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 Marriage is the most important event of one's life. Everyone hopes to find a partner after our heart to share the whole life with. Then, how can we have a perfect marriage?

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage because its made up of 2 imperfect people. Also what makes for a good marriage will be different for everyone.

Quote from: Yan yang on Mon Nov 16, 2015 - 21:45:57
Marriage is the most important event of one's life. Everyone hopes to find a partner after our heart to share the whole life with. Then, how can we have a perfect marriage?

Even Adam and Eve did not have that in their pre-fall condition~Eve was deceived by Satan~so, as long as there are evils spirit working to deceived people, we can only combat that by heeding God's word so that we can be as happy and contended as we can be while living in this body of sin and death. But, can it be perfect in the sense God uses that word over a few times? Yes, by the husband loving his wife as Christ loved the church and see that the woman reverence her husband as Sara did toward Abraham, by calling him lord, for he truly was in God's sight. Doing these two main things, one will have a perfect marriage as much as it could possibly be. I have had one myself for almost fifty years, minus two. 

To have a good marriage each partner must show that the other partner's needs are more important than his own. Getting on this track is sometimes hard, even when neither partner is naturally selfish.

Quote from: Norton on Tue Nov 17, 2015 - 17:10:25
To have a good marriage each partner must show that the other partner's needs are more important than his own. Getting on this track is sometimes hard, even when neither partner is naturally selfish.

yes I think the word good is far better than the word perfect when it applies to marriage. I have a very good marriage, but I am definitely not perfect so therefore marriage cant be perfect as I am not. 

I don't don't how to post yet but clicked on reply.

My biblical counselor told me that it is a sin/idol to want affection from my husband.  Those were her exact words.  She was talking on the subject of idols and I have NEVER heard this quote before in my living life.

How in the world can it be a sin/idol just to want some affection from my husband

I told her but wait the husband is to love the wife and she said, "yes but he doesn't have to do it good because he'll never be able to do it perfectly?" 

So I left her upset and confused.  Very discouraged.  So am I to feel guilty and shame for wanting some affection from my husband and wanting affection is a sin/idol ??

She also said, "you will never have a happy marriage."  And told me I can get all of this from God since my husband ignores me....  she never said anything about how to turn it around.   This is hopeless and I cannot wait till our time is done.

Quote from: CinderLas on Sun Nov 29, 2015 - 11:05:42
I don't don't how to post yet but clicked on reply.

My biblical counselor told me that it is a sin/idol to want affection from my husband.  Those were her exact words.  She was talking on the subject of idols and I have NEVER heard this quote before in my living life.

How in the world can it be a sin/idol just to want some affection from my husband

I told her but wait the husband is to love the wife and she said, "yes but he doesn't have to do it good because he'll never be able to do it perfectly?" 

So I left her upset and confused.  Very discouraged.  So am I to feel guilty and shame for wanting some affection from my husband and wanting affection is a sin/idol ??

She also said, "you will never have a happy marriage."  And told me I can get all of this from God since my husband ignores me....  she never said anything about how to turn it around.   This is hopeless and I cannot wait till our time is done.

MY advise, dont ever go to this counselor again  and find a new one. What a stupid thing to say.  The best thing would be for you to both go to marriage counselling.

Quote from: CinderLas on Sun Nov 29, 2015 - 11:05:42
I don't don't how to post yet but clicked on reply.

My biblical counselor told me that it is a sin/idol to want affection from my husband.  Those were her exact words.  She was talking on the subject of idols and I have NEVER heard this quote before in my living life.

How in the world can it be a sin/idol just to want some affection from my husband

I told her but wait the husband is to love the wife and she said, "yes but he doesn't have to do it good because he'll never be able to do it perfectly?" 

So I left her upset and confused.  Very discouraged.  So am I to feel guilty and shame for wanting some affection from my husband and wanting affection is a sin/idol ??

She also said, "you will never have a happy marriage."  And told me I can get all of this from God since my husband ignores me....  she never said anything about how to turn it around.   This is hopeless and I cannot wait till our time is done.

