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Hi All,

I'm a single farther of a pair of daughters Mary and Josephine, 12 and 15. This post refers to Josephine, the eldest.

About six months ago she started seeing a boy her age named Samael. I was defensive at first because I thought it was just some causal thing with with a silver blonde, green eyed pretty face and teenagers' affections tend to be frivolous and fleeting and best.

I underestimated the lad, however, when I learned that he's topping almost all his classes - and he's more knowledgeable than I - and aspires to a career in chemistry (either industrial or pharmacology), has a part time job and even volunteers his time at soup kitchens. He's such a good lad, I had to take a double take when he said that he was an atheist and even said that the idea of a god or free will didn't make sense to him. My ever strong-headed daughter doesn't share my concerns and said if I don't approve she could always move in at his place, putting me in an uncomfortable position. The thing is I have nothing against the boy, I hope he finds Jesus' grace one day as such a happy-go-lucky, kind fellow deserves as such.

Because my daughter threatened to move out over this I heard that his birth happened under interesting circumstances. His 'parents' were in fact his uncle and aunt, his 'siblings' were his cousins. His aunt told me that his mother was interesting. She has an extensive mental health history, much of it involving delusions with occulting imagery and that she claimed that an angel was speaking to her. When her boy was born to a father no one but her knew, she insisted that he was born after her father - ergo Samael, and insisted that he was not to be baptised or circumcised. She committed suicide 3 days after she delivered him and, despite them being roman Catholics, his aunt respected her sisters wishes and ended up adpting him. UNder these circumstances, I can see why his removal from a normal family early in his life may result in him not able to comprehend faith.

Anyways, back to my daughter, after finding out he's quite intellegent, very charitable and had a weird past, I was patient with and even trying to proselytise to him, though that would just devolve into a philosophical discussion way over my head and with not much change with him. More recently, I caught him sneaking out of my daughter's bedroom hastily getting dressed. I told him my conviction about fornication and he said he'll repect that and not do it in my house...which isn't a guarantee not to do it.

I don't know what to do here. Really, he's more reasonable than my stubborn daughter who just said that me not approving is fine, she'll just move out. But that would mean exposure to a very materialist atheist without me there to counter any of it. I don't want to antagonise the lad wither because he really isn't a bad kid - I was far worse at his age and I'm willing to bet most teenage boys today would be as well. I don't know if it's about his past either, those are very big things for a kid to find out and, despite having an impish smile painted on him all the time, must weight on him some what.

What should I do next? My daughter is saying that if I really don't like it than she can leave and not trouble me with it and her boyfriend is exactly somebody who deserves to be roused upon. Any tips?

This is way above my pay grade to suggest anything, but I have questions that others will want to know.

First: The mention of Occult just sends shivers down my back.

Next: An aunt and uncle as parents seems very incestuous even if they are not direct blood related as does
siblings being cousins.

Do you attend a church regularly or belong to one?

What does you daughter believe herself?

Hi Rella, thanks for the reply.

I don't quite see how a woman adopting and raising her nephew is incestuous. I think it's very noble seeing the lad had no one else.

Yes, I go to church when my job allows me to (I'm a shift worker so it's an either or if I'm actually available). I'm a Methodist.

Yes, she at least says she's a Christian but I'm not sue if she's just being liberal with her faith, losing it or just being rebellious but her adherence and conviction isn't something I'm always confident about.

Reasonably speaking, here, you have to set some boundaries. Which means you're gonna nope this boy at the door, as he's clearly crossing a line, here.

You don't want him in your daughter's room -- they're not abiding by that, he doesn't need to be there, good kid or nah.

As for your daughter threatening to move out, of course she's going to say that, since she is using the only currency a fifteen year old has -- to play on your desire to keep her at home. Don't let her gaslight you with that. You're the parent; do the parent thing and just be like, "Nope. You can't just have your boyfriend come over and you cannot do as you please in my home while you are dependent on me for your livelihood. If you want to change that, I will help you become an adult." Then do that. Make her get a job to support herself, and find a place to live on her own.

I'm not joking. She will either back down or roll with it. But do not back off your boundaries. With adult decisions comes adult responsibility.

Quote from: Brisingr on Thu Jun 16, 2016 - 16:27:29
Reasonably speaking, here, you have to set some boundaries. Which means you're gonna nope this boy at the door, as he's clearly crossing a line, here.

You don't want him in your daughter's room -- they're not abiding by that, he doesn't need to be there, good kid or nah.

As for your daughter threatening to move out, of course she's going to say that, since she is using the only currency a fifteen year old has -- to play on your desire to keep her at home. Don't let her gaslight you with that. You're the parent; do the parent thing and just be like, "Nope. You can't just have your boyfriend come over and you cannot do as you please in my home while you are dependent on me for your livelihood. If you want to change that, I will help you become an adult." Then do that. Make her get a job to support herself, and find a place to live on her own.

I'm not joking. She will either back down or roll with it. But do not back off your boundaries. With adult decisions comes adult responsibility.

Hi Bringsr,

The thing is that she does have a job, she's had one for a year now, She pays rent to me and sports her own food budget and has for months now as I thought it wise for her to understand what the cost of living meant while she was young - even many of her clothes she bought with her earned money. See, I have already told her exactly that and that's why she wants to move in to her boyfriend's house. I don't think this is her calling a bluff. She has an income, as meagre as it is, and she had a house, as her boy's parent's don't seem to object to them living in their secondary suite they have in their yard. She already has her boxes for her things, this doesn't feel like an empty threat.

