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Hey there. I have recently found someone I believe God is calling me to. We met a few years back, and I have prayed to God. Should I go the more traditional route and ask her fathers blessing first, or should I tell her my intentions on wanting to court her.
I'm 17, but I am financialy stable.

Thanks, Jarvis

I would ask her out.

Well, neither my family nor hers believe in "dates" as you will, but in a sense, what your saying is go to her?

Quote from: Jarvis1998 on Mon Dec 21, 2015 - 15:21:21
Hey there. I have recently found someone I believe God is calling me to. We met a few years back, and I have prayed to God. Should I go the more traditional route and ask her fathers blessing first, or should I tell her my intentions on wanting to court her.
I'm 17, but I am financialy stable.

Thanks, Jarvis

If the girl lives at home with the father, then he is the head of his household.

A honorable and real man will approach the head of the house and ask

permission .

Real men are hard to come by these days.

Quote from: Jarvis1998 on Mon Dec 21, 2015 - 15:46:24
Well, neither my family nor hers believe in "dates" as you will, but in a sense, what your saying is go to her?

How old is she? If she is also 17, then she is nearly an adult and I would approach her and see if she is interested in getting to know you better. If she isnt then going to her father would be a waste of time anyway.
How do you intend getting to know her if you dont believe in going out together?   

Quote from: doorknocker on Mon Dec 21, 2015 - 21:48:31

Quote from: Jarvis1998 on Mon Dec 21, 2015 - 15:21:21
Hey there. I have recently found someone I believe God is calling me to. We met a few years back, and I have prayed to God. Should I go the more traditional route and ask her fathers blessing first, or should I tell her my intentions on wanting to court her.
I'm 17, but I am financialy stable.

Thanks, Jarvis

If the girl lives at home with the father, then he is the head of his household.

A honorable and real man will approach the head of the house and ask

permission .

Real men are hard to come by these days.

I would have been horrified if I was nearly an adult and a guy has gone to my father before he has even asked me if I was interested in him in that way. Its not the father who will be going out with him and possibly marrying him.

We clearly have different ideas what constitutes a 'real' man.

Now if they get to know each other and then want to marry, then its a good idea to ask the parents(both mother and father)  if she is still under age by then and still living at home.   

Jarvis where do you live?

Quote from: chosenone on Tue Dec 22, 2015 - 02:42:51

Quote from: Jarvis1998 on Mon Dec 21, 2015 - 15:46:24
Well, neither my family nor hers believe in "dates" as you will, but in a sense, what your saying is go to her?

How old is she? If she is also 17, then she is nearly an adult and I would approach her and see if she is interested in getting to know you better. If she isnt then going to her father would be a waste of time anyway.
How do you intend getting to know her if you dont believe in going out together?

Yes, she is 17.
And the way our folks see it, the dating they know is pre marital sex. But of course, if we court, then I will go on dates with her.

Quote from: chosenone on Tue Dec 22, 2015 - 02:49:26
Jarvis where do you live?

I live in Texas, around Crockett. Why ask?

Quote from: Jarvis1998 on Thu Dec 24, 2015 - 00:54:17

Quote from: chosenone on Tue Dec 22, 2015 - 02:49:26
Jarvis where do you live?

I live in Texas, around Crockett. Why ask?

It sounded as if you from another country with such strict rules on dating and courtship.

Quote from: Jarvis1998 on Thu Dec 24, 2015 - 00:50:49

Quote from: chosenone on Tue Dec 22, 2015 - 02:42:51

Quote from: Jarvis1998 on Mon Dec 21, 2015 - 15:46:24
Well, neither my family nor hers believe in "dates" as you will, but in a sense, what your saying is go to her?

How old is she? If she is also 17, then she is nearly an adult and I would approach her and see if she is interested in getting to know you better. If she isnt then going to her father would be a waste of time anyway.
How do you intend getting to know her if you dont believe in going out together?

Yes, she is 17.
And the way our folks see it, the dating they know is pre marital sex. But of course, if we court, then I will go on dates with her.

They have a weird view of dating. I know may couples who dated who didnt have sex till they married. 

