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I have been a sinner now for 30 years. I have been a sinner despite every blessing I've been given. I've promised God I would change things and let him down. I've promised myself I would change things and let myself down. Please allow me to explain.

I don't drink, smoke or do drugs....but I lust like the dickens. I am in a relationship with a woman so beautiful that it would make any man weak in the knees. She doesn't know that I'm as weak as I truly am because I hide it well. She is the picture perfect woman and she is flawless in beauty. She is complimented everywhere she goes by everyone she meets and she's really got it going on.

But despite that....I look at escorts (but never pay them) I look at porn. I look at craigslist looking for naked pictures of people I might have seen at walmart. I look at women on facebook. I look at ex-girlfriends, women I've never met, I have hidden profiles on dating sites that I never use to talk to women, just to look.

I use all of that for what you assume I do.....self pleasure and masturbation and what not. Despite my girlfriend being the most willing and eager love I've ever had. She loves being intimate, but I still stray in my mind through lust.

I'm very happy with her...I'm just addicted to lust. I honestly don't even know what I get out of it. I've even suffered devastating effects to my sex drive from overexhaustion of such things. I'm in my early 30's and suffering from ED sometimes. Sometimes not...but I fell down a rabbit hole.

I've prayed. I've begged. I've promised. I've lied. I've failed. I've sinned.

But last night....while I was in the middle of hunting craigslist and datehookup.com for a woman to look at and fantasize about and do my dirty deed something happened. It was storming and a bolt of lightning hit the ground square in front of my bedroom window and my bed sits directly on the wall on the window. A bright orange flash lit up my entire room and I felt the heat through the wall for a split second and felt the vibration in the floor and bed and ceiling. The sound was the loudest sound I had ever heard and it was the single most terrifying moment of my life.

But here's the thing....it did not affect any other electronic device in my house EXCEPT my cable modem. The bolt of lightning shorted out my cable modem somehow. I plugged it into other outlets, no dice. I threw the breaker on my house, no dice. The modem had been fried.

I feel like that is a sign from God. I was in the process of masturbating looking at photos of random women and a lightning bolt came out of the sky, landed right square in front of my bedroom window next to my bed where I was laying performing the shameful and sinful act of lust and it blew up my cable modem, which provides the gateway (internet) to the content for the shameful act of lust.

What do you think? I'm really very upset about this today and feel as guilty as I've ever felt about anything before and feel like God has had enough of my sinning and enough of my empty promises and enough of my shameful acts and total disregard of every blessing he's given me. I feel like God reached out to me in a manner that I would recognize. Most terrifying thing I've ever seen in conjunction with destroying something as precious to me as my cable modem because it provides my internet (my entire house is set up to run totally off of the internet)

What do you think? I need guidance. I'm begging you all.

Just a random question....


If your internet access is toast....then how are you getting on the internet these days?

I'm at work

OK...


I gotta move this thread to another forum because of the nature of the discussion topic.


and then we can discuss this more fully.

My apologies...I just Googled this forum and signed up and wrote that post. I browsed the different topics but couldn't decide where it should go so I came to general chat.

Not a problem.


You are a newbie and aren't acquainted with the many forums we have yet.


The ED can be a result of one of many things. A possible doctor visit might be in order to get such things as testosterone levels checked and other things checked which can be a problem.


Porn/masturbation is an issue with men when they feel inadequate or insecure about themselves.
And it can happen to those who appear the most confident in society too. Appearances have nothing to do with reality.


Reality is that you got a great girlfriend.
Obviously she finds something in you that she really likes. Why else would she be with you? I doubt it is because of charity. You aren't getting pity dates from her.


Where you may feel like a phoney in front of her because of your hidden guilt (shame) that you are nervous about that isn't the whole of you and your identity. You have this great personality that she really likes. Simply be yourself. It is more than enough.


I stopped dating women that were attracted to tokens of me and instead wanted me instead of all the many things I could do for them like money, handiman services, or entertainment.


You have, by sheer luck, gotten the holy grail of relationships. A woman who likes you for you instead of what you can do for her. What more could a person ask for? And if she and God both think highly of you then it isn't their attitude that needs to change but yours.


Sure we all make mistakes...part of being human. But to forgive yourself and move on...thats tougher. I am sure from time to time your girlfriend makes mistakes too. (Even though you seem to be putting her on a pedestal).


Your girlfriend needs to be a friend and confidant that you can share everything with. I wouldn't share this though...that would be demoralizing her to the core.


You know what you have done wrong...suck it up and don't do it any more. Do a 180 of your behavior in this area. Porn usually does have a destructive effect upon male performance. One of nature's twisted jokes. A guy looks at porn because he wishes for sex but all the while it is destroying his ability to have sex with a real woman. There have been many studies on this that have proven this to be true. Google any of them and you will see the research. One of those psychological "mysteries" that have been studied and found to be paradoxical in nature. Fantasies are not reality and usually self defeating...which escalates into a cycle of self abuse in this area...becoming a form of addiction. But it is a very mild addiction and all the means for defeating this addiction you have in your life. USE THEM.


