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Messages - Ray in Florida

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1
Haven't posted here in quite some time ... but felt moved to respond ... some of you long-timers might remember me, and all the trials I went through in my own marriage ... wanted to share the following:

Ephesians 5:21 "MUTUAL SUBMISSION ... out of fear/reverence for The Lord" ... the roles of men/husbands and women/wives is more thoroughly delved into beginning in V. 22 ...but another highlight that I found very helpful in my situation years ago ... "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church, and gave His life for her" ... unconditionally ... sacrificially ...

2
For what it cost you ...

I, and our marriage, survived my DW's affair back in 2004-05 ... and her decision to separate in 2010 ... by my getting into HIS WORD ... and surrendering myself to HIM ... accepting that there were indeed things that I could no longer do ... things I couldn't "fix" ...

I went through a series of classes at our church that were part of our Marriage Ministry team's efforts in helping to a) the Marriage Covenant with GOD, b) that TEAMWORK is essential, and c) how to FIREPROOF your marriage ...

May I humbly offer to you the words found in Paul's Letter to the Church at Ephesus:

Ephesians 5: 21  "Mutual submission, out of reverence for the LORD" ... the key being "mutual" ...

As you have described him, until your DH comes to the realization of his responsibility, not only to you but to GOD ... your marriage will continue to sputter and wease along ...

Seek good Christian women to council with ... and may GOD BLESS YOU each and every day ...

3
Brother ... I hear your pain ... and yet, I must encourage you to stand against any thoughts of divorce ...

My DW and I went through a season in our marriage, not long ago, where she wanted to leave ... wanted a separation ... had had enough ... for years, I had not been a Godly Man ... in our home, in our marriage ... I was weak and intimidated ... afraid of doing what for years had seemed "uncool" ... and it nearly cost me ...

Your repentance appears to be heart-felt ... which is a big first step ...but there is more to do ... you must become "SELF"-less ... in your daily walk and in your marriage ... and you must accept that only GOD ... alone ... can restore that which has been lost ... can your DW ever come to trust you again? That is for her and GOD to work through ... but realize that there can be no turning back for you ... you must be all in ... all the time ... or it's a waste of time ...

Remember ... when you married, you not only exchanged vows with one another ... you each made a covenant ... with GOD ... a covenant that HE expects each of you to honor ... HE knows where each of you are weak ... and where each of you will be tested ... and you will be tested ... but HE also knows what HE created ... and that there is within each of you the essence of HIS spirit ... when you feel weakest ... HIS spirit is strongest ...

If both of you can commit to the work that is needed ... then there is nothing that, with HIS presence in your marriage, the two of you can't overcome ...

So, with that in mind ...

1) If you haven't already, make a mutual promise to invite CHRIST into your home and your marriage ... and commit to living each day for each other ... through HIM ...
Ephesians 5:21 - 21 "mutual submission, out of reverence for the Lord" ...

2) Please remember ... the two of you together are a team ... both working for a common goal ... a Christ-centered marriage, built on a covenant with HIM ...
Hosea 2:19 (NIV)

19 "I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you with righteousness and justice, with love and compassion.

3) further, allow HIM to remake you ... into the man that HE needs you to be ... the man your DW needs you to be ... a man she can TRUST and have FAITH in ... right now, while she is still with you, her ability to TRUST you ... her desire to TRUST you ... is in shattered in a thousand little pieces ... and yet ... she is there ... so there must be a flicker of hope in her that you can be redeemed ... and she apparently TRUSTS GOD !!!

Romans 15:13 (ESV)

13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."

Be patient ... stay strong ... and do not allow Satan to tempt you ... and he will tempt you ... but lean heavily upon the LORD ... both of you ... it may be years before your DW trusts you again ... it may less ... but that is out of your hands ... GOD must rebuild you, so that through your struggles and ultimate triumph, your DW can see the emerging man that GOD has made in you ... the man HE knows she needs you to be ...

Romans 12:2(AB)

2 "Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you]."

May You be Blessed Each Day ... in HIM is your strength ...

4
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Ready to move on...
« on: Fri Aug 10, 2012 - 15:41:03 »
Dear Sister in Christ ...

This is just MHO ... it cost you nothing, so here goes ...

To me, there is NO justification for violence ... on either side ... and by his actions (as you've described them), he has posed a real danger to both you and your child ... time to get out ... don't make a big deal of it, just get out ... if you can, go to your parents ... but go somewhere where you won't be alone with your child ... you need someone there, as a witness, when he's around ... and if it's your father, your husband may be less inclined to "act out" against you ... and get a restraining order to protect your child from his "outbursts" ... one of you needs to be the "adult" here, so it might as well be you ...

You need to protect yourself ... your interests (financially, physically, etc.) and those of your daughter ...

Notice I have not mentioned divorce ... because I'd hold off on that, at least for a time ... just remove yourself and your child from danger ... you both need a break ... you've both had to deal with a lot lately ... and you both need an emotional break ... stop being afraid, and be courageous ... your child needs that from you ... you need to set some boundaries ... for both of you ... and then stick to them ... find a female accountability partner from your church ... someone who you can turn to for support ... Godly Wisdom and counsel ... and to keep you focused ...

But protect yourself, and your child, immediately ... you are in an unpredictable, and potentially dangerous situation ... get yourself out of it ... and get a restraining order to protect yourself and your child ...

May Our Lord give you Peace and Strength in this most difficult time ...

Ray in Florida
 ::cool:: ::prayinghard::

5
Dear Brother ...

If I may, have you had an opportunity to watch the movie "Fireproof"? If not. I would highly recommend it ... and along with it, get yourself a copy of "The Love Dare" ...

Prepare yourself for a very long journey ... with lots of work and little reward along the way ... save the renewing of your relationship with Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ ...

Persevere ... stay strong and unshaken in your Faith ... and you will be rewarded ... perhaps not in a way that you can presently envision, but rewarded none the less ...

