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Hello (please read to the end)
So I started a relationship when I thought I was desperate, and had a fear of being alone. At the beginning the guy was so immature (so was I). We had sex and did not honor God with our bodies. He did not know how to pursue me or treat me like a woman. Even during that sin, we decided to commit and continue dating. He and I both did not have boundaries so the relationship had a very rough start.
That being said, around 6 months into the relationship, we both turned a new leaf. I expressed how I want to be treated and he not only started treating me that way, but continued to desire to pursue me. We stopped having sex 7 months into the relationship and have pursued purity since.
Surprisingly, I have grown so much in my walk and understanding of the Lord through my boyfriend. A month ago, he became a bible study leader within his church. He has truly become someone that he wasn't a year ago. He continues to pursue me and desires to marry me within the year.
That being said, I am not at a crossline where I am now feeling like I am not attracted to him physically, even though he has become "the perfect guy" that i was looking for. Almost all his habits irritate me (but he's willing to work on all these things and I know he has also made many changes over the year)
I have made mistakes in my past, by letting go of a wonderful guy and I dont want to make the same mistake because I was looking for "a perfect guy".
I do however fear or wonder if I should stay with him with our past being what it was. I have expressed this to him and his response is that I should focus on how the Lord has put us on a new path and how he has forgiven us and delivered us from our sexual sin. My boyfriend also feels that I shouldn't be looking in the past but focus on how our relationship has been cleansed by the Lord and how we both have grown in our walks with the Lord.

So I sit here and wonder what I should do. I appreciate any insight everyone can give.

This actually sounds a lot like something you hear from a marriage forum, so I thought I would respond.

Being irritated at a spouse is something that a lot of couples go through after marriage. This however usually comes after a strong commitment is made and sex is part of the relationship of marriage. What holds a marriage together is different (but still some of the same stuff) as the dating period.

People NEED to change in marriage to make things work a lot of the time. The fact that your boyfriend wants to do that and is still pursuing you is a really good thing. I would not lightly give that up. You rarely marry someone who is already the right person. Marriage changes people, and even if he was "the right person" when you married, 5 years later he is a different person (while still the same). You change too with time. Marriage is about finding out what works, showing love to the person, and loving who they are at that time (not the person you married 10 or 20 years ago who was 30 lbs lighter and not stressed from having kids or working a different job).

Why are you no longer attracted to him now? What about him? Is your lack of physical attraction due to being irritated with him?

My advise is to keep with it for now. Attraction and the liking your spouse part of love is something that can come and go dependent on circumstances. The commitment part of marriage holds the relationship through those trying times. However, you haven't made that commitment.

I can tell you that you probably can "fall back in love" with him and find him attractive again. Find a path that gets you there.

If not, are you now seriously considering leaving him because of these irritations? What are they?

Edit: it sounds like you both have changed a ton in the past 6 months and its probably seemed very fast. What held your relationship together before is now not there. You are probably BOTH very different people than 6 months ago. It is no surprise that finding new reasons for love and making it work between the two new you two isn't automatic. A marriage between two people who change constantly takes work. Do not think that if you found a new Mr. Right, that anything would be automatic or not take work.

It sounds to me like you have entered a phase of the relationship that usually people encounter in marriage after everyone has rings and has made vows. Read through marriage forums and find a TON of complaints like yours (there aren't a ton of these forums because people usually come to these forums with more serious marriage issues than other marriage forums). Talk to long time married people and they will echo your story.

I cannot tell you if it right to marry this man. What I can say is many people get to the stage where you are at and check out of the relationship. They enter a new relationship thinking that this new person will make them happy. 2 years later, they are irritated by them. By the time they are on their 5th divorce, the same thing still rings true. After the lust and honeymoon period wear off, how do you make a relationship work? The only thing that remained the same in that was you and the human relationship condition.

hmmm dont let him rush you into anything, and if you arent attracted to him physically, and are already getting annoyed with him, then I would seriously doubt that he is the one. Ask God to show you what He wants, but if you have to ask other people if you should marry him then then the answer is probably no.

Take your time - I think that's the best advice, I was ever given.

I would say that marriage HAS to be holistic to work properly - you have to know you are attracted physically, sexually, spiritually and emotionally.   It's the little things like that, does he make you laugh?  Is he there for you?   Does his faith and walk with Jesus inspire you?  Do you 'want' him?   

Have you ever been physically attracted to him?  The opening of your post sounds like maybe you fell into the relationship because you wanted comfort?   If you have never really, truly, been physically attracted to him, then I would suggest you give this some real, serious thought!   What seems like a smallish issue now, will be magnified under the glare of marriage.   Marriage is hard, hard work....and if you don't have the 'glue' of attraction, you can make it ever harder for yourselves.

But, if you have been attracted to him before and are now just not feeling it, I wouldn't worry about it too much - I think those things come and go.  There were times in the early part of my relationship, that I'd look at him quite analytically and wonder what it was that I found so attractive.....and then other times, I'd catch a glimpse of him and would feel my knees go weak with how how much I fancied him.    Attraction is a real weird thing....and as long as it's been there, I wouldn't worry too much.

But yep, take your time.  Churches can be guilty of pushing people into marriage on the basis, that if you 'burn, you must marry'.   I would personally rather date someone for 5 years and spend 40 years being happy and secure that we were meant to be, than 18 months together and 40+ years silently not liking them very much!

If you're striving for purity and striving to get to know him better....take your time. 

I have to agree with Chosenone. If you have that many reservations about him, then he is not the one for you.

You could always say that you need some time to think things over and then you could take some alone time (maybe a couple months) where you guys aren't dating each other. In that alone time, you could sit down with yourself and really look at your current boyfriend from a distance and ask yourself if you really think you want to spend the rest of your life with him. This is a very big decision, and it's impact could last a long time. It is worth taking your time to make this decision.

And if you do say that you need some thinking time to figure things out, watch how your boyfriend reacts. If he can't make it 3 weeks without contacting you and asking questions about if you can get back together yet, then he is probably clingy and probably has too much of his happiness wrapped up in you. While him being "stuck" on you might seem like a good thing, it won't be when you don't make him happy and then he gets even madder because his source of energy to take on the world just got interrupted. We need to get our happiness from a variety of sources, and if we try to get it just from one person, things don't end well.

But yea, like others have said, I would  take your time. And if you say you want to take your time and he keeps pressing to marry you, that means he isn't honoring your opinion like he should, and he is too needy to be marriage material for you at the moment.

God never chooses whom you shall marry. But He sure will tell you when is the right time to get married with the person you have chosen, by giving you His wisdom.

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