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Some married people have single friends, family members, or associates in whom they may confide for advice or to sort their thoughts about a rough patch in their marriage. I shared my experience as  a wife, but the fact I am divorced negates my input for those who cannot be objective.

I must admit, some of the issues are so trivial, but I understand it is significant to the person going through it. I have heard it said, "Married people shouldn't ask single people advice about marriage." Sound advice from a single person may be ignored if popular thinking is followed. I have had the privilege of hearing testimonies of how some marriages are stronger because a spouse chose to follow the advice of an unmarried person and the marriage was saved.

God inspired an unmarried man, Apostle Paul, to pen scriptures advising husbands and wives how to treat each other. A single man or single woman making reference to this work on marriage may still not be received, especially if the spouse with whom they are sharing is the spouse who is offending the marriage.

HI divabylaw
That's sad if anyone will ignore good advise just because the one giving it may be single or divorced. Just as single people may ignore advise from those who are married, after all we have all been single haven't we. In fact those who are divorced may be far wiser, because of what they have been through themselves.
I myself was divorced after 25 years of marriage, my husband after 23 years, and we have been married to each other for over 6 years. My family is full of divorces after cheating and lying, so I have loads of experience of such things and of the devastation and pain that they cause. Maybe this is why I want to see good marriages and why I hate cheating and betrayal and lying.
If someone doesn't want to listen to me because I was once divorced, that is their problem not mine. if anyone feels superior and that they know more because they aren't divorced, then let them think that, it isn't true.
Give wise advise to those who will listen, and if they wont, its their loss.

Chosenone, that is why I offer my experience from marriage so people (who happen to ask me) can compare what they are going through to the experience shared to, hopefully, shift the marriage in the direction of being saved.

I divorced after 15 years of marriage and 13 were plagued with infidelity. No incentives existed for me to fight for my marriage. I got tired of fighting when it was clear no change would come. When I hear people who are the offenders (not necessarily cheating), come up with reasons why they won't do what is right to move the marriage forward, I let them know they have to live with whatever decision they make.

A couple of observations and I dare say facts: A single woman can make a bad wife look like she's doing something right because, at least, she is still married. A single woman might be used as an example to the wife of a trifling husband who will point out reasons (he knows nothing about) why she is not married.

In general the single does not have the life experience to speak into a married situation.  But, that said, God sometimes delights in turning over that apple cart.

He will sometimes speak thru the most unlikely. That is to test our listening (to recognize His voice) and humility (who we receive counsel from).

But I disagree with the OP in one point: Paul could not have been a lifelong single.  In order to be schooled by Gameliel (headmaster of the Pharasaic school Beit Hillel) he HAD to be married once he reached the age of 13. It was a requirement. (and it had to be to a daughter of a Beit Shammai graduate)

Whether she died in child birth or from disease, or if they divorced once he came to faith in Jesus is unknown.  But by the time he started writing his letters he was single. THAT much we know. My point is that he had to have had the life experience of marriage by virtue of his upbringing.

Quote from: DaveW on Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 10:05:42
In general the single does not have the life experience to speak into a married situation.  But, that said, God sometimes delights in turning over that apple cart.

He will sometimes speak thru the most unlikely. That is to test our listening (to recognize His voice) and humility (who we receive counsel from).

But I disagree with the OP in one point: Paul could not have been a lifelong single.  In order to be schooled by Gameliel (headmaster of the Pharasaic school Beit Hillel) he HAD to be married once he reached the age of 13. It was a requirement. (and it had to be to a daughter of a Beit Shammai graduate)

Whether she died in child birth or from disease, or if they divorced once he came to faith in Jesus is unknown.  But by the time he started writing his letters he was single. THAT much we know. My point is that he had to have had the life experience of marriage by virtue of his upbringing.

Good post.

I came to the exact conclusion about God testing the person to hear his voice. I believe if a person truly loves God (as far as advice on marriage is concerned) they will recognize his voice through (as you say) "the most unlikely."

Though a single man or woman don't have life experience firsthand, they may have friends or family who probably confided in them. In so doing, they have learned aspects about married life worthy of sharing; even though they have to preface their input by saying it is what they learned from someone else.

