Christian Forums

Hi Guys!

I know not everyone wants to get married, but if you do, why do you want to get married? I've heard preachers say that people only want to get married because they're lonely, or they're looking for validation, or they don't feel that they are a complete person if they're single so they're looking for someone to complete them.

What I want to know is, do you believe that these are bad reasons for wanting to get married, and what should be the Biblical reasons. I have my own views on this, but I'd like to get another person's opinion! Thanks in advance! :-)

I'm still waiting on God to guide me on what He whats me to do i.e. marry or join the priesthood or both.

Personally I love the idea of getting married and having kids. I don't know I guess when I think about going to work everyday with a kiss from my wife and kids something just feels right, beautiful. I also really really want to be a father. When I think about being with my son and daughter when they get their first belts in Taekwondo I like the idea of feeling proud. Pulling out the 12gauge the first time my daughter brings a special boy over, sounds great. Teaching my son how to respect himself and women. Praying that he becomes a knight like his old man.

And a wife. A woman God made for me and me for her. In high school my Jrotc Commander was the man I respected more than anyone. He would tell us stories about the highs and lows of marriage. How his wife would make him sleep on the couch and all that fun stuff. I guess where I came from you didn't here a whole lot of brothers talking about the beauty of the sacrament like that.

I guess I fell in love with the idea of it.

On the other side of that coin, I have a strong desire to serve God and His Church as a priest. Now I could get married before I join the Holy Order and then be a married priest but that's what I'm waiting on God for. I don't really care as long as God shows me what He wants. I want to travel and do ministries all over the world and then one day be a pastor of a parish someday. This would all be after I'm done serving in the military of course.

So that's why I would and would not marry.

Quote from: LightHammer on Tue Oct 04, 2011 - 18:16:15
I'm still waiting on God to guide me on what He whats me to do i.e. marry or join the priesthood or both.

Personally I love the idea of getting married and having kids. I don't know I guess when I think about going to work everyday with a kiss from my wife and kids something just feels right, beautiful. I also really really want to be a father. When I think about being with my son and daughter when they get their first belts in Taekwondo I like the idea of feeling proud. Pulling out the 12gauge the first time my daughter brings a special boy over, sounds great. Teaching my son how to respect himself and women. Praying that he becomes a knight like his old man.

And a wife. A woman God made for me and me for her. In high school my Jrotc Commander was the man I respected more than anyone. He would tell us stories about the highs and lows of marriage. How his wife would make him sleep on the couch and all that fun stuff. I guess where I came from you didn't here a whole lot of brothers talking about the beauty of the sacrament like that.

I guess I fell in love with the idea of it.

On the other side of that coin, I have a strong desire to serve God and His Church as a priest. Now I could get married before I join the Holy Order and then be a married priest but that's what I'm waiting on God for. I don't really care as long as God shows me what He wants. I want to travel and do ministries all over the world and then one day be a pastor of a parish someday. This would all be after I'm done serving in the military of course.

So that's why I would and would not marry.

Great post, Lighthammer! As always. :)

I would want to marry someone because I want to be with her.

To set expectations and to establish legitimacy.

That's not very romantic, I know.  But as nearly as I can tell, all the romantic stuff can and does happen all over the place with or without the ring.

In marriage though, the opportunity is there to set ground rules and boundaries for the relationship, and to define rules and expectations for one another.  It may be more practical than romantic, but if you want your relationship to work right, and to last, then you need a common base to build from.  Insist on building that base before you commit to forever.

And then there's the aspect of legitimacy.  People aren't going to take your relationship seriously if you don't show them you're serious about it.  Show them.

Jarrod

I want to become married so that I could have someone that I could help build up in Christ while being built up. He'd be the perfect accountability partner. When thinking of leading worship and missions trips I dream of going with my husband. I've always looked up to my parents and longed for a friendship like theirs. I long to have someone to be loyal to and honor.

Quote from: blackstyle on Tue Oct 04, 2011 - 10:44:27
Hi Guys!

I know not everyone wants to get married, but if you do, why do you want to get married? I've heard preachers say that people only want to get married because they're lonely, or they're looking for validation, or they don't feel that they are a complete person if they're single so they're looking for someone to complete them.

What I want to know is, do you believe that these are bad reasons for wanting to get married, and what should be the Biblical reasons. I have my own views on this, but I'd like to get another person's opinion! Thanks in advance! :-)

God has instilled in us the desire for a union with a person of the opposite sex---marriage, at Creation. It is a  natural desire! I do not believe that preachers are preaching the truth when they speak about loneliness of lack of completeness as motives for marriage.

Christians who are truly wanting God's best for themselves will know that the optimum for success in marriage is to be complete in Christ before marriage, bringing maturity and godly wisdom to the relationship. However, we all know that is not what happens in most cases. Looking to Christ in all things as a couple---being on the same page spiritually is the main ingredient for success.

that said, as Paul mentions, there are those who God sets aside for devotion to His will int heir lives over and above the intimate relationship of marriage. That kind of gifting involves the drive to NOT be part of a couple, or to have a family of children, a drive to only walk in the will of God and serve Him in ministry first and foremost, without the encumbrance of marriage and family. If God has given a person that kind of gifting, there is nothing wrong with it, and God is the enabler of the person to live that way without regret or the distraction of desire.

I would like to answer this question. I asked this question to myself because I've been single for 3 years now and I have my up and down days. I am content; but being single on in some moments is not easy. So, intially, I wanted to get married right now b/c I wanted to have 'legal sex'. And by that, I meant no fornication or adultery. It was more of a lust factor.
So, then, I had to ask myself, "do I really want to share my life, my heart, my time, my body, my finances, my thoughts with another person (husband)?" And the answer is yes, I do. I love love. I love the love God has provided, both agape and romantic (I'm sorry if that is not the correct biblical word but I'm thinking Song of Songs here).
Growing up, I did not witness a healthy marriage. Unfortunately, the two men my mom married both screwed up in major ways. And other family members have been divorced. So, at the age of 12 or so, I said, I would NEVER get married. And experiencing sexual abuse and perversion by the age of 7 had me on a rampage as sexual being and a lost soul. Lets just say I made choices that have made me appreciate the importance of staying pure.
Anyway, 28 years later and being a mom of an almost 11 year old, I want to wait on God. I've prayed about this and I am no longer on the hunt for a husband. God is teaching me how to be a mother AND wife. So, for anyone who thinks a girl who wasn't raised with a male figure in the house cannot be a good wife, I don't believe that is true. I can look back some years and see now how far the Lord has brought me. Which is amazing because I know He continuing to lead me closer to Him. God has been my Father.
I could go on and on, but the point is: I'm single now and I'm content. I believe my frustrations are normal; but I know what's good for me right now. I know the Lord is taking care of me and if He did call me to be single for the rest of my life, then while I don't think I would be happy with it, I would be content. But if (and truthfully hoping) He has a husband for me in His will, then I believe He will prepare me to be the loving wife that I would like to be like the women I see in the Bible.