If your DW is determined to leave, then leave that to GOD ... and take up the rebuilding of yourself in Christ ... I have traveled the path that you and our brother Carwhisperer now find yourselves on ... and I share with both of you my experiences in my own journey towards redemption ... and the eventual restoration of my marriage ... the process was long ... painful ... and frustrating ... I yelled and screamed at GOD many times ... and every time I did, HE was patient with me ... HE listened to me ... and when I was through "venting", HE still loved me ... slowly, I came to the realization that it wasn't about my relationship with my DW ... it was about the relationship that I needed to build with HIM first ... I had to allow HIM to do the work that I could no longer do in my relationship with my DW ... it was hard to realize that I was not equipped to do that job ... only HE could accomplish such a miracle ...

And, over the course of almost 6 years ... HE DID !!! Our marriage has been rebuilt ... and we are closer to each other than at any other time in our marriage ... none of which could have happened without first allowing GOD to do the work I asked HIM to do ... both in her, and most importantly in me ... HE used the opportunity to rebuild me into a vessel HE COULD USE ... and through my transformation, HE was glorified ... and slowly, my DW's eyes were opened once again ... and she saw in me the man she had always wanted to see ... and our relationship was transformed ...

There are no guarantees in this process ... free choice is what it is ... but if you can approach this with the mindset that, no matter how things work out, you need to do this for yourself ... and your own relationship with CHRIST ... you will be rewarded, as I said earlier ... so please, have FAITH ... and COURAGE ... and the STRENGTH to persevere ...

May you experience the GRACE and PEACE that comes with the acceptance of JESUS CHRIST into the center of your life ...

Ray in Florida
 ::cool:: ::prayinghard::

6
She probably is scared to trust you again so soon. Why are you pushing the divorce forward if you want a chance to save the marriage?  Why not just put it on hold, and walk out your walk with the Lord for her to see.  Only time heals some wounds, and she may need that time. If you push through the divorce, she may not take the chance to "remarry" you once it's done. She may feel after that the stress of the decision is off of her shoulders. Just something to think about.

EXACTLY ... the obstacles that man creates ... GOD can ... and often does ... overcome

Brother, I have offered my thoughts to you before ... and you have been gracious enough to read them ... but now it is time to act ...
If you still love your DW ... and it sounds as if you do ... then all other actions must STOP ... NOW !!!

It is within your control to change ... how you relate with your DW ... and how you live each day for GOD ... but it is up to you ... our GOD is awesome ... HE CAN DO SO MUCH ... but not a step will HE take ... until WE SURRENDER OURSELVES TO HIM ...

Brother ... please ... allow HIM to remake you ... let me see if I can give you an analogy that you can relate to ...

Consider yourself as like a car ... that isn't running right ... oh, it looks great to the untrained eye ... but inside, it's "missing" ... the engine sounds OK, but the performance is lacking ... and the car needs help ... all of the "mechanics" that have looked it over have offered their opinions ... some good, some maybe not so much ... but still, the car is just not performing up to what it is capable of ...

But ... in the hands of the "Master Mechanic" ... the car recognizes the "touch" of the Master ... and allows (choice) HIM to "fine tune" (work within) the parts and areas that need attention ... and in short order, the car is performing at "peak performance" ... like us once we are "redeemed" and "perfected" ... in HIM ...

We can stand around, looking under the hood, and offer our opinions ... but until we allow ourselves to be put "up on the lift" ... and really inspected ... it's tough to know just where to start ... or what to do ...

Brother ... put down your tools ... and let HIM use HIS TOOLS ... on you ... let HIM have a look at you ... your life ... your marriage ... and then follow HIS preventive maintenance plan ... submission, teamwork, covenant honoring commitment ... and then let's see how your car does ...

May GOD Bless You ... reveal HIS will to you ... and redeem you ...

Ray in Florida
 ::cool:: ::prayinghard::

7
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Worried and confused...what to do
« on: Mon Mar 26, 2012 - 08:20:01 »
Well I've been away from the forum for a while and its been months since the post wast last active.rickwallace, thanks  for your response but it seems you did not get the facts correct. But anyway, the reason I'm writing today is to give an update. Things have gone terribly worse..instead of focusing on the plan that he had mentioned (getting help through counseling), he decided to go on a mission to really destroy my reputation. He went all out to twist every bit of conversation we had and everything I have done so that I really look like the devil who has been treating him bad all these years. He never mentioned anything wrong that he has done, he was trying by all means to justify his actions by painting me as the bad person so that when people realize what he had been doing, would think he did that because I treated him badly. He has been going around to my family (brothers, sisters, bothers in law) telling them every little detail of our marriage even issues I believe are very private between two married people. And its possible they are not the only ones he has told, possibly his friends and colleagues as well. Had he gone all out to a counselor and told him all this, I would have no problem with it, I would take it he was making an effort to get help.But  I am finding it difficult to understand why anyone would go all the way to make someone they claim to love so much and make them seem the like the biggest devil in the eyes of other people, that to me does not make any sense.   

When my sisters came to confront me about these allegations, I told them the true facts of evry issue he had twisted and they were really surprised. I also told them this was not something new, he had done it to me several times, the twisting evrything so that I look bad and take the blame. The thing is I have never at any point  for the entire duration of our marriage,discussed our issues with his family and I was always discretionary with what I discussed with my sisters because I believe it is our  (mine and Hubby)business and it is our private life just like anybody else has their own. To add to that, he has always been the one insisting that we should keep our issues private but now he has not practiced what he has been preaching. All in all I was very hurt at the way he handled this and it has made things even worse between us. ::cryingtears::

Dear Sister in Christ ...

Sadly ... Satan has a powerful grip on your DH at the present time ... Satan has blinded your DH to the work that he must do in your marriage ... and one of the hardest lessons that I had to learn, in my own battle to be the man GOD wanted me to be, was to stop with my attempts at rebuilding my marriage ... and let HIM do the work that HE had promised me HE WOULD DO ...