God did you a favor...good. You got HIS attention. Going against HIS wishes is NOT a good idea. God means to save your soul...no matter what the cost to you in relationships. So if I were you...pay attention to HIS suggestion.

I feel like God did send me a sign. I never thought that would happen to me. I've always believed in God about 50% and always had doubts like any normal man would. I always felt it was better "safe than sorry" to believe in God but here recently I've felt a presence of something in my life more.

And then on my self-destructive warpath, this lightning bolt incident happened. I don't know what to think or what to say or even what to do except what you suggested, John. I feel like I did get God's attention. I feel like he showed me 0.01% of his wrath and it terrified me.

I'm just a mess today and appreciate you taking your time to move my incorrectly placed thread and to type such things to me. My girlfriend really is the perfect woman. She's young, fit, gorgeous, brilliant, in college and amazing in every way. I always tell her and everyone else that I feel like God gave me a construction set and said build your perfect girl and I'll send her to you. That's an overexaggeration of course but this incident with the lightning bolt as terrified me beyond my capacity for rational thought.

QuoteDespite my girlfriend being the most willing and eager love I've ever had. She loves being intimate, but I still stray in my mind through lust.

Maybe - can you please tell us what you mean here by "being intimate?"

Is you GF a christian?

Quote from: DaveW on Fri Oct 10, 2014 - 13:15:53

QuoteDespite my girlfriend being the most willing and eager love I've ever had. She loves being intimate, but I still stray in my mind through lust.

Maybe - can you please tell us what you mean here by "being intimate?"

Is you GF a christian?

Yes she is and intimate means what you think it does. We are a sexually active couple and sexually monogamous. There is no physical cheating in our relationship from her or me. I wouldn't dare cheat on her. There is no woman on this planet worth risking her for. She's literally the most beautiful woman I've ever seen with my own two eyes.

If you are both Christians then why are you disobeying God? He says that sex is for marriage only. 

Your problem shows that having an attractive spouse makes no difference if we have a sexual problem. You do seem to focus entirely on how a woman looks, regardless of anything else,  and you seek out attractive women to lust over all the time, and seem fixated on your girlfriends looks. 

I would go and see your pastor or another guy you trust at church and ask him to pray with you and for you. Someone you can go and see regularly and be accountable to over a long period of time while you stop all this porn and lusting after women.
Something needs sorting out desperately, or you will never ever be satisfied in a normal faithful marriage. THe computer packing up will help short term with some aspects of it, but presumably you will eventually get another one. Whether that was God or not, He doesnt want you to trapped in this cycle of porn lust and sin, It will damage you, it will damage any marriage you have, and it will always come between you and Him.

In the mean time you and your girlfriend need to stop being intimate until you get married(if you do), because that is sinning as well. Dont spend time alone together, and only meet outside the home.     

Quote from: chosenone on Fri Oct 10, 2014 - 13:28:12If you are both Christians then why are you disobeying God? He says that sex is for marriage only.

Yeah - that is the thing.  No sex outside marriage. 

I doubt very seriously you will have much success in any of that porn/lust/m stuff until you stop sinning against her that way. 

Also dont marry anyone until, this is sorted out. It would probably break up that marriage, its that damaging.   

This is very helpful on why sex before marriage is wrong.

http://faithhub.net/pulley-on-sex/?utm_source=FACE&utm_medium=WWJ&utm_term=10062014&utm_campaign=TEASE

Quote from: MaybeStable on Fri Oct 10, 2014 - 13:14:03
I feel like God did send me a sign. I never thought that would happen to me. I've always believed in God about 50% and always had doubts like any normal man would. I always felt it was better "safe than sorry" to believe in God but here recently I've felt a presence of something in my life more.

And then on my self-destructive warpath, this lightning bolt incident happened. I don't know what to think or what to say or even what to do except what you suggested, John. I feel like I did get God's attention. I feel like he showed me 0.01% of his wrath and it terrified me.

I'm just a mess today and appreciate you taking your time to move my incorrectly placed thread and to type such things to me. My girlfriend really is the perfect woman. She's young, fit, gorgeous, brilliant, in college and amazing in every way. I always tell her and everyone else that I feel like God gave me a construction set and said build your perfect girl and I'll send her to you. That's an overexaggeration of course but this incident with the lightning bolt as terrified me beyond my capacity for rational thought.

The only exaggeration is the percentage of God's wrath that you incurred. I really wouldn't give it that big a percentage considering that the whole universe is contained inside of a portion of God.


So...


the other members here are all up in arms about this sex before marriage thing.


