Christian Forums

it is difficult for me to say all of my childhood friends, college friends, cousins and family all getting married over the past few years and all are becoming fathers and mothers....literally like 6 friends are pregnant as i speak....for so long ive wanted to be a father....i love kids.....everyone always has told me im gonna make the best dad ever...im tons of fun...etc......and it just doesnt look like it is going to happen for me...a friend told me maybe God has other plans for me....that scares me to death....to miss out on having a son or daughter is pretty hard to think about.....why would God do that?

Hi Saintsfan. Felt really sad when I read your post. I think sometimes we want to blame God for things happening or not happening in our lives. Most of the time it's of our on doing. I've gotten a lot from your posts and the replies you receive. I have been in similar situations as you. I think it's probably pretty common. If I remember correctly you have admitted to having some commitment issues, although being in a long relationship. I would say being a parent is a huge commitment. Honestly you need to be able to first commit to a woman before you should become a father. I know that is not how it's done alot of the time these days but it is certainly the best way. Maybe pray for God to help you work out this issue which can certainly prevent you from becoming a father.
God Bless

thank u for your reply....i dont know whats going on with me right now but im certainly going thro some kind of trial or something...ive been very down lately

this is one of the things thats been bothering me really bad and making me sad but my spiritual walk has also suffered lately as well...sure hope things start to look up

My son got married this year at age 33. My older daugher will marry next year age 31. Her fiance is 32.
At 31 you have loads of time to be a dad. Men can marry and have children later than women, because they are not the ones actually physically having to get pregnant and have one. My dad become a dad for the third time at age 65 to my half brother. (Not that I would recommend that, he died 4 years later)
Just keep believing.

i know i just see my younger friends getting married and becoming fathers ..theyre like 24-29 ..im few yrs older...just kinda having a pity party i guess

I the uk it is quite rare these days for people to marry and have kids at such an early age as mid 20's.

Quote from: saintsfan80 on Mon Oct 17, 2011 - 21:41:46
i know i just see my younger friends getting married and becoming fathers ..theyre like 24-29 ..im few yrs older...just kinda having a pity party i guess

That's what it sounds like. No judgement my brother. I have had enough pity parties too. I think I'll become a party planner. JUST KIDDING!!!! I hope you laughed.   

Get closer to God, He'll get closer to you. Tell Him your issues. He'll make your crooked paths straight. Whatever He has for you will be for you. And like someone else said, children are a major responsiblity. They are great and a blessing, but life changes SO much when children come along. Don't rush it. I'm the mother of an almost 11 year old. I am single. And I'm 28. So I get it.

Enjoy your personal relationship with God if you have not done so already. Be content with your life now.

We are suppose to compare ourself to Jesus not other people.

Quote from: cs80918 on Wed Nov 16, 2011 - 17:43:37
We are suppose to compare ourself to Jesus not other people.

yes but im only human ..God also said it is not good for man to be alone

Marriage is hard work. It takes two very mature, stable individuals. A ton of people struggle with marriage issues.

God may have a wife picked out for you, but it may be a week, month, year, or five years from now before you meet her. Or your current ex may need more time. Your charge is to live right before God and live your lot in life. Trust me that you want to pray hard and wait for the wife God picked for you than choose your own path. Marriage is the hardest thing many people ever do and living in a bad marriage is your own personal hell ever day.

Blessings and prayers

I agree with anx . . . and I will tell you that some of my biggest regrets in my relationship with God were those times I wasted on pity parties before I met my husband. Yes, being single can be lonely and marriage is a blessing, but so is singleness when you are there in it but so many people, instead of serving and getting to know lots of people when you are the master of yourself waste that. You can build fantastic friendships and relationships with others and romantic involvement will come along when God is ready. When you get married to the right person, serving God together is a wonderful thing but it can still be difficult when you also are concerned about that other person and respecting them and their time and wants and desires as well. I love marriage and God has truly blessed me but I wish that I hadn't of wasted so much time being doubtful and distrustful of Him and had instead just had faith.