Your DH is in the most powerful battle of his life ... the battle for his soul and his spiritual salvation ... and Satan will not let him go without a fight ... so here are some questions for you to consider, if I may:

1) can you have compassion for your DH ... please understand, I'm not saying that you should forget all that has happened that has brought the two of you to this point ... but can you forgive him, as Christ forgave all of us from the cross? Satan has convinced your DH that he is justified in his blaming of you ... not an atypical response from someone whose life has become a mess, and sees no way out ... and the constant lies that Satan is filling him with obviously undermine what good your DH even contemplates doing ... but can you view your DH as a soul in need of compassion and love? I'm not a in any way suggesting that you allow yourself  to be in a situation of being manipulated and used ... but as a fellow person, with an obviously tortured soul, can you view your DH with compassion?

2) at this point, only GOD knows what HE has in store for you ... are you prepared to be the woman that GOD needs you to be going forward? By that I mean, are you able, and ready, to give your life entirely to GOD ... and trust HIS guidance and directives as they manifest themselves in your daily walk with CHRIST ... again, you are neither responsible for, or to blame for, your DH's actions ... and nothing that I might offer here to you should taken in that light ...

At some point, GOD will reveal to your heart and to your mind the course that HE has laid out for you ... are you spiritually ready to follow it? Has HE placed HIS word upon your heart so strongly that you have no reservations about following HIM going forward?

3) If you would, read Proverbs 31 ... and the Ephesians 5: 21 - 29 ... can you see yourself in these passages? I agree, some of what is written in Proverbs 31 is obviously more applicable to the roles that women played in those times, and would be difficult to envision today ... but isn't the essence of Proverbs 31 that a women has such an awesome and multi-fascited role in a marriage? It appears that way to me ... GOD has equipped you ladies with such awesome capacities for love, devotion, nurturing, responsibility ... and has charged us men with the task of understanding and respecting what HE created in you ...

I love the message in Ephesians 5: 21-29 ... it personally saved me once I was able to grasp what it truly meant ... for me, two concepts leapt off the pages at me ... first, my love for my DW must be just as CHRIST's love for us was ... sacrificial and unconditional ... that is my role as Husband in my marriage ... and second, that we (my DW and I) are equals in our marriage, mutually consenting to set our "selves" aside for each others good ... "Mutual Submission" ... as guys, we often miss that verse (v. 21) completely ...

4) I can't emphasize this point enough ... you are not to blame for how your DH has chosen to act in your marriage ... he is responsible for actions ... before GOD ... and he will be accountable to GOD for what becomes of your marriage ...

For me, it really helped me to go through the Bible Study groups that I did during the trials in my marriage back in 2010 ... one was called "Covenant / Teamwork" and the other was "Divorce Care". At the time, I had no idea which direction my marriage was going to go ... but I knew that I was woefully ill-equipped, as a christian man, to be what GOD needed me to be ... if my marriage was going to succeed, I had to change ... everything ... about who and what I was ... without knowing whether or not it would make a difference in the eyes of my DW ... there were no guarantees for me ... just the realization that I had to do this regardless ...

As it turns out, it was the first step along a road that I had desperately needed to travel ... and GOD knew that. Out of all that I experienced, the understanding that I gained as far as the difference between simply exchanging vows and making a covenant with GOD ... and the need to place GOD FIRST in my life ... as well as in my marriage ... and the profound difference that it made for my DW and me ...

Finally, I hope that your DH comes around ... I hope that he comes to the same realizations that I did ... that (1) he needs CHRIST in his life ... starting today ... and (2) that he is able to get to a point where he is truly "broken" ... so that CHRIST can then remake him into a man that HE CAN USE ...

If, and it's a huge IF ... your DH can get himself to this place in his life ... can you have compassion for him? Can you be there to support him and help him, as fellow believer in CHRIST?

I'm not suggesting that you take him back ... not now ... neither of you are ready, or prepared, for that ... but can you reach out to him as you might any other christian brother or sister?

Only GOD knows, at this time, what HE has in store for the two of you ... whether your current marriage is able to be restored or not ... please do let your heart become hardened and cold ...

May Our Lord Bless You Today ... and every Tomorrow that HE gives to you ...

Ray in Florida
 ::cool:: ::prayinghard::

8
Have you married someone and helped raise that person's children? If so, how do you respond to the following.

1. Did you have your own biological children when you met the new family? If so how old?

A. No

2. How old were the stepkids when you entered their lives?

A. 8 yrs. old

3. Was the ex still in the picture?

A. No - currently a guest of the Sunshine State ...

4. Did the children resent you when you first met?

A. Yes

5. Did the children resent you later on?

A. For a while ...


6. Did you ever feel comfortable disciplining the stepchildren?

A. Not completely


7. Did your new spouse have issues with you disciplining the stepchildren?

A. for a while ... until stepson went back to Indiana

8. Did your biological children resent the new children or your new spouse?

A. Not sure ...

9. Did your relationship with the stepchildren ever begin to feel natural, like they were your biological children?

A. Not until recently ...

I am interested in the answers to these questions based on your personal experience. Please don't tell me what you think I should do or what one should do. Please tell me what happened to you.


Hope this gives you insight ...

Ray in Florida
 ::cool::

9
Dear Brother ...

I have been contemplating over the past few days what else I might offer to you ... and my heart is lead to the following ...

For me (and I want to emphasize that point), I had to surrender my life to the LORD ... no part-way, half-hearted attempts ... it had to be total and unconditional surrender. In hindsight, I liken it to "taking off my tool belt", if you will ...

Look, as guys, we are "fixers" ... it's how we're wired ... it's what we do ... give us a challenge, something that needs to be "fixed" ... and we attempt to fix it ... be it the sink, the toilet, a shelf in laundry room, or changing the oil in the car ... we are "fixers" ...

And that was my biggest problem ... I kept thinking that I could "fix" my marriage relationship with my DW ... certainly, she would come around ... I just needed to try one more thing ... one more approach ... one more idea ... and everything would be OK ... only, I was out of ideas ... I had exhausted everything in my "tool belt" ...

And my DW had had enough ... and I was devastated ... frustrated ... and angry ...