And where I tend to agree with them I can explain it better as to why (IMHO anyway)


When you are emotionally intimate and mentally intimate with someone you share ALL your fears and wants with them. Then when it comes time for physical intimacy it is less than the emotional and mental intimacy ever thought about being....but you do it because your body pleases your partner. IOW you give of your private body parts to someone who has all of your most guarded secrets that the rest of the world will never know.


When the world speaks of sex it mentions it in a fashion that seems like some kind of physical addiction that is animalistic in nature that is solely for your happiness and contentment with life. And of course the better the partner, the better the sex and the more increased enjoyment out of sex.  Nothing could be further from the truth with that lie.


Sex is designed by God for two people who are emotionally and mentally loving of each other that they have shared everything with so that maybe a child can come of it and be raised in a world where the pillars of their world are centered on love and respect for each other. (thus a well balanced and centered child grows up to be a normal adult)


Don't fall for the lie simply because it is repeated so much and so often.


And because of the storms...work towards getting married.


The tough times or storms of life always come. It isn't a question of "if they are going to come" it is more of a question of "when are they going to arrive".
I have seen many many instances where a father can't get access to or help his own child simply because he wasn't married legally to the child's mother. I really wouldn't wish that anguish on anyone. Marriage has legal protections for you as well as your girlfriend in every place on this planet as well as any children that you might father. I've also seen where a family steps in and takes away any and all rights a boyfriend has over his girlfriend when he actually knows more than the girlfriend's family does about her wishes and desires. As well as your girlfriend probably has a better idea of your wishes at this moment than your family would. So if something should happen the spouse has full right and function to speak for their betrothed that an informal relationship doesn't.  I have seen some really horrible outcomes of where people neglected to get married and simply forgot to finalize it...and there is nothing to do in order to fix the situation.


I have also seen where a couple were having sex for a while but then broke up...just after the guy impregnated his girlfriend. Later the guy finds out that he had a son given up for adoption that he will never get to know and that he now can't have any more children....again a horrible fate.


take advantage of these legal protections. for both of you.
There are a world of storms out there than can create such anguish for either one of you. I really want you to see what can be done about formalizing your relationship with your girlfriend. Listen to some (you don't have to take all her input) of her ideas on the subject. Move towards the goal of becoming married.


I know that up to this point you have been rambling on with life trying to become established and becoming stable and getting to a point of "adulthood". You haven't felt "grown up" yet...


Uhhhh...guess what?


You are there.


time to "step up to the plate"....be whom you know you should be in this situation.


and for the record...I want to leave you with this one last line from a really strange movie...but it is sooo true.


"God don't care about who ya been, He cares about who you ARE."

Not up in arms, but telling him what God says believers should do. Maybe he doesnt even know.   

The reason I posted that short talk was to help him understand why God says what He does. 

You know... I'll tell you exactly what I have told my own boys as they grew up... 6 of them.  You do not touch or become intimate with a girl you are not married to.  What happens if you don't end up married with them?  Then you have touched someone who was not meant for you but intended for someone else.  Do you want a wife to come to you having been all touched and defiled by another man?  Then DO NOT do this to someone who is going to be someone else's wife.

You and she are old enough to know if you love each other and want to be married. That is all God really requires for you to marry the person you love. He lets us pick our own spouses, there is no admonition to wait for God to hit you with a lightening bolt before you know who you should marry.  If you love her, ask her.  And if she says yes, marry her.  There is no need for a long engagement.

But, if you are not ready for marriage, break it off. Completely... WHY?  Because now that you have come this far, you won't be able to keep from being intimate again.  It's too easy to do so.  You have received a lightening bolt, which led you here, and here you have received warnings from seasoned wise Christians to STOP this immorality.  You know the truth now, and you are accountable for the truth you know.

You have had sex before marriage... stop it and get married. It won't doom your marriage or keep you from the grace of God if you sincerely seek to serve him and do what is right. If you love her, marry her.

The fact that you have had sex before marriage does not mean that you can't have a good and wonderful marriage in the LORD. Repent, stop and get married. I've known so many couples who had sex before marriage and before they were saved, who have had long lasting loving marriages once they found the will of God for themselves and for marriage.

Good luck!  Keep with God! 

kensington do you think that his lady should be told of his addiction before they marry?I know a man who got married, not telling his wife that he looked at porn and had done for many many years, (in fact he said he never did) She found him looking 2 weeks after the marriage ceremony and was devastated that he had lied and that he had married her under totally false pretenses. She felt she couldnt trust him after that.   

Quote from: MaybeStable on Fri Oct 10, 2014 - 12:34:13I have been a sinner now for 30 years. I have been a sinner despite every blessing I've been given.

We all are great sinners, yet saved by grace.  No longer live under the power of sin, yet still sin.

