Christian Forums

Hey guys, first post.

I've been dating my girlfriend for 15 months now and it's been beyond great. I actually want to propose to her by the end of the year, but I'm having some anxiety about not being spiritually mature enough to lead and love her as Christ loves the church. It's a huge deal, and I don't want to let God down, let her down, and any future kids down by not being a Godly enough husband and father.  I am having serious panic attacks about this, feeling that I'll never be the man God wants me to be and ruining her life in the process. I've told some close friends about this, but not her. Should I tell her? Any advice would be awesome.

God doesnt expect you to be perfect, none of us are, but if you are both 100% sure that God wants you to marry, then he clearly thinks you are up to the job. Marriage isnt all about what the husband must do, but its a partnership with both giving equally to each other and the marriage.
It sounds like you are an over anxious person. Do you know why that is? Are you literally having panic attacks or was that just a phrase you used?

I am rather concerned that you havent spoken to her about this before. Dont you talk about things that worry you?

How old are you two?
How long have you two been Christians?

Is there pre-marriage counseling offered at your churches?

You say you desire spiritual maturity. Read the Word of God.

God can make you able to love and lead your future wife the way you want to. Spiritual maturity can come quickly, by abiding in Christ. The more you abide in Him, the more He abides in you, which will improve you in ways beyond your imagination.

Abide in Him, immerse yourself in His words, and He will be in you.

Consider yourself to be a fool, and let God make you a wise man.

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.
(John 15:4)

Abide in Jesus and you will bear fruit. And even become bold and confident. But humble yourself first, and read read read, read read read. Diligently. You reap what you sow. If it's spiritual maturity you're after, sow to the spirit. The more you invest the more you grow.

Just keep your eyes focused on Him and understand that He is first! As others have said, He will provide the spirituality you so desire.


Question though, does your G/F have expectations of you that you are fearing you won't be able to fulfill?

I haven't mentioned it to her because I don't want her to have doubts that weren't previously there about our relationships if they don't need to be there/

Quote from: dano488 on Wed Aug 06, 2014 - 13:00:06
I haven't mentioned it to her because I don't want her to have doubts that weren't previously there about our relationships if they don't need to be there/

  If you are thinking about marriage, surely you should be able to share your fears with each other?

best of luck :)

Quote from: dano488 on Wed Aug 06, 2014 - 00:46:04
Hey guys, first post.

I've been dating my girlfriend for 15 months now and it's been beyond great. I actually want to propose to her by the end of the year, but I'm having some anxiety about not being spiritually mature enough to lead and love her as Christ loves the church. It's a huge deal, and I don't want to let God down, let her down, and any future kids down by not being a Godly enough husband and father.  I am having serious panic attacks about this, feeling that I'll never be the man God wants me to be and ruining her life in the process. I've told some close friends about this, but not her. Should I tell her? Any advice would be awesome.

Dano, Being in love is kinda like being in a whirlwind, and it seems like it is the only thing you think about, at least for men it is, I don't know about women if they have the same thoughts. All of your emotions are in motion and it's hard to tell if what you are doing is right or not. I prayed for a Godly wife for a long time, and when she she came I knew it was right, and I had peace about it. My wife at that time was not to sure if I was right for her, so I waited until the Lord spoke to her confirming her decision about me. Before this time I was playing music at a certain Church and there was a lady who was also single and in search of a husband. The entire congregation thought for sure we were made for each other, and I thought there was "safety" in numbers and considered this to be the Lords will for me. Well, it was not what the Lord wanted, but it was very convincing by others people and almost caused me to make a huge mistake. When someone says they have a "word" from the Lord, it will always be a confirmation to what the Lord has already said to you. If not, do not receive it as from the Lord.

Quote from: dano488 on Wed Aug 06, 2014 - 00:46:04
Hey guys, first post.

I've been dating my girlfriend for 15 months now and it's been beyond great. I actually want to propose to her by the end of the year, but I'm having some anxiety about not being spiritually mature enough to lead and love her as Christ loves the church. It's a huge deal, and I don't want to let God down, let her down, and any future kids down by not being a Godly enough husband and father.  I am having serious panic attacks about this, feeling that I'll never be the man God wants me to be and ruining her life in the process. I've told some close friends about this, but not her. Should I tell her? Any advice would be awesome.

Let's get something out of the way right off the bat. You're going to fail. Then you get up off the mat and start over again. Then you'll fail again. Then you begin again. Like anything else, being a Godly man and husband takes practice. Take a look at David, the biggest screw up in the Bible. Or Peter. Yet they both loved the Lord and the Lord loved them.

So write these words down: "Yes, dear, you're absolutely right, what was I thinking?" You're going to be at odds with your wife at times but you have to pick your battles. At my age there are too many hills I don't want to fight and die on. In the meantime, love her, support her, and allow no one to harm her, not even you.

Remember: happy wife, happy life.