In Need Of Some Advice (Recent Breakup)

[Humbl3M1nd]

I've been with my now ex girlfriend for almost 3 years, we had a lot of ups and down throughout our relationship. During the years my ex started to really focus on building her relationship with God and at first I wasn't in the same place with her. She wanted to stop having sex, court and go to church more. I can admit at first it seem like she was forcing me to change but then she quickly realized that it will only happen on my own terms (this was early in our relationship). There was plenty of times she wanted to end the relationship because we were in two different places (not equally yoked) n we keep clashing when it came to God (I used to question a lot of things) but she stayed around because of the love she had for me and the hope that I would change. Each time she tried to leave I kept getting her to stay by promising her I would change but never did, at first I even went to church for her instead of myself but God expose me to her every time. Present time: This year we were on and off but I knew I was losing my relationship with her, I grown to love her so much but nothing I did or say made her what to stay. She is a Woman of God, with dreams of starting her ministry and make that her career. A couple months ago I gotten to my lowest point because I knew it was coming to an end, I always tired to fix us by myself n it never work. It was then that I truly embrace and open my heart to God, I knew there was things about myself I needed to change n I couldn't no longer do it by myself, but the damage was already done. My ex left me in Sept, I kept trying to be persistent in getting her back but she made it clear that her decision was final, its like I kept trying to tell her I truly changed but all she see is what she remembers (build a brick wall). I recently found out that she is talking to someone else and they been talking since Sept which makes me believe that was her exit strategy. Everybody I talk too keep telling me to give it time, let go and let God work. I trust in Him, He truly knows what my heart desire. I've been trying to give her space by not contacting her after realizing my persistent attempts was only pushing her away and just focus on myself. But this hurts, to go from loving each other to her talking to someone else. People keep telling me that maybe she's not the one and that God used her as a vessel to get closer to Him. I really do love her, I've put this girl through a lot and it took for me to wanted to change for myself for me to see a lot of my wrongs. I want to marry her, I truly believe God put her in my life for a reason, and not just for it to end like this. I've been giving her space and the only time I am able to see her is at church (we both attend the same church), even then she still sits next to me and we converse afterwards. These past Sundays was the first time in a while she was willing to grab a bite to eat afterwards. Its like I am only able to talk to her on Sundays, I am grateful and know I need to be patient but sometimes it can be hard. I'm seeing the progress in myself because I've realized that I need to break this cycle I have with my relationships. I used to always think the other person was damaged when all along it was I. I see the importance in having God in my life and living by example. I know I should just be patient and give it time. Being alone is something new to me because I used to jump from relationship to relationship without really focusing on myself and I think that's part of the reason why I haven't been interested in being with someone new. I tend to go out and find things to do but there be times when that loneliness kicks in n all I can do is pray for peace and ease.

[Jason_NC]

My advice is set your heart on God and not her.  Pursue Him with all your heart.  Find a ministry that is meaningful to you and serve God as best you can.  Become the person God wants you to be.  Then you will be ready for the right relationship when it comes along.

It may be her or it may not, but don't set your heart on her, or you might miss out on something better.

[chosenone]

If its meant to be it will happen, but if she already has someone else then you need to keep your distance and trust God. He may well have another lady in mind for you, however he may also be wanting you to have some time alone so that your relationship with Him can get stronger. She has said her decision is final so you need to respect that, and I am pretty sure that she has prayed a lot about it before making that decision.