QuoteI don't drink, smoke

Neither are condemed by God, if used in moderation.  Smoking stinks and could harm your body, specially if no moderation is used.  Other than that, not sinful.

Quotebut I lust like the dickens.

This is serious, and you must conquer it, or it will destroy you and make you life useless.

Quote I am in a relationship with a woman so beautiful that it would make any man weak in the knees. She doesn't know that I'm as weak as I truly am because I hide it well. She is the picture perfect woman and she is flawless in beauty. She is complimented everywhere she goes by everyone she meets and she's really got it going on.

Poor girl! I am father of three daughters, and a grandfather of nine girls.  This is not fair for the young lady, for you living a secret life of lust, that's truly out of control, even dangerously out of control.

Quote.I look at escorts (but never pay them) I look at porn. I look at craigslist looking for naked pictures of people I might have seen at walmart. I look at women on facebook. I look at ex-girlfriends, women I've never met, I have hidden profiles on dating sites that I never use to talk to women, just to look.

Just as I said:  dangerously out of control.  Every true man loves a beautiful woman's body.  But, we must rule our spirits so we can be who we should be, both in private and public.

QuoteI'm very happy with her.

You are lying to yourself and allowing your heart to deceived you~but worst than that, you are deceiving a young girl who is trusting your love to her,  Shame on you. Would you like her to do you that way?  Think about it, how would you feel, if the situation was turned?

QuoteI've prayed. I've begged. I've promised. I've lied. I've failed. I've sinned.

You have not done enough.  Repent of this wickedness and come clean, if you truly desire to do so.

Quote God has had enough of my sinning and enough of my empty promises and enough of my shameful acts and total disregard of every blessing he's given me.

BUT, have you?

QuoteWhat do you think? I need guidance. I'm begging you all.

It's called repenting and ruling your spirit, we all do it every day.  IF you are sincere, then may God turned your heart toward him. 

Are you getting paid by your employer while using the internet?  Start there first.

 





 

Quote from: Red Baker on Fri Oct 17, 2014 - 05:44:55

QuoteI don't drink, smoke

Neither are condemed by God, if used in moderation.  Smoking stinks and could harm your body, specially if no moderation is used.  Other than that, not sinful.

And you know well that many believe both those to be extremely sinful - even to the extent that if you have any alcohol product in your house (scope, vanilla extract) you are guilty of the sin of drunkenness and CANNOT BE SAVED.

A quirk of the New Covenant is that if you believe something to be a sin - to you it becomes a sin.  (doing something from a lack of faith)

"Whatsoever is not from faith is sin."

Quote from: DaveW on Fri Oct 17, 2014 - 06:10:28

Quote from: Red Baker on Fri Oct 17, 2014 - 05:44:55

QuoteI don't drink, smoke

Neither are condemed by God, if used in moderation.  Smoking stinks and could harm your body, specially if no moderation is used.  Other than that, not sinful.

And you know well that many believe both those to be extremely sinful - even to the extent that if you have any alcohol product in your house (scope, vanilla extract) you are guilty of the sin of drunkenness and CANNOT BE SAVED.

A quirk of the New Covenant is that if you believe something to be a sin - to you it becomes a sin.  (doing something from a lack of faith)

"Whatsoever is not from faith is sin."

A couple of years ago I made vanilla extract from beans and bourbon.
I gave it out as Christmas presents.   There were a couple though that asked if it was drinkable with disapproving looks.

Quote from: JohnDB on Fri Oct 17, 2014 - 06:34:07
A couple of years ago I made vanilla extract from beans and bourbon.
I gave it out as Christmas presents.   There were a couple though that asked if it was drinkable with disapproving looks.

I heard dozens - perhaps more than a hundred - sermons on the evils of Scope, Listerene, Vanilla and other extracts - and how just having them in your home rendered you unsavable. And if you accidently smelled alcohol in some setting, you just lost your salvation. 

Then that ethanol fuel plant opened up south of town (just across the state line) that made the entire town smell like a stale beer when the wind was right .....

Quote from: DaveW on Fri Oct 17, 2014 - 06:10:28

Quote from: Red Baker on Fri Oct 17, 2014 - 05:44:55

QuoteI don't drink, smoke

Neither are condemed by God, if used in moderation.  Smoking stinks and could harm your body, specially if no moderation is used.  Other than that, not sinful.

And you know well that many believe both those to be extremely sinful - even to the extent that if you have any alcohol product in your house (scope, vanilla extract) you are guilty of the sin of drunkenness and CANNOT BE SAVED.

A quirk of the New Covenant is that if you believe something to be a sin - to you it becomes a sin.  (doing something from a lack of faith)

"Whatsoever is not from faith is sin."

Crazy, some do take this to such stupid extremes.  Its not Biblical not to drink, because Jesus dank wine Himself. I have no interest in alchohol, but I have no problem if others have a drink or two, as long as they arent driving.