Quote from: Supplanter on Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 15:09:15
I agree with anx . . . and I will tell you that some of my biggest regrets in my relationship with God were those times I wasted on pity parties before I met my husband. Yes, being single can be lonely and marriage is a blessing, but so is singleness when you are there in it but so many people, instead of serving and getting to know lots of people when you are the master of yourself waste that. You can build fantastic friendships and relationships with others and romantic involvement will come along when God is ready. When you get married to the right person, serving God together is a wonderful thing but it can still be difficult when you also are concerned about that other person and respecting them and their time and wants and desires as well. I love marriage and God has truly blessed me but I wish that I hadn't of wasted so much time being doubtful and distrustful of Him and had instead just had faith.

i guess thats how i am ..just doubtful.....all my friends and cousins are getting married and having kids..my best friend is gonna be a dad in just a few months....it hurts to think about it cuz i know the joy its going to bring him and i start thinking that i may never get to feel that ever....its got me pretty upset

I'm going to level with you Big Brother. You need to hear this ok. It is tantamount that you understand. You're still single because you're a saints fan. I mean it had to be said. That endorsement is the source of all your problems.

No but seriously Big Brother don't worry so much about it. Take it to God in prayer and He''ll give you happiness. You could try a dating website. I know chosenone recommends them highly. She really has a handle on this type of stuff.

I was wondering do you get out much?

Quote from: LightHammer on Sat Nov 26, 2011 - 14:27:30
I'm going to level with you Big Brother. You need to hear this ok. It is tantamount that you understand. You're still single because you're a saints fan. I mean it had to be said. That endorsement is the source of all your problems.

No but seriously Big Brother don't worry so much about it. Take it to God in prayer and He''ll give you happiness. You could try a dating website. I know chosenone recommends them highly. She really has a handle on this type of stuff.

I was wondering do you get out much?
[/quote



No i dont get out much. All my friends r married with kids. Im kindof a loner

Quote from: saintsfan80 on Sat Nov 26, 2011 - 01:23:23

Quote from: Supplanter on Tue Nov 22, 2011 - 15:09:15
I agree with anx . . . and I will tell you that some of my biggest regrets in my relationship with God were those times I wasted on pity parties before I met my husband. Yes, being single can be lonely and marriage is a blessing, but so is singleness when you are there in it but so many people, instead of serving and getting to know lots of people when you are the master of yourself waste that. You can build fantastic friendships and relationships with others and romantic involvement will come along when God is ready. When you get married to the right person, serving God together is a wonderful thing but it can still be difficult when you also are concerned about that other person and respecting them and their time and wants and desires as well. I love marriage and God has truly blessed me but I wish that I hadn't of wasted so much time being doubtful and distrustful of Him and had instead just had faith.

i guess thats how i am ..just doubtful.....all my friends and cousins are getting married and having kids..my best friend is gonna be a dad in just a few months....it hurts to think about it cuz i know the joy its going to bring him and i start thinking that i may never get to feel that ever....its got me pretty upset

At least own it it you are going to be a doubter. It is something that you choose. You can help how you feel about these situations. . .  .at the very least you can choose which emotions you indulge in.

You are going to have to decide God is who He says He is and is looking out for you best interest or that He isn't and you know better.

I also met my husband on another Christian Forum. You should definitely be social and what will happen if you don't ever get to be a dad? Will you just spend your whole life in a depression, never being the person God made you to be?

Quote from: saintsfan80 on Fri Oct 14, 2011 - 23:54:20
it is difficult for me to say all of my childhood friends, college friends, cousins and family all getting married over the past few years and all are becoming fathers and mothers....literally like 6 friends are pregnant as i speak....for so long ive wanted to be a father....i love kids.....everyone always has told me im gonna make the best dad ever...im tons of fun...etc......and it just doesnt look like it is going to happen for me...a friend told me maybe God has other plans for me....that scares me to death....to miss out on having a son or daughter is pretty hard to think about.....why would God do that?

Hey saintsfan  .
I'm new here, and I see you posting in several places..Thought maybe I'd share a little bit with you.

I have two grown sons. One is 26, a Christian, just out of 8 years in the Navy, just married a few months, and starting his own business. Very motivated to have a very full successful life, and working his "Hiney" off to get it done with his bride, excited to be with a man with goals for the future.