And then ... it came to me ... the GOD that I was so angry with, so frustrated with ... was right there with me all along ... HE just needed me to stop interfering, and let HIM do the work ... but as long as I kept wanting to "pick up my tool belt and do it myself", HE was willing to let me ...
it was like HE was saying to me ... "as long as you keep wanting to do it yourself, go ahead ... I'll be here when you're ready to let me take over ... but you have to let ME take over" ...

Which led directly to the second point ... no guarantees ... just as HE was willing to step back each and every time I wanted to "do things myself" ... HE was also going to give my DW the choice of whether to stay or not ... I just had to TRUST HIM that HE would be FAITHFUL to HIS WORD ... it became clear to me that I had enough work to do in myself ... and my own daily walk with HIM ... to concern myself with ... if my DW came to see the changes that were beginning to manifest themselves in me, then great ... and if she did not ... then at least I could be more useful to our LORD moving on with my life ... but the shift in my focus had to be off of myself, and onto HIM ... no short-cuts, no half-heartedness ... I was either going to have to be "all-in" ... or nothing ... and if, someday, the LORD lead another woman into my life, I would be better prepared to be the man HE needed me to be ... for myself as well as for someone else ...

The process that I began in January of 2010 is still ongoing ... and my DW is still here with me ... it took her many months to see ... and then accept ... the changes in me ... and thankfully, our marriage continues to evolve each day ...

And so can yours ... if you are finally at a point where you can "let go and let GOD" ... and mean it ...

In all honesty, it may indeed be too late to save your marriage ... or it may not ... only GOD knows that for sure ... but the very fact that neither of you have finalized the divorce speaks volumes ... perhaps HE is trying to get your attention ... both of you ... and seeing if at least one of you won't relent and let HIM do the work ... like HE did with me ...

What I'm talking about here is a "Life Change" ... a surrender of your old "self" ... and the emergence of a "new man" ... in CHRIST ...

Whether or not your DW comes around to the "new man" is not important right now ... I would suggest that the most important aspect is that you begin the steps needed to become a true "GODLY MAN" ... one who lives each day for the LORD ... one who invites and welcomes the LORD into your home each day ... one who realizes the frustration, pain, and anger that may indeed come your way ... and yet, refuses to yield to those feelings ... I don't remember how many times I got in my car and went for a drive ... and literally yelled at GOD ... and yet, HE already knew my feelings and it was OK ... or how many times I stood in the same room as my DW, and let her yell and rail at me ... and new that it wasn't her so much as it was Satan who was angry, trying to get me to give up ... and give in to her anger ... and respond in kind ...

Whether your marriage survives or not ... you, my brother ... need to do this ... for yourself and your own growth in CHRIST ... so that you can begin to become the man HE needs you to be ... and a man that HE can use ... whether your DW eventually comes around and joins you on the new path you will begin to walk is up to her ... that's the work that GOD needs to do in her ... but don't shortcut the process ... give in to the LORD, and give everything you are to HIM ... in the end, it is the only real chance you have ...

This advice is offered in love ... I see a brother who is still struggling ... not sure of what to do, yet not completely willing to "give up" yet ... that's the good news ... and this advice cost you nothing ... do with it what you will ... if you've read this far, then I thank you for allowing me the time it took you to read this ...

May GOD Bless you ... your life ... and your DW ... each and every day ...
Ray in Florida
 ::cool:: ::prayinghard::

10
Dear Brother ...

I have read many of your previous posts ... commented on a few of them ... and yet ...

My personal struggles ... and subsequent triumphs ... are well documented here on these forums, so I won't bother you with them here ... but in the interest of "full disclosure" ... I tend to view things a bit narrowly ... especially when it comes to marriage and infidelity ...

I do not wish to "heap hot coals" upon you, my brother ... but in your present "frame of mind", you are of no use to anyone ... not your still current wife, not your "girlfriend" ... and most of all ... not to GOD !!!

HE wants to do great things through the wreckage that is your marriage ... remember, HE is in the restoration and recovery business ... and HE wants to use YOU to bring GLORY and PRAISE to HIM ...

The fact that neither one of you has taken this decision to its anticipated conclusion should tell you something ... you do know that our GOD uses many ways in which to speak to us ... could it be that HE has other plans for you and your wife than the ones that the two of you have been pursuing ...

Ask yourself ... with the way that your life is currently going, who is glorified in that???  Could it be that Satan has such a hold on you ... constantly attacking you ... and your wife ... where the two of you are the weakest???

And yet, the divorce is still not finalized ... could it be that GOD is not yet through with either of you ... or your marriage???

Perhaps ... if you can truly give yourself to CHRIST ... stopping the pretense and the luke-warm efforts ... and really commit to a life that CHRIST can use ... at some point, isn't it worth at least the effort that HE requires ... it's time to "take off your "tool belt" ... and let CHRIST do the heavy lifting in your life ... because until you are a new creation in HIM ... you're of no use to anyone ... not even yourself ... and when our lives unfold in such a way that we reach points such as where you find yourself now ...

It's OK to let "JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL" ...

It's time, my brother, to be accountable ... to yourself ... to your wife ... and to your GOD ...

We owe HIM that much ...

If I can help you any further ... I am always around ...

Joshua 24: 15


11
Thank you to all who read and offered up their prayers for my MIL ... it is comforting to know that she dwells with Jesus now ... the culmination of many years of suffering through decades of pain, tragedy and heartache are now but like the morning mist ... fading into nothing ... as the Son approaches and "lights the way" ...

May you all be Blessed for your kindness ...

Ray in Florida
 ::cool:: ::prayinghard::

12
who left us on Thursday morning (01/26/12) to be with our wonderful Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ ...

It was very sudden ... Mom was not in any distress or discomfort ... at least that we were aware of ... and apparently suffered a massive heart attack sometime around 7:30 AM, shortly after my father-in-law had left for work ... Mom was 74 yrs. young ...

Please keep Dad, and my dear wife Sandie, in your prayers ... they are both devastated by this, as one would imagine ... our pain and grief is mountainous at the moment ... and they both need lots of prayers right now ...

Thank you, in advance, for your kindness ...

Ray in Florida
 ::cool:: ::prayinghard::


13
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Is it possible for a marriage to die?
« on: Wed Jan 25, 2012 - 19:06:49 »
Dear DG ...

