Christian Forums

Man, I don't even know where to begin. My life sucks, man. I don't mean to insult GOD because he gave me my life, but I'm going to be COMPLETELY honest here. I'd like to apologize for the length in advance.

I have albinism and I'm Nigerian, which means I'm supposed to be black but because of albinism I'm white. I don't feel black and I don't feel white. I'm the only one in my family with albinism. I don't feel like any race at all, so I have no idea who I am. I've been called ugly by almost everyone, except my brothers. My own parents have called me ugly to my face and have made fun of the way my eyes move (and they do it deliberately to insult me probably because I did something wrong, but still that doesn't give them an excuse). My parents call themselves Christian, by the way.

Before I started to try to get serious about Jesus, I could connect a little bit with people. I mean, I still felt alone but at least I had some friends. When I came to Jesus, I realized that 98% of my jokes were incredibly inappropriate. As I tried to get serious with The Lord, I realized that I no longer had anything in common with my friends, which was great because that meant The Lord was working on me, but that made me feel COMPLETELY alone because there was no one to talk to anymore. Sometimes I go a whole day in school without talking to anyone my age. In fact for the last month, I don't really talk to that many people because all they like to do is gossip and talk about others, and I'm tired of it.

All my life, my parents have kept me in the house so I wouldn't be influenced by kids my age, while that's a nice thought you have to take into account the effects that may have: A) I have albinism which already makes me feel alone, B) Keeping someone locked in a house doesn't make them develop socially as a human being and C) When you spend a large majority of your life in a house with WIFI, you are going to find PORN.

Long story short, I'm addicted to porn (even though I've repented so many that I don't even trust my repentance.) I fell lonely, I can't talk to my parents or brothers about ANYTHING I wish I didn't have to go through all this. I feel so tired, like I've been fighting all my life.

Anyway, what should I do and have you ever met an albino.

P.S. Obviously not all albinos feel this way.

Brother, welcome.

I have never met an albino, and it is impossible for me to know how you are feeling in any complete sense, but I have somewhat felt the sense of isolation and of being kept away from others by my parents.

I was fortunate to have grown up in an era before wifi and internet, and was shielded away from things like porn and
other influences and hence didn't get tempted by these things.

God supplied for me, and I think if He hadn't, my life would have been a complete wreck.  The factor of my alienation
from other kids was that I was promoted ahead in school so that I was much younger than my peers.  I was rejected by the younger ones because I was promoted, and rejected by the older ones because I was less mature.  I became
a "misfit".

My parents' response to this was to keep me occupied at home, which made matters quite worse.  I became socially misadjusted in some of the same ways you describe about yourself.

When I was in the 8th grade, God did a miracle, in the form of creating a desire in my Dad to move closer to his place of work.  I got to change schools.

My life became totally different because I was now among peers who didn't know my "back story".  I was welcomed in to their friendship and I became a member of the student council.   It was the best thing that ever happened to me.  I had friends, relationships outside myself for the first time.  It was difficult, because I was maladjusted, but I learned to get along with others, and found a couple of life-long friends who kept in contact with me throughout 5 decades which followed.

I also took up a ham radio hobby.  This hobby also served as an "equalizer", even though I was much younger than other participants, the fact that I had also passed the tests to receive a license gave me credibility with
them and I was able to form friendships.

I cannot make suggestions for you, because I don't know your culture or your independence.  I just hope that maybe something we have in common is helpful.

I can also see that you have a wise and insightful "handle" upon your own predicament.  This, with God's help, I am sure will carry you to the goals you seek and to improvements in your life's quality.