The other son is 34, never married. He's an incredibly talented manager/salesman at a high-end jewelry store. Works a MINIMUM of 10 hours a day, and always works at least half of one of his days off, and never thought of taking a nap. He too has an extremely full life. He plays in two bands, has wonderful friends to spend time with, has a beautiful girl friend, and has struggles in his life like everyone else - BUT... he doesn't make his problems the focus of his life. He also has a photography business on the side. He has exciting plans for his own life whether he marries or not.

My point is, that their whole young lives they have invested in themselves AS THEY GREW UP by following dreams, learning new talants and skills, and staying passionate about life. They have developed a way of life that will lead them to success - Not the money so much, but having a life like that God intended for them to have in terms of happiness and contentment. Problems along the way - of coarse. Part of life. But their drive and determination, plans, dreams, and goals will make all the difference in their quality of life as they grow older, and will serve them well serving Christ.

I know. How their living is pretty much my story.

I have started and led several men's Bible Studies in the past, and one of the things that became very clear, very early on, was unlike women who need touchy/feely communication, because that's how their Hard-wired, not a criticism - Men need in your face tough love - AT TIMES, including me, because we're all thick between the ears, and hard-headed  . I have friends that once in a while really "Get Real with me" in my face, out of their love for me, and tell me what I REALLY, REALLY need to hear - THANK YOU, THANK YOU GOD for friends with the guts to tough love me when I need it!!

So here's a little taste of what you'd hear from the guys in one of my mens Bible studies.
Every post of yours I've read here on this forum has the same tone to it - POOR ME - WHY IS GOD DOING THIS TO ME - I'M SUCH A VICTIM. IT'S ALL GOD'S FAULT.
Honestly - What woman would ever want a life with someone who complains so much and lays on the couch and feels sorry for himself. How would you ever support a wife emotionally or with any of the housework duties and chid care duties, or arrands to run or get up in the middle of the night with a child, if your strongest charactor qualities are whinning and feeling sorry for yourself.

You live with your parents, have no home of your own, no apparent drive or motivation to accomplish anything for yourself, so obviously for no one else either, you just seem to want want want, like some little toddler, with no apparant regard for what it takes to get what you want, or to maintain everything and everybody when you get them.

Having a wife and children is a very purpose driven regard for everyone elses needs first before your own, and requires "Intentional choices" of self-sacrife and coming in last to "Honor" your wife , family and God - FIRST, and you come in last - BY YOUR OWN CHOICE, because you love your family, and God more than you love yourself. I didn't say you never get any "ME TIME - that's essential to maintaining a healthy life and life-style, and should be mandatory to spend time with "Guy-friends" doing "guy stuff", as well as time for personal enjoyments and hobbies, as well as paying bills, mowing the grass, and fixing things around the house when they break - because they will. And the car will break or need new tires or an oil change. The kids will need to go to the doctor, a soccer game, your wife will get sick and need you to help even more than you have been..... and there you are on the couch - I DON'T THINK SO  !!

MAYBE YOU SHOULD SPEND A FEW OVER-NIGHTERS WITH MARRIED FRIENDS WITH CHILDREN, AND AGREE TO BE A PART OF THE FAMILY, HELPING WHERE EVER NEEDED .

Remember...Life isn't just about having a family...Family is a result of having a life.

BOTTOM LINE...You may never have a wife or family, but you can honor the choices of God for your life. Whatever God chooses for your life  is for your very very best, because He loves you. Jer. 29: 11-14  "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for good, and not evil, for a future and a hope"...you can read the rest yourself after you get off the couch  .

SOOO, get off the couch, and find a childrens hospital to volunteer at, or a mens homeless shelter where you can help others who can't help themselves. Make a difference in others lives and you won't have time to lay on that couch. Pray for others that are hurting and have problems you can't even imagine dealing with yourself, and give some of that money away to help people who have families who are struggling, and heartbroken that they can't do more for their children that they love so much.

An attitude of gratitude will grow deep into your heart, and it'll change your whole life for blessings beyond any dream you could ever imagine for yourself .

