Christian Forums

When it comes to "dishing out" halos - think I'll be missing out. Anyway, this is just "for the record" in case anyone wrongly supposes I'm on the way to becoming a saint!

Have been at "low ebb" for several days now - struggling with the little problems that advancing age brings, and feeling a bit disadvantaged - yes, and let me be honest, by saying I was somewhat envious of the apparent fuller/richer lifestyles of others (much younger!). A sense of "lack", or "hard-done-by", or a "poor old me" attitude!? I ended up by resorting to my besetting sin of "wicked imaginings" when sleep was difficult,  half-heartedly trying to keep my thoughts of "fabricated dreams" decent - for a while.  But then my basically sensual nature took more control, and the thoughts became depraved/indecent.  It ended with that wretched self-gratifying act to release sexual tension - then of course, the realization of how I had put "self" before my obedience to the Lord!" and what He hopes for me.  I confessed to the Lord, asking for His forgiveness - for the umpteenth time and hoped for His gracious response "I have forgiven you!" - yet there was something not quite right - I knew that this time I had grieved Him badly,  and later the 2 words "SIN WHISPERS!" were "spoken" into my mind.

The next day I set about trying to find out what those 2 words implied.  My concordance didn't help, yet I was fairly certain that I had read them in the O.T. somewhere.  In the end I "Googled" to find out their location, and got the reply Psalm 36.  I read that Psalm, which I had passed over many times before, without taking "on board" the association with my character.  The first 4 verses convicted me - although they are not entirely applicable to me - yet there was enough in them to reveal my wrong nature.  I include them below, and have underlined the bits that I think are pertinent to my situation! : -

"Deep in his heart, sin whispers to the wicked man
who cherishes no fear of God.
For he flatters himself in his own opinion (I have a low opinion of myself - knowing my many failings!)
and, when he is found out, does not mend his ways. (there is a Proverb "Lust indulged sickens a man, and fools are loathe to change their ways"!)
All that he says is mischievous and false;
He has turned his back on wisdom; (Why didn't I fight back, using my armoury of memorized Bible passages?)
in his bed he plots how best to do mischief. (alone/awake in my single bed - the same one I so often pray on!)
So set is he on his wrong courses
  that he rejects nothing evil"  (depraved/indecent thoughts!)

It's that same old battle "The flesh lusteth against the spirit - and the spirit lusteth against the flesh."!

As Paul writes "Who will save me from this body of death? - thanks be, to the Lord Jesus Christ!".

We are told "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God".
  We need always to submit to the Lord's will for us - walking in the Spirit, step by step.  But some of us have faltering steps - and need a lot of help!   The nitty-gritty is as David said in one of his psalms "I have hidden your Word, in my heart that I may not transgress against you.".  I do have an "armoury" of memorized Bible passages - but do I recall them at the right time? - evidently not in the case of the incident recorded in my starting post. Sheer stupidity on my part - the desire for self gratification overwhelmed me, at that time!

There is of course the danger that one might become so delighted with ones own progress in "The Way", that one might fall into the sin of pride - i.e. self righteousness! "Let not the foot of pride come near me.".  May we all walk humbly with our God! Jesus - as our "Sin" offering and Great High Priest (*) - represents us all before the Father, in a purity, holiness and righteousness - that we can never achieve ourselves.

( * - "He is High Priest forever, in the order of Melchizadec". I have heard it said that, "Because the High Priest is good, the Father is gracious to those he represents!")

emptied former contents - irrelevant to topic

It could very well have been me, unfortunately all I can do is offer my apology at this time and hopefully whoever's post was deleted can recall their message and repost.

It's OK Alan! The bod's post was apparently "off-piste" (as my own often are! ) - so if it's gone never mind - it just leaves me still wondering if it was real or I imagined it (re the "loosing marbles" problem!).

post emptied - now irrelevant to topic!

It's the old story - just when we think we're doing alright, then we are primed for a fall.  Back to my old deliberate "wicked imaginings" again last night.  It started off decently - a desire for deep friendship, and the "fabricated dreams" were pleasurable to begin with - but then it got too sensuous, as so often happens. It's the result of my "proclamation" or "vow" made in my youth, after a wicked event. Beware the power of words we utter, even if they are just to ourselves - it was "I am unworthy to have a friend - I cannot be trusted!" and that has dogged the rest of my life - so there is a deep loss in the life I lead.

I "ran" to the Lord when I got up in the morning - confessing my failing and going over the reason for it.  I think His "still small voice" said to me : "At the Judgement, 'when books are opened' they show that you turned your heart to Me - and I will be merciful to you!".  That's not, by any means,  condoning my failings - it's a measure of His Wonderful Grace!  So all is not lost!!!

I looked further down the list of topics on this thread, and re-read the "Oh so true!" linked article :-

Post by 'Sinful' : -

Sin, Confess, Sin, Confess..again and again and again
« on: Wed Feb 01, 2017 - 15:30:24 »

God blessed me with this article last night and I really wanted to share it with those struggling with sin..

http://www.covenanteyes.com/2015/10/06/are-you-repenting-the-wrong-way/

"
The problem is that we so often like to please ourselves - forgetting that Christ is in us, and we in Him - a life-sharing journey together.  A particularly "dangerous" time is when we feel that we are "hard done by", and looking for a bit of personal solace!  The indwelling Spirit has a hard time getting through to us, because we temporarily shut our ears to His voice! Para-phrasing Paul's cry : Oh wretched man, what is to become of us - Ah! Thanks be to the Lord Jesus Christ!