As a husband who has been there, allow me to offer a few observations:

1) if the grass looks greener elsewhere ... check the "fertilizer" you're using ...

2) a marriage is like a garden ... with the right "tools" ... and with the right fertilizer (attention and commitment) and water (love) ... your garden can be beautiful; but when abandoned, it isn't long before the weeds (resentment, apathy, indifference) take over ... and your garden (marriage) becomes an eyesore ... how good are your tools?

3) when you got married, you did more than exchange vows ... you made a covenant with GOD ... can you find a way to honor that covenant?

My story is elsewhere on this forum, so I won't take up space here with it ... but to share a little background ... my SW and I have been married for 24 years now ... and almost from the beginning, she told me the same thing ... she loved me, but she wasn't "in love" with me ... in '04, she had an affair ... lasted over 1 year ... we survived ... in'09, she wanted a separation ... I knew then that I wasn't equipped to handle things ... so I asked Jesus into my life ... and my marriage ... i began taking classes at my church ... learned a lot ... like, realizing that I needed to let JESUS do the heavy lifting in my marriage ... and with my wife ...  and HE DID ...

I learned about commitment ... and covenant ... and about becoming a "team" ...

Dear Sister ... so can you ... just ask JESUS into your marriage ... ask HIM to take and make you over into a daughter that HE can use ... to GLORIFY HIM ... through the rebirth of your marriage ...

Be Blessed, Dear Sister in Christ ...

Ephesians 5: 21
"Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One)."

14
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Worried and confused...what to do
« on: Thu Jan 05, 2012 - 17:19:34 »
I will be honest to say that I am now at a point where I am done with the marriage. But then as I mentioned hubby pleaded with me to give him another chance. I asked him what he plans to do to work on the marriage and himself, so far he has not come up with anything tangible. He mentioned that he would rather I come up with the plan and he will adhere to any conditions I set for him. I must say I feel that would be me 'fixing' things again as I have always done in the past, that is why I am insisting on him telling me his plan to show that he is indeed committed to what he is asking for.  On the issue of figuring out  the cheating, I suppose you mean cheating physically rather than emotionally. Well, the only way to figure out is for him to open up and tell me the truth. By the way, whether he had EAs or PAs does not change the fact that he betrayed my trust over and over again and violated our marriage vows by allowing other parties (women) into the marriage. I gave him a second and third and fourth chance but still he decided to continue disrespecting me and the marriage.  I hope this sheds some light, anx. 

Dear Sister in Christ ...

Your DH's situation is a familiar one ... do not be fooled ... GOD needs for your DH to allow himself to be "broken" ... before GOD can, or will, step into his life.
Your DH needs to be humbled and become passionate for a life with CHRIST JESUS ... before Christ can, let alone will, begin to rebuild your DH into a man that is useful ... to himself as well as you ... and can thus be used ... by GOD ... to glorify Our Lord through his triumphant emergence from this darkness and pain that he has brought upon himself ...

Sadly, this is not something that you can do for him ... but you already knew that ... your DH has to come to this realization on his own ... so "setting the guidelines", as he has asked, won't work ...

Pray for him, but do not allow yourself to be used any longer ... he has given you no evidence of a man humbled and broken before CHRIST ... and thus, there is nothing further you can do at this point ...

That being said ... if, and only if ... your DH could, through GOD's help ... emerge from all of this, and be the GODLY man that you need him to be ... and that GOD expects him to be ... could you take him back?

Something to consider perhaps ... remember ... through FAITH and TRUST in GOD ... all things are possible ...

If you can envision your DH as a reformed and redeemed man ... could you love him again?

I only offer it as an option ... something to consider ...

If you have a church home, take some time to do a bit of work on your own relationship with GOD ... draw close to HIM in this time of heartache and pain that you are experiencing ... so that, no matter what lies ahead in life for you ... you can go forward as a renewed daughter of GOD !!!

Through JESUS ... though we are far from perfect ... we are "perfected" ... !!!

Blessings and Peace to You ...

15
But I feel I'm being selfish holding onto my marriage when my wife just wants out. I wonder now if the right thing to do is to end it and finish the divorce for her even though its absolutely the last thing that I want to do. But maybe at this point its the best gift I can give to her. I just don't know and I can't seem to find the right answer. Sometimes it really sucks when u truly love someone with all that u are.

Dear Brother ...

Joshua 24:15

15 ... But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.

16
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Husband packed and left
« on: Wed Oct 26, 2011 - 19:43:50 »
Dear Sister in Christ ...

Please allow me to offer a few observations ...

- we are all flawed beings, and need the salvation that faith in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, offers to each of us ... you said, if memory serves me, that both of you brought "baggage" to the marriage ... you are not responsible for his, only your own ... it would be a good time to begin the work that you need to do on yourself ... for your own benefit, as well as for your children ... if your husband is reluctant, or unwilling, to participate, that is, sadly, his choice ... something that you are neither responsible for or able to have any effect upon ...

- if you believe that you, or your children, might be in some form of danger ... perceived or real ... then by all means leave ... while the scriptures are clear in that you have made a "commitment" to your husband, as well as a "covenant" with GOD when you married ... and to that covenant and commitment you must be FAITHFUL ... you are under no such obligation to allow yourself ... or your children ... to the threat of abuse ... and remember, abuse takes many forms ...

- while it will be hard, and painful at times, you must find the resolve ... the strength ... and the undefeatable desire to persevere ... get into GOD's WORD immediately ... this is not about your marriage at the moment ... it's about you ... and your journey with JESUS ... and the sooner you start, the sooner the hardest parts are behind ... if your husband wants to participate (join you in prayer time, join you in Bible Study, engage in sincere and loving discussion), then great ... if he doesn't, then so be it ... at least your focus won't be distracted by the environment you've described previously ...

- set aside a private place ... a closet will do ... and create a environment where you can have private time in GOD's WORD ... you need time each day in HIS WORD, by yourself if it must be that way ... and you need to commit to this ...

