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[Background info: 20 years old, 2nd year college student, seeking Christ]

I posted earlier this year in June, asking about this relationship I was in for a year. For months, I did not have peace about being in the relationship. So I ended it a few days ago.

This has been extremely hard for me to bear, and every day I am overcome by feelings of loneliness, and a desire pulls on my heart that is one of the strongest I have ever experienced: the desire for a wife.

I so want to be married out of college. I don't know how I would meet someone else. I moved out of what I thought God was calling me to, and what I thought was right. I am in need of encouragement, should anybody have any words to say.

Patience is the building blocks of true character.

So is longsuffering.

Firstly, even if this wasn't the right relationship, it's still normal to have feelings of loss and loneliness.  It doens't mean you made a wrong decision (in case that was in your mind).  It's just that break-ups are incredibly hard and it is a mini form of grief, even for the one who did the breaking up.   

But I would also say, you need to deal with one thing at a time and seperate that out from your longings for a wife.  20?  Wow, that is like super young to get married and if you put pressure on yourself to do it just after College, you are going to run the risk of jumping into something that isn't right.   Just relax, grow spiritually, get yourself into a good position with a job and a home and then seek God's will for your life.  These are the years where you get to grow into being the right person for the right person - so focus on that.

Practically, I find that the best solution for the pain of breaking up is exercise.  Set yourself a goal - mine was to run a 5k.   And then I set about training for that.  I honestly couldn't do anything else, my head and heart were so heavy with loss and pain, that I couldn't bear to think of anything else.  But running helped me a lot, not only did it give me an endorphin rush but it gave me something to focus on, other than my own misery.  And in the meantime, I got to work on my shape too!

Think of this as 'me time'.  This is time to grow spiritually and in every other way, into the person God is calling you to be.   

Phil, breaking up after a year will of course leave you feeling very lonely and it will take time to get past that. Well done for ending it if you knew it wasnt right. That takes courage. Its good that you have a desire for a wife, but in my experience men of 20 are rarely emotionally anywhere near ready for marriage, and you are at the beginning of so many opportunites.
Concentrate on God, on getting a good job, on saving, on leaving home(have you even left home yet?)on being independant and learning to look after yourself. You will make a far better husband if you do these things and when you have lived a bit. Try and trust God on the wife part, and one day it will happen.

MY son got married last year and he was 32, my daughter married this year at age 31. You have so much time. My step sons are age 26 and 29 and neither even has a gilfriend. Make the most of this time alone and enjoy things in life. Get involved in mens groups, and do hobbies that you enjoy.

Find good Christian male friends.