What an absolutely stupid thing to have said.

The most wonderful thing for mortals to experience, following your relationship with the Lord, is the sharing of love between man and woman.

IF THIS WERE NO SO ... God would not have said in Gen 2

18And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

and further in Gen 2

24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

God intended them to be one flesh..and this is truly accomplished with the sharing of mutual love.

True.... it takes a lot of work but that is what makes it well worth the effort.

My guess is that she either is not married or has a bad one herself and "misery loves company" comes to mind.

As chosenone said... the best thing would be for both of you to go to marriage counseling. IF he is willing, but at all cost avoid this woman.

How long have you been married?  Do you have children?

And what do you mean you cannot wait for your time to be done with her?

Just do not go see her again.

Thank you Rella,

She is married to a pastor but she sounds extreme to me and we had some counseling sessions and are not done yet but leaving her with a discouraged feeling is a bad sign.

I have been married for 8 years and he does not want to go to counseling.  There is a small chance he may go and I could try to talk him into it gently.  He is closed to everything.  I have one teenage son from a previous marriage.   I don't believe what she has said is Biblical but her advice is the opposite.  Thanks.

Quote from: CinderLas on Sun Nov 29, 2015 - 22:32:08
Thank you Rella,

She is married to a pastor but she sounds extreme to me and we had some counseling sessions and are not done yet but leaving her with a discouraged feeling is a bad sign.

I have been married for 8 years and he does not want to go to counseling.  There is a small chance he may go and I could try to talk him into it gently.  He is closed to everything.  I have one teenage son from a previous marriage.   I don't believe what she has said is Biblical but her advice is the opposite.  Thanks.

The thing is that you dont have to go and see her again. Just say that its not helping and stop.
Maybe he will go if he realises how desperate you are? When you say he ignores you, what do you mean?

Please don't say it's the most important event. Its hard to hear when you can't marry and it's been your dream since you were 4.

Quote from: Hello on Mon Nov 30, 2015 - 10:44:48
Please don't say it's the most important event. Its hard to hear when you can't marry and it's been your dream since you were 4.

Its nothing more than that posters opinion, Hello.    There are LOTS of other important events in the lifetime of a human being.

I know how hard it is when you have a sensitive area that gets picked at, but try not to let it hit you so hard that you falter.



PS.  The most important day in MY life, was when I became a believer. 

Thanks MeMyself. It's the only thing that makes me cry.

Quote from: Hello on Mon Nov 30, 2015 - 10:57:36
Thanks MeMyself. It's the only thing that makes me cry.

I don't want to be a wet blanket, but marriage is hard. It is work. It is blood, sweat and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of tears!  It isn't nearly the romantic ride I thought it'd be.

Other than my kids, my marriage is about the only thing that makes me cry.

But, we get up and say, "we will work at this again today!"

Quote from: Hello on Mon Nov 30, 2015 - 10:57:36
Thanks MeMyself. It's the only thing that makes me cry.

you are so young yet hello, most people in the uk don't marry till into their 30's now an even later. I know 3 Christians who are in their mid 30's who are still hoping to get married, you have years and years yet, and my aunt married the love of her life when she was 60 and he was 70. 

I'd love to deal with that as long as it meant I had someone to love. Plus it's hard when my love language is physical touch. Also my parents are ill and I'm afraid I'm going to be alone.

Chosenone, my married friend said if God had someone for me, I should have already met him and I need to accept it.

Quote from: Hello on Mon Nov 30, 2015 - 11:18:42
I'd love to deal with that as long as it meant I had someone to love. Plus it's hard when my love language is physical touch. Also my parents are ill and I'm afraid I'm going to be alone.

  That is so hard. I am so very sorry.

Father God, please draw near to this dear one now, Lord. I pray that You will send her what her heart most longs for.  I pray that You will meet her right where she is at and comfort her.  I pray that she will feel Your presence with her as she waits. Waiting is hard. It hurts, it feels like isolation and insecurity, but we know we can find our comfort and strength in You, so I ask that for Hello.  I ask that Your will be done in her life.  I ask that You ready her heart for Your will.
In Jesus name, Amen.

