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Hi,  My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for about 3 years now.  We have a 15 month baby girl.  We are not married.  I have not had feelings for her for some time now.  My  emotions are totally numb.  And quite frankly I am very angry cause of the choice i made to get her pregnent.  I know that God forgives me but the reality of the choice i made is very difficult. Does the Bible require us to marry because we have a child?  Even If I'm unhappy in that marriage?

The Bible does not require you to marry. The Bible does require that you repent so your relationship with God is reconciled. The Bible also requires that you take responsibility for your child - iirc there is a verse in 1 Peter that says a man who does not take care of his family is worse than a non-believer. If you are certain you do not want to marry your girlfriend, be gentle when you break up with her, but do it as soon as possible so she will not feel strung along and can get on with her own healing. You will have a lifelong relationship with her for your daughter's sake, though, so keep that in mind. Before you make up your mind about this, though, learn about what love and marriage mean.

You mentioned you have not had feelings for her for quite a while now. Love is not based on feelings. The "loving feelings" people experience when relationships are new, will ebb and flow throughout the years. Marriage is a commitment to God to care for your spouse no matter how you "feel" about them. Especially in the early years of marriage, often people will feel numb or even go so far as to hate the person they married. But marriage is about showing God's love (service, selflessness) in spite of not feeling like it. After all, Jesus didn't feel like going to the cross - he begged God to let him off the hook! But he did it anyway, because he so loved the world.

Leaving your girlfriend is not going to resolve anything, and when you find someone new, you will eventually have the same challenges with them as you have with your girlfriend. Ask yourself if it might be more worth it to stay and choose to love the mother of your child rather than leave.

Sleah,
Before you destroy your family and wake up 5 years from now wondering what your child is doing..  Take the time to work on yourself and grow your faith toward's him.

Your girlfriend and you are spiritually connected because of your intimacy and your family.

If at all get a chance to know your baby before it's too late. You never know.. If you truly put God first you never know what kind of miracles are out there.  Give him a chance.

Resources / Stuff to google:
   - The Love Dare (book and move - take 40 days out of your life and read the book)
   - The Encounter (movie)
   - Churches in your area.  Go.  Talk to a pastor / someone of faith.  Christians love to help people.. Especially you.  We love you.

Godbless Sleah..

Quote from: beal_01 on Mon Oct 08, 2012 - 07:24:50
Sleah,
Before you destroy your family and wake up 5 years from now wondering what your child is doing..  Take the time to work on yourself and grow your faith toward's him.

Your girlfriend and you are spiritually connected because of your intimacy and your family.

If at all get a chance to know your baby before it's too late. You never know.. If you truly put God first you never know what kind of miracles are out there.  Give him a chance.

Good post.  The world tells us to walk away from families that aren't ideal.  But, nothing is ideal and walking away will always leave long-term scaring, at best.  And, even odds are that a future relationship will be no better. 

There was a time in America when this was a Christian society and two people who produced a baby were expected to get married.  They loved each other enough to make a baby.  In Old Testament times, they'd get a choice, marry or die.  That concept sounds so extreme to people of the world.

Janice,

QuoteThe Bible does not require you to marry.

Someone help me out with this because Ive been told otherwise. Two pastors have  stated to me that when youve been intimate with someone that you are then "married in Gods eyes" and in ancient times couples would usually have the marriage ceremony afterward when their courtship was completed but I dont remember the scriptures referenced. I am still searching for the scripture that details this idea (not that Im necessarily doubting it) so it would help if anyone knows where it is. Thanx.   

Selah,

QuoteHi,  My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for about 3 years now.  We have a 15 month baby girl.  We are not married.  I have not had feelings for her for some time now.  My  emotions are totally numb.  And quite frankly I am very angry cause of the choice i made to get her pregnent.  I know that God forgives me but the reality of the choice i made is very difficult. Does the Bible require us to marry because we have a child?  Even If I'm unhappy in that marriage?

How does she feel about this? Have you both discussed it or considered a marriage counselor?

Here is God's view of marriage:

Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.


Here is God's view of what sexual intercourse before marriage does:

1 Corinthians 6:16
Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For "the two," He says, "shall become one flesh."

Quote from: Sanktspirit on Mon Oct 29, 2012 - 12:10:34
Janice,

QuoteThe Bible does not require you to marry.

Someone help me out with this because Ive been told otherwise. Two pastors have  stated to me that when youve been intimate with someone that you are then "married in Gods eyes" and in ancient times couples would usually have the marriage ceremony afterward when their courtship was completed but I dont remember the scriptures referenced. I am still searching for the scripture that details this idea (not that Im necessarily doubting it) so it would help if anyone knows where it is. Thanx.   

