Christian Forums

I am a Christian, and I'm not totally sure if my husband is (he says he is, but doesn't attend church, read bible, etc.).  We are tight on money, as he has child support and doesn't make a lot.  I also don't make a lot.  Well, he asked me, since he needed a different car, if he could get a $11,000 car, provided. . . . . it was in his name, he made payments with overtime money, and I really wasn't affected.  Well, I believed he would adhere to his promise.  He told me he could have as much overtime as he wanted in the next year, so I thought, "Okay, it's in his name, the loan is too.  Why not?  He definitely needs it, and it's doable."  Well, the first payment was due last week, but he didn't get as much overtime as he thought he would.  So he went down to the bank, paid the car payment and came home.  I thought, "Great.  He's taking this seriously.  He's planning on really doing this."  (He's not good with money.)

Well - he also gives me $100/week to put toward bills each week.  He told me this would not be affected by the car.  So, when he got home from the bank, he said, "$50 is missing from my wallet."  I thought, "What?"  And he went on to explain that he put it in a box, then moved it to his wallet, etc.  But now he couldn't find it.  I got suspicious.  Later, I asked him. . . "Will you be able to give me any money this week?"  And he said, "Will $50 be okay? I only have $75 for the week."  Of course, I didn't know what to say.  I knew he didn't get enough overtime, so he dipped into his own "gas/cigarette money" to pay for the car.  So, now we're $50 less toward bills.  I'm resentful and don't know how to handle the lie.  *After I didn't get upset about only $50, he said "thank you for not getting upset."  And then he never looked for or talked about the missing money again.  :(

As a Christian, how do I handle this?  He gets very angry when accused.  He'll blame me, say I'm a nag, etc.

He's spending his money somewhere he doesn't want to tell you about.
You should be suspicious when he puts the car in his name and leaves you off it.

If there's nothing to hide he wouldn't get mad when you ask where the money is to pay the household bills.

Is there are reason why you dont have bank accounts, cars etc in joint names? 

We don't have joint accounts because his ex-wife is owed money by him.  So we keep our accts. separate.  The car is in his name only, so he won't force me to pay what he can't.  (He's had issues with money before, and I don't want to have to be responsible.)  He agreed to keeping it separate so I wouldn't feel so stressed about the payment.  He also agreed to use his overtime money to make the payments.  Otherwise, we couldn't afford to pay the payment.

Yes, he's spending it elsewhere - on cigarettes.  I want him to quit of course.  But he says he's only smoking 4, like we agreed in counseling.  He says he gives some to his co-workers, because they let him eat their special home-made food from home.  (Kind of a trade off).  In counseling, he said he would quit sharing and cut down.  He also lied about that.  He admitted it in counseling.  (I hope this all makes sense.)

My concern:  What else and for how long will he continue to lie?  There's just no solution it seems.

Is there any way to get someone to quit lying?  I pray all the time for him, me, our marriage, etc.  It's been going on since we were married.  (6 years now).  He was a very good actor during our dating period - fooled me to who he really was. :(

I guess that if he has always lied then there is no reason why he will stop.