Christian Forums

This is a long two parter. Apologies in advance.

My mother is completely obsessed with my staying a virgin until I get married. I am a virgin, not necessarily because I share her religious reasoning but because I've dated very little and also likely because of some self esteem issues. I do kind of like the idea of saving myself. It's old fashioned and romantic and avoids potential problems. But my mother is flat out obsessed. Any time I mention myself or even friends dating and having boyfriends, she wants virginity statuses and how they deal with "the pressure". Thing is, I get more pressure from her than I ever have from anyone. Im 24 by the way. I'm not saying I don't want to try and save myself but it's her belief, not mine. Her bugging me just makes me want to go out and skank it up. I wouldn't but, yeah.

So the 2nd part. The dating pool in my town is rather small, so I'm exploring into online dating. Mom thinks I should put in my dating profile that I intend on waiting. I guess straightforward is always good but am afraid that it might scare guys away. Maybe if they got to know me and liked me enough, they would agree to let me wait? Idk. I suppose I could try Christian sites but they just don't seem as good or as populated as like Match. I live in a very small town. 

I feel like I'm going to be handicapped on regular dating sites and handicapped on Christian sites by the fact that I have some tattoos and piercings. I don't know what to do

Any help is greatly appreciated. 

Guys aren't all the same; so for one it might be good not to tell too much, for another to make different things clear. So, you can do what honesty has you doing; just be honest in your attitude, and God will take care of this.

Quote from: comfy on Fri Oct 14, 2011 - 20:27:12
Guys aren't all the same; so for one it might be good not to tell too much, for another to make different things clear. So, you can do what honesty has you doing; just be honest in your attitude, and God will take care of this.

Amen!

Have you considered ChristianMingle.com? I was on there for a while and I thought it was very good. OTOH, it might be better for men than women because I think more women are Christians than men. I don't think there would be any problem with the piercings and tattoos. Some people like them, some don't, both Christian and non Christian. If you put in your profile that you want to save your virginity I don't think you would scare too many men away either.  I think you should be a Christian before you join. Do you consider yourself to be a Christian?

Quote from: supersweets on Mon Oct 10, 2011 - 10:24:24
This is a long two parter. Apologies in advance.

My mother is completely obsessed with my staying a virgin until I get married. I am a virgin, not necessarily because I share her religious reasoning but because I've dated very little and also likely because of some self esteem issues. I do kind of like the idea of saving myself. It's old fashioned and romantic and avoids potential problems. But my mother is flat out obsessed. Any time I mention myself or even friends dating and having boyfriends, she wants virginity statuses and how they deal with "the pressure". Thing is, I get more pressure from her than I ever have from anyone. Im 24 by the way. I'm not saying I don't want to try and save myself but it's her belief, not mine. Her bugging me just makes me want to go out and skank it up. I wouldn't but, yeah.

So the 2nd part. The dating pool in my town is rather small, so I'm exploring into online dating. Mom thinks I should put in my dating profile that I intend on waiting. I guess straightforward is always good but am afraid that it might scare guys away. Maybe if they got to know me and liked me enough, they would agree to let me wait? Idk. I suppose I could try Christian sites but they just don't seem as good or as populated as like Match. I live in a very small town. 

I feel like I'm going to be handicapped on regular dating sites and handicapped on Christian sites by the fact that I have some tattoos and piercings. I don't know what to do

Any help is greatly appreciated. 

Are you even a christian?

I think at your age that your mom needs to stay out of your sexual development and it is time for you to establish the importance of your virginity for yourself apart from her. I can tell you that it is more than worth the wait when you marry the right man, but that brings us to an important issue that others have brought up -your spiritual relationship.

I really don't know how people can make it in a marriage without a strong foundation in Christ. It is only through that selfless love we learn from him that we can really be everything we need to be in a relationship. If you are a Christian, then dating a non-Christian would be very unwise, even when you think you can just respect one another's beliefs at some point an unbeliever will lead you down a path you are not going to want to go down. So, it seems to me that you don't have a very strong individuality (given that your mom seems to have sheltered you and is overly obsessed with purity). You really need to figure out who you are before you get into a relationship.

As for putting the thing about your virginity on your profile. The right man shouldn't be overly concerned about your "sexual status" during an initial look at your profile and, in fact, that is something that doesn't need to be discussed until things are serious enough to warrant it. You would not walk up to someone in person and say, "Hi I'm Jessica and I'm a virgin." In the same way, you don't need that on a profile which is an introduction.

I also don't believe it is healthy for your mom to want to put your virginity out there like it is some sort of prize to be won, like it is something that raises your status above other women. A man should be interested in all of who you are, your virginity is precious and wonderful but it does not define all of who you are. You are more than that and shame on your mom for not lifting up those things as precious as well.