Those two pastors are correct.  The act of intercourse consummates marriage.   A wedding is just a public declaration and celebration of marriage.  Jesus told a woman that she has had five husbands.  In that culture, it's highly unlikely that she had five official marriages, but more likely she had sexual relations with five men (which for then was extremely whorish).

1 Corinthians 6:15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! 16 Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, "The two shall become one flesh."

Quote from: Aahil on Mon Oct 29, 2012 - 19:42:47

Quote from: Sanktspirit on Mon Oct 29, 2012 - 12:10:34
Janice,

QuoteThe Bible does not require you to marry.

Someone help me out with this because Ive been told otherwise. Two pastors have  stated to me that when youve been intimate with someone that you are then "married in Gods eyes" and in ancient times couples would usually have the marriage ceremony afterward when their courtship was completed but I dont remember the scriptures referenced. I am still searching for the scripture that details this idea (not that Im necessarily doubting it) so it would help if anyone knows where it is. Thanx.   

Those two pastors are correct.  The act of intercourse consummates marriage.   A wedding is just a public declaration and celebration of marriage.  Jesus told a woman that she has had five husbands.  In that culture, it's highly unlikely that she had five official marriages, but more likely she had sexual relations with five men (which for then was extremely whorish).

1 Corinthians 6:15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! 16 Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, "The two shall become one flesh."

Totally disagree. Sex outside marriage is fornication NOT marriage. Having sex does not make you married.
If the lady at the well had merely had sex with 5 men, and not married them, then why didnt Jesus refer to the man she was living with at that time as her husband?  He clearly said that he was NOT her husband. This proves that in Gods eyes they werent married, and we are not married just through sex.
sanctspirit
Those two pastors are decieved and wrong. The marriage ceremony was always BEFORE the consumation and never after.

Paul says that if we cannot control our passions that we are to get married. He doesnt say to just have sex.
There are no loopholes to sex before marriage. Sex is only meant for a man and a woman who are legally and properly married.

Quote from: chosenone on Mon Oct 29, 2012 - 19:51:33

Quote from: Aahil on Mon Oct 29, 2012 - 19:42:47

Quote from: Sanktspirit on Mon Oct 29, 2012 - 12:10:34
Janice,

QuoteThe Bible does not require you to marry.

Someone help me out with this because Ive been told otherwise. Two pastors have  stated to me that when youve been intimate with someone that you are then "married in Gods eyes" and in ancient times couples would usually have the marriage ceremony afterward when their courtship was completed but I dont remember the scriptures referenced. I am still searching for the scripture that details this idea (not that Im necessarily doubting it) so it would help if anyone knows where it is. Thanx.   

Those two pastors are correct.  The act of intercourse consummates marriage.   A wedding is just a public declaration and celebration of marriage.  Jesus told a woman that she has had five husbands.  In that culture, it's highly unlikely that she had five official marriages, but more likely she had sexual relations with five men (which for then was extremely whorish).

1 Corinthians 6:15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! 16 Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, "The two shall become one flesh."

Totally disagree. Sex outside marriage is fornication NOT marriage. Having sex does not make you married.
If the lady at the well had merely had sex with 5 men, and not married them, then why didnt Jesus refer to the man she was living with at that time as her husband?  He clearly said that he was NOT her husband. This proves that in Gods eyes they werent married, and we are not married just through sex.
sanctspirit
Those two pastors are decieved and wrong. The marriage ceremony was always BEFORE the consumation and never after.

Paul says that if we cannot control our passions that we are to get married. He doesnt say to just have sex.
There are no loopholes to sex before marriage. Sex is only meant for a man and a woman who are legally and properly married.

I agree with you, chosenone. There is the added complication to fornication that what happens is that those who indulge in it make soul ties, which are often just as binding as a marital tie, while a legal marriage has not taken place---an unwholesome bondage resulting from sin. Do you agree with that?

Quote from: chosenone on Mon Oct 29, 2012 - 19:51:33I Totally disagree. Sex outside marriage is fornication NOT marriage. Having sex does not make you married.
If the lady at the well had merely had sex with 5 men, and not married them, then why didnt Jesus refer to the man she was living with at that time as her husband?  He clearly said that he was NOT her husband. This proves that in Gods eyes they werent married, and we are not married just through sex.
sanctspirit
Those two pastors are decieved and wrong. The marriage ceremony was always BEFORE the consumation and never after.