Thanks for the lesson on Paul's life. In my research, I never came across this information; however, in light of what you've shared about Paul, if he was divorced, he still offered advice on marriage. I  believe if a person really wants to do right by the spouse, applying the scripture in their marriage solely from what they read should be sufficient to serve as advice.

Another thought I have about people who seek different resources for advice on marriage is not that they seek unbiased counsel, but more so, they are looking for someone to agree with their stand they've taken to defraud their spouse or not give due benevolence for reasons they believe justifies going against the law of God regarding marriage.

Quotez in light of what you've shared about Paul, if he was divorced, he still offered advice on marriage.

Paul wrote in 1 Cor 7 that if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave - let them go.  I have often wondered if that was not his exact experience.

It is something to think about. Paul was thorough; looking at different events that can happen in a marriage, even to the point of being married to someone who is not active in church. He explained the possibility of the spouse being persuaded by pleasant behavior.

Some women give their husbands hell for not going to church.

Quote from: divabylaw on Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 12:18:39
Some women give their husbands hell for not going to church.

Perhaps a single sister COULD give good advice on that one. 
I am sure the BF would not stay around long if SHE did that........

LOL! I'm sure he wouldn't! Some people just don't want to be told what to do. They will reject ANYbody's advice. You just don't know it until time reveals the results.

I once heard a brilliant teaching from a single lady(never married) who God has called to go round the world teaching on godly sex, and what is and isnt right and what Gods desire is for sex in marriage. She started by saying "you may wonder what a single never married lady is doing teaching on this subject, and that is what I wondered when God called me to do this" Boy was she annointed and brilliant. A fantastic teaching on Godly sex, the best I have ever heard. God has a sense of humour and he chooses who He will.

Quote from: chosenone on Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 22:28:01
I once heard a brilliant teaching from a single lady(never married) who God has called to go round the world teaching on godly sex, and what is and isnt right and what Gods desire is for sex in marriage. She started by saying "you may wonder what a single never married lady is doing teaching on this subject, and that is what I wondered when God called me to do this" Boy was she annointed and brilliant. A fantastic teaching on Godly sex, the best I have ever heard. God has a sense of humour and he chooses who He will.

Did that lady never write any books on the subject? 

Quote from: Lavender on Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 23:59:11

Quote from: chosenone on Tue Jan 24, 2012 - 22:28:01
I once heard a brilliant teaching from a single lady(never married) who God has called to go round the world teaching on godly sex, and what is and isnt right and what Gods desire is for sex in marriage. She started by saying "you may wonder what a single never married lady is doing teaching on this subject, and that is what I wondered when God called me to do this" Boy was she annointed and brilliant. A fantastic teaching on Godly sex, the best I have ever heard. God has a sense of humour and he chooses who He will.

Did that lady never write any books on the subject? 

  Not as far as I know, but there are some good books by others such as 'Sex Gods truth' by Jill Southern from ellel ministries. Ellel ministries is where I heard this other lady teach.

Thank you for that information, I will look into it.   

I shall add this to my arsenal of books. Thanks for this lead. I already have ideas how to use it.

I think divorced people can give great advice because they can now look back on all that went wrong. Not so sure about a person that is single and never experienced marriage. It's a whole new ballgame once you are married. I certainly could not have advised anyone on marriage as a single person that had never been married. But, that's just me.

Hi Butterflykisses96, it is not just you. There are people who cannot see how a person who has never been married can give advice to married people. About three years ago, I contemplated giving up sharing advice about marriage because I began to hear there was teaching from the pulpit against married people receiving advice from divorced people or from people who never married.

I called a pastor friend and spoke with him about the doctrine coming from some ministers. He pointed out there are marriage counselors who may be going through a rough spot themelves, but how is a couple to know? This was confirmation to a question I asked, "How do married people seeking counsel know whether a preferred married therapist is happily married or has a divorce in progress?

Certainly, I do not speak from jealousy, but in defense against being invalidated by bad doctrine, repeated so many times, it sounds as if it is true when it is not.