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Hello,

So I have been dating someone for about a month. I kept trying to end it with him (5 or 6 times...) because I didn't see a future with him, and I kind of have a cruch on someone else.  Each time I ended it he was able to talk me out of if, reminding me that I like and don't want to give him up. I said I would take it slow with him. He has already said he loves and and wants to marry me, but I don't feel that way. Last time I tried to break it off he kissed me and I just fell right back, even though I'm not 100% sure about him.

I have waited a long time to get into a relationship (this is my first relationship), and I always thought it would be more mutual. The problem is that he has given me his heart and will do anything for me, so I feel kind of trapped. He takes the tiniest thing I do as a declaration that I love him, while I am just being nice and trying to reciprocate a little. I'm anm not being too responsive to his overly-loving nature though, so I feel as though I am severing this relationship with a blunt object.

I have always said that I didn't want to have sex before marriage, and he doesn't feel as strongly about that, but said that he would wait for me. However, I feel pressured by him and last night we did have sex. He kind of forced it on me the first time. We did it again after though because neither of us wanted to admit that that had just happened.

We are both Christians but I always pictured myslef with someone who could encourage me spiritually. he might be able to do that, though not the the extent I'd hoped; it seems as though we are both a little lost right now. i dont know him well enough to know just how deep his fait is. He doesn't feel guilty about the sex because he is convinced that we will get married.

I don't know if I love this man, but should I stay with him now that we had sex? He is a amazing person and I don't want to hurt him more, so should I leave so as not to make it worse?

Only because you asked... My advice: walk and don't look back. Get closer to God, repent, and move on.

From what you have written, I would have to agree. Walk away.

i think you should reconsider your feelings. I'm not yet deep in faith in God but from what you have stated above, this man is dwelling in earthly desires. The bible is absolute and i think we should try our best to follow it. Abandon sexual immorality (even though its hard and sometimes i'm tempted too commit it ). Never forget that God sees everything that we do and He knows what we think. Try to talk to this guy  and do your best to convince him to repent and not to dwell in this activities anymore. I think that conviction in you is actually the Holy Spirit trying to communicate with you. Have you tried praying about this? communicate with God. pray and read the bible. Ask for His guidance and answers to your question.

Quote from: graciemay on Tue Apr 10, 2012 - 19:36:38
From what you have written, I would have to agree. Walk away.

Don't walk; RUN!!! 

Paul told Timothy "Flee youthful lusts..."  and what you describe is definatly lust.  It is what keeps dragging you back to him.   It is why he can kiss you and you are right back there.   

Run and don't look back.

Quote from: IamStefanie on Sun Apr 08, 2012 - 00:56:29
Only because you asked... My advice: walk and don't look back. Get closer to God, repent, and move on.

THIS.

Hi Im Minister MarcAlan of FHL Fruit Of Life..I understand how you feel..It sounds like you already know you dont love him the way a wife should love her husband..With that said you should leave him and end the relationship..He is being selfish by keeping you emotionally attached when you try and leave him...Dont beat yourself up over the sex..Repent and move on..You cant change what has happen and God forgives you..If you know you dont want to marry this guy..End it immediately..God bless

Hi tapioka,

I'm not sure if you are still looking for advice or not, but I myself was in a very similar relationship. It would seem to me that this guy is not respecting you as a woman and you deserve respect. I understand how hard it can be to end it with a guy like that. But don't give up. It will be very hard and he will likely continue to try to get you to change your mind. Cut off all contact with him if possible. Confide in friends or mentors about the situation, as much as you are comfortable sharing. I'm not sure if your church has a personal minister or not (they work much like a counselor) but I recommend sitting down with one and working through this. Also suggest to the guy that he may want to reach out to a mentor as well. I am wishing you the best! Much love.

According to Bible, sex is marriage.

Remember, a hard man is good to find!

Quote from: Funguy33 on Sat Jul 14, 2012 - 19:41:33
According to Bible, sex is marriage.

No it is not.  If it were there would be no requirement for a guy who has early sex to marry the woman.

Deut 22.28 If a man find a lady who is a virgin, who is not pledged to be married, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;
29 then the man who lay with her shall give to the lady's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has humbled her; he may not put her away all his days.

QuoteRemember, a hard man is good to find!

So said Mae West ...

Quote from: DaveW on Mon Jul 16, 2012 - 11:18:52

Quote from: Funguy33 on Sat Jul 14, 2012 - 19:41:33
According to Bible, sex is marriage.

No it is not.  If it were there would be no requirement for a guy who has early sex to marry the woman.

Deut 22.28 If a man find a lady who is a virgin, who is not pledged to be married, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;
29 then the man who lay with her shall give to the lady's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has humbled her; he may not put her away all his days.

How has he humbled her? I don't get that part of the verse but it sounds like prostitution to me.

Quote from: Funguy33 on Sat Jul 14, 2012 - 19:41:33
According to Bible, sex is marriage.

Remember, a hard man is good to find!

OF course its not. If it was, why did Paul says that we have to get married to avoid sexual immorality?

Quote from: Bitter Sweet on Mon Jul 16, 2012 - 13:15:16

Quote from: DaveW on Mon Jul 16, 2012 - 11:18:52

Quote from: Funguy33 on Sat Jul 14, 2012 - 19:41:33
According to Bible, sex is marriage.

No it is not.  If it were there would be no requirement for a guy who has early sex to marry the woman.

Deut 22.28 If a man find a lady who is a virgin, who is not pledged to be married, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;
29 then the man who lay with her shall give to the lady's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has humbled her; he may not put her away all his days.

How has he humbled her? I don't get that part of the verse but it sounds like prostitution to me.

'Humbled' means  defiled, violated.

Sex equals marriage started with Adam and Eve

Then there was Jacob and Leah

Exodus 22:16-17

Wrong.  With Adam, the whole "bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh" speech was a covenant declaration. i.e. it was the equivalent of a wedding ceremony.

And with Leah, there was a wedding ceremony also. It was just that Laban switched girls. But the covenant vows that were spoken were considered binding even if they were made under false pretenses.

In both cases the covenant declaration preceeded the sex. Marriage first, sex afterward.

BTW, is it not a TOS violation to insist that sex = marriage?

Quote from: DaveW on Tue Jul 17, 2012 - 06:12:39
BTW, is it not a TOS violation to insist that sex = marriage?

David, if it's honest debate and Bible study, that point can be argued. If we only allow people to have "right" opinions, there wouldn't be much dialogue here. If someone is searching Google wondering about this topic, you'd want them to have the opportunity to find your answer on this forum. So a question such as this is an opportunity to educate and share opinions/thoughts.

That being said, certain things like blaspheme are TOS violations. Sometimes we have to take it on a case by case situation.