Paul says that if we cannot control our passions that we are to get married. He doesnt say to just have sex.
There are no loopholes to sex before marriage. Sex is only meant for a man and a woman who are legally and properly married.

Paul refers to sex even with a prostitute as two becoming one flesh.   This is the definition of marriage, two becoming one flesh.  And, without it, I say there isn't a marriage.

As for the woman "who has had five husbands, but the man she is with isn't her husband", I see a couple of possibilities consistent with my position.  First, Jesus tells the woman to call her husband and then Jesus says the man isn't her husband.  This could be a way of Jesus accusing the women of adultery, for her husband is really someone else's husband.   Another possibility is that the man is a relative and not someone she's having relations with.

Again, I think the culture of that time really leans against the idea that this woman has had five formal marriages.     

Sometimes in the Old Testament and recognized by Common Law in the West, marriages take place without a ceremony.  The ceremony is just the public celebration/declaration, the wedding feast, and is not intrinsic to marriage as the OT and CL show.   

I'd say fornication is invalid/immoral/aborted marriage. 

The family in the OP was living together, as a man and wife would, and they produced a child.  The only thing missing from this "marriage" is the declared label.  If they actually had a ceremony before they first had sex, nothing after that would have been any different in how they lived, except maybe they might feel a little more obligated to address their problems rather than split apart.

     

Paul isn't referring to a spiritual tie when referring to having sex with a prostitute, he's referring to condemnation for both people.

She is a prostitute, you have sex with her and you also bare the burden of her sinful life.

Quote from: Aahil on Tue Oct 30, 2012 - 22:33:04

Quote from: chosenone on Mon Oct 29, 2012 - 19:51:33I Totally disagree. Sex outside marriage is fornication NOT marriage. Having sex does not make you married.
If the lady at the well had merely had sex with 5 men, and not married them, then why didnt Jesus refer to the man she was living with at that time as her husband?  He clearly said that he was NOT her husband. This proves that in Gods eyes they werent married, and we are not married just through sex.
sanctspirit
Those two pastors are decieved and wrong. The marriage ceremony was always BEFORE the consumation and never after.

Paul says that if we cannot control our passions that we are to get married. He doesnt say to just have sex.
There are no loopholes to sex before marriage. Sex is only meant for a man and a woman who are legally and properly married.

Paul refers to sex even with a prostitute as two becoming one flesh.   This is the definition of marriage, two becoming one flesh.  And, without it, I say there isn't a marriage.

As for the woman "who has had five husbands, but the man she is with isn't her husband", I see a couple of possibilities consistent with my position.  First, Jesus tells the woman to call her husband and then Jesus says the man isn't her husband.  This could be a way of Jesus accusing the women of adultery, for her husband is really someone else's husband.   Another possibility is that the man is a relative and not someone she's having relations with.

Again, I think the culture of that time really leans against the idea that this woman has had five formal marriages.     

Sometimes in the Old Testament and recognized by Common Law in the West, marriages take place without a ceremony.  The ceremony is just the public celebration/declaration, the wedding feast, and is not intrinsic to marriage as the OT and CL show.   

I'd say fornication is invalid/immoral/aborted marriage. 

The family in the OP was living together, as a man and wife would, and they produced a child.  The only thing missing from this "marriage" is the declared label.  If they actually had a ceremony before they first had sex, nothing after that would have been any different in how they lived, except maybe they might feel a little more obligated to address their problems rather than split apart.

     

You are reading things into what Jesus said that just arent there. He said she had had 5 husbands but the man she was now with wasnt her husband. Seems so clear to me.  Fornication isnt marriage it is sexual sin.

Quote from: Aahil on Tue Oct 30, 2012 - 22:33:04

Paul refers to sex even with a prostitute as two becoming one flesh.   This is the definition of marriage, two becoming one flesh.

The two becoming one flesh refers to a linking between 2 at some emotional/spiritual level.  It is NOT the same as a marriage covenant. The definition of marriage is the COVENANT, not the sex.

QuoteAs for the woman "who has had five husbands, but the man she is with isn't her husband",
....
Again, I think the culture of that time really leans against the idea that this woman has had five formal marriages. 

You have to look at Samaritan culture, NOT Jewish or Greek/Roman culture.

And in Samaritan culture, all marriage and divorce decisions were entirely at the whim of the husband. The woman had virtually no say-so.  Infidelity (adultery or fornication) met with immediate death for the woman.

The most common reason for divorce?  Inability to bear/carry children.