Quote from: seasonedbygrace on Fri Dec 09, 2011 - 15:38:38

Quote from: saintsfan80 on Fri Oct 14, 2011 - 23:54:20
it is difficult for me to say all of my childhood friends, college friends, cousins and family all getting married over the past few years and all are becoming fathers and mothers....literally like 6 friends are pregnant as i speak....for so long ive wanted to be a father....i love kids.....everyone always has told me im gonna make the best dad ever...im tons of fun...etc......and it just doesnt look like it is going to happen for me...a friend told me maybe God has other plans for me....that scares me to death....to miss out on having a son or daughter is pretty hard to think about.....why would God do that?

Hey saintsfan  .
I'm new here, and I see you posting in several places..Thought maybe I'd share a little bit with you.

I have two grown sons. One is 26, a Christian, just out of 8 years in the Navy, just married a few months, and starting his own business. Very motivated to have a very full successful life, and working his "Hiney" off to get it done with his bride, excited to be with a man with goals for the future.

The other son is 34, never married. He's an incredibly talented manager/salesman at a high-end jewelry store. Works a MINIMUM of 10 hours a day, and always works at least half of one of his days off, and never thought of taking a nap. He too has an extremely full life. He plays in two bands, has wonderful friends to spend time with, has a beautiful girl friend, and has struggles in his life like everyone else - BUT... he doesn't make his problems the focus of his life. He also has a photography business on the side. He has exciting plans for his own life whether he marries or not.

My point is, that their whole young lives they have invested in themselves AS THEY GREW UP by following dreams, learning new talants and skills, and staying passionate about life. They have developed a way of life that will lead them to success - Not the money so much, but having a life like that God intended for them to have in terms of happiness and contentment. Problems along the way - of coarse. Part of life. But their drive and determination, plans, dreams, and goals will make all the difference in their quality of life as they grow older, and will serve them well serving Christ.

I know. How their living is pretty much my story.

I have started and led several men's Bible Studies in the past, and one of the things that became very clear, very early on, was unlike women who need touchy/feely communication, because that's how their Hard-wired, not a criticism - Men need in your face tough love - AT TIMES, including me, because we're all thick between the ears, and hard-headed  . I have friends that once in a while really "Get Real with me" in my face, out of their love for me, and tell me what I REALLY, REALLY need to hear - THANK YOU, THANK YOU GOD for friends with the guts to tough love me when I need it!!

So here's a little taste of what you'd hear from the guys in one of my mens Bible studies.
Every post of yours I've read here on this forum has the same tone to it - POOR ME - WHY IS GOD DOING THIS TO ME - I'M SUCH A VICTIM. IT'S ALL GOD'S FAULT.
Honestly - What woman would ever want a life with someone who complains so much and lays on the couch and feels sorry for himself. How would you ever support a wife emotionally or with any of the housework duties and chid care duties, or arrands to run or get up in the middle of the night with a child, if your strongest charactor qualities are whinning and feeling sorry for yourself.

You live with your parents, have no home of your own, no apparent drive or motivation to accomplish anything for yourself, so obviously for no one else either, you just seem to want want want, like some little toddler, with no apparant regard for what it takes to get what you want, or to maintain everything and everybody when you get them.

Having a wife and children is a very purpose driven regard for everyone elses needs first before your own, and requires "Intentional choices" of self-sacrife and coming in last to "Honor" your wife , family and God - FIRST, and you come in last - BY YOUR OWN CHOICE, because you love your family, and God more than you love yourself. I didn't say you never get any "ME TIME - that's essential to maintaining a healthy life and life-style, and should be mandatory to spend time with "Guy-friends" doing "guy stuff", as well as time for personal enjoyments and hobbies, as well as paying bills, mowing the grass, and fixing things around the house when they break - because they will. And the car will break or need new tires or an oil change. The kids will need to go to the doctor, a soccer game, your wife will get sick and need you to help even more than you have been..... and there you are on the couch - I DON'T THINK SO  !!

MAYBE YOU SHOULD SPEND A FEW OVER-NIGHTERS WITH MARRIED FRIENDS WITH CHILDREN, AND AGREE TO BE A PART OF THE FAMILY, HELPING WHERE EVER NEEDED .

Remember...Life isn't just about having a family...Family is a result of having a life.

