Christian Forums

So how does a introverted slightly shy guy find a good Christian girl friend at church without freaking her out?

Basically, I'm kinda of a shy though it's going away. But the problem is that I'm still very socially awkward. I don't know really know what to say to girl. I mean I can me some small talk, but I tend to run out things to say fairly quickly. So then there tends to be a awkward silence. I mean there isn't much going on that I can hang around and make small talk with. So I just tend to come off as creepy, when really I'm trying to do is become friends with her and get to the point where I can hang out with her.

So how does a guy like me become friends with a good girl in a church setting?

Quote from: dothackzero on Thu May 30, 2013 - 22:27:42
So how does a introverted slightly shy guy find a good Christian girl friend at church without freaking her out?

I'm confused.  What exactly makes you think she would "freak out"?

Okay . . . I've actually never been in the dating game, because to me it would be like the dog chasing cars thing: what would I do with a girlfriend if I got one?

I think you have to come across like you have your other goals in life understood, and that women (or at least, the good ones) don't want to feel like they're your main goal in life. I don't believe introversion is an issue.

Do you have someone particular in mind? If you do, then show an interest in her, ask her about herself and be a friend and see where it goes.

Quote from: dothackzero on Thu May 30, 2013 - 22:27:42
So how does a introverted slightly shy guy find a good Christian girl friend at church without freaking her out?

Be yourself; be charming.

Quote from: chosenone on Thu May 30, 2013 - 22:57:52
Do you have someone particular in mind? If you do, then show an interest in her, ask her about herself and be a friend and see where it goes.

I did, but apparently I kinda freaked her out.

Quote from: dothackzero on Fri May 31, 2013 - 01:21:57

Quote from: chosenone on Thu May 30, 2013 - 22:57:52
Do you have someone particular in mind? If you do, then show an interest in her, ask her about herself and be a friend and see where it goes.

I did, but apparently I kinda freaked her out.

What do you mean by this?  How did she react and how do you know that she was 'freaked out?'

Quote
I did, but apparently I kinda freaked her out.

I'm telling ya man, it's probably the billowing cloak and Samurai swords. ;)

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 10:50:40

Quote
I did, but apparently I kinda freaked her out.

I'm telling ya man, it's probably the billowing cloak and Samurai swords. ;)

He needs a pointy hat

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 13:03:33

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 10:50:40

Quote
I did, but apparently I kinda freaked her out.

I'm telling ya man, it's probably the billowing cloak and Samurai swords. ;)

He needs a pointy hat

That he does. I mean, you don't seriously think I'm this good looking by accident? Get a pointy hat and the women come to you. ;)

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 13:49:50

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 13:03:33

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 10:50:40

Quote
I did, but apparently I kinda freaked her out.

I'm telling ya man, it's probably the billowing cloak and Samurai swords. ;)

He needs a pointy hat

That he does. I mean, you don't seriously think I'm this good looking by accident? Get a pointy hat and the women come to you. ;)

Don't you think you take the "knight in shining armour" a bit too far though. I don't think women meant it literally

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 17:02:39

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 13:49:50

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 13:03:33

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 10:50:40

Quote
I did, but apparently I kinda freaked her out.

I'm telling ya man, it's probably the billowing cloak and Samurai swords. ;)

He needs a pointy hat

That he does. I mean, you don't seriously think I'm this good looking by accident? Get a pointy hat and the women come to you. ;)

Don't you think you take the "knight in shining armour" a bit too far though. I don't think women meant it literally

Hmmm. Maybe I should tone it down by putting the head of a bewildered-looking bear over my pointy hat.

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 17:15:41

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 17:02:39

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 13:49:50

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 13:03:33

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 10:50:40

Quote
I did, but apparently I kinda freaked her out.

I'm telling ya man, it's probably the billowing cloak and Samurai swords. ;)

He needs a pointy hat

That he does. I mean, you don't seriously think I'm this good looking by accident? Get a pointy hat and the women come to you. ;)

Don't you think you take the "knight in shining armour" a bit too far though. I don't think women meant it literally

Hmmm. Maybe I should tone it down by putting the head of a bewildered-looking bear over my pointy hat.

I think they would prefer a cuddly bear to cold steel

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 17:25:32

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 17:15:41

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 17:02:39

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 13:49:50

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 13:03:33

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 10:50:40

Quote
I did, but apparently I kinda freaked her out.

I'm telling ya man, it's probably the billowing cloak and Samurai swords. ;)

He needs a pointy hat

That he does. I mean, you don't seriously think I'm this good looking by accident? Get a pointy hat and the women come to you. ;)

Don't you think you take the "knight in shining armour" a bit too far though. I don't think women meant it literally

Hmmm. Maybe I should tone it down by putting the head of a bewildered-looking bear over my pointy hat.

I think they would prefer a cuddly bear to cold steel

You've obviously never seen the 'Iron Man' movies. They LOVE a man in steel. And I, sir, am 140 pounds of pointy steel and rompin stompin romance.

Blind testosterone is a wonderful thing, huh?

