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At my age men are typically divorced. Since that is a no no, now what?

Quote from: graciemay on Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 14:31:08
At my age men are typically divorced. Since that is a no no, now what?

Well..I am divorced; does that make me....what?

Quote from: Thankfulldad on Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 14:33:27

Quote from: graciemay on Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 14:31:08
At my age men are typically divorced. Since that is a no no, now what?

Well..I am divorced; does that make me....what?

That I am a no no?

Um uh um uh...well, I'm not saying that. 

Biblically, I am doomed to go to hell if I marry a divorced man...unless they've been cheated on.
I've tried to find a loophole but my Pastor says no.

Not fair, really.

Quote from: graciemay on Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 17:54:49
Um uh um uh...well, I'm not saying that. 

Biblically, I am doomed to go to hell if I marry a divorced man...unless they've been cheated on.
I've tried to find a loophole but my Pastor says no.

Not fair, really.

Your pastor has a questionable relationship with Jesus IMHO; he relies on the law...which will save no one.

All things are permissible...but, not all things are beneficial; for some it might be better to stay unmarried.  Others live by grace and the love of Jesus, and trust what He did for them on the cross...they have freedom in Christ.  Once we repent...we are forgiven; we cannot go back and change things...we can only trust in what God's grace and love can do in our life.

What church do you belong to?

Quote from: graciemay on Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 14:31:08
At my age men are typically divorced. Since that is a no no, now what?

Find a man who was divorced for valid reasons. It has nothing to do with the Law. Christ opened His mouth and said don't get divorced unless its for valid reasons. Marriage is too sacred to entertain an idea that honoring it is "of the law".

Quote from: LightHammer on Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 19:07:37

Quote from: graciemay on Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 14:31:08
At my age men are typically divorced. Since that is a no no, now what?

Find a man who was divorced for valid reasons. It has nothing to do with the Law. Christ opened His mouth and said don't get divorced unless its for valid reasons. Marriage is too sacred to entertain an idea that honoring it is "of the law".

Easy to say:

I was married for 23 years; after the death of her mom and a few years later my son's fiancee...depression set in, she wanted a divorce and there was nothing I could do or say to stop it.  I was faithful, she was faithful...she wanted out...said she loved me but did not feel love for me so on and so forth...

Valid or not?

Quote from: Thankfulldad on Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 19:13:02

Quote from: LightHammer on Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 19:07:37

Quote from: graciemay on Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 14:31:08
At my age men are typically divorced. Since that is a no no, now what?

Find a man who was divorced for valid reasons. It has nothing to do with the Law. Christ opened His mouth and said don't get divorced unless its for valid reasons. Marriage is too sacred to entertain an idea that honoring it is "of the law".

Easy to say:

I was married for 23 years; after the death of her mom and a few years later my son's fiancee...depression set in, she wanted a divorce and there was nothing I could do or say to stop it.  I was faithful, she was faithful...she wanted out...said she loved me but did not feel love for me so on and so forth...

Valid or not?

I'm not entirely sure how to put this. No its not a valid reason to be divorced. Is it adulterous for you to remarry; of course not. You didn't separate from her she forced the issue. You can't really force anyone to stay with you. I know that any fault in this is not your own. Its not legalistic either so whatever damage it may have caused should have been absolved when you brought to God in prayer.

OK, I'm confused.

Matthew 5:32
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

Is adultery an unforgiveable sin?

Quote from: graciemay on Sat Jan 21, 2012 - 14:50:03
OK, I'm confused.

Matthew 5:32
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

Is adultery an unforgiveable sin?

No why would you say that?

i read something and got confused.

so, y'all are telling me that i CAN marry a divorced man if the divorce was for valid reasons.

what are valid reasons? can you help me find that in scripture, please?

For years, I endured a marriage plagued with adultery because I read the same scripture thinking if  got divorced and remarried that I would be committing adultery. I even tried to convince myself maybe I was like Hosea to show relationship between God and sinful man. Then I woke up.

After years of waiting for things to change, I took advantage of the out Jesus gave. Upon another read of the scripture about marrying the divorced woman, I interpret it to mean the woman whose husband divorced her for reasons not supported by scripture.