- seek GOD's GUIDANCE each day in your dealings with your husband ... come to understand how JESUS would want you to respond to whatever comes your way ... JESUS showed us the way to respond ... it is our calling to follow HIS EXAMPLES ...

- try and find an accountability partner for yourself ... remember, this is about you ... who will be there to help you keep your focus ... and a shoulder to cry on when things get difficult ... which they will ... expect your husband to react poorly to your work, at first ... that also is his choice ... and remember, right now it's more important that you do the work that needs to be done ...

- most of all, stay true to GOD's WORD ... it is your source of STRENGTH and SALVATION in this difficult time ...

May you experience the BLESSINGS and the PEACE that comes from a daily devoted walk with JESUS !!!

17
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Husband packed and left
« on: Tue Oct 25, 2011 - 21:04:33 »
Dear Sister in Christ

May these scripture passages bring you comfort ...

- Matthew 6:25-34
- Psalm 34:4
- 1 Corinthians 7:15
- Ephesians 5:21-28

18
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Marriage headed toward rough waters
« on: Wed Oct 12, 2011 - 17:19:21 »
Dear Sister in Christ ...

I do not want to come across as harsh ... but there are two of you in this marriage ... and I'm guessing that the two of you exchanged vows, among which were "For better or worse" ... "for richer or for poorer" ...

The two of you are a "team" ... you're in this "together" ... you "committed" to this ... from what you have said, he is trying to do his part ... right now, perhaps more than anything else ... he NEEDS YOUR FAITH IN HIM ... if the roles were reversed, you'd be crushed by his lack of FAITH in you ...

Take a moment and read Ephesians 5: 21-29 ... and take those words of the Apostle Paul to your heart ...

There is a motto that all policemen (and women), and all firemen (and women) live by ...
can you guess what it might be ...

"Never leave your partner behind" ...

And lastly ... imagine in your daily struggles to do what is right ... to be the wife that your husband needs you to be, especially now ... the JESUS is right there, next to you ... in the flesh, if you will ... how much easier would it be to be strong ... to be a woman of FAITH and HOPE ...

How much greater then is it to do these things ... to be that woman ... when FAITH IN HIM is what motivates and empowers us each day ...

Your DH needs you to be the godly woman that he believes you to be ... and JESUS is counting on you to be the daughter that HE KNOWS you are capable of being ...

The Choice is Yours ...

19
CW ... our sense of "time" is of no importance ... it's the timing of Our Lord that matters ...

2 Peter 3:9

Amplified Bible

9The Lord does not delay and is not tardy or slow about what He promises, according to some people's conception of slowness, but He is long-suffering (extraordinarily patient) toward you, not desiring that any should perish, but that all should turn to repentance.

as for temptation ...

1 Corinthians 10:13

Amplified Bible

13For no temptation (no trial regarded as enticing to sin), [no matter how it comes or where it leads] has overtaken you and laid hold on you that is not common to man [that is, no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear].

But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently.

God wants your marriage restored ... you know this ... you have to choose whether life, as a family ... flawed tho it may be ... is more important than your personal "pursuits" ... no one can decide that for you ... and God will not intervene in the decision-making process either ...

Your DW has at least consented to the process of counseling ... that, in itself, is a revelation from God, IMHO ... you are both flawed beings ... we all are ... and yet, GOD finds worth and value in both of you ...

My experiences over the past 7 years have revealed much to me ... but one thing stands out above the rest ... for a marriage to work,we must allow ourselves to become "self-less" ... it's not about us ... it's about the other person ... no matter what they've done, no matter how much they've disappointed or hurt us ... it's about being "there" for them ...

Ephesians 5:21

Amplified Bible

21Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).

Years ago, the two of you exchanged vows ... and thus made a covenant ... with GOD ...

Will you honor your commitment ... your covenant ... with HIM?

Satan attacks us where we are weakest ... and he certainly knows where to attack you, doesn't he ... but by now, you know this too ... what will you do about it?

May you feel the undeniable presence of CHRIST with you in these days ... may you be brought, by FAITH, to a closer relationship ... with HIM ... and with your DW ...

Ray in Florida
 ::cool:: ::prayinghard::



20
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Heartbroken
« on: Fri Jul 01, 2011 - 16:59:55 »
Dear Sister in Christ ...

Welcome to the Grace Centered forums ...

Allow me to cut to the chase ... your DH (Dear Husband) sounds like he has serious "Control Issues", by what you have related here ... in the eyes of Our Lord, there is no justification for ever raising one's hand to one's spouse ...

James 1:19

19 "Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry."

John 16:33

33 "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]

Right now, from what you describe, your DH is embroiled in a great internal battle with Satan for control of your DH's Spirit and Soul ... and your DH has been blinded by the temptations of this world ...

At the moment, you need to be most concerned about protecting yourself ... from physical harm ... as long as Satan has such a hold on your DH, he will use that control to seek to undermine and weaken your own FAITH and STRENGTH in CHRIST ...

Be STRONG ... know the truth about Our GOD ... and do not let the temptations that Satan will throw at you persuade you to abandon your marriage ... get yourself into a safe and secure place first ... and then, through your constant prayers and pleadings to GOD, lift your DH up to Our Lord ... the strongest weapon that you have in all of this is your FAITH ... do not yield, or give in ... act in wisdom and in the knowledge that, through CHRIST, all things work together for good ...

Use this time of trial and strife to strengthen your own walk with JESUS ... HE will not abandon you, or forsake you ... allow HIM to make you into a vessel through which HE can reach out to your DH ... by being a woman whose life reflects the presence of JESUS ...

and lastly, my personal favorite:

Ephesians 5:21

21 Be subject to one another (mutual submission), out of reverence (love, fear) for Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).

May you be blessed ...

21
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Trying to fix my marriage...
« on: Wed Jun 29, 2011 - 16:56:38 »
Dear Sister ...

http://www.gracecentered.com/christian_forums/christian-marriage-forum/problems-in-marriage-part-one/

http://www.gracecentered.com/christian_forums/christian-marriage-forum/problems-in-marriage-part-two/

http://www.gracecentered.com/christian_forums/christian-marriage-forum/problems-in-marriage-part-three/

http://www.gracecentered.com/christian_forums/christian-marriage-forum/problems-in-marriage-part-four/

These are a series of observations/ thoughts/revelations that came to me during a very desperate time in my own marriage, a little over a year ago ... I hope that, if you read them, that you may find something useful in them ...

