody has sex differently. its like a fingerprint. me and my wife always invent new was to lay with each other. we like it to always feel like the first time. be creative and build a bedroom relationship that is personal to your marriage. you have alot of power and all the power now over her.

in my advise all a woman wants is a man who is strong in leadership. move her forward further away from her past by growing with her into the future. let her past go. you need to be comfortable with her and show her you can be her mountain to lean on. if she gave you 2 years of abstinence. she really likes you. let her love you and serve you! or you will make her nervous about her own performance as a wife. chances are if you were not brought up and trained in the bible you would have committed fornication. shes just a girl who needed a man and was weak and immature in the faith but she still found you. that great!

i know its hard to deal with. that ur wife was with other men. it sucks. most married couples feel that way. they wish they waited. When Jesus says we become one flesh with our spouse that means alot when we lay with them . you give your bodies to each other.

Let me tell you what it took me years to figure out and how to apply these versus.

number 1 not everyone was raised and trained in the bible. this is the most important. people need companionship and that is where our weakness makes us sin and commit fornication. being fruitful and multiplying and adam and eve are the opening story in the bible. it is a strong drive in a man and woman. to be companions with one and other. your wife was weak and now she is strong with you but mostly her new found relationship with Jesus. What you need to trust is her relationship with Jesus and devotion to him. That is the only thing keeping her from straying. Talk to her about Jesus everyday and lead her in that faith. Realize the control you have as the man in her life now!

number 2 this sounds harsh but i follow baptist leather lunged preachers who scream against sin and will physically drag a fornicator out of church before he would let his flock be corrupted.
the family unit is a militia. in this case a spiritual militia. your job is to be a staple of society and in politics we say the family unit creates good societies and keeps government in check. it is your job to step it up . be a man. appreciate that your wife chose you and give her a break. shes only a woman not Jesus. She stumbled but still wound up with you,

number 3 Your wife looks to be lead by you. i would not worry about her former relationships at all. alls she wants is for you to step it up. have faith in Jesus and treat her as if she is yours. If you have doubts then do whatever it takes to step it up and make sure she is satisfied. the only comparisons you should be doing is what your relationship with her is now and what the bible says it needs to be. forget about her former relationships. If you have to go outside and chop up wood or a take a self defense class or whatever , make yourself all you can be to learn better leadership skills and be more confident. great sex and trust comes from what happens outside the bedroom. sex happens as the final glue that holds a relationship. this is a reference to number 2. pick a bigger issue then the bedroom. realize you have a duty to be a man. to lead the relationship and to build a family and a strong community and a better world. Just turn on the news. the world depends on strong Christians to fix the messes. it will take the stress out of the bedroom. resist the Devil and he will flee. shove all that stress and jealousy down Satans throat and do what it takes to have a strong marriage.

[GracebyFaith1989]

fight the Devil not your wife.

[Alma1995]

fight the Devil not your wife.

I hardly doubt the guy that made the post would read that, he only made two post and been inactive for some time.

[GracebyFaith1989]

maybe itll help someone else.

[Alma1995]

maybe itll help someone else.

Well he asked he had trouble dealing with her wife past, you said:

to responsd to you feeling disgusted that other men did things with her already before you had a chance to. i say that is impossible

This is what he really needed help for. For me, it was something he should have dealt with before even starting dating her. 

[GracebyFaith1989]

ur right. but he was a virgin. he didnt know how he was ganna feel after he gave his virginity away. he may have been inexperienced in that area. sometimes you just dont know till it happens. maybe im wrong.

[Alma1995]

ur right. but he was a virgin. he didnt know how he was ganna feel after he gave his virginity away. he may have been inexperienced in that area. sometimes you just dont know till it happens. maybe im wrong.

I'm virgin and I'm disgusted by the fact my partner isn't that I ended a three year long relationship after my girlfriend confessed she wasn't. So for me, virginity is a deal breaker. It depends on people. Some don't even care, some do care until they lose their virginity and others, like me, will only date virgins.