Quote from: HRoberson on Fri May 31, 2013 - 19:35:58
Blind testosterone is a wonderful thing, huh?

In the words of Sarah Palin, you betcha.

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 19:21:41

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 17:25:32

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 17:15:41

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 17:02:39

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 13:49:50

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 13:03:33

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 10:50:40

Quote
I did, but apparently I kinda freaked her out.

I'm telling ya man, it's probably the billowing cloak and Samurai swords. ;)

He needs a pointy hat

That he does. I mean, you don't seriously think I'm this good looking by accident? Get a pointy hat and the women come to you. ;)

Don't you think you take the "knight in shining armour" a bit too far though. I don't think women meant it literally

Hmmm. Maybe I should tone it down by putting the head of a bewildered-looking bear over my pointy hat.

I think they would prefer a cuddly bear to cold steel

You've obviously never seen the 'Iron Man' movies. They LOVE a man in steel. And I, sir, am 140 pounds of pointy steel and rompin stompin romance.

A man 'in' steel cannot compete with a man 'of' steel 

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 20:46:20

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 19:21:41

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 17:25:32

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 17:15:41

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 17:02:39

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 13:49:50

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 13:03:33

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 10:50:40

Quote
I did, but apparently I kinda freaked her out.

I'm telling ya man, it's probably the billowing cloak and Samurai swords. ;)

He needs a pointy hat

That he does. I mean, you don't seriously think I'm this good looking by accident? Get a pointy hat and the women come to you. ;)

Don't you think you take the "knight in shining armour" a bit too far though. I don't think women meant it literally

Hmmm. Maybe I should tone it down by putting the head of a bewildered-looking bear over my pointy hat.

I think they would prefer a cuddly bear to cold steel

You've obviously never seen the 'Iron Man' movies. They LOVE a man in steel. And I, sir, am 140 pounds of pointy steel and rompin stompin romance.

A man 'in' steel cannot compete with a man 'of' steel 

How about a man of steel in steel wearing a bewildered bear hat?

QuoteHow about a man of steel in steel wearing a bewildered bear hat?

Yes that's a great outfit, no woman would freak out while wearing that.

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 21:03:10

QuoteHow about a man of steel in steel wearing a bewildered bear hat?

Yes that's a great outfit, no woman would freak out while wearing that.

Wrong, Firesword, all wrong. The proper response when faced with an idea of such sublime awesomeness is "now you're talkin'."

Quote from: chosenone on Fri May 31, 2013 - 03:16:47

Quote from: dothackzero on Fri May 31, 2013 - 01:21:57

Quote from: chosenone on Thu May 30, 2013 - 22:57:52
Do you have someone particular in mind? If you do, then show an interest in her, ask her about herself and be a friend and see where it goes.

I did, but apparently I kinda freaked her out.

What do you mean by this?  How did she react and how do you know that she was 'freaked out?'

Because she basically told me that I did.

Quote from: dothackzero on Fri May 31, 2013 - 22:50:42

Quote from: chosenone on Fri May 31, 2013 - 03:16:47

Quote from: dothackzero on Fri May 31, 2013 - 01:21:57

Quote from: chosenone on Thu May 30, 2013 - 22:57:52
Do you have someone particular in mind? If you do, then show an interest in her, ask her about herself and be a friend and see where it goes.

I did, but apparently I kinda freaked her out.

What do you mean by this?  How did she react and how do you know that she was 'freaked out?'

Because she basically told me that I did.

If your shy it's not going to help hanging around a woman who gets freaked out easily. You need someone who is easy going and is more tolerant of extreme or unusual behaviour and likes it.

Quote from: dothackzero on Fri May 31, 2013 - 22:50:42

Quote from: chosenone on Fri May 31, 2013 - 03:16:47

Quote from: dothackzero on Fri May 31, 2013 - 01:21:57

Quote from: chosenone on Thu May 30, 2013 - 22:57:52
Do you have someone particular in mind? If you do, then show an interest in her, ask her about herself and be a friend and see where it goes.

I did, but apparently I kinda freaked her out.

What do you mean by this?  How did she react and how do you know that she was 'freaked out?'

Because she basically told me that I did.

She sounds like she might be a little shy herself. I mean, if she's  freaked out by being talked to by member of her own parish, then she's got to be at least a bit jumpy.

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 21:31:59

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 21:03:10

QuoteHow about a man of steel in steel wearing a bewildered bear hat?

Yes that's a great outfit, no woman would freak out while wearing that.

Wrong, Firesword, all wrong. The proper response when faced with an idea of such sublime awesomeness is "now you're talkin'."

Na the outfit needs to be complimented with a large gleaming sword,

Haia, kajam, pow

Quote from: FireSword on Sat Jun 01, 2013 - 12:28:08

Quote from: Swiss_Guard on Fri May 31, 2013 - 21:31:59

Quote from: FireSword on Fri May 31, 2013 - 21:03:10

QuoteHow about a man of steel in steel wearing a bewildered bear hat?

Yes that's a great outfit, no woman would freak out while wearing that.

