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My husband I have been married for 8 years with 2 children, a boy and a girl. For the past several months I have felt like we have been living together, but living our own lives. I have a very demanding career in which I often have to bring work home with me to work on after putting our kids to bed. I pick our children up from school, I do all of the cooking and cleaning, and caring for the kids on top of my demanding career. I also make time to practice baseball with our son as well as taking him to his games and his scout meetings and taking our daughter to ballet. I do all of this with a smile on my face, because I love spending time with our kids, however my son is always asking his dad to play with him and he won't. I hate seeing the look of disappointment on my sons face. He always asks if his dad is going to be at his games and if his dad saw the play he made because he wants him to proud of him and often his dad gets there late and leaves early or is too busy talking to others to notice the game or tell our son how proud he is. He does work a demanding job as well and I know that he is tired when he gets home, but so am I. I feel like it is our responsibility as parents to make time for pur lids regardless of how tired we are.
He usually gets off of work and hangs out with his friends before coming home. Friends who I had not met until yesterday by chance because I ran into them while picking up some pizza for supper. One of which came up and hugged and said they felt as if they already knew me because my husband talks about me so much. They referred to themselves as family. This was kind of the proverbial straw because my husband has this group of people who are like family and he rushed to meet them after work and I didn't even know their names.
I guess I just wish he would rush home more days and help out more, but how do I tell him I need more from him without sounding needy or demanding or nagging? Am I wrong to feel like we are always put on the back burner over his job, friends, and hobbies?

The doors of communication need to be opened here and kept open. I feel that your husband should be prioritizing his time and placing his family above his friends and hobbies but it seems he has taken this liberty and used it elsewhere. Marriage should indeed be about the function of the family unit, husband, wife, and kids spending time together and growing together as a family. Many men would feel privileged and honoured to have a family such as this, so with all due respect, family values need to be reinstated here. What your husband does is quite common these days, the woman has been made head of the household by means of her enthusiasm toward home and family but this is not the way that God intended the family be structured. I have found that the more responsibilities the wife takes on, the less the husband is willing to do. This leads to that division in the marriage whereas the wives should submit to their husbands, and husbands should love their wives but when the husband does not assume his proper position, he will never submit to his wife, perhaps by words, but never with the heart and in this case the husband has found extra curricular activities to fill that void. 


That said, you sound as though you love your husband and from your husbands friends that report "he is always talking about you" it sounds like he indeed loves you also. Your husband needs to be encouraged to hear your concerns, listen to your needs,  and to keep an open mind. Encourage him to talk to you in regards to his feelings about his family and how he views it. Hopefully you will be able to work through all this and come back into alignment rather than move further apart.


Thoughts and prayers are with you for a long, loving, and successful marriage.




Al

Have you ever sat down and talked to him about this?Him being at his sons games is VITAL for a little boy, I cant believe he doesnt know this. 
Make an evening together alone, sit down and work out calmly the changes that are needed, and who should do what in the house. His priorities are all wrong here, family is first and then if you have time you can socialise together. IF you both work, then you should share all the tasks and child care.

IF this dosnt work, some marriage counseling with a third party may help you sort all this out.

I see you have posted only once, Liz, and that was back in April. Meaning chances are... you are not lingering here for responses to your post. Meaning you likely were only venting (because you know the problem and the solution already).

So chances are... I am just getting this answer off of my chest having read your post and guaged it with my own 35 years marriage experience... in hopes of benefitting some of the readers (with you in mind, Liz). 

The Peter Pan syndrome is a prevelent one. Has been for generations now. And manifests in varying degrees. From the outright bum who usually cannot get married in the first place, to the perpetual opportunist who wants all the benefits of marriage and family with none of the responsibilities. The hard work they alegedly do entirely for the family is what they would do (or have to do) anyway. So "it's all for you and the  kids" saga is a load of crap.

The opportunist is so called because they may not be on the prowl... for now... but they will be... and probably are now in the back of their minds. Friends now... buddies now... then female friends... female buddies... then...

And you will notice a symptom of all Peter Pan varieties is that they are always the victim. Nothing is ever their fault. And you are either imagining things or are trying to ruin their life / run their life. Huh-uh, pal. Grow the hell up! (Pardon my French). You are a grown man now and responsible and you willingly signed up for these responsibilities you now have and should be 150% devoted to.

I may be completely off base on the opportunist prognosis... at least in your husband's case. But his committments (going by your description) don't appear to be strongest to you and your family. And that's where they belong.

IMHO people who are not the mutual friends of both of you should be shunned, lost touch with, reduced to mere acquaintences. Because either you and your husband are ONE in all things or you are destined not to be ONE in anything.

Understand, my definition of a friend is more along the lines of a fiduciuary because I expect nothing less of myself as a friend to others. Needless to say I am extremely choosey and have had 5 friends my entire life. 3 have passed away and 2 fell short of this definition of friendship. But none of them were "my friends" and not my wife's. And coming to their aid no matter what would include my wife rather than being a choice between them. Maybe I'm just weird that way. But God made for man a helpmate in Eve, not Eve and Stacey and Pete and Mark and the bowling buddies or whoever.

Try as we might, and hard as it is to face, we cannot improve upon God or his ways. 

Also remember... all that you do know / admit / face now are with the notion that the wife (or spouse in general) is usually the last to know... partly because they are too busy and mostly because they don't want to know... and this is only the seedbed for matters getting much worse.

From what you say, your husband needs to commit to the marriage, the family, and nothing else.