As he already agreed after the first time I caught him, that he isn't to fornicate in my house and abides accordingly (like I said, he is genuinely a good kid), I don't see a reason why I should bar him form my house. What I meant by it not being a guarantee is that they may have in other places. His an atheist, I don't expect him to live by Christian values if he harms no one. It's my daughter who responsibility lies upon.

I have pm'd you re this young man.

My advise re your daughter is to do some spiritual warfare, and get some of your Christian friends to do the same. Pray psalm 91 over her and your other daughter and yourself. She needs protection. There are clearly some big red flags with him, even if he does seem nice, and there is no way that I would want my daughter with him. There is a lot wrong with this whole family, satan is clearly involved. Samael is the name of a demon.

Quote from: chosenone on Fri Jun 17, 2016 - 10:44:48
I have pm'd you re this young man.

My advise re your daughter is to do some spiritual warfare, and get some of your Christian friends to do the same. Pray psalm 91 over her and your other daughter and yourself. She needs protection. There are clearly some big red flags with him, even if he does seem nice, and there is no way that I would want my daughter with him. There is a lot wrong with this whole family, satan is clearly involved. Samael is the name of a demon.

Hi Judy. I'm not yet allowed to respond to personal messages as of yet as such a new usee but I can reply to this message.

Can you tell me what these red flags are? This young lad doesn't seem to have taken after his mother in occultic interests, save for a fascination with dragons, and I've even been able to talk into giving a non-Catholic church a try as he liked blues, jazz and soul music so I figured he'd like black gospel music.

The rest of his family are Catholic from what I'm aware and past the usual pagan influences in the RCC they neither seem particularly occultic either.

The only thing I knew about his name was he was named after his father by his mother before she killed herself. I might invite him to be prayed over too. Though an atheist, he's accomodating and more than willing for any 'religious claim' to 'demonstrate their evidence'.

Its not really appropriate for me to say here, but we have known a young man for a few years now who is remarkably similar to this one. Weird eh?When you are able to receive messages, I can tell you more.
I think you will find that he wont want to be prayed for.

Quote from: chosenone on Fri Jun 17, 2016 - 18:20:35
Its not really appropriate for me to say here, but we have known a young man for a few years now who is remarkably similar to this one. Weird eh?When you are able to receive messages, I can tell you more.
I think you will find that he wont want to be prayed for.

I was able to recieve it, just not respond.

I am able to be emailed through my account I think I have set my account to. COuld you send me an email I can respond to?

I think you might be underestimating him. He's very open.

Quote from: chosenone on Fri Jun 17, 2016 - 18:20:35
Its not really appropriate for me to say here, but we have known a young man for a few years now who is remarkably similar to this one. Weird eh?When you are able to receive messages, I can tell you more.
I think you will find that he wont want to be prayed for.

Some of the things from your message aren't too suss to answer here until I can figure out why I'm not allowed to reply to my inbox.

I'm from Alabama and I assume she's from around here too. I don't know much else about her 'angelic encounters', her sister just old me she had severely bad mental issues and it involved occultic imagery. I don't know much about the angel she claimed to see before her suicide. All I know was that his father was a man name Samael who no one else had met, have no idea about the name of the angel.

It still sounds to me like your daughter is not willing to accept and abide by the rules you wish to set in place for her. There's no forcing another person to fall in line with what you want, especially when they have a way to circumvent you.

Honestly, I've given this a lot of thought, and I don't think there's much you can do, especially if she's got a foot out the door. You can try, but if she's anything like I was as a teenager (incorrigibly independent) she's going to do what she wants to do, regardless of what you might wish for her.

As an example, my mother forbid me to date as a teen. I did anyway. How'd I manage it? It was quite simple, really: I had a LOT of afterschool clubs, band practice, choir practice. And I was smart enough to actually appear at these so I could be alibi'd. Now, your daughter seems to be a lot more straightforward than I was, which kinda works in your favor, here.

It might also backfire, and she may have to learn the hard way that life doesn't always go to plan. Lessons usually only stick when you have to deal with the fallout from failure to listen. :D

Quote from: Brisingr on Wed Jul 13, 2016 - 22:25:39
It still sounds to me like your daughter is not willing to accept and abide by the rules you wish to set in place for her. There's no forcing another person to fall in line with what you want, especially when they have a way to circumvent you.

Honestly, I've given this a lot of thought, and I don't think there's much you can do, especially if she's got a foot out the door. You can try, but if she's anything like I was as a teenager (incorrigibly independent) she's going to do what she wants to do, regardless of what you might wish for her.

As an example, my mother forbid me to date as a teen. I did anyway. How'd I manage it? It was quite simple, really: I had a LOT of afterschool clubs, band practice, choir practice. And I was smart enough to actually appear at these so I could be alibi'd. Now, your daughter seems to be a lot more straightforward than I was, which kinda works in your favor, here.

It might also backfire, and she may have to learn the hard way that life doesn't always go to plan. Lessons usually only stick when you have to deal with the fallout from failure to listen. :D

Hi there, I suppose I should give an update now I have the time.

She did end up moving into his 'parents'' converted flat down the back and she's been there for a few weeks now. I had a stern talk to her pretty much about her behaving like a toddler while thinking she was an adult so things have been a bit tense. Interestingly enough, I've been in more contact with her boyfriend than her and he's still really pleasant about all things, even a bit apologetic as he blames himself for creating a rift between Josephine and I (in truth if was her fault, not his. He's a peace maker through and through).

I'm hoping she'll cool off or reality hits her and she'll come out stronger in character and in faith from all this. I still have reservations from her boyfriend being an unbeliever  but he's very accommodating and he cares about my feelings in this, which is much more empathy than I employed as a teenager.