Christian Forums

Hi. I'm new to this forum and I need some good, Biblical Christian advice.

I'm 19 years old, male, and studying Economics. I go to a small church (100 members), which has an exceptionally active praise and worship ministry. As in we're super close and are working on a lot of projects. Actually I just got personally close last year, but i've been active in the ministry for at least 4 years now. They are probably the closest friends I have.

Anyway, one of the members of our 20 strong team, is particularly "close" although mostly in the professional sense, to me because the two of us work on the musical arrangements together. She is probably the awesomest girl I know (I think you know where this is going). We've also known each other since childhood. She's not really super pretty although she does have a good appearance and a lot of people seem to have an interest in her. But she is really really cool. And from what my spiritual mentor told me, she doesn't have an interest in having a lovelife at this moment (although I'm not so sure of that).

Over the past four years we've been working together, I seem to have developed a strong fancy for her. It's really strange on my part because I'm a stickler for appearance. This is also strange because I already decided I wouldn't think about courtship till I had the means to provide. The ministry is supposed to be my service to God so that I won't think about such things. But she seems to me like the perfect Godly woman (loves the ministry, focuses on serving God, studying to be a doctor). You could say we're more than acquaintances cause she has worked with me professionally outside the ministry, and has watched one of my recitals. Our parents are also quite close (although everyone in our church is close LOL). We also tease each other a bit. She's one of the boys.

Now, this normally wouldn't be so hard, but the fact is I've grown so attached to the point that I'm worried that her surroundings (we go to the same university) would compromise her. Not to mention that her parents also ask her why she doesn't have a bf yet. I always pray that the thought would go away but I always get to worry that someone would get in ahead of me (selfish I know). The truth is, after we graduate and have jobs, I want to court her. But she has so many friends that I'm afraid.

It's reached the point that I try to ignore her in order to focus my thoughts on ministry work. But that's nigh impossible because our environment neccessitates that we have a close working relationship.

I don't want to let her know what I feel either (at least not now) because I'm a firm believer in "Do not awaken love until it so desires." I think, I hope she believes it as well. It would also cause a lot of discussion within the church (like I said, we're a small church where everyone knows each other). I've prayed hard over this, but
have yet to have a clear answer. Btw, I'm not the only one who's interested in her at our church, let alone at university.

Sorry for rambling, I know this seems like an insecure boy's post. I've never had a girlfriend before and I'm constanly checking to see if I'm just doing this for the sake of having a girlfriend, but it seems to me, at least, that this is not the case. However, our working relationship within the ministry is getting strained, and some, including her, are noticing. My heart dies inside whenever she talks about the guys who try to court her :( I'm not so sure either whether she sees me as only a friend or a potential husband.

I need your advice! Do you think I should keep my affection a secret? If so, how do you think I can be productive in ministry work without actively, or unintentionally avoiding her? But if you think I should tell her, do you think that would be right in God's eyes? I'm not so much afraid of being rejected as I am of compromising ministry work and our own personal lives. I know that you will say only time will tell if it's God's will, but I need advice on how to cope with His plan without harming lives and/or the ministry. personally, I've been less active in our bonding moments because of this fear. I don't want to lose my friends in the ministry. Help!

tl;dr: I have developed feelings for a girl in the ministry, and need advice whether I should let her know or not, because
  either decision I make will have an impact on how I interact in the ministry. Thanks and God bless you!

With respect, just get on with it and ask her out for a coffee. You have know each other for many years now, how much longer are you going to wait?  You are over-thinking and over-analysing things, just do something about it. If its not meant to be then it wont happen, and if it is, then it will.  Her telling you about other guys who want to go out with her, may just be her dropping LARGE hints.
I was married at your age, so just get on with it and do something.

Welcome to the forums bro!

Sounds a lot like me at 19.  I had 4 serious crushes between highschool and college; all but one I never let know how I felt.  The last one I married 37 years ago.  In hindsight, I believe any of the 4 would have been a good marital match.

Working closely with someone of the other gender with similar faith and ministry goals (and compatible temprement) will usually lead to these feelings.  That is how our Maker designed us. How we deal with them is up to us and another story altogether. I would set aside some serious time for prayer (God's plan often ignores our plans of education, work, etc.) and get some godly counsel from a trusted man in your congregation that knows you both fairly well.  Then make your decision wether to pursue a relationship or not.