Quote from: chosenone on Thu Dec 24, 2015 - 02:56:36

Quote from: Jarvis1998 on Thu Dec 24, 2015 - 00:50:49

Quote from: chosenone on Tue Dec 22, 2015 - 02:42:51

Quote from: Jarvis1998 on Mon Dec 21, 2015 - 15:46:24
Well, neither my family nor hers believe in "dates" as you will, but in a sense, what your saying is go to her?

How old is she? If she is also 17, then she is nearly an adult and I would approach her and see if she is interested in getting to know you better. If she isnt then going to her father would be a waste of time anyway.
How do you intend getting to know her if you dont believe in going out together?

Yes, she is 17.
And the way our folks see it, the dating they know is pre marital sex. But of course, if we court, then I will go on dates with her.

They have a weird view of dating. I know may couples who dated who didnt have sex till they married.

I know people as well. In fact, my parents are a perfect example of that. But oh well, at least it'll still be the same with "rules", I guess is the right word for it.

Chosen, I think what we have here is the so-called "purity culture" popularized first by Bill Gothard back in the 1950s and 60s, then more so by Josh Harris in the 1990s. It was outlined in Harris' book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." It promotes courtship over dating, which means that it has to go thru the parents (or the congregational leaders). And it is ONLY to find out if you are compatible for marriage.  So if you are not interested in getting married in the next year or so, forget it.

I have recently done some study on the long term effects of this approach.  It in general is not good.

Quote from: DaveW on Fri Feb 05, 2016 - 12:49:51
Chosen, I think what we have here is the so-called "purity culture" popularized first by Bill Gothard back in the 1950s and 60s, then more so by Josh Harris in the 1990s. It was outlined in Harris' book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." It promotes courtship over dating, which means that it has to go thru the parents (or the congregational leaders). And it is ONLY to find out if you are compatible for marriage.  So if you are not interested in getting married in the next year or so, forget it.

I have recently done some study on the long term effects of this approach.  It in general is not good.

How can you know that you are compatible unless you actually get to know each other?

Quote from: chosenone on Fri Feb 05, 2016 - 13:01:06
How can you know that you are compatible unless you actually get to know each other?

They consider "compatibility" to be a non issue.  If you just follow the "rules" you will be ok.

Chosen, IMO in this system you do not even get the opportunity to know YOURSELF, let alone someone else.

Quote from: chosenone on Fri Feb 05, 2016 - 13:01:06

Quote from: DaveW on Fri Feb 05, 2016 - 12:49:51
Chosen, I think what we have here is the so-called "purity culture" popularized first by Bill Gothard back in the 1950s and 60s, then more so by Josh Harris in the 1990s. It was outlined in Harris' book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." It promotes courtship over dating, which means that it has to go thru the parents (or the congregational leaders). And it is ONLY to find out if you are compatible for marriage.  So if you are not interested in getting married in the next year or so, forget it.

I have recently done some study on the long term effects of this approach.  It in general is not good.

How can you know that you are compatible unless you actually get to know each other?

Depends on what you mean with "being compatible".
I have my life + you have your life = is not in conflict, so ok?

I happen to know quite a bit of people from India. Young and old, who are in an arranged marriage.
In most cases both parties accept the circumstance and they work towards being compatible. Surprisingly it works.
In fact many of the young people, who are under no obligation whatsoever, decide to have their parents find a suitable partner.

To us this is something inconceivable, but if both partners want to be compatible instead of insisting to keep their own identity...you are surprised how compatible people can be.

Quote from: chosenone on Fri Feb 05, 2016 - 13:01:06
How can you know that you are compatible unless you actually get to know each other?

I had another thought on this question.

There is a western culture assumption that relationships do not require work, that compatibility should be automatic. Find your "soul mate" and everything is happily ever after with no more effort ever.

The problem is that never works. 

There is no such thing as complete compatibility; and even if we find someone who matches us up 100% today, there is no guarantee that they will be that compatible next week, or next year, or in 20 years.  We all change all the time. That means that my 100% soul mate is a moving target.

Bottom line: all relationships take work - sometimes a LOT of work.