Remember, as the Apostle Paul said, when he sought out the Lord regarding his own affliction, and God answered:

"My Grace will be sufficient for you" ...

May you be blessed ...

22
not sure if these will help, but ...

1 Corinthians 11:3 (AB)

3 But I want you to know and realize that Christ is the Head of every man ... the head of a woman is her husband ... and the Head of Christ is God.

Likewise ...

Titus 2

Teach Sound Doctrine

1 But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine.
2 Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness ...
6 Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled.
7 Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity,
8 and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about you ...
10 ... but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior.

11 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people,
12 training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,
13 waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ,
14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.

Maybe it's not a step-by-step how-to manual ... but it's God's Word ... take it for what worth you consider it to be to you ...

23
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: I'm Tired of this Marriage
« on: Thu Jun 02, 2011 - 06:20:49 »
Rev. I am sorry Rev. but I think Ray gave some wonderful advice and scripture, so what is the problem with that.  We also can be the ones to encourage them to go see their Pastors or to try a marriage class or marriage weekend to see if it helps. Giving suggestions of books to read or making sure you say 5 positive things about one another before going to bed and pray together or read the bible together, etc. can all be good suggestions by lay people.

the problem would be God didnt call us to be this fellows pastor ..



You're right ... we are not called to be our brothers or sisters pastor ...

However ...

James 1:22

22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only ...

and ...

Hebrews 10:24-25

24 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works;
25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Bottom Line: Are we not to be in fellowship with one another ... encouraging and lifting up each other as we travel along our paths in life? Are we not to encourage our brothers and sisters when they struggle with the trials and difficulties of this worldly life?

There is always the choice available to accept help, encouragement ... and an alternate viewpoint ... or not ...

24
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: I'm Tired of this Marriage
« on: Wed Jun 01, 2011 - 11:40:43 »
Dear Brother ...

If I may ...

Proverbs 3

Trust in the Lord with All Your Heart


1 My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments,
2 for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you.
3 Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck;
write them on the tablet of your heart.

4 So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man



25
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Trust...how to keep it
« on: Wed Jun 01, 2011 - 11:28:59 »
Dear Sister in Christ ...

You are not your mother ... or your father ... and neither is your DH (Dear Husband) ...

James 1: 2-18:

Testing of Your Faith


2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be
given him.
6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven
and tossed by the wind.
7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;
8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

9 Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation,
10 and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away.
11 For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes.
So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.

12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the
crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,

26
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Just learned of infidelity- what to do?
« on: Thu May 26, 2011 - 11:28:04 »
Well ... for now, there's really nothing else you can do ... you've placed the ball in his court, by what you've written in your post ... at this point, let's see what he says when he gets home.

Going forward ... please allow me to ask you a few questions:

- do the two of you have a church home?
- are either of you involved in a Bible Study Group?

In the short-term ... if you have a strong Christian woman friend, I would suggest that you get in touch with her. How much you reveal about your present situation is up to you ... but you need to find someone that can offer you strong, GODLY guidance ...

Long-term ... do you want to be married to your husband? Can you still see in him enough character ... enough virtue ... that you can respect and look up to in him?

If he were to re-dedicate his life to JESUS CHRIST ... and sincerely sought to become a Godly Man and Husband, could you forgive him?

Don't rush to answer ... instead, think long and hard on these things ... they can define your lives ... and your marriage ... going forward ...

For now ... try and calm down ... get out your Bible ... and start reading ... perhaps Philippians ... especially Chapter 5 ... or James. Remember, throughout much of the apostle Paul's life, he dealt with constant affliction and pain, persecution and threats of retribution and death ... and yet he remained steadfast in his faith and in his mission ...

God Bless You ...

27
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Solving Problems in Marriage - Part I
« on: Thu May 26, 2011 - 11:02:40 »
 ::prayinghard::

28
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Problems in Marriage - Part One
« on: Thu May 26, 2011 - 10:35:51 »
By all means ... thank you for considering them worthy ...

Ray in Florida
 ::cool:: ::prayinghard::

29
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Problems in Marriage - Part Four
« on: Thu May 26, 2011 - 07:14:04 »
 ::prayinghard:: ::prayinghard:: ::prayinghard:: ::prayinghard::

30
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Problems in Marriage - Part Three
« on: Thu May 26, 2011 - 07:12:29 »
 ::prayinghard:: ::prayinghard:: ::prayinghard::

31
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Problems in Marriage - Part Two
« on: Thu May 26, 2011 - 07:11:22 »
 ::prayinghard:: ::prayinghard::

32
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: Problems in Marriage - Part One
« on: Thu May 26, 2011 - 07:10:36 »
 ::prayinghard::

33
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: I'm Tired of this Marriage
« on: Thu May 26, 2011 - 05:55:48 »
To my brothers and sisters here ...

The thoughts that I have sought to share here are born and formed out of the journey that GOD has chosen for me to travel ... many wonderful people and challenges have been sent to me ... and I have benefited from all of them ...

It was after the recent season of trial and tribulation that I experienced that I felt led by GOD to put my thoughts ... and what I learned from the experience ... into writing ... and so I have ... if one were to go backwards through the pages here, you will come to the series of postings that I placed here on "Identifying Problems in Your Marriage" ...

These are written from personal struggles during an unbelievable time in my marriage ... and my life ... and offered as a resource to those who would seek them ... I garnered much from the Bible Study Groups that I participated in during this trying time ... and I have shared much of that in my writings ... if anything that I have written has been of benefit to anyone here, then GOD has been GLORIFIED, and deserves the PRAISE and the CREDIT ... without HIS GUIDANCE and HIS HAND upon me, the words would not be available to me ...

Matthew 5:16 (NIV)

16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may ... glorify your Father in heaven.

