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I am 19 years old, dating this girl in college. She is a believer, and she goes to church and bible study and shows some signs of being sanctified.

There are some things I really like about her. We really enjoy each others' company, she is a very hard worker, and she is very loyal and committed to the relationship. She is very against sexual sin, and cannot commit sinful sexual acts because of her conviction.

However, she does not like to read the Bible. So she does not do it often, because she finds it to be a chore. I have been dating her for a few months now, and ever since the beginning I was not sure about if I should date her and I have been flip-flopping back and forth between whether or not I want to be with her. She definitely likes me more than I like her, my lack of affection is probably due to my mind not settling on whether I want to stay with her or not...

This is what mostly bothers me: she does not like to read the Bible, so she rarely immerses herself in God's Word. This disturbs me. I have encouraged her to do it, but she still does not. How can she encourage me if she does not have communion with the Lord in his Word? I still feel like the Lord has not sent me on my way, or showed me a clear path of obedience in this issue of whether I should be with her...

Will this damage my spiritual life if we married? Should I be with her?

Hi, Phil~

You will have to allow the Lord to lead you in this decision. It is good for a couple who are looking to further the relationship toward marriage to examine each other as to whether there are any serious weaknesses in them that one or the other cannot abide.

Many Spirit-filled Christians regularly commune with God yet find reading the word a hardship. I think it is very common---we live pretty hectic lives in this culture and many do not set aside time purposely with God daily.

IMHO, this is just a maturity problem and not one that should necessarily keep you apart. If you love this girl, and desire marriage down the road, shouldn't you consider yourself her encourager?

Just a short couple of years ago, I was in a deep depression over a major emotional hurt in my life. I couldn't get out of bed, or get to church or read my bible. I did pray and worship, but my dear husband would come and sit at the bedside and read me the Psalms and pray with me and for me. He was my encourager in the Lord...among others, but as my husband, what he did was so much more strengthening than anything anyone else did, beside Jesus.

Try considering this an area where you both can enter into reading and study together, allowing the word to teach you both the same things at the same time. How unifying that is! It appears you hold this to be a major part of your life, and rightly so---so, including her may just infect her with that enthusiasm she lacks.

Seeing how God speaks through the pages of that living book is AWESOME!

Perhaps this could be the test of the relationship and you can see and judge whether this relationship is what God wants or not. Even believers can be joined unequally.

Blessings!

Phil,
I have an easier time doing Bible study online.  She might as well.  There is a selection of Kindle books available if you two would get more enjoyment by reading the Scripture together.  One I saw had commentaries... anyway. I wanted to toss the idea out to you for consideration.

Lively Stone makes some very good points that I would have made if she had not posted first.  I often found myself struggling to read Scripture daily and would resort to reading the same books of the Bible over and over again and not fully immersing myself to God's Word. 

The fix?  The One Year Bible.  Each day is separated into 4 parts - Scripture from the OT, Scripture from the NT, some Psalms, and a couple Proverbs.  You can also choose to make the One Year Bible into a Two Year or even a Three Year, depending on how much of each day you read at a time.  I found this method of reading the Bible very refreshing, as you're reading 4 different "types" of Scripture each day.  Even though I'm in the middle of May, I plan on reading through all of it more than once. 

Kindle also makes a good point.  I remember my when my girlfriend (ex now) and I spent time with each other in her dorm lobby, she would go to a daily devotional site everyday and read a couple verses of Scripture and the take-home message.  It was quick and efficient. 

I also remember another couple at that college would spend time in the lobby and read the book Eragon to each other.  I'm pure male, but it was so romantic.  I bet it would be even more romantic with Scripture.  I can guarantee that it will bring you and your girlfriend closer together through God.

Back in the day when women weren't educated to be able to read men taught women what the Bible said.

And that's why Paul said, "wash her with the water of the Word". Meaning tell her what it says and why it says what it says.

Why not read it together? It seems a bit drastic to me that you are thinking of ending it for that one reason(unless there are other reasons?). You will never find a lady who is everything that you want or who does everything the same way as you. 

Quote from: chosenone on Fri Jun 15, 2012 - 13:05:42
You will never find a lady who is everything that you want or who does everything the same way as you. 

Exactly.  I'm a fitness loving Cardinals baseball fan, Broncos and Packers fan, doesn't like the Heat, Free Methodist, Linkin Park and Rise Against fan, hates politics, non-Twilight fan...the list goes on and on.  I'm absolutely positive that my future wife would not have mutual feelings with one of the above I've mentioned.