BOTTOM LINE...You may never have a wife or family, but you can honor the choices of God for your life. Whatever God chooses for your life  is for your very very best, because He loves you. Jer. 29: 11-14  "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for good, and not evil, for a future and a hope"...you can read the rest yourself after you get off the couch  .

SOOO, get off the couch, and find a childrens hospital to volunteer at, or a mens homeless shelter where you can help others who can't help themselves. Make a difference in others lives and you won't have time to lay on that couch. Pray for others that are hurting and have problems you can't even imagine dealing with yourself, and give some of that money away to help people who have families who are struggling, and heartbroken that they can't do more for their children that they love so much.

An attitude of gratitude will grow deep into your heart, and it'll change your whole life for blessings beyond any dream you could ever imagine for yourself .

thank u for your honest response..maybe your right im sure.......tho i dont really just sit around on the couch whining.....i just cant help but think why am i not getting the things all my friends have gotten..friends who are much younger than me..everyone having kids..etc.....it makes me sad becuz im older...i should be in that same boat....but i dont really just lay around feeling sorry for myself...i work 10 hrs a day ...i work out 4 days a week..do alot of reading...i sell things online....im pretty busy alot actually

Saintsfan - Glad to hear back from you 
Thanks for telling me about more of your life.
I don't know if you're a Christian, or go to church, read the Bible, or anything about your faith. I've read all your posts that I could find, and don't remember reading anything about that.
         I think it's so cool that you want a wife and children. Family can make life so stable and predictable, and give a person a real sense of being needed, of belonging, and being loved.

Be carefull though about comparing yourself to other people, and judging yourself for what you don't have. The world is so huge and wonderful, and there is so much to enjoy in life, that the choices are nearly limitless for a fullfilling enjoyable life. My experience has been that it is so easy to focus in on one thing you want, and miss out on everything else that God may have for you to experiencce and find pleasure in.

I meet so many people in such a big hurry getting as much done as they can, all stressed out, and they don't ever see the gorgeous fall colors, or beautiful rose bushes in someones front yard, or the incredible architechture of a new home or business building in town. They miss the simple pleasures of life that God designed for us to find beautiful and praise Him for.

There's a saying that my oldest son and I enjoy together once in a while - "The description of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results". We laugh at ourselves, because at times we see ourselves doing just that. Human nature is so funny.

If your not a person of faith, then none of what I've said will really matter or make much sense to you.

Remember this, that God is the most wonderful resource for happiness and incredible joy that you or I, or anyone will ever have available to them. He loves you and wants more of the best for you than you could ever possibly dream up for yourself. Not being a Christian means missing out on the best that God and life has for you. A waisted life - So sad.

If you are a Christian, there are so many resources for you to tap into. Fellowship groups, seminars, singles events, prayer groups, mens groups, church services, evangelists TV programs, and spending time with Christian friends.
There is a whole world out there waiting for you to enjoy it - PLEASE, don't miss out on it. We only get to do this life once, then it's over.

Nice to talk with you.
Seasonedbygrace

Quote from: seasonedbygrace on Sat Dec 10, 2011 - 10:31:12
Saintsfan - Glad to hear back from you 
Thanks for telling me about more of your life.
I don't know if you're a Christian, or go to church, read the Bible, or anything about your faith. I've read all your posts that I could find, and don't remember reading anything about that.
         I think it's so cool that you want a wife and children. Family can make life so stable and predictable, and give a person a real sense of being needed, of belonging, and being loved.

Be carefull though about comparing yourself to other people, and judging yourself for what you don't have. The world is so huge and wonderful, and there is so much to enjoy in life, that the choices are nearly limitless for a fullfilling enjoyable life. My experience has been that it is so easy to focus in on one thing you want, and miss out on everything else that God may have for you to experiencce and find pleasure in.

I meet so many people in such a big hurry getting as much done as they can, all stressed out, and they don't ever see the gorgeous fall colors, or beautiful rose bushes in someones front yard, or the incredible architechture of a new home or business building in town. They miss the simple pleasures of life that God designed for us to find beautiful and praise Him for.

There's a saying that my oldest son and I enjoy together once in a while - "The description of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results". We laugh at ourselves, because at times we see ourselves doing just that. Human nature is so funny.