QuoteChosenone, my married friend said if God had someone for me, I should have already met him and I need to accept it.

OH MYGOSH!  What an absolutely idiotic thing to say!!! Grrr! That person isn't much of a friend.  Forget what she said! She knows nothing about what God has planned for you or His timing.

Take heart that God loves you and has good plans for you.

Thank you so much!

Quote from: Hello on Mon Nov 30, 2015 - 11:18:42
I'd love to deal with that as long as it meant I had someone to love. Plus it's hard when my love language is physical touch. Also my parents are ill and I'm afraid I'm going to be alone.

Chosenone, my married friend said if God had someone for me, I should have already met him and I need to accept it.

What an idiot(sorry but she is). Just thinking of the young people in own family, one married age 33, two age 31, one age 30, one age 28 and other nieces and nephews well into their 20's who aren't married yet. You are about 22 I think?

We can meet the one from very young to very old to anywhere in between. I married my husband when we were age 48 and 49.

What is wrong with your parents?

I'm almost 24. My dad has MS and my mom has neuropathy. She walks with a cane and is in the hospital a lot.

Quote from: Hello on Mon Nov 30, 2015 - 11:33:21
I'm almost 24. My dad has MS and my mom has neuropathy. She walks with a cane and is in the hospital a lot.

People with ms often live to old age dont they? WHat is neuropathy?

24 is nothing. Only a tiny number of people in the uk are married at that age now.

Men tend not to live as long as women with MS. Neuropathy is like fibromyalgia. Her muscles hurt all the time.

Quote from: Hello on Mon Nov 30, 2015 - 12:36:02
Men tend not to live as long as women with MS. Neuropathy is like fibromyalgia. Her muscles hurt all the time.

OK so like fibromyalgia its not life threatening thank goodness.
Have they asked for prayer and ministry?

We have family praying.

Quote from: Hello on Mon Nov 30, 2015 - 13:04:31
We have family praying.

They need to go to their church leaders and ask him and the elders to lay hands on them and anoint them with oil as the Bible says we are to do. Also I think you mum would benefit from ongoing prayer and ministry.

My parents don't go to church anymore. My mom is in too much pain to move around, so we have family and friends praying.

I am sure that a pastor would come to the house.

We don't have a pastor

He is quiet, doesn't want to talk much.  He is non-communicative and closed and unemotional. 

I know it will take a long time for him to come back to being the way he really was. 

A few months ago the Lord spoke to me and I heard the words, "be quiet."  So I'm doing that.

My mom found out today she has a disk disease and won't get better. She will be in pain til she dies and won't live long. Please pray for her.

Degenerative Disk Disease

We  were married in 1957 !

And I did love my husband and still do !

But I was picky and always wanted more.......

My math was bad , so I asked my husband to please do the bills and he did, with
out any hesitation.

Well ,  to make a long , long story   short.
He passed away  this June.
And of course I am having a problem  with missing him.

And  now I am remembering all that he had done for me  that I took for

granted.   so many things........

So please   give this a thought    !   On all that  your spouse has done for you

And are you doing as much ?   or maybe doing a little better ?

It will help !   
I wish I had done more,  but I know he knew I loved him and was trying.....

I think marriage is different from love. When two partners get along with each other, it will produce some frictions between them. Although I am not married, I think marriage is a key event in any person's life. I believe God arranges well for me. So, I'll let nature take its course. If some problems arise, the couple should face it together.

Is it too late to post here? We have been married now more than 40 years.  A strength for us, I think,
is that we are very different people...opposites I suppose, and that can be a very good thing. She is
good at what I am not, and vice versa. Someone too similar I expect would be boring, intolerable.
But we both came from families where the parents stayed together for very long periods. One couple
for more than 50 years and the other until death intervened. That must help also.  Both believing in the
Lord does not hurt a bit!

When two perfect people meet to eachother, that time make the perfect marriage. Perfect Marriage required love, respect and understanding.