While her not reading the Bible is a valid reason to question continuing the dating, I think the root of the issue is that she likes him more than he likes her.

or, the jewel does not chase the jeweler ;)

Your inbox is full, Phil, or you are too new to use it.  So, here's my response--

This is going to sound strange from an old feminist but my perception of things has changed dramatically since being saved 3 some years ago :)

The jewel does not chase the jeweler means that women should not chase men.  Her avid interest in you is not being responded to by you possibly because she comes across as just "too" something.  Or, you're just not that into her, to use a current saying.  She may be comfortable to hang with right now, it may be fun even, but one day the gal you fall for will cross your path and Miss Too-Into-You will be history.

I could be wrong, who knows.  Just my two cents!

God bless, Phil, I hope you find and marry the gal of your dreams.

Fasso, I don't believe the guy always has to chase the girl.  It can be the other way around and still be just as well.

I went out with a girlfriend for some six months, and many times thought of ending it, she was more into me than I into her, it seemed unfair to her to carry on.

Then we went out to Banff for the day, went canoeing across Moraine lake in a blizzard, hit the opposite shore (I just about dumped her in the glacial lake in our haste), started a small fire and had lunch.  Canoed back loaded up the canoe and went into town.  We had A&W and a fine bottle of Beaujolais on the riverbank, and finally headed back to town.

That was 22 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday, I could write pages on the details; Why?

Driving back to Calgary, she fell asleep with her head on my lap, and I fell in love.

We have been together ever since, I love her dearly, I am truly blessed.  She has given me two wonderful children and has done so much to make our family what it is.

Sorry Fasso I'll have to disagree. 

Cheers,
Carey.

Alls well that ends well :)

As for me, I don't chase men.  Of course, I also seem to have no interest in dating either at this time.

Quote from: fassopony on Sat Jun 16, 2012 - 16:15:10
Alls well that ends well :)

As for me, I don't chase men.  Of course, I also seem to have no interest in dating either at this time.

I consider that a very prudent course, I tend to believe that we are most likely to find our soul mate when we are not searching for them.  Enjoy your horses and the blessings in your life, I suspect there are many.  I have no doubt that one day you will not escape the notice of  the right "cowboy", and he will indeed give chase.

God bless you,
Warmest wishes always,
Carey.

Thanks Carey!

Hi Im Minister MarcAlan of FHL FRUIT Of Life..I want to encourage you..Dont give up on her yet.. It could just be her needing time to mature spiritually and grow as a Christian..Especially if God has not given you peace about leaving..Instead tell her what bothers you and also explain to her that she cant grow in her faith or mature as a Christian without reading the Word of God...And to avoid fighting I would suggest you simply listen to the Bible..Because of technology this is very easy..I also suggest you listen to a translation that is easy to understand (NLT) or (NIV) and then the (NKJV)...Now if she has a problem listening to the Bible then I would be concerned because If she does not want to feed her mind and spirit the Word of God the Spirit of God is not in her and she doesnt have Jesus Christ in her heart..But give it a try bro and stay encouraged..God bless

Quote from: Carey on Sat Jun 16, 2012 - 17:15:33

Quote from: fassopony on Sat Jun 16, 2012 - 16:15:10
Alls well that ends well :)

As for me, I don't chase men.  Of course, I also seem to have no interest in dating either at this time.

I consider that a very prudent course, I tend to believe that we are most likely to find our soul mate when we are not searching for them.  Enjoy your horses and the blessings in your life, I suspect there are many.  I have no doubt that one day you will not escape the notice of  the right "cowboy", and he will indeed give chase.

God bless you,
Warmest wishes always,
Carey.

Not sure if going onto a an internet dating site is considered 'chasing' but I got my man that way and he was worth being pro-active for believe me. If I had sat at home waiting I would probably still be alone now 7 years later. I would recomend it to anyone, especially those who only want to marry a  believer.

Quote from: phil92 on Thu Jun 14, 2012 - 23:17:29
I am 19 years old, dating this girl in college. She is a believer, and she goes to church and bible study and shows some signs of being sanctified.

There are some things I really like about her. We really enjoy each others' company, she is a very hard worker, and she is very loyal and committed to the relationship. She is very against sexual sin, and cannot commit sinful sexual acts because of her conviction.

However, she does not like to read the Bible. So she does not do it often, because she finds it to be a chore. I have been dating her for a few months now, and ever since the beginning I was not sure about if I should date her and I have been flip-flopping back and forth between whether or not I want to be with her. She definitely likes me more than I like her, my lack of affection is probably due to my mind not settling on whether I want to stay with her or not...

This is what mostly bothers me: she does not like to read the Bible, so she rarely immerses herself in God's Word. This disturbs me. I have encouraged her to do it, but she still does not. How can she encourage me if she does not have communion with the Lord in his Word? I still feel like the Lord has not sent me on my way, or showed me a clear path of obedience in this issue of whether I should be with her...

Will this damage my spiritual life if we married? Should I be with her?