If your not a person of faith, then none of what I've said will really matter or make much sense to you.

Remember this, that God is the most wonderful resource for happiness and incredible joy that you or I, or anyone will ever have available to them. He loves you and wants more of the best for you than you could ever possibly dream up for yourself. Not being a Christian means missing out on the best that God and life has for you. A waisted life - So sad.

If you are a Christian, there are so many resources for you to tap into. Fellowship groups, seminars, singles events, prayer groups, mens groups, church services, evangelists TV programs, and spending time with Christian friends.
There is a whole world out there waiting for you to enjoy it - PLEASE, don't miss out on it. We only get to do this life once, then it's over.

Nice to talk with you.
Seasonedbygrace

hey..thanks for response...i do understand what you're saying...yes i am a Christian...im certainly struggling some in my walk with God..there are alot of things iwant to work on....i try to read my bible each morning...sometimes its tough to get on up out of bed to do so cuz i have to be at work at 7 am....but i do try...i have other Christian books as well ive been reading that have spoken to me in some way....ive certainly grown closer to God the past year...tho not as much as i would like......i enjoy the fall colors and the beauty of Gods creation..i always notice it....we have alot of land where i live..i tend to just go walking around it in the pastures staring at Gods creation....i enjoy hunting..the peacefulness of it ..being out in the woods....i love sunsets,etc........id love to build a cabin in the mtns somewhere......i should try to not throw a pity party so much i guess.....its just ive always wanted to be a dad...a close friend of mine recently had a baby..and i go over sometimes and hold it..what an amazing feeling and joy it must be to be a father....i cant imagine it......and more recently literally most of my friends have kids now...i dont wanna compare myself but im trying to move in the right direction and get out on my own..maybe God has a good plan for me

"......maybe God has a good plan for me".

Jer. 29: 11-14 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for good and not evil for a future and a hope.....". I'll let you look it up and read the rest. Powerful, powerful words of not just encouragement , but words of "ABSOLUTE PROMISE". You can take them to the bank my friend.

God wants us to believe so deeply in Him and His perfect love for us, and that whatever He chooses Is for our absolute best.

I've been exactly where you are in other things I wanted, so bad that my attitude paralyzed me emotionally, until I was so depressed, I had lost my focus on enjoying all of life, and was just barely going through the motions of living, but I never quit going to church and listening to preachers on TV. One night I was so heart-broken and despondant, that I cried out to God to PLEASE make me the person you meant me to be from the time I was created. I'm tired of being who I've been all these years, and I want to be absolutely whatever you want me to be - I totally surrender my life where it is to you to be remade into whatever you want, and I'm willing to take whatever you give me, and I'm willing to accept whatever you with-hold from me, so that I can serve and honor you, and bless you, the way you have always planned for me.

I cried out to God, not to get what I wanted, but because I was exhausted from the constant state of depression and disappointment that was breaking my heart, and somehow I knew that only God could not only give me the rest I needed, but He could heal my broken heart, and  provide whatever it was that would truely bring joy into my life, that He had planned for me from the very beginning.

That was about seven or eight years ago. Today my life is so full of contentment, peace and joy. God began a new work in me, and as He led, I followed. Sometimes I made mistakes, but I kept on doing my best, and listened to God the very best I could, and over time, I  not only heard Him better, but became aware of a pattern He had with showing His love to me and the "Impressions" of His leading that has never failed. I learned that not only praying for wisdom, and asking God to help me understand His leading, but I prayed for a tender heart so I could follow where He led, and learned to constantly thank Him and praise Him for all the confusion and difficulties He took me through during that learning process - IT WAS TOUGH, BUT SO AMAZING, and so worth it.
REMEMBER - The struggles are what really make life worth while, because there the only things that really stretch us, and make us into the image of God. We can't do it on our own, because everything that God calls us to be, is a "super-natural" calling to a "super-natural" change in your life, and only God can cause the change, as you do the very best at your part, so God can bless your efforts.

Being a Christian is the most exciting, frustating, enjoyable, confusing, fulfilling  ..... life that you never want to miss out on.

Yes, God has a plan....and it includes ETERNITY, which is a lot closer than you think   -