Quoteshe wanted a divorce and there was nothing I could do or say to stop it.  I was faithful, she was faithful...she wanted out...said she loved me but did not feel love for me so on and so forth...

First off, scripturally there is NO legal divorce except it comes from the man - i.e. a woman CANNOT divorce her husband. Did they try to do that back in NT times? yes, but it was not a valid divorce.

Paul allows for remarriage (as many intreprtet it - but not all) for abandonment by an unbeliever.  That would be in 1 Cor 7. He also says that if someone does not provide for their own [family] they are to be considered as an unbeliever. 1 tim 5.8

Putting these passages together gives (to those who intrepret it that way) the option of remarrying after being abandoned by your spouse.

Personally I agree with that intrepretation, but I know many do not.  It is not clear-cut.

Quote from: Thankfulldad on Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 18:59:18

Quote from: graciemay on Fri Jan 20, 2012 - 17:54:49
Um uh um uh...well, I'm not saying that.  

Biblically, I am doomed to go to hell if I marry a divorced man...unless they've been cheated on.
I've tried to find a loophole but my Pastor says no.

Not fair, really.

Your pastor has a questionable relationship with Jesus IMHO; he relies on the law...which will save no one.

All things are permissible...but, not all things are beneficial; for some it might be better to stay unmarried.  Others live by grace and the love of Jesus, and trust what He did for them on the cross...they have freedom in Christ.  Once we repent...we are forgiven; we cannot go back and change things...we can only trust in what God's grace and love can do in our life.

What church do you belong to?

Amen. I am married to a previously divorced man and he is the best and most godly man I have ever met. His wife met another man and divorced him, even though he had not been unfaithful or abusive or anything. We later found out that she had committed adultery while the divorce was progressing. We didn't know that when we married, but she had abandoned him by divorcing him anyway.
God clearly bought us together, and if I were you I would find a new church. Don't just go by what one pastor says, I studied this for myself for years and read many books. Pastors will all disagree on this.

I didn't want to meet a widowed man, because they do tend to idolise their first wives and seem to only remember the good times and forget the bad, even if their marriage wasn't that good. I didn't want to have to compete with a dead woman!
I realised that at the age I was then(mid 40's, I may never marry again, but God had other ideas.
I  knew that if I did marry again, I wanted a divorced man, (I was also divorced after 25 years of marriage). I got the best!!!!!

I found these books helpful and Biblical
Divorce and remarriage in the church by David Instone Brewer.
Divorce:Gods will? by Stephen gola. website www.divorcehope.com

 

There was (and still is) a practice in cultures that practice polygamy that was referred to as "putting away" a wife. What this consisted of was basically kicking a wife out of your home. No means of support were given to her any longer. No food, shelter or clothing. Since she was legally married And the fact that women usually didn't hold jobs she had to either lie & get remarried or became a prostitute. Either way she became an adulteress.  Some of the Pharisees at that time, during Jesus' ministry were practicing something akin to wife swapping while legally inside the confines of the Law.  Today, as well as back then you could go to a marriage parlor and get married for an hour or two & then promptly divorced.

The Malachi passage which is famously partially quoted has a larger context which basically says in a nutshell that where God hates divorce He hates abuse more. And Jesus said that a woman's sin of adultery, who is a put away woman, would be held against her husband and not herself.

Also some guys would marry these "put away" wives knowing what they were. Jesus said they were guilty of adultery too.

And as well there was two camps of thought on divorce. One ultra conservative and one liberal. (They were trying to get Jesus to pick a side) and Jesus replied with a poetic, metaphoric answer about being not a child of God's. IOW apostacy was grounds for divorce and not any one particular sin. Which covers any logical reasonable reason for divorce and none of the petty ones. But does give license to those that have been left for petty reasons to remarry.

Jesus was anything but a legalist. To make him out to be one in one area of life is out of his character and simply scripture twisting for a personal agenda.   

Thank you for that JohnDB.  I was hoping someone would go there and you did, very well.  One of Jesus' most frequent messages was consistently simplifying "the law".  Jesus was always peppered with questions from people testing him or looking for anything from guidance to loopholes.  His message has always been consistent and simple...Belive and Love.