Wrong, Firesword, all wrong. The proper response when faced with an idea of such sublime awesomeness is "now you're talkin'."

Na the outfit needs to be complimented with a large gleaming sword,

Haia, kajam, pow

Large gleaming sword: Check!

Is that Gideons sword?

Saddam's, actually.

From my experience most woman fall into two categories.Either they want a confident strong man to take the lead or they want a weak spineless man they can control.The one you want is the woman looking for a confident strong(mental that is)man to take the lead.The problem is which ive been down that road is being shy is a big turn off.Not necessarily creepy to them but it makes you look unfit for what they need.

I think you need to see the root of what makes you shy and thats probably a bad self image or a over desire to be accepted by others.

  Atleast from my experience the issue i had to overcome was the need to be accepted by others and it compelled me to act the way i thought would make them accept me,but all it really did was make look unnatural or uptight.What helped me overcome it ,was too not just understand but believe that God has my best interest in mind and so it wasnt up to me to impress people to get there attention but that by trusting in God for all things it gave me the confidence to be myself and not care who likes me or how they may perceive me but to just do whats i know is right and God would place those who are like minded in my life.

Its hard for woman to get past that initial barrier if you come across as unconfident ,thats why so many woman get stuck in bad relationships because they see a guy whos very confident and there drawn too them but the sad thing is alot of overly confident men are just arrogant and self centered so there confidence which is just in themselves is a shallow one with no substance,but you want the confidence thats truly unshakeable and thats one based in trust in God thru Christ.

Quote from: robert9712000 on Sat Jun 01, 2013 - 20:30:38
From my experience most woman fall into two categories.Either they want a confident strong man to take the lead or they want a weak spineless man they can control.The one you want is the woman looking for a confident strong(mental that is)man to take the lead.The problem is which ive been down that road is being shy is a big turn off.Not necessarily creepy to them but it makes you look unfit for what they need.

I think you need to see the root of what makes you shy and thats probably a bad self image or a over desire to be accepted by others.

  Atleast from my experience the issue i had to overcome was the need to be accepted by others and it compelled me to act the way i thought would make them accept me,but all it really did was make look unnatural or uptight.What helped me overcome it ,was too not just understand but believe that God has my best interest in mind and so it wasnt up to me to impress people to get there attention but that by trusting in God for all things it gave me the confidence to be myself and not care who likes me or how they may perceive me but to just do whats i know is right and God would place those who are like minded in my life.

Its hard for woman to get past that initial barrier if you come across as unconfident ,thats why so many woman get stuck in bad relationships because they see a guy whos very confident and there drawn too them but the sad thing is alot of overly confident men are just arrogant and self centered so there confidence which is just in themselves is a shallow one with no substance,but you want the confidence thats truly unshakeable and thats one based in trust in God thru Christ.

Excellent post & very good advice.

Quote from: dothackzero on Thu May 30, 2013 - 22:27:42
So how does a introverted slightly shy guy find a good Christian girl friend at church without freaking her out?

Basically, I'm kinda of a shy though it's going away. But the problem is that I'm still very socially awkward. I don't know really know what to say to girl. I mean I can me some small talk, but I tend to run out things to say fairly quickly. So then there tends to be a awkward silence. I mean there isn't much going on that I can hang around and make small talk with. So I just tend to come off as creepy, when really I'm trying to do is become friends with her and get to the point where I can hang out with her.

So how does a guy like me become friends with a good girl in a church setting?

OK I'm a Christian girl and pretty sure my man would say I was a good girlfriend (bit awkward if not). Contrary to popular belief, we women are not too complicated  . Girls only get creeped out if you come on too strong too fast or introduce themselves a bit too much out of the blue or follow us around ie. if they feel like you're invading their personal space/if they feel like you fancy them without you having got to know them first. If you find it difficult to come up with things to say on the spot maybe have a think beforehand about things you could ask.

First...relax. If you've not done so before...introduce yourself (a friendly "hey I'm _ how are you?" will do...) - no shaking hands/hugging etc. at this point.
Potential questions:
-What've you been upto this weekend?
-What do you do ie. are you working/studying etc.?
-Where is that?
-Are you going to be attending [insert church event here]?
-Do you have any hobbies?

Important advice: look really interested in everything they say (even if you're not), say at regular intervals (not interrupting them speaking) "Oh really, wow that's so cool" and try to identify areas of similarity...ie. "Oh I love playing tennis too...it's good fun isn't it" or forging areas of similarity "I really rubbish at cooking but I admire anyone that can do it..." etc. The core point is making her feel valued, safe and entertained. Don't just reel of questions...try and tell her a bit about yourself too. She will probably have her own questions anyway. If she is quite resistant to questions ie. giving one word answers, looking at her watch or over her shoulder...then she's probably wanting the conversation to stop so maybe honour that. Hope this helps...any more questions feel free to ask.

QuoteIf she is quite resistant to questions ie. giving one word answers, looking at her watch or over her shoulder...then she's probably wanting the conversation to stop so maybe honour that.

Pray, Pray, Pray and walk towards her...