I have come to believe that, through careful and thoughtful study of HIS WORD, we hold the keys to what is necessary for changing much in our personal lives ... and thus, in our marriages ...

We are responsible for our thoughts ... our choices ... and our actions ...

We are accountable ... before GOD ... for what we do with the gifts HE has given us ...

I respect and honor those who have been called into the Ministry ... it is a noble and inspired choice that can be difficult to accept and follow ... but the heart of man has led many churches to condone, and even persue, UNGODLY positions and doctrine ... and, for me, that is an abomination before Our LORD ...

For me, GOD'S WORD makes it quite simple ... black and white, if you will ... follow GOD'S WORD ... place JESUS at the center of not only our marriages, but our lives ...

2 Timothy 3:16-17 (AB)

16 Every Scripture is God-breathed (given by His inspiration) and profitable for instruction, for reproof and conviction of sin, for correction of error and discipline in obedience, [and] for training in righteousness (in holy living, in conformity to God's will in thought, purpose, and action),

17 So that the man of God may be complete and proficient, well fitted and thoroughly equipped for every good work.

I have sought, through the sharing of my own personal struggles, to relate and share that which GOD has revealed to me ... of what use is wisdom, if the knowledge gained is not likewise shared ...

If my words have been offensive to anyone, then I ask their forgiveness ... but if they have been found to be beneficial and helpful in showing someone another way to look at their situation, and by doing so, seeking CHRIST  and inviting HIM into their home, their life ... and their marriage ... then GOD'S GIFT to me has not been wasted ... and HE HAS BEEN GLORIFIED ...

My sincere thanks and appreciation to all of my brothers and sisters here at Grace Centered Christian Forums ...
 ::cool:: ::prayinghard::
 

34
Christian Marriage Forum / Re: I'm Tired of this Marriage
« on: Wed May 25, 2011 - 12:59:42 »
If I may ... you are under no obligation ...

Ephesians 5:21-32 (Amplified Bible)

21 Be subject (submissive) to one another out of reverence for Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).

22 Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord.

23 For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body.

24 As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

26 So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word,

27 That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless].

28 Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.

29 For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church,

30 Because we are members (parts) of His body.

31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

I've been married now for 23 years ... my DW had an affair, that lasted for just over a year, back in '04 ... we survived it ... then in December of '09, she wanted a separation ... and we made it through that ...

Bottom line ... just as marriage should not be entered into lightly ... thus divorce should not be bantered about callously ... our words can do great damage to our partners ... and often do ...

I would venture that there is enough, in the past from what you've shared, for both of you to own ... at this point, it's not about who may have done worse ... or committed the greater sin ... it's about undoing the damage that has been done ... by both of you ...

First, by the title of this thread ... I'm going to take it that you no longer "feel" like you are in love ... I have written, during the course of the last season of trial and tribulation that my DW and I endured, that I'd like to share with you, if you are receptive to reading it ... actually, it's a series of "white papers" that I wrote ... don't know why exactly ... I just felt led to write ...

Second, it reads like neither of you could stand before Our Lord and say that you've given your all ... both of you have, in fact, done just the opposite ... and your marriage now reflects the months and years of neglect ... any gardener can tell you, a garden left to itself soon looses its beauty and desirability ... and requires great amounts of patience, work ... and constant attention and care ... to nurse it back to health ... a marriage is much the same way ...

But, IMHO, the most important thing of all is this ... both of you made a commitment to each other ... and through that commitment ... a covenant with GOD ... and HE expects us to honor our covenants ... just as HE does ...

Your age ... in either case ... has little to do with any of this ... it's more about what kind of person you are ... and what kind of person your DW is ... and towards what end are the two of you striving to get to ...

Any thing created by man is subject to the failings of man ... marriage is of GOD ... perhaps its because, in our current society, very little has any real value ... any real meaning ... it's too easy to just discard those things that we're tired of, or have "used up" ... but consider this: "that which GOD has joined together, let no man put asunder" ...

Perhaps, dear brother, it's time for you to let GOD take the lead ... in your daily life, as well as in your marriage ...
perhaps its time for the two of you to step back (figuratively speaking) and see what's become of your marriage ... own what each of you has contributed to this mess ... and then together seek GOD's presence and BLESSING in your marriage ... no more of the "crap" that has been allowed to "stink up" your home ...

Have you ever seen the movie "Fireproof"? If not, I highly recommend it ... also, it wouldn't hurt to consider taking the "Love Dare" ...

Your marriage can be salvaged ... but you have to allow GOD to do the work ... in both of you ...

Happiness, fulfillment, contentment ... these things come from GOD ... not from man or this world ...

Just offering ...

35
Dear Brother ...

I have been where you are ... my story is scattered here on this sight throughout the many pages of posts ... but to make a long story shorter ... my DW and I separated back in December of 2009 ... and reunited in March of 2010 ... and although we still have our "moments", we have come to a place in our marriage where we have decided that certain things are off-limits and will not be discussed ... they are:

- talk of divorce or separation
- deliberately hateful or hurtful speech
- going behind one another's back to undermine our marriage by gossip or sharing personal information with anyone else

We now see how destructive such blatantly childish behavior was ... for both of us ... and we agree that there can be nothing of this sort in a marriage that is truly "Christ-centered" ... and that is what is of the most importance to us ...

So ... use this time to examine your marriage ... and the role you have played in it ... are there any things that you can identify that you contributed to in this current time of pain and conflict? If so, then own them, and pray that God would forgive you ...

Next, give your life over to God ... relinquish control of everything ... to HIM ... as "guys", it is our nature to try and put on our "tool belts" and "fix everything" ... at least, it was for me ... but it is God alone who can fix things ... let go and let Him ... until you can do this, He will not take control of the situation. As long as we continue to try and tinker with things that we feel we can handle ... He stands to the side and allows us ... and often times we fail ...

What I'm getting at here is ... let God make you over ... completely ... into someone that He can use ... someone that He can work through ... and through your triumph ... glorify His Name ...

May God's Blessings be upon you ... today and every day ...
 ::cool:: ::prayinghard::

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