You say that she goes to church and to Bible study, but doesn't like to read the Bible.  So, what does she do in Bible study.......if not reading the Bible?  How does she participate in Bible study? 

She just kinda goes and listens to people talk. She completes the study, but just doesn't get anything out of it. Doesn't apply it.

Why not just pray that she will get a thirst for reading the Bible?

If it's "chore" for her to read the Bible,  there is good chance she isn't getting anything from it. Find ways to encourage her and help her get excited about it. There are alot of good resources you can use like online sermons,  movies, books, and as someone mentioned bible studies. It would be a good thing for you two to do together that may help you grow closer in your relationship.

Quote from: phil92 on Wed Jul 04, 2012 - 23:51:30
She just kinda goes and listens to people talk. She completes the study, but just doesn't get anything out of it. Doesn't apply it.

How do you know that she doesnt apply it? Thats your observation but isnt necessarily right. For some the Christian walk is a much more slow and steady process than for others, who seem to wizz ahead. Accept her as she is and where she is.

I think if you are honest with yourself you know your answer already but you don't want to hurt her.

@chosenone, That's just it, she actually just told me she doesnt get anything out of reading the bible. She says she probably won't apply things because she doesn't feel moved. It just hurts me to see that, to not be MOVED by her savior.


@CatSampson, I haven't checked this post for a good while now, but then I checked it yesterday and you made that post yesterday... I wonder if that means something.  Maybe I don't want to hurt her, and I just want God to fix things and have it all work out.. but maybe that is not an option.

My mind cannot rest on a decision one way or another. I always second guess myself as to whether I should or should not be dating her.

I'm not quite sure how much I can be helped from somebody who doesn't know much about my situation but I would listen to the counsel of someone who has something to offer.

That was what I wanted to tell you but I didn't know how to say so without offending you or the others who had given you such strong advice. No one on here can advise you on something so personal, we don't know your situation, who you are or who she is. So just based on what you posted I believe you are worried to hurt her more then not dating her anymore. Could you stay with this woman and make it work? Sure. Could you stop dating her and meet someone else who is more compatible? Abesolutely. The best person to ask is Mom, maybe, I don't know? If mom is Christian, and assuming she's alive.

If you don't mind me asking what is your purpose for dating? What result are you looking for?

Sorry if I don't make sense, I'm so much better at talking than translating thoughts into words on a computer.

Cat

My purpose is to discern her character to see if I should marry her. I would like to marry her. I just want to know if it is right.

I would not comprimise something that is extremely important just to marry the "right" person.

My husband had to be a christian for us to marry, I wouldn't comprimise on that. Just my opinion, but as far as how often he read the bible was between him and God as long as he wasn't leading me astray by being negligent in his studies. I'm a firm believer that if any two christian people choose to marry and use the Word of God as their guide for a marriage then any two people will have a successful marriage. This doesn't always happen right off the bat, so it could take time and (a lot of prayer in my case). Love is a choice not a feeling. It's up to you whether you are going to choose to love this woman or not. It sounds like you have talked to her about your concerns and she's given you her answer and I'm telling you if it's that important to you then don't comprimise. If you think given more time and prayer would help then try that, you're not married yet and she's not pushing you I take it?

I really don't want to influence you because I don't know you guys so I'm trying to carefully select my words here.

Do you have anyone who knows you both that you could seek counsel from?

I think I'll share a little of my story with you because you remind me of myself.

My husband and I dated for about 4 months and decided to get engaged. After a couple of months I realized there were extremely important things that I was not willing to comprimise on so I broke off our engagement which was extremely heartbreaking. Three months later he contacted me as he could not get me out of his mind and heart. We married six months later. I never had to comprimise those certain thingd and my husband ended up seeing that it was those things that made me the person he loved.

Yes, I do think I will be seeking counsel from somebody who does know us both.

May I ask what the things were that you were not willing to compromise on that you initially broke up with your fiance for?

Quote from: phil92 on Sun Sep 16, 2012 - 14:40:22
Yes, I do think I will be seeking counsel from somebody who does know us both.

Good

As far as the issues...It's very personal but I will say there was some sin going on that I wouldn't/couldn't except and realized I couldn't change him (just being honest, for some reason I thought I could)! He had to want to change for himself and God. I'm thankful he did.

I'd ask her deal breaker questions.

Deal breaker questions? Can you elaborate?

Quote from: phil92 on Mon Oct 08, 2012 - 15:34:38
Deal breaker questions? Can you elaborate?

Yes, deal breaker questions? 

One of my person deal breaker question would be.

1.  Do you believe homosexuality is a sin?  If she says no, then it is a deal breaker.

Be in praying for you. As give it all to the Lord. Praying for you my friend! As I will leave it at that. Follow what and where God leads you.